Those Eyes
by theotherbella
Summary: Edward Cullen's a lost boy until he meets a girl with a particular pair of brown eyes. Will she be able to save him? Or will he end up saving her?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey guys!! This is my very first fanfic, so go easy on me, okay? Lemme know what you think, and if you totally hate it, I'll scrap it and try again! Thanks!_

_By the way, I don't own any of this; that's Stephenie Meyer._

Chapter 1

**EPOV**

"_Edward?"_

_My head whipped around in the darkness to where I thought the voice was coming from, but I couldn't see a fucking thing. I held my breath, waiting to hear the dulcet tones of the voice again. _

"_Edward?"_

_The voice was distinctly feminine, that much I could be sure of, but I still couldn't see her. I needed to get to her; I had to get to her. Fuck. I tried to take one step forward when I felt two cold hands slid up my chest and finally rest on my neck. I lifted my arms and pulled her closer to me. That's when I saw her eyes. They were big and brown and warm, and I really just wanted to curl up in them. I tried to lift a hand to her face to that I could see the rest of her, but she pulled away disappearing into the abyss again._

_I tried to go after her, but instead I felt a small hand smack my face; hard_

" Edward? Are you awake now?"

My eyelids opened, and I grimaced at the unwelcome sight of my sister, Alice. She was standing in the middle of my bedroom staring at me in an impossibly short skirt and a tank top, her short black hair sticking out in different directions. I hate it when she dresses like any of the other girls at Forks High. I mean, I get that we're seventeen and all, and trust, I've had my fair share of ass in those years, but fuck. My sister isn't supposed to want to be like that. She's supposed to be a nun. I sat up in bed, running a hand through my hair and sighing.

"Yeah, I'm up. Did you have to fucking slap me, though?"

She smiled at me and made her way out of my bedroom, "No, probably not. I just needed some stress relief for the first day. Thanks, Twin."

I got out of bed and made my way to my bathroom, "Glad I could help."

Another fucking school year in this dismal as fuck town.

If I'm being honest, Forks wouldn't be that bad if you liked nature, hiking and all that bullshit. The thing is, I'm not one of those people. I do like the rain, though. I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I like solitude, and rain makes people stay the fuck away. I don't mean to be anti-social; I just don't trust people as a general rule. They usually end up fucking you left, right and sideways, so I have a couple close friends, but there's currently no opportunity for enrollment into the Edward Cullen Social Circle. If I was having a membership drive, it would be mostly female, and I'm sorry, but I don't want to be friends with the girls I dick around with. It's too messy.

I shower and shave quickly before heading downstairs to face my parents. Sure enough, Jennifer, my step-mother, is wielding a spatula, and putting another stack of pancakes onto my older brother, Emmett's plate.

"Edward, sweetie," she says, looking up at me "Take the seat next to your father, and I'll have some ready for you, okay?"

I nod to her and Carlisle's paper folds down so that he can look at me from the head of the table.

"Edward."

"Carlisle."

He gives me a scowl, but I ignore it. He hates it when I don't call him 'dad'. I don't give a shit. After what he did to my mother, I hate it when he breathes. All of a sudden, I feel a sharp pain in my shin, and shoot a look over to Alice who's sitting across from me.

"What the fuck did you do that for?"

"Honey, watch your language." Jen says, putting a plate in front of me, and then running a hand through my mess of hair. I think the only reason I can tolerate her is because she reminds me of my mother.

She headed back to the stove, and put some pancakes on a plate for herself before sitting at the table with us.

"So are you kids looking forward to a new school year?" She asked, looking to each of us, genuinely interested.

Alice, as usual, responded first, "Well, it's gonna be a lot of work because there's all my AP classes, on top of the play, debate team, French Club, Habitat for Humanity, Amnesty International and Model UN, but it should still be tons of fun."

She was practically bouncing out of her seat, and I wanted to vomit at her over abundance of enthusiasm.

"God, Alice. Have you ever heard of being too involved?" Emmett said to her, with a confused expression. He does that a lot. I think it's from all those hits he takes as a line backer on the football team.

Alice shook her head at him, still bouncing like a kid without Ritalin. "No such thing. Besides, it's my coping mechanism; yours is sports and Edward's is…well…"

"Getting laid?" Emmett finished, like he's actually fucking interested. Alice nodded her head, glad that she wasn't the one who said it.

I slammed my fist onto the table, staring at my sister because I was utterly livid with her. It was none of her fucking business. I was about to scream at her, when Jen came over taking my plate from in front of me and placing a hand on my arm.

"Now, that was a very rude thing to say, Emmett, but I'm sure you were only joking, right?"

Emmett scoffed, but nodded in agreement, "It's not like it's a bad thing, little brother. It could be worse. You could be the male version of Alice."

I raised an eyebrow at him, but I knew he was right. They both were. Ever since the…incident Carlisle made the three of us go to the shrink to try and find distraction to the tension that we had. Emmett threw himself into sports, Alice became the extra-curricular queen, and I found out that girls are the greatest distraction of all. Frankly, I think they're the ones missing out.

I got up to go and Jen handed me my keys, smiling sadly at me. I just walked away. I fucking hate pity, and she had no reason to feel that way about me.

I'm Edward Fucking Cullen.

I get what I want, no questions asked from anyone, anytime. There's no reason for anyone to pity me.

The. End.

I got to my Volvo, and once inside, it's like I could automatically calm the fuck down. It's the car; it completely sorts shit out for me. I pulled out of the drive way as fast as I could and sped across town to pick up my best friend, Jasper Whitlock. We've been friends since we were in utero and our mothers took a prenatal yoga class together. At this point, it's easier to stay his friend then find new ones. I pulled up to his house and I can see him smoking a cigarette on his front porch, looking dirty as usual in faded jeans and a white tee shirt.

He came around to the passenger side of my car, flicking the cigarette onto the driveway. There is no smoking in my car. I hate that shit.

"Hey," He said, looking me over "Bad breakfast I take it?"

I shrugged at him, preferring not to answer. He took the hint, but I caught him sweeping the back seat.

"She's riding with Emmett." I said, smirking at him. You see, Whitlock has a thing for my sister, but he's too chicken shit to tell her. He shot me an angry look before slumping down in the passenger seat again.

"This year's gonna suck already. I can tell."

"Dude, why don't you just grow a pair and ask her out?"

"Yeah, why not just have the love of my life reject me? Huh. Maybe because I have a little bit of self preservation?"

"You don't know that she'll reject you; she might feel the same way."

"Yeah, maybe." He muttered.

I knew Alice felt the same way; it's just not my place to tell him. They need to sort that shit out themselves, and I hope they did it soon because I was getting tired of having to kick the shit out of the guys who were dicks to my sister. At least if she was with Jasper, I could trust that he wouldn't hurt her.

"Dude, did Rose's tits get bigger?"

I pulled into the Forks High parking lot and followed Jasper's gaze to Emmitt's girlfriend, Rosalie. She was sitting on the hood of her cherry red BMW, wearing an extremely low cut green top and skin tight jeans. She looked like sex on legs. I'd do her if she wasn't fucking my brother.

"Nah, it's just the top. She's distracting Emmett."

I pulled my car into the space next to hers and she watched Jasper and I get out.

"Hey, Eddie, where's you're brother?"

"He's coming, Rosie. He's driving Alice today."

She threw a lock of her blonde hair over her shoulder and pouted at Jasper and I. "You take that crazy pixie to school from now on. I hate waiting for my guy."

I opened my mouth to respond to her when I felt two arms snake around my waist. I looked down to see Lauren Mallory smiling up at me, her make up already smudged.

_God, I'm glad I got there first._

"Hey baby," she was trying to sound sexy, but instead she just seemed used, "I missed you all summer, we should catch up later don't you think?"

I grimaced at her. Of all the girls I fucked this one was the toughest to get rid of. She didn't get the not so subtle hints that I wasn't up for round two with her—ever.

"Hey, Lauren," Rosalie said, glaring "Get your skanky hands off him; he's not interested."

Lauren released me, and glared at Rosalie before stalking off. Yeah, Rose could be a bitch, but it's better to have the bitch in your corner than fighting against you, right?

Just then Emmett's jeep rumbled into the parking lot, and Rose straightened herself up. We watched as Emmett parked on the other side of Rose, and then he helped Alice out of the massive vehicle. I saw Jasper twitch beside me, but he held back. As soon as she had both feet on the ground, he made his way over to Rose.

"Hey, baby." She breathed.

And because today was just fucking wonderful, Alice, Jasper and I were subjected to watching their foreplay. In a parking lot. At eight in the morning.

"Hey, ass wipe!" I heard Alice yell, breaking my concentration, "Get your tongue out of her throat so I can say hi!"

Emmett reluctantly released Rose, backing away slowly. Yeah, Alice is tiny, but tiny and pissed off are not two things that go together.

Jasper pulled out his pack of cigarettes and offered me one, which I take, and then Emmett, who declines.

"The old man gave me a lecture after you left about looking out for you or some shit after you left," Emmett said, giving me the stink eye, "So don't get caught doing stupid shit so that I look bad, okay?"

"Yeah, Em, whatever." I said, rolling my eyes. My brother isn't that bad, he and I just have different views of our family; he forgave Carlisle for the incident, and I didn't. Simple as that.

I took a long drag from my cigarette just when a rusty red Ford pick-up ambles into the lot.

"Who the fuck is that?" Jasper said, as we all watched whoever the fuck it is park across the lot from us.

"Isabella Swan." Alice said, taking on an authoritative tone. "She's new, obviously, and she's Chief Swan's daughter."

Ah, yes. Chief Swan. He and I have been friends since I put a cherry bomb in Mrs. Kennedy's mailbox when I was fourteen. He thought I should have known better, and I thought I should have run faster.

I watched curiously as this little girl—not as tiny as Alice, but not legs-for-miles like Rose—got out of the truck, her brown hair falling in soft wave around her, obscuring her face. I tried to sneak a peek to see if she could be a prospect (wouldn't the Chief love that) when we heard the bell ring to start first period.

"Ah, fuck my life." Emmett said, helping Rose off the car as we headed into the building. Alice led the way, followed by Em and Rose, then Jasper and I.

"Oh, it'll be fine, Babe. I'll see you in Spanish second period."

"But we're seniors," I heard Emmett wail. "We aren't supposed to go to class."

Alice spun around from her position as leader of the pack to reprimand him, "Emmett, you're setting an example to the underclassmen by going to class. You know that. We talked about it in the car."

I can't help but laugh at Alice, as I pulled out my own schedule to see what I had first.

Fucking Bio. Figures.

I said good-bye to my friends as I headed into the room, only to find every table full, except for one. I slumped down into one of the seats when Jessica Stanley turned around and smiled at me.

"Hey, Edward!" She said, "Did you have a good summer?"

I can't help but smile back because I was feeling generous today, "Lonely without you, babe"

She giggled nervously, and tried to look at me seductively, "Really?"

I decided to play along, "Completely. Maybe you could come over later, and make it up to me?"

She nodded to me, trying not to seem too eager.

"Good. Meet me by my car after school, okay?"

She nodded again, and turned back around. I chuckled quietly to myself and stared out the window at the clouds beginning to pile up in the distance.

"Excuse me?" I froze at the sound of the voice next to me. It was the voice from my dream. I snapped my head around and looking back at me were the two most beautiful brown eyes I'd ever seen.

The brown eyes from my dream.

_My_ brown eyes.

"Is this seat taken?" She said, smiling at me with perfect full lips that are just so fucking kissable. I literally had to shake myself out of the shock I was in to answer her.

"No. No. Not at all."

She smiled at me again, and sat on the stool next to me.

"I'm Bella. Nice to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: So thanks for reading/adding this you guys, it really means a lot!! This one's a bit longer, and I put in a little from Bella's point of view. Review, Please!!_

_And, yeah, I really don't own this. That's Stephenie Meyer._

Chapter 2

**EPOV**

She was looking at me with those fucking eyes. I couldn't concentrate with those things near me. They were boring into me expectantly, and then I watched the perfect skin on her forehead wrinkle up as she said, "What's your name?"

_Shit, what the fuck's my name?_

"Edward. Edward Cullen"

She smiled at me again as Mr. Banner started preaching at the front of the room. I couldn't be bothered to pay attention. I tried to sneak my stool away from Bella because this shit was seriously freaking me out.

What are the odds that the new girl would have _my_ eyes and _my_ voice?

Pretty fucking slim, my friend. Pretty fucking slim.

I chanced a glance back over to her, and she's trying to pay attention to Banner, looking way too fucking cute in the process.

_Cute? Did I really just say that the new girl is….cute?_

_Fuck, I did._

Her long brown hair was hanging over one shoulder now, and she was twirling a piece of it around her finger absent mindedly, and biting her lower lip.

I have never wanted anyone as much as I wanted Bella right then.

I had to fuck her quick and get her and those god damn perfect eyes out of my system. I didn't want to see them ever again. She was any other chick in this fucking hell hole, and that's all there is to it; perfect eyes or no.

I began tapping my fingers impatiently, waiting for the bell to ring. It finally did, and I had to do something to make these insane feelings go away, so on the way out, I grabbed Jess's ass and kissed her on the temple, "See you later, babe."

I looked back to my table, which was a mistake because Bella wasn't even paying attention; she was putting her shit back in her bag.

For some reason, that shit just pissed me off more.

I stormed out of the room, heading toward my history class, which I knew Alice would be in. Sure enough, she had saved me a seat.

"God, you look awful, Twin. What happened?"

I slumped down lower in my seat. "Nothing. Don't worry about it."

She quirked an eyebrow, "Don't tell me the almighty Edward Cullen got shot down?"

"Please. The day that happens, Emmett gets an A in English." Don't get me wrong; my brother's smart, but when it comes to writing? I don't think he's gotten better than a C on anything since first grade.

I looked over to Alice, who was now staring at me with fucking pity in her eyes. "Is this about before? Because really, Edward, I didn't mean to say anything about the way you should handle mom's—"

"That's got nothing to do with it, Alice. Just drop it, ok?"

She just nodded, and turned away. I really don't like to talk to Alice like that. It's just not fair to her; she can't read my mind. But I can't tell her about the dream, or Bella. She'd think I'm crazy. Hell, I think I'm crazy, and it's my fucking life.

***

The rest of the morning passed by, and I didn't see Bella again. Thank fucking God. One period with her was plenty, and at least it was first thing so I could skip it if I needed to. Bio's a fucking joke anyway.

I walked into lunch with Jasper, who looked equally rough when I met up with him. Apparently, he had English with Alice, who was flirting shamelessly with Connor Knightly.

"I mean, she was just leaning over me and flirting with him. Like I wasn't even fucking there."

"You could always just tell her you're down."

He looked at me like I had sprouted another head.

I just shrugged, "Then deal with it, man."

He sighed and tossed his head back, and I heard Alice's voice calling me over.

"Did you really invite Jessica Stanley over after school?"

"Yeah, why?"

She let out an exasperated sigh, as if the reasons were completely obvious. "Well, first off, she's a dirty skank, and you know it and second, she's the co-chair of the debate team and I need to go over some stuff with her today so that we'll be ready for the meeting tomorrow."

"Can't you have her after, Alice? She'll be at the house anyway. I can just send her down the hall when I'm done."

"Edward Anthony Cullen, Jessica Stanley may be a dirty skank, but you can't talk about her like that. It's so rude, not to mention totally degrading. I think you can go without for one afternoon."

"Cockblock."

"Shit head.'

"Hey, you two, cut it out or I'll report back to the man," Emmett said, sitting down across from me with Rosalie next to him.

"What's the problem?"

I sighed, and closed my eyes, "I was supposed to bang Stanley after school today but Alice needs her for some debate shit."

"Drop it, Little Brother."

"What?"

"I said drop it. You can have any chick in the fucking place with the exception of Alice and Rose, and you've had Stanley plenty of times; she's you're go to. Find someone else."

We all stared at Emmett, who apparently didn't notice and continued to chew thoughtfully on a slice of pizza.

"What about the new girl? Anyone met her?"

"I did," Alice said, happy she won the first battle, now she was about to win the war. "She's in my French class. Super nice, and super cute. She's going to be my VP in the French club."

"So how many members does that make?" Rose asked, looking up from her sandwich, "Two?"

"No," Alice pouted, "that's five all together. A respectable number considering."

We all nodded in agreement. There were only ten people who actually took French here, so five was kind of a big deal. I took Italian. It made me seem different.

That and I was the only guy in a sea of about twenty horny teenage girls.

"Oh look, there's Bella now."

I followed Alice's gaze to the far side of the cafeteria, where Bella was walking in with Angela whatsherface and fucking Mike Newton.

I hate Mike Newton.

And he was touching her.

And she was blushing and being all giddy and shit.

They walked over to a table where Angela's boyfriend Ben was sitting with some other people and I watched as Bella and my brown eyes got introduced. They were fucking drooling over her.

Pigs.

_You're one to talk._

I shuddered, and I felt Alice put a hand on my arm, "Twin, what's wrong?"

"I-I'm not feeling well. I'm just gonna go, okay? See you at home."

I grabbed my shit and was out of there before anyone could say anything to me and made my way over to the Volvo. I let myself in, and turned the key in the ignition, letting the calming sounds of the engine running wash over me.

I have to get this chick out of my system, but for some reason, I feel like fucking her will only make it worse.

I speed back home, praying to God Carlisle's gone to the hospital. Sure enough, the driveway is empty as I pull in. I get in the house and call out to see if Jen's home. She usually leaves for the Library where she works by now, but I can never remember which fucking days she has off. I wait to hear her come into the foyer, but all I get is silence.

Wonderful, fucked up silence.

It was never this quite when my mother lived here.

I go up the stairs back to my room, and strip down to take another fucking shower. I need to get Bella, those fucking eyes and now, apparently my mother, out of my system.

I didn't want to think about any of them anymore.

I turned on the spray and got in, not even waiting for it to heat up, and I just stood there for what seemed like forever, trying to purge them from my mind. The water finally goes cold again, and I get out, only bothering to put on a clean pair of boxers. No one will be home for a while, yet, so it doesn't fucking matter. I head down to the kitchen to grab some food when the phone rings.

It's only Jen.

"_Edward? Honey, are you okay? Alice called and said you weren't feeling well, do you need me to come home?"_

"No, I'm okay. I think it's just something I ate at lunch. I feel better now."

"_Are you sure, sweetie? I don't mind."_

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll be fine."

"_Okay. I'll call school and tell them I picked you up, and Alice is having a friend over for dinner, but I'll understand if you aren't feeling up to it. Call me if you need anything, honey."_

She clicked off before I could say anything, and I sighed in frustration. The last fucking thing I need right now is Jessica fucking Stanley in my house for dinner playing footsie with me under the table.

I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and go back to my room, my appetite completely gone at the thought of Stanley. I collapse onto my bed and decide to try and take a nap; c'mon you'd be exhausted if you had had a day like mine.

Admit it.

_I was back in the dark when I heard my name again._

"_Edward?"_

_But this time, it was a different voice. I turned to see who it was and I saw a bright light in the distance. As I got closer to the light—or it to me, I can't be sure—I saw a woman with beautiful caramel hair and soft, understanding honey colored eyes smiling at me._

"_Mom?"_

_She laughed a little at me and I took a step closer to her, reaching out to touch her. As soon as I did, though, black liquid started seeping out of her eyes, nose and mouth and she started screaming violently and heaving at the intensity of it. I sobbed at her, begging her not to leave. I was crying out to her when I felt two arms start to cradle me, whispering in my ear._

"_Edward, don't cry; it's okay. I'm here, now. It's all going to be okay."_

_I lifted my face at the sound of the voice to see my perfect, beautiful, comforting brown eyes looking back at me, and this time I could see all of Bella._

_She reached up to trace a finger across my cheek bone, smiling down at me. She leaned down, her lips_ _barely grazing mine, and whispered, "It's going to be okay, Edward. I love you."_

_Just as she pressed her lips into mine, she vanished and I started falling. I began crying out for her, to help me, to pull me back but there was nothing. _

_I was falling all alone._

I woke up with a start, breathing hard.

_What the fuck was that?_

I checked the clock; I'd been asleep for almost three hours. Everyone should be home by now, but the house was eerily quiet. I couldn't be alone anymore; I had to have something else to think about besides…well, you know.

I pulled my jeans back on, and threw on a tee shirt and grabbed a hoodie, but it was still warm when I got downstairs, so I just dumped it by the door. I called out again, expecting to see Jen when I got to the kitchen. Instead, all I got was a bright yellow post it.

_Edward,_

_Went to the store to pick up a few things for dinner,_

_Didn't want to wake you._

_Be Back soon,_

_Jen_

I went into the family room to look for Alice or Emmett, but I didn't find any sign that they had come home. My stomach rumbled, and I figured I might as well grab a snack, since the only thing I had to eat today were those pancakes at breakfast. I rummage through the fridge and finally decided to finish off the chicken sandwich Alice couldn't yesterday. I was mid bite when the doorbell rang.

Probably Fucking Stanley.

_Fucking Stanley…not a bad idea. My afternoon is looking up._

I dropped the sandwich and headed to the door, ready to use my coping mechanism to its fullest extent. But when I opened the door, any happiness I might have had completely left my body.

Instead of easy as pie Jessica Stanley, My brown eyes were looking up at me from under a thick fringe of eyelashes.

"Hey, Edward. Alice invited me over for dinner, is she here? I know I'm early."

Fuck,

My.

Life.

**BPOV**

He just stood there, staring at me like I was a ghost or something. Honestly, it was starting to creep me out. If he wasn't so freaking gorgeous, I might have been mildly offended. Edward was the kind of guy that you want; like you have to have him. With his perfectly messy bronze hair, those brilliant green eyes and perfectly chiseled features, you would roll over for him in a heart beat. Too bad he looks at me like I have the plague.

I tried smiling at him to get him to maybe lighten up a bit, but instead he narrowed his eyes at me and stepped aside to let me in. Their house, by the way, is huge. Like not just "Oh, the Cullen's? Yeah they're pretty well off" huge, but "Oh, the Cullen's? They're loaded." Huge. You could fit probably 15 of Charlie's house in here. And it was all beautiful, too. The walls were done in tasteful neutrals, which stood out against the dark stained wood floors that seemed to go on forever. I was just looking up at the vaulted ceilings when I could feel Edward brush past me.

"Alice isn't home yet. Do you want something to drink?"

Well, there's a start. At least he wasn't completely devoid of manners.

I smiled at him, and he grimaced.

_Note to self: No smiling at Edward Cullen. He might be allergic to them._

He motioned for me to follow him into the kitchen.

I have never seen a more beautiful kitchen in my entire life.

Sub-Zero fridge, built-in double oven, professional Viking range.

It was heaven on earth. I couldn't help running my fingers over the shiny knobs of the range, whishing Charlie could afford something this nice.

"Do you like my stove?"

My head jerked up to see a petite woman with shoulder length straight blond hair, and blue eyes so pale they were almost gray walk into the kitchen with two grocery bags in her hands. She smiled at me then looked over at Edward, who had at some point taken out a bottle of water and a glass for me.

"Honey," she said her voice soothing and completely motherly, "Could you help me with these?"

He looks up from his sandwich, and then drops it, standing up to take the bags from her and placing them on the counter, he begins unloading their contents. She turns back to me, the smile never leaving her delicate features.

"You must be Bella. Alice has already told me so much about you."

I giggled at that. I had met Alice during French third period, and it already felt more like I'd known her nine years instead of nine hours.

"I'm sure she has, Mrs. Cullen. It's very nice to meet you."

"Do you like to cook, Dear?"

I must have had a confused look on my face because she laughed lightly and said, "From the way you were looking at the stove, I thought I might have to bolt it down, just in case."

She winked at me, and I smiled back at her. This woman was so nice; she just instantly made you feel completely at ease.

I had totally forgotten that Edward even existed until he slammed a can of crushed tomatoes on to the granite counter tops. Mrs. Cullen and I both looked at him, but she was the one who spoke.

"Honey, are you okay?"

His intense green eyes flicked from his mother back to me before he started out of the room, "Call me when dinner's ready," he called over his shoulder.

I looked back at Mrs. Cullen, and she smiled apologetically at me.

"I'm sorry about him, Bella. He comes off as gruff most of the time, but he really does have a good heart."

Yeah, okay, whatever you say delusional Mrs. Cullen.

She seems lost in thought for a moment before her eyes flick back over to me, and she says, "Would you like to help me get dinner started? I could certainly use a hand?"

I agree, but I can't help but wonder what Edward's deal is. I mean, it couldn't be me, could it? He seemed all happy with Jessica Stanley in Bio this morning. How can one kind have so many mood swings?

Whatever, Edward Cullen, grab a Midol.

I'm chopping an onion as Mrs. Cullen's telling me about how Dr. Cullen built her a green house last year when Alice bursts into the kitchen, looking distraught.

"Ohmigod, Bella, I'm sooo sorry. I didn't think that Jess would take that long, and then once we started planning, I just couldn't stop, and I totally lost track of time! Do you forgive me? Please say you forgive me! Please?"

She was looking at me with big puppy dog eyes and I couldn't help but laugh, "It's no problem Alice. Edward let me in, and I've been helping you're mother with dinner ever since."

"Step-mother" Alice's brother Emmett says, strolling into the kitchen and grabbing a handful of grapes out of the strainer. He walks over to Mrs. Cullen, and plants a kiss in her hair, "Not that we love you any less, Ma."

She just smiles back at him, and I try to back track, and I can feel the blush in my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I just assumed—"

Mrs. Cullen places a hand on my arm and squeezed, "It's fine dear. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, no worries Little Bella." Emmett says with a chuckle, "I'm going to play Wii, call me when dinner's up."

Alice looks back at me, still wide eyed, "Edward let you in?"

Umm, okay, random, "Yeah, why? Is he not allowed to answer the front door?"

Alice and Mrs. Cullen exchange a look and then Alice says, "No, he is, but he's not been feeling well lately, and I didn't want anything he might have said to offend you."

I laugh, "No, it was fine. I mean, he didn't say much, and we were only alone together for a minute. Really, nothing happened."

This seemed to pacify Alice because she plopped herself into a bar stool at the expansive island in the middle of the room.

"Good. I hate it when my insensitive brothers scare away my friends. What's for dinner, by the way?"

"Chicken Parm." Mrs, Cullen answers with a knowing smile, then looks over at me, "its Edward's favorite."

Huh. Who would have known that Edward's favorite and mine were one in the same?

Go figure.

We continued that way, the three of us talking and cooking together for a while longer when a tall, handsome, dark haired man walked into the kitchen and kissed Alice on the head.

Dr. Cullen, I presume.

"Ah, you must be Bella." He said to me, a smile on his face. "My wife told me you'd be joining us for dinner."

His smile was contagious, and I just nodded at him.

"Why don't you go change, Darling?" Mrs. Cullen said to her husband as he kissed her cheek, "Dinner will be on the table when you get back down. And tell Edward that dinner's ready while you're up there."

He gave her a quizzical look, but she only shrugged and he went up the stairs. I must have spaces out, because Mrs. Cullen nudged me with a serving dish and said, "Here, Bella. You can scoop the pasta into here, and then put it on the table, okay?"

I took the plate from her, and started loading pasta into the dish, and I began to wonder why everyone tip toed around Edward. I mean, I've never seen anyone as moody but his family seems to be bending over backwards to make him comfortable.

What's eating Edward Cullen?

Alice made her way over to the kitchen table and patted the seat next her for me to take, which I did. Soon after, Edward loped down the stairs looking even more exhausted and pissed off than he had only and hour before, and he ran a hand through his mass of bronze hair, before sitting in the seat opposite me.

"Smells great, Ma." Emmett says, coming back in from the living room, taking the seat opposite Alice. "What are we having?"

"Chicken Parm, idiot." We all turned to look at Edward, who was in turn glaring up at Emmett.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Little Brother, I was only asking."

Edward scoffed at him and stretched his legs out in front of him. His knees brushed mine and I felt a jolt pass between us. I looked up at him, startled, and I knew instantly that he had felt it, too, because he was looking back at me with the same look on his face. He straightened up almost immediately, and muttered a 'sorry' in my direction, refusing to make eye contact. I dropped a hand to my knee, trying to feel any lingering effects of the touch, but there was nothing.

Weird.

Dr. Cullen followed shortly there after, plopping himself at the head of the table between Alice and Emmett, and Mrs. Cullen started passing around the bowls.

"So how was everyone's first day?" She said. All the eyes shifted to Alice, which was strange, I thought, but then she picked up the torch, apparently just like everyone expected.

'Well, I have Sociology first period, and I'm alone in that class, but it's okay because the teacher's really cool and it should be interesting, then I have Euro with Edward, so yeah, then French with new friend Bella, then History with Jasper, and then Bio with Angela, then lunch with everybody, then I've got two study halls which will be awesome because it gives me time to get some of my homework done because I have debate on Wednesdays, French club on Thursdays, Amnesty and habitat on Fridays, and then Model UN on Mondays I'm just glad that the play doesn't start until the spring, otherwise I'd be in trouble."

I honestly don't think that she took a breath the entire time.

Dr. Cullen nodded approvingly, then said, "What about you, boys?"

Emmett nodded, "It was good. You know. The usual." He takes a bite thoughtfully, as though trying to remember exactly what happened to him today.

Dr. Cullen then turned to me, and I got a little nervous, "I understand you're new to Forks, Bella? How are you finding it so far?"

"It's okay; I mean, it's just so different from Phoenix, so I'm still adjusting."

"If you don't mind my asking, what brings you to Forks?"

"Not at all. My mother recently remarried, and Phil's a minor league baseball player, so he travels a lot. I knew my mom wanted to go, but she didn't want to leave me, so I came up here to live with my dad for a while."

Mrs. Cullen put a hand over mine and squeezed gently, "That's awfully selfless of you, dear"

I just shrug back at her, not entirely sure what you're supposed to say to a statement like that. I mean, I was only trying to do the right thing, you know?

Dinner continued that way for a while longer, with Dr. or Mrs. Cullen asking me questions about the move, and Emmett telling me that he would protect me from some kid named Tyler, who was apparently stalking Alice for a while.

Alice shuddered at the mention of him, "Uh, he was so gross, Bella. I thought Emmett would get arrested for the things he threatened to do."

"Well, I live with the Chief, so I think I can manage. Thanks though, Em, it's good to know I've got a bear like you in my corner."

"No worries, Little Bella. That's what I'm here for."

"Are you sure Rosalie won't mind?"

"Rose talks a mean talk, but if you're friends with my sister, she'll expect it."

There was a beat of silence, when we had all finished and there was really nothing left to say. I looked up at Edward, who had remained oddly silent through out the meal, staring intently at his hands folded in his lap. He just looked so detached and sad; I would have given anything to know what he was thinking right then. All of a sudden his gaze snapped up and met mine, and it was almost like the breath left my body.

It almost looked like he had…hope in his eyes. I held his gaze a little longer, but it was almost like he realized what he was doing because his green eyes bolted themselves back up and he smirked at me.

Not gonna lie, I felt a little dirty after that.

"Save it, Edward." Alice snapped, taking the plate from in front of me, and I noticed that Dr. and Mrs. Cullen had vanished, along with Emmett. It was just the three of us.

"Whatever, Alice. If she doesn't want me looking at her, she shouldn't come here." He raised an eyebrow at me and shoved his chair away from the table. "It's not like she doesn't like it." He said over his shoulder as he went back up the stairs.

I sat, frozen in my place in shock.

What an asshole.

How could I have ever thought that there was anything more to Edward Cullen than a dick with a mouth? What an ass.

"Hey," Alice's voice caught my attention, and I turned to her, "Don't let Edward get to you. That ass wipe shtick he's got going on is annoying, but it isn't him. He'll warm up to you eventually."

I couldn't help being skeptical, "Define eventually."

She rolled her eyes, "Maybe a few years."

I helped Alice do the dishes and I found some courage to ask about Edward, "Edward's adopted, isn't he?"

"No, he's my twin."

I almost dropped the stack of plates I was carrying, "Your twin?"

She laughed. "Yeah, if I didn't dye my hair we'd look more alike, but my hair color's not as rich as his."

I looked Alice over and I could kind of see what she meant. Even though she had a shock of black hair, she had the same intense green eyes as Edward, albeit a bit lighter and the same defined features. It doesn't seem fair that one family should be so beautiful.

"I know what you're thinking, but really, Edward and I aren't really that different. It's just that we handled the accident differently, and after our father decided to—"

There was a crash of thunder that cut off Alice's sentence and we both turned to look out the window.

"Oooo, that looks bad, I better get going." I said, "Thanks for dinner, Alice, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sounds good, Bella!"

She walked me to the door and gave me a sweat shirt for cover from the rain.

"You're gonna need to start carrying at least an umbrella everywhere you go if you're going to live here!"

I laughed in agreement. I'd only been here for two weeks, and already it had rained 12 out of those fourteen days. I stepped out onto the porch after saying my last good-byes to Alice and threw the sweat shirt over my head. It smelled so freaking good I can't even describe it.

Just so, so good.

I figured that it was just the smell of the Cullen's and I darted over to my truck as quickly as I could.

On the drive back home, my mind slipped back to the Cullens. Honestly, they couldn't all be more different. Alice was like a live wire, always on the go, Emmett was a tough teddy bear, and then Edward…well actually, I still couldn't figure out what Edward's deal was. Obviously, it had something to do with the 'accident' but Alice and Emmett both seemed fine.

I began to worry that something had happened to Edward. I mean, that had to be it, right? It had to be something bad that happened to him after the 'accident' that made him the way he is. As I turned into my drive way, I had to shake myself out of it.

I mean, c'mon.

Edward Cullen had been nothing but and ass to me all day long and I was _worried about him?_

God, I need a hobby.

I dashed into the house when I heard Charlie calling me from the family room.

"Bells? Is that you?"

I went over to the couch and kissed him on the head, "Hey, Dad. How was your night?"

"Fine. You want to watch TV? I was just going to head to bed, I have to get to the station early tomorrow."

"Uh, sure. Let me just go change and I'll be right back."

I went up stairs to our little bathroom and washed my face quickly before changing into a pair of sweats and an old tee shirt. I paused slightly before pulling the hoodie Alice had given me over my head again, and inhaling the smell of it one more time.

It was just as good the second time around.

I bounced back down the stairs, but in my rush I tripped over the last one, but Charlie caught me just in time.

"Thanks, Dad. You're a life saver."

"Don't mention it." He was looking at me like he was going to ask a question, so I waited patiently.

"Bella, who's house did you have dinner at?"

"The Cullen's. Why?"

"You aren't hanging around with that…Edward are you?"

He said the name like it would bring on the apocalypse. "Not really. I sit next to him in Bio, but I'm really friends with Alice, his sister."

Charlie nodded, "Yeah, she seems ok. Does a lot for the community. But I want you to be careful around that boy. He's nothing but trouble."

I watched Charlie start up the stairs and mumble another 'nothing but trouble' before going into his bedroom and shutting the door.

I shook my head at him, and grabbed my backpack before settling in front of the TV and popping in _The Philadelphia Story_ and starting my homework. There wasn't much, but for some reason French teachers felt the strange need to assign homework all the time.

Ugh, I should have taken Spanish.

Edward takes Italian.

Seriously, I needed to cut. It. Out. The boy had said maybe ten words to me since I met him, and I was starting to think about him non-stop. I just couldn't do this; I wouldn't pine after a kid who clearly couldn't be less interested. I was still silently berating myself for thinking of Edward when I felt my phone vibrate.

Mike Newton.

I had given him my number when he said that he had a contact at the Library, and would try to get me a job.

_That was quick._

"Hey, Mike."

"Bella, what's up?"

"Nothing, you?"

"Uh, yeah, actually, I was calling to see if you were free on Friday?"

Oh, God.

Operation Forget Edward Cullen is now in effect.

"Yeah, I am. What's up?"

"Well, I…uh…I was wondering if I could take you out? You know, like a date?"

I took a deep breath, "Sure. That sounds like fun."

"Really? Great. I'll pick you up around seven, okay?"

"Yup, sounds good. See you tomorrow, Mike."

"'Bye, Bella."

I hung up the phone feeling a little bit bad for Mike. It wasn't that I found him particularly attractive or anything. He just happened to call when I instituted OFEC. I guess technically, I was using him, but then again, I might end up liking him.

You never know, right?


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Hey, Guys!! Thanks so much for your feedback; seriously you rock my socks!! I had a horrendous day today, so this chapter's probably a little…all over the place, so I'm sorry.__ Reviews will def turn my frown upside down!!_

_Oh, yeah—I don't own this; Stephenie Meyer does_

Chapter 3

**EPOV**

I listened to Bella's rickety piece of machinery that was probably at one point a truck rumble out of our drive way, and I couldn't help feeling a little bit lost. There was something about the new girl that made her, I don't know…untouchable, I guess.

If she were any other chick; I swear and other god damn piece of ass, I would have had her bent over the island in the kitchen in a heartbeat. No, I take that back; I wouldn't wait that long. I would have fucked her senseless in the foyer the second after I closed the door. That's just what I do.

That's what I've been doing since I figured out that my dick was for more than peeing.

Yeah, I'm a shit; I know it. I've accepted it.

There's a small knock on my door, but I don't answer. She'll come in regardless.

"Twin, are you okay? Why are you sitting in the dark?"

Alice flicks on the lights and I blink a few times to adjust to the sudden brightness. I look over at her, and she's changed into a hoodie and some blue sleep shorts. Her make-up is washed off and her hair is pulled back and held in place with pins here and there. This is my sister; well, the part of her that I like best because she stops bull shitting the rest of the world and acts like the kid I grew up with. She comes over to my bed, and stands in front of me, shifting her feet nervously.

"Twin, I don't know what the deal is with you and Bella, but could you please try and be a little bit nicer to her? She's really nice, and I really like her, so please?"

"Alice, it's not my thing. I'll just stay out the way when she's around from now on, okay?"

"What are you gonna do during bio?"

I hadn't told anyone about that. "What do you mean?"

Alice smirked, "She told me in French that you're her lab partner. I have to admit, it's kind of nice, and maybe you'll warm up to her faster."

"Not likely."

"Damn it, Edward! Can't you just be civil to her? For me? Please, Edward."

I looked into her eyes, which were fierce with anger and starting to turn red and tears were threatening to spill. Fuck. I hate it when my sister cries. I sighed and stood up, taking my sister in my arms and holding her.

"If it means that much to you, Twin, I suppose I could try. But don't expect a miracle."

She laughed into my chest, "I don't. But thanks, Twin."

I held her for a few more minutes in silence; thinking about Bella and how I would (some how) have to get past the fact that I would have my eyes looking back at me on a regular basis.

Fuck, I am so screwed.

Alice's voice broke my chain of thought.

"Are you upset about tomorrow?"

I look down at her, confused. What the hell is she talking about? Tomorrow…what the hell? What was I missing?

"Oh, Edward did you forget?"

Her eyes went all wide, like she had said the wrong thing.

Tomorrow. August 30th.

Shit shit double fuck.

I released Alice, and walked over the window, running a hand through my hair. I can't believe I forgot.

Fuck.

"Jen said she'd call you out if you want; I mean, Emmett and I are only taking half days, but she knows something's up with you. Do you want me to tell her not to?"

I shook my head. I still couldn't believe I was so thoughtless.

"Yeah, I'll be there. All day. I have some afternoon classes I missed, anyways."

"You don't have to; no one expects you to."

"I said I'd go so drop it, okay?"

I heard Alice mumble an 'okay' and close the door softly behind her as she left my room. I let out a heavy sigh.

My mother's birthday was always seared in my mind. In the ten years since the incident, I hadn't forgotten it, and I couldn't help but think that Bella Swan and those fucking eyes of hers had something to do with it. I felt a swell of anger rise up in my chest. If I hadn't had that dream, and I hadn't met Bella, I wouldn't have been distracted and forgotten the single most important day in my existence.

Fuck you, Bella Swan, and your brown eyes, too.

I walk away from the window and shut the lights off again, before flopping down on my bed. I was completely drained. To be honest, I'm not sure I can sit next to Bella everyday, with those eyes boring holes into me five days a week, and then come home, only to be subjected to the same thing. Twin or not, what Alice was asking of me was…a shit ton.

I squeeze my eyes shut and then I realize something.

I am Edward Cullen.

Chicks do not get to Edward Cullen.

Ever.

So even though fucking her was out of the picture, not only because of that Bella-untouchablility, but because if I did, she wouldn't be Alice's friend anymore, and apparently, Bella's important to my sister.

Alice is the only chick whose feelings I considered now.

So I've come to the decision that for Alice's sake (and Alice's sake alone) I would be civil to the new girl, but only speak to her when I absolutely had to. Definitely no more than necessary.

I shut my eyes and tried to sleep for a while, but when it wouldn't come I got frustrated. Then I realized I'd probably only dream about those fucking eyes so it's probably better this way. I sit up in bed, rubbing my eyes and trying to think of something to do; something to get my mind off anything.

So I went into the annex off my room.

My mother designed this room for me when I started playing the piano. It's totally sound proof so that I wouldn't bother anyone else in the house, and the only door into it is in my bedroom. I keep all of my albums in here, music sounds better on vinyl and my collection takes up the entire wall now. My baby grand sits in the middle of the room taunting me. I haven't touched her in ages. I walk over to it, sitting on the bench and gingerly lifting the lid. I let my fingers trail over the keys before I did something I haven't done in I don't know how long.

I played.

**BPOV**

"_Bella? Bella? Help me, please Bella. I need you to help me."_

_My heart was pounding out of my chest. I had to get to him. The pain in his voice was so obvious, and he wanted me to fix it._

_Then damn it, fix it I would._

"_Edward, I'm coming just hang on."_

_I spun around, searching frantically for the source of the sobbing. Then I saw him. He was hunched over, his back to me and he was clutching his sides almost as though he might come apart._

_I was crouching in front of him in a flash, pushing the soft locks of bronze hair from his eyes. He met my gaze, and instead of his usual icy stare, his piercing green eyes were filled with sorrow. My heart broke for him a thousand times over._

_I took him in my arms and cradled him; I really couldn't think of anything else to do._

"_Edward, don't cry; it's okay. I'm here, now. It's all going to be okay."_

_He looked up at me again, and I couldn't help tracing a finger across the strong line of his cheek bone. I couldn't help but smile at the electric current that flowed through the light touch, and I leaned down into him, grazing my lips across his, before whispering, "It's going to be okay, Edward. I love you."_

**.BEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP..**

My alarm, my savoir.

Why the hell was I dreaming about Edward Cullen?

Why did my subconscious choose to forget about OFEC?

And did I tell him…no. NO. I did _not _tell Edward…that I…love him.

Oh crap, I did.

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppppp.

Even if it was only a dream, I feel totally embarrassed that I had said that to him. Ugh, like Edward Cullen has feelings, anyway.

Typical; the boy who clearly shows no interest in me, I'm dreaming about, but the one who wants to date me…well I'm just not that into him.

I had been toying with the idea of cancelling on Mike all night, because clearly he was more into it than I was. I mean, he was cute and all, and I guess in that sense we're perfect for each other. We're both generic, run-of-the-mill, not too good looking, but not butt-ass ugly people. We went together, for all intensive purposes, and we certainly never told the Edward Cullen's or Rosalie Hale's of the world that we _love_ them.

_OFEC._

Mike and I would be perfect. We would have a generic high school romance that would end when we went off to college (not too far from home, but far enough) and then I would reminisce in my old age about my first boyfriend, a man named Edward.

MIKE.

Mike, I meant Mike.

I would be remembering MIKE NEWTON.

_OFEC._

I got up and got into the shower, changed and went downstairs to grab a quick breakfast before school. That was the one thing I missed about Phoenix; no matter how much I loved cooking, my mom always made me breakfast. Instead, I walked into an empty kitchen and some money for lunch.

Oh, well. I can handle solitude.

I pop some bread in the toaster, and I grab my stuff from the family room to get ready to walk out the door. I double check the back door (Charlie said something about wolves in the area, coming into houses), grab my toast and get out to my truck.

Ah, my truck.

I don't hate it; even though most people my age would. I like my truck because it has character and I mean, maybe a little of that could rub off on me. I just wish it went faster than 55.

Whatever. Sacrifices, right?

I pull into the lot at Forks High, and I suddenly get a flurry of nerves in my stomach. I park the truck and I get out, scanning the lot for Alice. I see her across the lot from me, leaning up against a silver Volvo with Emmett, Rosalie and some blonde guy, who must be that guy Jasper Alice is hung up on.

_Yeah, I could see it._

Alice's eye catches mine and she smiles broadly at me, and starts to wave. I wave back at her and then hear some one calling my name.

To be more specific, I hear a boy calling my name.

I turn slowly, and see Mike Newton loping over to me, his blandly blonde hair looking almost gray from the rain, and his blue eyes matching his perfectly preppy polo.

"Hey, Bella! How's my favorite girl?"

Wait…I've known this kid for _a day_ and I was his favorite girl?

Why not?

"Hey, Mike. I'm good, you?"

He shrugs, the grin never leaving his face "Never better. Can I walk you to class?"

"Sure, Mike. Sounds good."

Mike and I walk towards school, and we fall into a light, every day, comfortable conversation. Nothing too exciting, but at the same time, I wasn't daydreaming. That's a good sign, right? We stop in front of my Bio room and Mike's staring at his feet, but he hasn't turned to walk away yet.

"So I guess I'll see you in History. Fourth, right?"

"Yup, sounds good."

He smiles at me and then…he kissed me on the cheek. I was a little dumb struck; I didn't think we were on those terms, but then again I was his favorite girl. I must have smiled because he didn't look offended or anything when he pulled away. He just winked at me and folded himself in to the traffic of people moving down the hall. I shook myself out of my stupor and headed into the room, where I was surprised to find Edward, sitting at the table. Honestly, I thought he was going to sit with Jessica Stanley considering he hated me and all. But, sure enough, there he was, in the same seat as yesterday, looking totally disinterested in whatever Jess was talking about. I wouldn't say she was shameless, but I mean, she totally had her boobs on our lab table; and to Edward's credit, he wasn't looking at them…much.

As the door shut behind me, he looked up in my direction, and……………………………………………………..

Crap, I think my heart stopped.

Did Edward…did he….did he _smile _at me?

_I thought he was allergic._

It wasn't a happy smile, though because it didn't quite touch his eyes. I smiled back at him tentatively because I wasn't sure if he knew what he was doing.

Maybe he was high.

As soon as it was there is was gone, and he turned his attention back to Jess, who was apparently telling a funny story. I say apparently because she was laughing and he wasn't. When I got to my chair she was brushing her fingers up and down his arm, and giving him a coy grin.

"Sorry, I didn't get you see you last night, Hun." She said, "Can I still make it up to you?"

"Maybe some other time, babe. I'm busy the rest of the week."

She pouted at him, but he just looked out the window, "I'll call you when I'm free."

She seemed mildly pacified, and went to her stool, while Edward and I sat in silence.

"I'm sorry I was so rude to you at my house yesterday."

I blinked a few times, and realized that Edward was talking to me. More specifically, Edward was _apologizing _to me.

I checked the window quickly for flying purple pigs.

There were none.

"Uh…umm…It's okay? No big deal."

He nodded briefly, then turned back to me, "Do you have plans on Friday?"

_Fridayfridayfriday…click_

"Actually, yeah I do."

"With Alice?"

I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks, "No, with someone else."

"Wait, you're blushing…do you have a date on Friday?"

I blushed harder. He laughed to himself.

"Wow, you move fast."

"Not as fast as you, apparently." I raised an eyebrow at him, and he threw one back up at me, and his eyes got cold and distant again. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the period, so I didn't want to ask why he wanted to know if I was free on Friday.

No, that's a lie.

I did want to ask why he wanted to know if I was free on Friday, but I didn't want to listen to his mouth when he gave me some sarcastic put-down.

I would have to ask Alice when I got to French. It was probably something to do with her, anyway. He was probably just passing on a message.

That had to be it.

Seriously, why else would Edward Cullen care if I was free on Friday?

_A/N:So help me out, guys: do you want a little in Alice's POV or would you rather I stick with E and B? I started a little of both, but I'm interested in what YOU (yeah, you!) think. Lemme know =]_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Wow!! Seriously, thanks for sticking with me guys__, you definitely made me forget the shitty-ness that was yesterday!! I decided to rock a little Alice POV in the beginning because it just made everything flow better (you'll see why)…I hope you like it…by the way there's a bit of a lemon in this one, so you've been warned… =]_

_And this doesn't belong to me; totally Stephenie Meyer._

Chapter 4

**APOV**

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a twin. It's not because Edward's an asshole (even though he can be), but because when he's in pain I can feel it, too.

We've been hurting a lot lately.

I was waiting for him in history, thinking about what he had said on the drive over.

"_I thought about what you said last night, and if the new girl is that important to you, I'll apologize for my behavior."_

_I eyed my brother__ skeptically "You're going to apologize?"_

_He smirked, "Don't get your panties in a twist; I'm only doing it for you, not because I'm worried about her feelings."_

_I patted him on the shoulder, and watched the rain fall out the window. Then something occurred to me, "Twin, I can't go with you to La Push on Friday, I've got too much to do."_

_He looked hurt, and I felt bad, but he wanted to go right after school, and I just couldn't, "Maybe Saturday."_

_He shook his head, "No. I have to go on Friday. Saturday's too late. I'll just go by myself."_

"_Are you sure? I don't want to make you go alone. Maybe I could—"_

"_No way, Twin. Don't worry about me. It's fine."_

_He smiled sadly at me and squeezed my hand as he pulled into Jasper's driveway._

I hate bailing on him like that, especially when something's so obviously bothering him. But I didn't get what the big deal about La Push was; Edward doesn't do any typical beach activities, and why the hell did it have to be Friday? What's the difference? I wonder if it has anything to do with his moodiness lately...

I have to get to the bottom of it.

I hear the door shut, and Edward walks in, giving me a small nod as he takes the seat next to me. I just smile and pretend to return to my book, but I'm really watching him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes are focused on the front of the room, and he's running a hand through his hair.

Red Flag: That's a nervous habit.

All of a sudden he turns to me, a little bit of conviction crossing his otherwise disinterested green eyes. "Do you know who Bella has a date with on Friday?"

Bella??? Bella has a date? On Friday? WHAT????? Wait—why did she tell Edward (of all people) and not me?

"No, I had no idea she was even going on one."

He exhaled, not all too pleased with my answer, but still leaning over toward me.

"I apologized to her. She accepted."

_Ummm, Okay. _I just nodded at him. Then something hit me.

"Why do you care if Bella has a date on Friday?"

His eyes snapped back to mine, "I don't. I was just wondering which jerk off would be first. You know, since I'm out of the running."

Figures.

My brother only thinks with his dick.

Typical.

The bell rang, and Edward and I make fun of the teacher, Mrs. Finley, because she's one of those old ladies who refused to be old. She was still wearing mini-skirts, for god sakes.

Eww.

He didn't mention Bella again, so I didn't either and it seemed like he was back to normal by the end of it.

But I got my shit together as quick as I could and bolted to French. And I mean bolted. I didn't even stop and say hi to Jasper as I passed him, and man did he look good today.

When I got there, Bella hadn't cause I freaking raced against time so I waited anxiously. When she finally did saunter in, I was literally bursting with excitement.

"Isabella Marie Swan!! Since when do you have a date on Friday, and why didn't you tell me?"

She stood where she was; almost frozen in shock from my outburst. Finally she began to move toward me.

"How did you know my middle name?"

"Not relevant. Who are you going out with on Friday? I want all the details."

She sighed, and reached into her bag pulling out her notebook, "Mike Newton. He called last night after I got home and asked me out. The end."

I nodded in approval. Mike Newton wasn't bad; I mean, Bella could definitely do better, but he'd be okay for now.

"What are you gonna wear?"

She shrugged, "I hadn't really thought about it."

"What do you mean, you haven't really thought about it?"

"Just what I said. He only asked me out last night."

I sighed at her ignorance, "Those are precious wasted hours. Listen, you can come to my house before your date and I'll help you get ready, then you can sleep over."

"Alice, I can't ask you do that; it's too much…"

I held up a hand, "Not at all. That's what friends are for. I should be home by five so be at my house then. And don't forget to tell Mike that he's picking you up at my place."

I turned away from her before she could object.

This is gonna be so much fun!

I smell a make over!!!

**EPOV**

I was fucking pissed.

Who the hell was taking _my _brown eyes on a date?

.Fuck.

I had to remind myself through out the morning that I really had no right to feel this way; I mean, I didn't have any claim over Bella, other than that she was my sister's friend.

But those were _my _eyes.

Mine. And I didn't want another son-of-a-bitch drooling over them.

Fuck. I ran my hand through my hair again as Jasper came into view in front of his locker. Unfortunately, he looked downright chipper.

Asswipe.

"Hey, man. Alice said something about you wanting to go to the La Push in English. Want me to go with you?"

I just looked at him. Then I realized I had to move my fucking mouth in order for words to come out.

"Nah, It's okay. I think I'm just gonna go by myself. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

I just nodded.

I go to First Beach every year around my mother's birthday. It was her favorite place, and she and I would walk for hours up there. Fucking hours. Ever since the incident, I'd been going by myself. I usually didn't share it with anybody but this year, after Alice bailed, I immediately thought of asking Bella. Sure, there was a chance she'd say no, but somehow I thought that she might be down.

But fuck that, because Ms. I've-got-perfect-eyes is going on a date Friday with some stupid shmuck.

Jasper and I walked into lunch again, and I noticed that Emmett had already left, to do whatever his ritual on our mother's birthday was. Alice, though, was still here sitting beside Rose chatting like it was her last day of freedom. I went through the line, piling random bits of food onto my tray and then finally settling down at our table, not even pretending to be interested in what was happening around me. I wasn't really listening, until I heard the words "Bella" "Date" and "Mike Newton" come out of Alice's mouth.

That caught my attention.

"What about Fucknewton?

"I wish you wouldn't call him that. He's really not that bad."

"Alice."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes at me, "Bella's date on Friday. It's with Mike."

She might as well have just drained all the blood from my body and replaced it with arsenic. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I hate Mike fucking Newton.

I hate him.

You know how werewolves are the mortal enemies of vampires? Well, same deal; Mike Newtons are the mortal enemies of Edward Cullens.

And my brown eyes were going on a date with him.

Keep the shit flying, by all means.

Then I see them. Fucknewton with his god awful arms around Bella. I felt a wave of emotions roll through me, and to be honest, they caught me off guard. Why was I so upset over a girl that I:

1. wasn't even sure I liked

2. Hadn't fucked

And

3. Had absolutely no claim over?

What the hell is my deal?

I watched as Bella and Mike settled at their table, and she had her head leaning against his shoulder, his arm draped around her.

Fucking disgusting.

Then I saw Stanley throwing away her lunch.

I heard Alice calling after me as I stood up and found my way over to Stanley. I pulled her in by the hips and spoke directly into her ear.

"Babe, you still want to make it up to me?"

I heard her breath hitch slightly. "Now?"

I slid my hands down over her hips, then back up her sides, "You up for it?"

She just nodded, so I grabbed her hand and led her outside to the parking lot. I unlocked my car and she got into the back seat, pulling me on top of her. I kissed her hard. Not out of passion or anything, but because I was fucking pissed. I had to get those eyes out of my system by doing what I do best: Fucking the shit out of this poor girl.

I rammed my tongue into her mouth and she moaned a little, only pushing me farther. I let my hand go up her shirt and I started feeling up her tit, not bothering to unclasp her bra. She liked that shit; I thought it was a waste of time. Sure enough she started panting.

"You like that, baby? Do you?" I ground my hard on into her leg, "Do you feel how hard you make me? You ready baby? Are you ready for me?"

She moaned again, and her head lolled back. Ok, I'll take that as a yes.

I pushed up her skirt and felt her completely soaked panties underneath.

Yeah, I'd say she's ready.

I ripped them down her legs, and made quick work of my pants, only getting them down far enough for my dick to make an appearance. I pulled a condom out of the consol and rolled it on quickly. There was no teasing; no quick, affectionate peck on the forehead. I just slammed into her, not really caring at that point. I needed to get back on track. I needed to be Edward Cullen again.

And this is what Edward Cullen does.

I looked down at Stanley, who was writhing underneath me. It made me pound into her harder. I had to get this shit out of my system. I checked to make sure she wasn't trying to get me to stop, and when I did, I saw the familiar flush on her neck and chest; she was gonna come soon, I could tell. I'd been with her enough times to know her tells.

"Come for me, baby. I want to watch you come."

She looked up at me, her eyes half lidded and full of lust. All of a sudden her walls started to clench around my dick, which set me over the edge and I came right along with her. My eyes clamped shut and instead of the usual white spots, all I saw were my brown eyes.

Those fucking eyes.

Shit.

I rode out her orgasm, and gave a few final thrusts before pulling out. I pulled off the condom, sticking it in the wrapper to throw away and clean myself up as she put herself back together. As I buttoned up my pants, I looked at Stanley; like I actually fucking looked at her. She was pretty, I guess, with her soft strawberry blond hair, and generic brown eyes. Where as my brown eyes were intense and extreme, hers were soft and honestly, a bit dull; she didn't have the same life behind hers.

I reached over, and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and she looked over at me, smiling a little.

"Thanks, Jess. That was really good." I think she was surprised that I called her by her name; I usual just called her 'babe' or some other generic name. It kept things simple.

"It was. Does this mean I've made it up to you?"

I laughed a little, "For now, I suppose."

She smiled at me coyly and we got out of my car and headed back toward school. I didn't walk her to class, and she didn't ask me to. That's what Edward Cullen does.

This is what I can handle.

**BPOV**

I wasn't really sure what to make of Alice telling me she'd help me get ready for my date with Mike. I mean, I know her heart was in the right place but Alice and I just have different ideas of 'date appropriate'.

Somehow though, after convincing Charlie that I wasn't secretly dating Alice's lothario of a brother ( who hadn't managed to show up to Bio since Wednesday) , I found myself in Alice's huge bathroom, which apparently she had to herself.

"We all have our own," she said as she held a curling iron to my head. "It's just easier that way."

I nod slightly.

"Are you nervous?" She says, a devilish grin pulling across her face.

"Not really."

"Well, that's awfully indifferent."

"I guess. There aren't any butterflies or anything, but it's still early. They probably just haven't hit me yet."

She nodded, thoughtfully twirling another piece of hair around the barrel.

"Just follow your gut, Bella. You'll know what to do."

"Yeah you're right…Hey, Alice? Jasper's friends with Edward right?"

At the mention of the all-mighty Jasper, her eyes lit up with affection, "Yeah, why?"

"I dunno. It just seems a little bit funny; you fell for your brother's friend."

"Hey, if you had a brother, and he had a friend as hot as Jasper, you wouldn't think twice about it."

_Or if you were friends with his sister._

_Shit, OFEC._

"I suppose. So if Edward's not an issue, then why don't you just tell him you like him?"

She put down the iron and began raking her fingers through the curls, making them loosen up into soft waves.

"I can't. He doesn't feel the same way."

"How do you know?"

"Bella, you can just tell. He never seems to catch the hints that I drop, or the way that I always happen to be in most of his classes, or the way that I always wear his favorite color—hunter green—even though I hate it."

I shrug, admiring her handy work in the mirror, "Boys are dense. Maybe he just doesn't realize you're doing it for him."

"Or maybe he doesn't like me."

"Maybe you should suck it up and tell him."

She just glared at me for a while after that, but soon a smile broke out on her delicate features.

"Maybe I will. You never know, do you?" I smiled back at her, and then she was pulling me up off the stool and back into her bedroom where she'd laid out a few outfits. I wasn't allowed to choose.

Wonderful.

Alice listed the pros and cons of the various choices, but I wasn't really listening; they all looked uncomfortable and impractical. She finally picked out a black, long sleeved v-neck top with skinny jeans and banana yellow flats (thankfreakinggod).

I checked out the finished product in Alice's full length mirror, and I have to say; I'm lookin' pretty good.

_Eat your heart out, Edward Cullen_

_OFEC!!!OFEC!!!!_

_Shit._

Alice is tacking a few final bobby pins in my hair when we hear the door bell ring. She gives me an encouraging smile, and I guess it's show time…cue the nerves. I'm giving myself another once over, when I see Emmett's head poking in the door.

"Hey, Little Bella, Newton's downstairs, and—"He gives a low whistle, cutting off his sentence.

"Geeze, Bella. What're you trying to do kill the kid?"

I looked myself over again, nervously, "Do you think he won't like it?"

"No, Little Bella, he will most definitely like it."

Alice nods quickly in agreement, and I take one final deep breath before following the two of them downstairs.

I can totally do this.

The lights are on in the foyer, making the expansive space all the more impressive. First I see Mike, wearing that same goofy grin, his blue eyes twinkling in the light and I think to myself that I can (in fact) do this. I can see myself falling for Mike Newton, I can see myself _happy_ with Mike Newton.

Yeah, this could work.

But I can feel someone watching me, and I flick my eyes a little to the left to see Edward, leaning up against a door frame. My heart skips a beat and my stomach starts knotting up. He looks so, so good.

His hair is messier than ever, looking wild and windswept and his cheeks have a slight flush to them as though he had been outside for a while. But his eyes; those freaking eyes. They're hard as ever and ridiculously impassive as he watches me. But, instead of feeling self-conscious under his glare, I'm surprisingly okay.

As if it was the most natural thing in the world for Edward to be glaring at me.

_Oh, wait; it is._

As we're walking out the door, Mike's arm snakes around my waist, pulling me into him, and I can see him glaring at someone over my head. But when I turn around, I only see Edward who looks like he's about to go on a murderous rampage.

Weird.

Whatever.

Mike Newton, here I come.

**EPOV**

I couldn't fucking handle going to Bio after Wednesday. I couldn't trust myself to keep my temper under control, and because I had promised Alice, I didn't want to fuck up and say something stupid.

I promised Alice.

I wish I hadn't. But I did.

So I came late on Friday, skipped lunch all together and left immediately after school ended to drive out to First Beach. I know the drive like the back of my hand now, and I could probably do it with my eyes closed. Once I made it inside the reservation, I stopped at the mangy little grocery store and picked up some stuff to eat for dinner; I wasn't planning on going home anytime soon, and besides, the picnics used to be the best part about these trips.

I got back into my car and I realized that it was probably better that Bella couldn't come with me. If she did, I'd have to explain shit to her, and honestly I wasn't ready for that. I had only told Alice I would be civil to her, and now that she was dating Mike fucking Newton that was going to be harder than ever.

That bitch was trying to kill me, all the while staring at me with perfect chocolate brown eyes.

I pull up to the cliff side, and just sit for a minute taking in the view. The sky is dark and overcast, but the rain's let up at least for now. I can faintly make out the ocean below, churning away, and matching the gray sky. I get out, and the wind is blowing, making it a lot colder than it should be. I should have taken my fucking sweatshirt, but when I went to grab it from by the door, it was gone. Jen probably put it in the wash.

It's so quiet up here, but quiet in a way that you can really hear yourself think. It's not deafening, or lonely, it's just solitude; someplace where you can really think about the shit that's going through your head without complications. That's what I needed now; space to breathe without having deal with the rest of my fucked up existence.

After I fucked Stanley, I almost regretted it. I say almost because, it was good for me and I'm pretty sure it was good for her, but it just didn't have the desired effect. Instead of getting all of this…this angst out of my system, it only seemed to intensify it, and afterwards I felt guilty. I'm not really sure why, though. I have to one to answer to; no girlfriend waiting for me, depending on me. No one gives a shit what I do.

No one gives a shit.

I pull out my sandwich and start eating, remembering a time when there was at least one person who did give a shit. She and I would talk for hours about everything, and anything; there was no detail too small, because she wanted to know everything about me. My mother was perfect. I know people always say that about their mothers, but in my case, it's true. She was warm and loving, and she refused to let me get drowned out but Emmett or lumped in with Alice. That's why I started getting into music. I dedicated my first real piece to her, and I played it for her right before the incident. That was the last time I saw her happy.

She had smiled broadly at me, sitting in my annex on the black leather chair opposite my piano, just looking so fucking happy. I loved making my mother happy.

Now, I just didn't give a shit.

I looked out over the ocean again, and it was starting to rain a little so I decided I might as well head back home. Maybe I'd call Jasper or something; anything to keep my mind occupied. I was thinking of the possibilities when I pulled into my drive way and I saw an unfamiliar suburban parked on the street.

_What the fuck?_

I pulled up and went in the front door. I was curious, okay? Don't judge me.

But nothing could have mentally prepared me for the person standing in my foyer, grinning like a fucking idiot.

Fucknewton.

To repeat an earlier thought: _What the fuck?_

He met my eye and scowled at me, "Cullen."

"Newton. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I have a date with Bella."

"So shouldn't you be at her house?"

_Idiot,_

"She told me to pick her up here. She's spending the night with Alice I guess."

...No.

No one asked me if Bella could stay over. I do not want to hear about her date with Newton and I sure as hell didn't want Newton here. What the fuck is wrong with my family? And why the fuck is Bella Swan so fucking insistent on ruining my life?

WHY???

So I do the dick thing, and put Bella down. "Watch your shit, Newton. I hear Swan's got the clap."

He gives me a disgusted look, and I think I've succeeded until he says, "Please, Cullen. We both know you're just pissed you didn't get there first."

I'm about to respond when I see my brown eyes make their appearance. They're fucking gorgeous, and for the first time I notice all of Bella right along with them. Her hair is framing her face in soft waves, her pale skin glowing in the light. She's not really all that dressed up, but I'm getting the feeling that she doesn't need to be in order to look her best. Then I remember that she's looking this way for Newton, and I get pissed. All of those fucked up feelings that I have no right to be feeling are suddenly back as I watch her take the stairs one by one, getting closer to her doom. I watch Fucknewton put his arm around her waist and pull her into him, but because he's a dick he gives me a cocky look over the top of her head. That shit just pissed me off more, especially when I saw my brown eyes looking back at me confused.

_Please; as if you give a flying fuck._

The door shuts behind them and I turn quickly on my heel, heading towards Carlisle's study. I can hear Alice padding behind me.

"Twin what's up? How was La Push?"

"Are Jen and Carlisle here?"

"No, they went out to dinner. They won't be back until later tonight. You okay?"

"I'm fine."

I don't wait for her to respond as I shut the doors to the study behind me. I go over to the liquor cabinet and pull out a bottle of Jack Daniels and a tumbler. I close everything back up and head to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of Coke before I take the back stairs up to my room, so that I know I won't run into Alice again. I lock my door behind me and then go into my annex, locking that door too. I pick out one of my very, very few CD's; one that Alice gave me for Christmas and pop it into my stereo before pouring myself a drink. It goes down quick and smooth and I decide not to allow myself recovery time. I start thinking about Bella as I pour and drink, and just how much I hate her for fucking up the fine balance I once had in my life.

Fuck you, Bella Swan, and you're brown eyes, too.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: So, you guys are awesome, and you all really make my world a better place!! Thanks so much for your awesome reviews, which I am completely in love with!! I hope you guys like this chapter as much as the others, and it's all in Bella's POV. Review me please!! =]_

_I know, I know; it's hard to believe, but I do not, in fact own this; still S. Meyer_

Chapter 5

**BPOV**

As Mike and I walked out of the Cullen's, I was torn about whether or not I should ask Mike what the deal was between Edward and him. I'd never seen them speak to each other, so the random glare over my shoulder seemed all the more odd. But I chanced a glance up at Mike from under my eyelashes, and he looked happy; I couldn't ruin that for him, even if he wasn't the man of my dreams.

_Sigh_

"You okay, Bella?" Mike asked as we got into his monster Suburban.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

Mike scowled and kept his gazed fixed on the house for a minute before pulling out.

"Cullen. I don't want his shit to get to you. That kid's pretty fucked up."

Mike wasn't looking at me, and instead his eyes were trained to the road ahead, and he was gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Really, Mike. Edward's fine, he's just… there. He hardly ever even acknowledges me, so I don't really give him a second thought."

_**.OFEC**_

Mike seemed to relax a little, but hesitated slightly before he said, "I just don't like the way he looks at you; like you're a…a…conquest or something…"

_Wait, a conquest? What is this; __the middle ages? Are you going to duel with him to defend my honor? Crap, he's still talking._

"…you to get hurt, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't take the things he says personally; he's like that with everyone."

"Don't worry about it. What Edward does or doesn't think of me is irrelevant; he's not taking me out tonight." I smiled at Mike, and he seemed pacified, even if only for now. "Where are you taking me, by the way?"

"Out to Port Angeles; there's this Italian place that's really good. I hope you're hungry?"

"Famished."

I really didn't know what else to say to him after that; I'd honestly never seen someone so affected by another person before. Could Edward really be that bad? I'd like to think not, but now I wasn't so sure. It was almost like he'd put up this fog around him to keep people at a distance; he was hiding behind sarcasm and a bad boy exterior to stay comfortable.

But what's so comfortable about isolation?

I was brought out of my thoughts when Mike announced that 'we're here' and pulled into the lot of a cute little restaurant with ivy growing on the outside and Christmas lights around the trellis. It was cute as far as restaurants go; very welcoming. I managed to climb back out of the car as Mike waited for me on the sidewalk.

Seriously, if you're gonna drive a car this big, at least help your date out of it.

Sheesh.

He smiled broadly, and I grinned back as he took my hand and we walked in. The hostess didn't even look up as we entered; instead she opted to remain oblivious to our presence until Mike cleared his throat rather loudly. She looked up, un-amused and replied with a very unenthusiastic:

"Table for two?"

"Please."

Mike followed her to a booth while I trailed behind, and there was that awkward moment where he's already sitting on one side and looking up at me like I'm supposed to slide in beside him. I decided not to (because I wasn't sure if I was _that_ happy to be here with Mike), but I kept the smile on my face to keep him happy. It seemed to work; no matter the situation.

Seriously, if Edward's allergic to smiles, Mike pops them like candy.

_**OFEC.**_

_Crap._

We're looking over the menus, and then Mike says, "Do you like Forks so far?"

"Yeah, it's good. Everyone's been nice, which is always a comfort. I can't say I hate it."

"It must suck though; being the chief's daughter. Bet you gotta tow the line wicked good."

_Wicked good? Really?_

I chose to ignore that. "Eh, he's not so bad. It isn't as if I got sent here because I got pregnant or I've just finished rehab. Charlie doesn't have a reason not to trust me."

Mike's eyes narrowed a bit, and I could tell he was trying to figure something out. To be honest, it was kind of freaking me out, so I changed the subject.

"So are you really going to put a good word in for m at the library, or was that just a way to get my number?"

I smirked at him, and a sheepish grin spread across his face, "No, I really do know someone. I can call on Monday, if you really want the job."

"Well, yeah. It's something else to do around here, you know? Who's your contact, by the way?"

He laughed slightly, "Mrs. Cullen, actually."

"Really? Like Alice's mother?"

"Yeah. Before she married Dr. Cullen she was the school nurse when we were all in elementary school. I spent a lot of time up there with her."

"Why? Mrs. Cullen's pretty and all, but that hardly seems like a reason to head up to the nurse's office a lot."

Mike started to blush a bit, but he answered, despite his obvious discomfort. "I wasn't very…popular with my classmates when we were younger, so…"

Oh. Mike got the crap kicked out of him on a regular basis; that's why he was best friends with the school nurse.

_Dork._

"I hope that doesn't change your opinion of me?"

"No, not at all. In fact it's kind of endearing."

He seemed brightened by this and the rest of the meal went well. He kept it light, and I found myself actually liking Mike Newton. That's not to say that was feeling anything more than a fondness for him, but I mean, there's potential right? I had agreed to go on this date, and when he asked me if I'd like to do it again some time, I said yes. So why is there this nagging feeling that I'm missing something?

Isn't Mike what any girl wants to date? He's polite, courteous; he can use words that have more than two syllables, and he's read most of the same books I have.

_Why don't I want him more? What's missing?_

On the drive back, Mike reached over for my hand, which I let him take. He didn't hold it particularly tightly; he just kind of rested his hand over mine. Actually, it was a little bit awkward; you know, because his palm started sweating and that's just no fun for anybody. I was kind of relieved when I saw the Cullen's house come into view. For whatever reason, this house started to feel like…another home. I could actually see myself fitting in with the Cullen's (well, at least most of them), and that was definitely a first. I had had friends in Arizona, but not any nearly as close as I was to Alice.

Funny how things work out sometimes.

Mike pulled into the drive way and put the car in park, but didn't cut the engine. He unbuckled his seat belt, and leaned over to me, his blue eyes peering at me warily.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay here? You don't want me to take you home?"

"I'll be fine, silly. Don't worry. It's only Alice."

"It's not Alice I'm worried about." He muttered.

I sighed and touched his cheek lightly, "I had a really good time tonight. I can't wait till we do it again."

He smiled back at me, momentarily appeased and I guess he was feeling bold because he leaned in and brushed his lips lightly against mine, before finally pressing into them. It was okay; nothing to write home about but nice, as far as kisses go. He released me, the smile returning to his face and said, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll call you later, Bells."

I nodded, flashing him another smile and started the climb out of the car, which, given my lack of balance proved all the more difficult. I finally had both feet on the ground and I said another quick good-bye before shutting the door.

I couldn't get in that house fast enough.

I bounded up the porch, and the front door swung open, revealing Alice, ready for bed with a GIANT smile.

"You were in that car an _awfully_ long time."

I smile coyly, "A Lady doesn't kiss and tell."

"OHMIGODBELLATELLMENOWWWWWW!!!!!!"

She was bouncing up and down, and I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, fine, but let's get ready for bed, I'm kind of tired."

I know, I know; I'm weak, it's only 10:30, but hey, it had been a long week. I wanted bed. Like Now.

Alice linked her arm through mine and led me upstairs. "I hope you don't mind sleeping in the guest room? I just thought you might like your own space."

This was very true. I never really liked sharing a bed with my friends during a sleepover; I did it, but I dunno; I was always a little self conscious about it. What if I drooled or snored or kicked the crap out of her in my sleep? Yeah, not exactly things that are conducive to a good night's sleep.

"Alice, that's perfect. You know me too well."

"Yeah, I had a feeling…"

We tuned down a hallway and I noticed that the other end held the end of the back stairs.

"If you need anything from the kitchen during the night, use those stairs, it's just faster." She pointed to the door on the left, "That's my room, and that's Edward's across the hall. Yours is the door next to it."

_How the hell was I supposed to sleep next to Edward? _

_**OFEC.**_

_Crap._

I nodded, swallowing my fears and let Alice lead me in to probably the most beautiful bedroom I had ever seen in my entire life. The carpet was a soft white, which matched the fluffy white bedding on the humongous bed. I seriously just wanted to jump on it. Ahh, love at first sight. Alice must have noticed my glazed over look, because she laughed and said, "Yeah I know. Jen picked out probably the best sheets ever. They're so soft; you're gonna die when you get into bed; not that that'll be happening anytime soon." I smiled at her and went over to my bag, which had already found its way up here and pulled out my pajamas, and went to change and generally get ready for bed. As I made my way into the bathroom I saw Alice pouting as she sat Indian-style on the bed.

"What?"

"Do you have to do that now?"

"I'll be like five minutes; I think you'll be okay."

"Fine. But I'm timing you, and if you take even one second longer, I'm coming in there, and I don't care what I see."

I swear to God I have never moved faster in my entire life.

When I rushed back out, panting slightly, Alice checked the clock nodding in approval.

"Three minutes. Not bad, Swan. Now get over here and spill."

I plop down on the bed next to her, and I have to resist the urge to just lie back and fall asleep. Then I looked at Alice. There was no way that was going to happen.

"Well, it was pretty straight forward. Picked me up and we went to a little Italian place in Port Angeles and then he brought me home."

She blinked a few times.

"Oh, and he kissed me in the car when he dropped me off."

Her eyes brighted considerably, " So were there like fireworks and like explosions? How did he kiss you? On the lips or on the cheek? Wait; wait…did he use tongue? Cause I think it might be a little early to use tongue. But I mean, if you're comfortable with it then—"

"Whoa, Alice. Slow down." I had to cut her off. She was too excited for her own good. "He kissed me on the lips, and I just it was just kind of a sweet getting to know you kiss. No tongue, and I agree it would have been a little too soon. But fireworks? I don't know. I don't think you get fireworks until you know someone."

At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I've only kissed three boys before Mike, and I haven't felt that all encompassing desire to just…keep going. I've never been able to _not _stop.

"You're probably right." Alice said, thoughtfully. "I've never felt them either. It must be good though, right? People keep on kissing, so it kind of makes you wonder what you're missing."

"I suppose. But I really think that the person you're meant to have them with is there, and when you finally do kiss them, it's that much better, you know?"  
She sighed softly and I noticed the whistful look her green eyes had taken on. I decided to change the subject.

"I didn't know your step mother worked at the library."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. She started working there after she and my Dad got married. She just volunteers though, since she doesn't have to work anymore, and when we were younger if one of us was having an off day, she'd be able to come home for us. It worked out."

"What do you mean? Had an off day?"

She hesitated slightly and I wondered if I had stepped over the line, "I don't really like to talk about it; it's been a while but it still feels really fresh sometimes. You should know, though….you should know. When we were seven, our mother died in a car accident, and that pretty much changed everything around here." She shook her head, and then looked back up at me, her eyes glistening. I rubbed her knee lightly.

"You don't have to tell me this. It's okay, Alice."

"It was just so sudden, you know? And we were so young…you just don't understand what's happening and why you can't see your mother anymore. She's just gone. And then when they had to…" She started sobbing after that and I pulled her into my arms and just let her cry it out. I can't imagine going through something like that; being so young and having someone you love being torn from you. Poor Alice and Emmett.

Oh My God.

Poor Edward.

I found my heart aching even more for him, because I realized that his behavior has all been his way for dealing with his mother's death. He obviously hadn't handled it as well as his siblings, and I realized that that must be the reason that the family tip-toed around him. Edward was walking a fine line, and it could only be a matter of time before it broke.

Alice sat up from my arms and started wiping the tears off of her face.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm just not used to talking about it. In a town as small as this, everybody knows what happened. It's been so long since I've had to tell anyone about it."

"It's fine, really. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like."

She shrugged and let out a deep breath, then smiled sadly at me. "Thanks for letting me get it out."

"No worries. It's the least I could do after you helped me get ready for my date." I raised my eyebrows at her à la Charlie Chaplin, and she giggled.

"Listen, I'm going to head to bed. Are you gonna be okay?"

I nodded as she got up and headed for the door, "I'll just be across the hall if you get lonely or something."

"G'night, Alice."

"Night, Bells."

She flipped off the light on the way out and I snuggled under the covers. Tonight had definitely been interesting, to say the least. I felt bad that Alice and her family had to go through something like that, but then again they did have their step mother, and she was such an amazing person. Even Edward seemed to like her.

Edward.

Every time I thought his name, my heart broke a little more for him. I couldn't decide what it was that I was feeling though. I just couldn't pity him because it was his choice to handle the accident the way he did; he had no one to blame but himself for that. But at the same time, I couldn't totally fault him for that. Even though I didn't know the details of the accident, I know that it must have been pretty horrific, and he's obviously a lot more sensitive to it than his siblings. I felt like the second Mrs. Cullen had to be home for Edward more than the others. I tossed and turned for a while, and I was never able to get into a peaceful sleep. I finally rolled over and decided that I'd go down to the kitchen and get some water.

It was 2:30 in the morning; what could happen?

I tried to creep down the stairs as quietly as I could, but with my expert stumbling skills, I must have stepped on every squeaky spot those back stairs had to offer. Once I got to the kitchen, I didn't bother with the light; the night light thing under the microwave was on, and that was enough. I padded quietly over to the fridge and after opening it, I had to just stare into it. That thing is so, so cool.

Then I felt finger tips brush across my lower back.

I shivered slightly, and spun around, losing my balance. I was prepared for the impact the cool wood floor would have on my face, but it never came. Instead, I was caught in between a pair of strong arms. They pulled me up straight, but never let me go from their iron grip. I looked up into his penetrating green eyes, and to my amazement, they looked slightly playful.

"Good evening, Bella." Edward said, a crooked smile crossing his lips. "What brings you to the kitchen at this late hour?"

He was still smiling down at me, and he just looked so…so freaking gorgeous with that smile on his face, his eyes sparkling in amusement, and his hair sticking up any which way. The butterflies were back, and I realized that they didn't have anything to do with Mike Newton. Some how, I found my voice to respond.

"I was just getting water. Is that okay?"

He chuckled lightly and released me. I missed his arms instantly. He went around the counter and pulled two glasses from a cabinet and ran the tap.

"We don't have any bottles cold. This is okay, though, right?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

There was silence as he filled the glasses, and I noticed that he was only in his boxers and a tee shirt. Seriously, I could die now and be totally fine with that. He turned back toward me and went to sit at the island, passing me a glass in the process.

"So how did my brown eyes enjoy their date?"

"Excuse me? _Your _brown eyes? Last I checked, they were in my head."

"Mine, too."

I shook my head at him; he wasn't making any sense. "It was fun. We really had a good time."

He scoffed, and I got a little bit flustered. "What was that for?"

"I just can't believe that you said you had a good time with Fucknewton."

"Why do you even care?"

"Like I said those are my brown eyes."

I leaned in toward him, and that was when I realized that he was drunk. You could smell the alcohol reeking from him.

"Edward, are you drunk?"

He laughed again, "Only a little."

He smiled that crooked smile again and I started to melt a little. Then, he leaned over a little too far and fell off his stool, landing on the floor with a thump.

"Ow, Bella, what'd you do that for?"

I rolled my eyes and went over to him.

"Are you hurt?"

"Just my ass. You wanna rub it for me?"

"I'll pass. C'mon, let's go back to bed. Put your arm over my shoulder."

He did as I asked, and we stood slowly. If anyone had been there to see us, we would have looked so silly. He's probably a good eight or nine inches taller than me, and yet I was supporting him. Somehow, we manage to get up the stairs and I pause slightly at the top trying to remember which door is his.

"Second on the left." He says.

_What__ are you a mind reader now, too?_

I pull him in that direction and open his door, pulling his arm from around me. He just stands by my side as I close the door as quietly as I can. Then I hear music coming from somewhere in the room. But it's kind of faint and distant.

_Weird, we didn't hear it anywhere else in the house…_

Is it…no Edward wouldn't be listening to…

"Are you listening to the Foo Fighters?"

His cheeks flush a little and he says, "Alice gave it to me last Christmas. It's hard to get drunk to Debussy, you know."

I listen a little closer and I realize that the song is slightly haunting. There's not much to it, but still; it sticks in your mind…

_Hanging on this wire  
Waiting for the day where I'll have to choose  
Cursed by love so dire  
One more boy for hire  
One more boy to lend a hand to you  
Is this just desire or the truth_

So shame on me for the ruse  
Shame on me for the blues  
Another one returned that I'll neve_r use_

"Bella brownie what are you doing?" Edward's voice breaks my trance, and I see that he's found his way to the middle of his bedroom floor, laying face up and staring at the ceiling.

"Edward, the better question is what are you doing?"

"Trying to get rid of those fucking brown eyes."

"Okay, okay. I'm leaving." I turned to leave and my hand was on the knob, when I felt a his hand grab my wrist. I turned to look at him, and when I did I was surprised to see that there was now a vulnerability in his eyes that I hadn't seen before.

"Don't go. I don't want you to go. Please say you won't go."

My heart broke yet again for him as I saw the sadness seeping into his green eyes, almost as though they were pushing what he was feeling into me. And so help me, I would sure as hell take it.

_What the hell am I thinking?_

I smile at him, "I won't go. Let's get you into bed though, okay?"

He doesn't say anything; he just pulls me over to the bed, which is totally unmade and rumpled, and gets in, releasing my wrist. Okay, it was kind of awkward when he did that because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to get in bed with him, or sit by him, or just be there. I felt so out of place. But then he grabbed my hand and pulled me down into the bed, wrapping the covers around the two of us, before pulling me into his chest. God, he held onto me so freaking tight; I thought he was going to crush me. But, even though he might have accidentally suffocated me, I felt totally comfortable; like this is where I belonged. I wiggled my arms around him, letting one hand rub his back and the other tangle in his hair.

Yup, this is heaven.

He crashed his nose into the top of my head, and he started nuzzling my hair.

"Bella, you smell like happiness and sunshine."

_Ummm, what?_

I tilted my head slightly to look up at him, and then before I even knew what was happening his lips were pressed gently into mine.

I was kissing Edward Cullen.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!

It was like everything else in the entire world stopped happening the moment his lips touched mine, and I couldn't get over the electric charge that ran through his lips and into mine. It felt like his lips had been made specifically to kiss mine, and I must say; he was doing an _amazing_ job of it. He pulled away slightly, brushing his lips up my nose and planting a kiss on my forehead. All in all, it was the best kiss of my life.

He settled his chin back on top of my head, and he started rubbing small circles into my back, and I matched them on his. All too soon it seemed like his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep. That's when reality hit me.

I was in bed with Edward Cullen.

The very same Edward Cullen who hated me Monday through Friday, shot me dirty looks at every spare moment, and couldn't even be bothered to show up to the one class we had together.

_How the hell did this happen?_

His grip on me had loosened considerably and I was able to slip out of his grip, tucking him back in as I left. He shifted slightly, and then he I could have sworn I heard him whisper my name.

"Bella…"

I reached down and smoothed back a lock of his soft, bronze hair, wanting to remember as much of those last few moments as I could. His brow furrowed then, and he started moving his hand on the space I had just created. I didn't want him to wake up, so I took the pillow I had been using and tucked it under his arm. He must not have known the difference because he snuggled up with it, his deep sleep returning. I watched him sleep for another minute when I became aware of the music still coming from somewhere in his room.

_I won't go getting tired of you  
I won't go getting tired of you  
I'm not getting tired  
I won't go getting tired of you  
I won't go getting tired of you  
I'm not getting tired of you_

I followed the music into a small room that was off his room, and I couldn't have held back the gasp if I tried. He had hundreds (if not thousands) of records on one entire wall of the room; it took up the whole thing. Outside of a vintage record shop, I'd never seen so much music in my life. I walked past the baby grand, and I noticed the small silver picture frame that he had resting there. It was a picture of a young woman with the kindest honey colored eyes and matching caramel hair smiling while holding a little boy with striking green eyes. It was strange to see such unbridled happiness in those familiar green eyes, but at the same time it seemed so natural.

I tore my eyes from the photo and turned off the stereo and then I noticed the empty bottles of Jack and Coke next to a tumbler, and I figured I should probably clean it up; I didn't want him to get in trouble or anything. I picked them up, and after checking on Edward one last time, I went back to the kitchen and rinsed out the bottles and the glass, along with our two water glasses from earlier. I recycled the coke bottle, and put the glasses in the dishwasher, but I wasn't sure what to do with the empty whisky bottle.

_Hmmmm…._

I tiptoed back upstairs and crept into Edward's room. Okay fine, I know I could have just ditched the bottle, but I wanted to see him again, so I did, okay?

You would, too…don't even lie.

Once I was in there though, I realized that I had no idea what to do with the bottle. I went over to the closet and just tucked the bottle in with a pile of clothes. Hopefully, he'd know what to do with it from there. I paused in front of the door and bit my lip as I watched him sleep a little. He looked so peaceful; so much more like the little boy in that picture than the asshole I sit next to in Bio. As I crawled back into my own bed, still feeling the tingle of Edward's lips on my own I realized that I would never get tired of Edward Cullen…no matter what that meant.

_A/N: Whew! The song is "Tired of You" by the Foo Fighters, and one of my friends was playing it while I was writing and I thought it went so I threw it in…check it out, it's pretty cool =]_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Hey guys!! Wow, your reviews for the last one were AWESOME!! Seriously, what did I do to deserve you guys??? So I wanted to let you know that this will probably be the last update for the weekend; real life calls (ugh, college blows)…but I'll be back at it on Monday; Tuesday at the absolute latest. Don't forget to review for me!! =]_

Chapter 6

**EPOV**

_I was kissing my brown eyes. They were kissing me back, and they liked it. Then they moaned __into my mouth._

_Make that they loved it._

_I pulled away to catch my breath and Bella started planting soft, open mouth kisses down my neck and along my collar bone. I pressed my lips into her hair; she smell like strawberries, vanilla and Bella. It was perfect._

_I picked up my rhythm again, but I wasn't fucking her…it was too gentle for that._

_I couldn't fuck my brown eyes._

"_Edward….E-Edward," Shit, she fucking moaned my name. Shit shit shit. _

"_Edward, I'm gonna…shit, I'm gonna…" _

_Her walls started to spasm, and then… _

I opened my eyes and blew my load.

Into a pillow.

I was humping a pillow.

What. The. Fuck.

I groaned and closed my eyes again, trying to push my disappointment out of my mind. Then I smelled it; strawberries.

_Why the fuck would my pillow smell like strawberries?_

My eyes flew open again and I sat straight up, my mind racing with the possibilities. It had to be Bella; it had t be her smell on my pillow and in my bed.

My brown eyes were in my bed…and I don't remember jack shit.

Jack…._shit._

As soon as I remembered that fucking bottle of whisky, my hangover kicked in. Because that's exactly what I fucking needed then. Because my thought processes weren't already a thousand different kinds of fucked up. Then there was this loud fucking banging on my door. I looked up to see Jen's head peaking in.

"Honey? It's quarter after one, are you getting up now?"

"In a minute, I think."

Then she came in, carrying a mug and a bottle of Advil. Jen was my savior.

_In more ways that one._

She handed me the bottle, then handed me the cup when I got a few of the pills out. I took a deep sip of the coffee, and she sat on the edge of my bed. I pulled the covers up a little bit.

"Edward, you know you can come to me with anything, right?"

I nod.

"Well, honey, it's bothering me that there's something wrong and you won't tell me. I know you like to keep things to yourself, but sweetheart, you're starting to get a little self destructive."

"I'm fine. I just had a shitty week."

"Edward, you got drunk by yourself last night. That is not what someone who's fine does."

_Alice. I am going to fucking kill Alice._

She laughed lightly, "Alice didn't tell me; I just know my boy." She reached up and brushed the hair out of my eyes. "I'm glad you didn't go out, but I worry about you being alone so much. I don't want you to miss out on anything, okay?"

I sighed. We had had this conversation before, many times. Sometimes, I let myself forget that Jen's not really my mother, especially when she does shit like that; when she acts like she gives a shit about me. No matter how hard I try to push her away she doesn't let me.

Just like my mom.

She stood up again, and headed for the door.

"Sweetheart, I won't tell you're father, but get dressed okay? He's going to start looking for you in a little bit."

I get out of bed as carefully as I can. I do not need spunk all over my bed; pillow case is bad enough, and I head into my bathroom to take a shower. Under the hot water, I started getting pissed all over again. I had skipped Bio Thursday and Friday in order to forget about those fucking brown eyes, and how they were going on a date with Fucknewton. They probably kissed Fucknewton. I shuddered at the thought. But then I remembered my dream from last night. I felt real; kissing Bella felt real, as though I'd been doing it forever. I could almost feel the faint tingle from where her lips touched mine.

Vivid fucking dream.

I got out of the shower and went over to my closet when my foot kicks something hard. I pull my jeans on and bend down, pulling out the empty bottle of Jack.

_Why the fuck did I put the empty bottle in the closet?_

I shake my head again, and pull on a tee shirt before heading to the door bottle in hand to throw away. But I pause as soon as I reach the door; I can hear voices in the hallway.

Girl voices.

My twin was talking and laughing with my brown eyes.

I didn't want to see them yet. Either of them.

I set the bottle down next to my door and decide to do some homework. Hey Edward Cullen maybe an asshole, but he's an asshole with straight A's. I had to get out of this hell hole somehow.

I sit in the middle of my room, papers spread out around me for the rest of the afternoon. Jen comes up and tells me dinner's ready, but I don't join them; Bella probably stayed. A while later, I finish up, and the house sounds quiet so I grab the bottle and take it downstairs. I can hear the TV in the living room, and as I make it into the kitchen, I can see Alice in the dining room with her books spread out on the table.

Good. My brown eyes went home.

I put the bottle in the recycling bin and grab the plate that Jen left for me from the fridge. No one notices as I take my plate and retreat back up to my room. I round the corner, and I was not prepared for what I saw on the landing.

My brown eyes, leaving the guest room, getting ready to go home.

She looks up at me, momentarily startled, but when she meets my eye, her gaze goes all soft and shit, and my brown eyes look like…

Brownies?

Yeah, they looked like the best fucking brownies you've ever had in your entire life. I had to fight the urge to push her up against the wall right then.

"Hey," she said smiling slightly.

"Bella."

Her face fell, and I kind of felt bad, but I didn't get what the big deal was. I went to walk past her and get into my fucking room, but as I did I felt her finger tips brush my arm and a burst of electricity ran through my whole body. I turned to look at her, and she just had this totally understanding and…what the hell was that?

Affectionate. It was complete fucking affection in her brown eyes.

Fuck. No.

"Look, kid, I don't know what you're deal is, but just stay the fuck away from me okay? Don't talk to me in Bio, don't look at me while you're in my house. Just stay the fuck out of my way."

Her face fell, and my brown eyes looked broken.

_Shit, what the fuck have I done?_

She turned away from me and was done the stairs before I even knew what hit me. I am such a fucking idiot. I slammed the door to my room as I heard the rumble of Bella's truck as she drove away. Why the hell did I do that? She hadn't done anything wrong; she said hi to me. What the hell's the harm in that? God, I need to get my shit together with this girl. I have to fix this, and Monday was too far away. And then I realized I didn't want to fix this for Alice; I didn't even want to fix this for me. I wanted this for Bella; because my brown eyes should never hurt like that.

That's just not okay.

**BPOV**

_Don't cry, Bella just don't cry…you're almost home._

_Charlie can't know you're upset. Don't Cry._

I pulled into my drive way, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep the tears at bay. When I walked in the house, I paused briefly, trying to figure out where Charlie was. Then I heard his faint snoring coming from the living room over the TV.

Thank God.

I went up the stairs as quietly as I could; I didn't need him waking up because I wasn't sure I'd be able to speak to him without breaking down. I shut the door to my room and the tears started to fall. I couldn't believe that he'd been so _mean._ What on earth had I done to deserve that? I was just going to ask if he was feeling okay. I thought that last night would have made a difference.

I guess I thought wrong.

I changed into some sleep shorts and a tee shirt, throwing open my window. I went to go up pack when I saw the sweatshirt Alice had given me on the floor, and I pulled it over my head. I needed the smell to comfort me, and it was like the second it touched my skin, I felt infinitely better. I was putting my bag back up in my closet when I heard a thump behind me. There's a tree outside my room, so I assumed it was just the branches scraping against the house. But then the branch said my name.

"Bella?"

I froze at the sound of his voice. I was imagining this, right? I turned very, very slowly. Edward Cullen was in my room. His hair was darkened from the rain, and hanging into his eyes and I followed the line down to his cheeks, which were flushed, probably from climbing the tree.

"What are you doing here?" My voice sounded flat. Good. He deserved it.

"B-Bella, I came to; wait is that my sweatshirt?"

I looked down at the hoodie, and it never occurred to me that it was anyone's other than Alice's. I quickly pulled it back over my head and tossed it to him. He caught it and then stared at me, his eyes glowing with intensity. He threw it back to me.

"You better put it back on, unless you want a problem on your hands."

I did as he said, but this time more he had asked me to. It seems that no matter what this kid says to me; no matter how bad he makes me feel, I'll listen to him.

I am so sick.

"There. Now will you leave?"

"No."

"I'll scream."

"No, you won't. You would've done it by now."

"I don't want you here."

"Yes you do."

"What makes you so sure?"

He shrugged, "You didn't scream."

He had a point; and he made me realize that I _did_ want him there. He was still staring at me, but this time I could see worry and concern in his eyes. I went to sit on the edge of my bed and I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to tell me whatever it is he came here to tell me. He let out a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Look, this is really hard for me, and I don't usually do shit like this, so if I completely fuck it up go with me, okay?"

I nodded. This should be good.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted back there. It was completely uncalled for, and I regret it. I really do, Bella. You didn't deserve that; in fact you never did anything do deserve any of the shit I've given you. It's just—there's just…something about you that makes me want to be around you and it scared the shit out of me. I don't make friends, Bella. I just don't. And I never wanted any more until last Tuesday. That's why I've been pushing you away; I'm just completely freaked out."

"That's not an excuse."

He looked back at me, shocked. He obviously expected me to just take whatever he threw my way

"Edward, just because you're afraid doesn't mean that you can treat me like shit," Ugh, my voice was starting to crack, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "I m-mean, what's the p-point of e-even trying if y-you're just going to screw uh-up again?"

I couldn't look at him anymore. It hurt too much. Even though I knew he was probably just saying what he thought I wanted to hear, what surprised me eve more was how much I actually did want to hear it. Edward telling me he wanted to be my friend was what I had been wanting all along. Then something occurred to me.

"You're only here because of Alice, aren't you?"

He took a few steps over to me until he was kneeling, his green eyes locked on mine, looking all cute and concerned.

"No, Bella." He whispered, putting his hands on my knees, "I'm here because I want to be. They think I'm spending the night at Jasper's."

"Why didn't you just tell them you were coming here?"

"Because I didn't know how long it would take for you to accept my apology, and I wasn't going to leave until you had." He paused, then that perfect crooked smile swept across his face, "And I didn't think my parents would have appreciated it if I told them I was planning on breaking into the Chief's house."

I had to laugh at that. It was kind of silly. But it was so freaking…sweet. He risked being killed and breaking and entering charges for me; just to apologize to me.

I melted. I smiled a little at him, and he seemed relieved.

"Okay. But if we're going to be friends, you have to be a little bit nicer, okay? I don't want anymore of this fake, bipolar mood swings. It's giving me whiplash."

"You got it, Bella brownie. And you have permission to tell me when to shut the fuck up."

"Bella brownie?"

He looked like the kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar…or in this case, the brownie jar.

"Sorry, it just kind of slipped out…your eyes, they're so…brown."

I laughed. "It's just funny because you called me Bella brownie last night. I didn't think you would remember."

His face twisted in confusion, and I could tell that he didn't remember. He didn't remember any of it; not the kitchen, not his bedroom, not holding each other…not even the kiss. But then I saw him reach a hand up to touch his lips.

"You were in my bed last night, weren't you?"

I felt myself start to blush. "Only for a little while; just until you fell asleep." He was staring at me, and I was starting to get self conscious. "You were so drunk, and you obviously needed someone to take care of you, and then you pulled me into the bed. I didn't stay for long; just until you fell asleep."

"You put the bottle in the closet?"

"I'm glad you found it."

He nodded then stood up and I started to panic. I didn't want him to leave just yet. "Where are you going?"

He flicked off the light and locked the door. "Relax, Bella brownie, I'm just repaying the favor. I had a shitty day yesterday, and now you're having one. This is what friends do."

Edward came back around to the side of the bed and pulled the covers up for me. I slid under, and I can't say I didn't wonder if he was still drunk. I mean, could this really be happening? Could Edward Cullen really be getting into bed with me…_sober?_ Then he crawled in next to me, wrapping us both up in the blankets just like last night. He pulled me back into his chest and I wrapped my arms around him, pushing my fingers into his soft hair.

"Night, Bells."

"Night, Edward."

He exhaled, resting his chin on my head and rubbing the same circles into my lower back. Thank God he remembered to lock the door; the chief definitely would not approve of this little sleepover. Then he started humming softly to me and before I knew it, I was drifting off into one of the best night's sleeps I'd ever had.

_What the hell was I doing?_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Hey guys!! Thanks soooo much for all of the add's and reviews from the last one!! Seriously, it was kind of intense, but in a good way!! You guys are the best! This one's kind of short, but I really wanted to do something for you guys for being so sweet! Hope you like it!! =]_

Chapter 7

**EPOV**

I was terrified that going to see Bella last night would be a mistake. Like I said, I have no duty to her; she's just some chick that my sister happened to be friends with. But on the drive over, I realized that Bella might be the kind of person _I _wanted to be friends with. So for whatever reason, I was nervous that maybe I had fucked things up so considerably that she wouldn't want anything more to do with me. And that shit kind of freaked me out.

I pushed my nose into the top of Bella's head and took a deep breath. Her smell was so fucking incredible; almost better than staring into my brown eyes and it just wrapped all around me, making me feel completely calm for the first time in a very long time. She had said in my arms the entire night, and I can't say I wasn't fucking pleased. The thing is; Edward Cullen doesn't cuddle with chicks, let alone chicks he hasn't fucked. But for some reason, falling asleep with Bella in my arms was more gratifying than fucking Stanley every hour on the hour for the rest of my life.

_What the hell is happening to me?_

I looked at the clock on the night stand, and I realized that the Chief would be up soon. The asshole in me wanted him to see, just out of sheer curiosity to see what he'd do. But I knew that Bella would get in trouble, too, and I couldn't get my brown eyes grounded; I wouldn't be able to see them. I started rubbing Bella's back to see if she'd wake up enough so that I could say bye, but she just groaned a little and buried her face in my chest.

"Bella? Are you awake?"

She mumbled.

"B, I gotta go, okay? The chief's gonna wake up soon; we don't want to get caught."

"Let him see."

I had to laugh. She was obviously still asleep; she wouldn't be that bold if she were awake."

"Another time, Bella brownie. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"mmm."

I carefully extracted myself from her arms, and pulled the covers back up around her. She looked so fragile, laying there. I pushed the hair off her forehead, and she sighed.

"Edward…"

Holy fuck she said my name.

Then her little brow furrowed, and I could see her little hands moving across the space I'd just left. I panicked and tucked the pillow I had used under her arm, and she snuggled up with it like a little kid. It was kind of cute.

I slipped back out the window and down the tree and started the walk around the block to where I had stashed my car. I couldn't exactly park it in front of her house, could I? I checked my cell once I got in, and I had a bunch of missed calls from Jasper. I decided to head to his place; after all, I was supposed to be there.

It only took a few minutes, because he and Bella lived pretty close together, and once I pulled into his drive way, I realized that I had no idea what I was going to tell him. I couldn't just blurt it all out, right?

Holy shit, what the fuck am I doing?

Whatever. Jasper's my friend; practically my only friend up until a few hours ago. I should be able to tell him this. What the fuck's the big deal?

I found the front door open, so I let myself in and went straight up to his room. That fucking asshole was still asleep. I decided that if I had to get up early, he did too, so I made my way over to the side of his bed, and I had to stop dead in my tracks.

That shit head had a picture of my sister next to his bed.

Loser.

I'm going to enjoy this way too much.

"Hey, asshole! Alice is downstairs, and she needs clothes. She fucking naked down there, and I'd help her but she's my sister, so—"

That idiot shot out of bed so fast, I thought I might have gotten whiplash. His eyes scanned the room frantically, and he was panting.

"Alice? Downstairs? Naked? What the fuck Cullen? Why didn't you call first? Shit. I'm not prepared for this—"

He trailed off running his hands through his crazy bed head. My sides hurt from laughing so hard. I think I might have even started to cry.

"You asshole. Your sister's down there naked, and you're laughing? What kind of brother are you?"

"The kind that doesn't let his twin run around naked on a Sunday morning; even if it is for his best friend."

Something seemed to click in his head, and I knew that the joke was over. He sighed, and his posture slumped. "You're such a dick, Cullen. Such a fucking dick."

"Whatever, Whitlock. You're over it."

He flopped back down onto the bed, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"So what's up dipshit? Where were you last night?"

I hesitated slightly. He noticed. "Where the hell were you?"

"I was with…a chick."

"A chick?"

"A chick."

"What chick?"

"What do you mean 'what chick'? Why does it matter?"

"Because the Edward Cullen that I know doesn't spend the night with _a chick_. So either it's someone or I'm in a really good version of _Invasion of the Body Snatchers."_

"I was with Bella."

"Bella. The new girl? You fucked the new girl? Shit. What about fucknewton?"

"I didn't fuck her, we just…um, we just kind of fell asleep…and I happened to be holding her."

He quirked an eyebrow at me and I sighed. I was going to have to tell him obviously.

"I said some pretty fucked up shit to her when she was leaving my house yesterday, so I went to apologize. She accepted, and I ended up in bed with her. But we didn't fuck."

I heard him snicker at me.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that this girl must be some kind of wonderful to get the almighty Edward Cullen so wrapped around her little finger."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dude, seriously?"

I nodded.

"You've got it bad for Bella."

_Wait, What? There's no way in hell I have those feelings for my brown eyes. I don't feel that way for anybody. I'm Edward fucking Cullen._

"No. no. There's no way. I was just comforting her; I'd do the same for Alice."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't crawl into bed with Alice and cuddle, would you?"

I grimaced in disgust.

"Exactly. You've got it hard for Little Bella….you know, it all makes sense now; why you've been avoiding her, why you've been so fucking moody…"

"I haven't been moody. I'm just…it's just…there's a lot of fucking shit happening. This week; it's just been a lot."

He nodded in understanding. "Edward, she would want this for you. She would want you to have someone to love."

Love.

_Love._

No. No. There's no way that I could ever feel that. Especially for Bella. She, like Jen, Alice and my mother, were way to good for me. I didn't deserve any of them, but for some reason they kept me around. They'd all jump ship eventually, I know that. I don't deserve anyone feeling that way about me.

It was then that I felt Jasper staring at me, and I got embarrassed for even thinking those things in the presence of another person.

"Listen, I Do Not Have Feelings For Bella. She is a friends, and that's it."

"Yeah, whatever man."

We sat there in silence for a minute, and then I realized something.

"I've never been friends with a girl before."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Why the fuck did I tell her we could be friends?"

"Like I said, you've got it bad for her. Now, this guy I knew once gave me some advice, and now I'm going to give it to you: Grow a pair and tell her."

I looked at Jasper, totally and completely in shock.

"It's not the same."

"It's completely the same."

"I don't feel that way about Bella."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Now I was just pissed. I had to go. He wasn't helping me sort this shit out.

"Whatever. I'm leaving. Thanks for covering for me."

He pulled the covers back up, and turned away from the door, "That's what I do. Later, Cullen."

I didn't respond; I just got in my car and drove back home. There's absolutely no way I can feel…_love_ for Bella. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure I even like her; it's more of a placid indifference.

_Except for when she looks at me, or when I see her touching Fucknewton, or when she holds me, or when she moans my name…_

Fuck.

I'm falling for my brown eyes.

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning hugging a pillow.

Boo.

I was hoping for the real thing.

Part of me knew Edward wouldn't stay; but surprisingly, I was far more let down than I thought I would be. I got up and went through my morning routine, the entire time thinking of Edward. The things he said last night still resonated in my mind, and I couldn't get over how sweet he'd been. Could he really be turning over a new leaf?

No, probably not.

Monday, he'd probably be back to normal, and Bella brownie would be a thing of the past. I made breakfast for myself, and read a little for English. It passed the time, and it kept me from dreading tomorrow too much. I kind of wanted to stay in the weekend forever because that way I could have Edward—_my _Edward—with me that much longer. I knew I shouldn't be thinking these things for him; I mean, if I'd learned anything during my short time in Forks, it was that Edward Cullen isn't attached to anyone. But he had been friends with Jasper forever; and if all those girls wanted to be with him, he couldn't be _that_ bad, right?

Oh My God.

All those girls who wanted to be with him…he could probably charm the panties off of a nun. Could that be it? Was Edward just being nice to me to get in my pants? But if that was true, why hadn't he tried anything last night? My mind started piecing together what little I did know of Edward, most of which I'd learned through Alice—

Alice.

She was the one girl he definitely wouldn't—couldn't—sleep with. Maybe that's what I was to him; just another sister. For some reason, the thought of Edward _not _wanting to get in my pants hurt more. I knew then that I was falling fast and hard for Edward Cullen; the one boy I shouldn't, the one boy who would definitely break my heart. But for whatever reason, I just didn't care. Edward could break me hundreds of thousands of times, and I would still keep coming back.

I'm his.

Charlie and I ate pizza together for dinner, and I told him all about my date with Mike and the sleepover with Alice, but I left out all of the parts with Edward. I didn't think he'd really appreciate those bits so much. We did the dishes together, and then I went upstairs to get ready for bed. I checked my phone right before I turned out the light, and I saw that I had a new text.

Mike.

Oh. I totally forgot about him.

_Hey, beautiful!_

_You. Me. Dinner. Tuesday. _

_I won't take no for an answer._

_;-)_

_Ugh, I can't believe he did the winking smiley face._

I clicked 'reply' and I sat there for awhile, thinking about what I could say. There's no reason why I couldn't go out with Mike Tuesday; I mean, yeah, I had feelings for Edward, but honestly, I don't think he feels the same way. Besides, I did say I'd see him again, right?

_Sounds good. _

_See you tomorrow!_

I kinda can't believe I just did that. But then again, why was I feeling disloyal to someone who might not even remember anything we said this weekend?

I could hardly sleep that night, I was so freaking nervous.

I dashed in and out of the shower, threw on some clothes and was out the door before I even heard a peep out of Charlie. The anticipation was killing me; I just had to see him. My truck made it to school, and I threw it in park, hopping out as quickly as I could. I scanned the parking lot quickly.

But he wasn't there.

"Hey, Bella!"

I turned around glumly, "Hey, Alice."

Her tiny feature scrunched up into a frown, "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine, I was just looking for—"

"Hey, Bella brownie, what's up?"

The sound of his voice made my heart skip a beat, and I felt completely elated. I turned back, and sure enough Edward was standing maybe a foot away from me, that perfect crooked smile on his lips.

I managed a casual, "Hi, Edward."

"Bella brownie?"

We both turned to look at her, and I tried to grasp at words to cover the embarrassment. Alice leaned into me, peering closely, and then she laughed.

"You're right, Twin. They do look like brownies!"

She started to laugh harder, and Edward Just rolled his eyes at her. Then he leaned down so that his mouth was right beside my ear.

"Sorry, B, It slipped."

I gave him a little "all is forgiven" smile, which he returned, but then I watched his face pull down into a scowl. Asshole Edward was back.

With a vengeance.

Who the hell had a death wish at eight in the morning?

"Bells, I'll pick you up at six on Tuesday. School night, yah know?"

I nodded in Mike's direction and attempted to smile. I think it might have looked like I was in pain. Mike smiled back, and headed into school.

"Twin!" Alice yelled, "Wipe that dumb ass look off your face. Bella can date Newton if she wants to. You have nothing to say about it."

He grimaced in her direction, then sighed looking down at me.

"C'mon, Bella let's get to class."

I waved a quick good bye to Alice, and Edward and I walked stiffly side-by-side into school. I chanced a glance up at him, and he had a less menacing version of his scowl on his face.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon. We're friends, right? You can tell me."

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning up against the bank of lockers in front of our bio room.

"I hate fucknewton."

"I think the feeling's mutual."

"I know it is."

"Okay…"

"So I don't like you hanging out with him."

"Edward, we might be friends now, but you can't dictate who I can or cannot see. Drop it, okay?"

His bright green eyes flipped open, and I noticed instantly that they were ablaze with intensity, but before I could discover the source of all this emotion, he had closed them back up.

_Oh, well._

"Okay. It's dropped. Let's get in there, okay?"

He smiled a little at me, and I have him one back before he held the door to the room open for me. The period went by really well. We laughed and talked all through the class, and Edward ignored Jessica Stanley.

It was freaking awesome.

The mood changed abruptly though, right before lunch. I was running late after English, and I was headed out to my locker. It was really, really quite, and I was the only one in the hall way. I just wanted to hurry up so that I could get around people. It was just that kind of creepy silence, you know?

"Hello, Bella."

The sound of Mike's voice behind me made me jump, but I recovered quickly.

"Geez, Mike! You scared me. Why aren't you at lunch?"

"You didn't come in yet, so I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I nodded, and then took a better look at Mike's face. His normally jovial blue eyes were dark with anger and his mouth was pulled into a tight line.

Uh-oh. This is not good.

"Mike, what's wrong?"

"I thought we had something, Bella."

"W-what?"

"Don't play dumb, Bella. I know you're fucking Cullen."

Oh my God. Mike was moving slowly toward me, and I started getting nervous. I wanted to scream at him; tell him that he had no right to feel like thins, but I couldn't find my voice. I was completely frozen. He pushed me back into the lockers, with his hands on either side of my face, his hips holding me into place.

"Yeah, everybody fucks Cullen. But he can't satisfy them. He pops your cherry then moves along. I'd do it better; I know I do it better." He thrust his hips into mine, and I winced as my ass pounded into the locker. "And now I'm gonna show you just how good I can do it."

_Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod. Please…please…help._

I felt the tears start to leak out of my eye, as one of Mike's hands found its way up my shirt and started groping my breast, while the other pushed my face up, exposing my neck.

"I'm gonna fuck every thought you've ever had about _him_ right out of that pretty little head of yours. The only person you're gonna be able to think of is me."

I let out a sob as I felt the hand that had been under my shirt slip down to the waist band of my pants.

"Please, Mike. Don't…Please…"

But instead of Mike's response, all I heard was:

"Get your fucking hands off of her. Now."

_A/N: I know, I know, cliff hanger!! It was just a good place to stop, but I promise I'll have another chapter up tomorrow, so you won't have to wait too long!! Don't forget to review, guys!! =]_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Ok, so I got a few PM's about the last chapter, so I'm gonna clear up some things: No, Mike Newton is not bipolar, and no, he did not suffer a psychotic break at some point in between first period and lunch. He just hates Edward _that much._ I probably should have back-storied this, but Mike's been coming in second to Edward forever, and B was the first shot he had to get anything first. So yeah, Mike's an idiot…they don't call him Fucknewton for nothing…_

_But anyways…You guys are freaking amazing, did I mention that?? I love love love all of your reviews, and I love that your taking the time to do that; I know I tell you this in your replies, but it really appreciate hearing from you guys. Oh, and I wanted to let you know, that as of this afternoon, the story's gotten over 2500 hits…I almost peed my pants when I saw that. So thanks, to all of you who've been with me from the beginning, and Welcome aboard to everyone else._

_Sorry about the long note; I just had a lot to say. =]_

_And I don't own this; Stephenie Meyer does… _

Chapter 8

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe my fucking eyes.

Fucknewton had my brown eyes—my Bella, up against the lockers, like he was just gonna fuck her in the middle of the day. I was ready to just rip them apart, because I don't care how badly you want to fuck; at least take it to the parking lot.

But as I got closer, I saw tears streaming down Bella's cheeks, and I heard that ass wipe saying something about 'doing it better than Cullen' (yeah, okay…), and then her telling him to stop. Well, fuck that shit; if he hadn't stopped by now, he probably wasn't going to. So I did what I had to; I told him to stop.

"Get your fucking hands off of her. Now."

Newton's head jerked over in my direction, and a sick smile crept across his face.

"What're you gonna do, Cullen? I know you already got in on this, how about sharing?"

My hands clenched into tight fists, and before I was even aware of what I was doing, I had Newton off my brown eyes, and suspended a few inches off the ground. As soon as I was sure he'd let go of her, I slammed him back in the lockers, making sure he was looking directly into my eyes.

"You fucking dipshit, you have no fucking clue about Bella and me. Now you touched her, and I am gonna fuck you up so bad, no one will ever want to come near that shriveled up thing you call a dick again."

I saw his eyes widen in fear, and I was about to make good on that when I felt a hand on my arm.

"No worries, Little brother. I've got it from here."

I looked at Emmett, and I noticed that he looked just as livid as I felt. "Newton hasn't been acquainted with my fist yet. Take care of Bella."

At the sound of her name, I dropped Fucknewton, and he fell to the ground. He tried to get away, but Emmett caught him.

Idiot.

**Bella**.

I looked to where we had left her, and she was sitting in a heap, crying. I fucking broke my heart. I wanted to puke; it hurt so bad watching her. I sat down beside her, not sure what she would want me to do. I put a hand on her back and she flinched a little, but then once she realized it was me, she threw her little arms around my neck and clung to me.

"Bella, It's okay. He's gone. It's okay."

She was sobbing into my shirt now, and I could feel it getting wet, but I didn't fucking care. If that's what my brown eyes needed, that's what they would get.

"Oh my god, Edward. Oh my god. What the hell have I done?"

"You? Bella brownie, you haven't done anything. He's an ass hole. It's not you're fault."

"I-I'm so sorry."

_Ok, what?_

"What are you talking about?"

"I should have listened to you, about-t h-him, but I didn't. I'm so s-sorry."

"Bella, please you're being ridiculous." I pulled her closer to me, so that she was in between my legs and I could hold onto her tighter. "If this is anyone's fault it's mine. I should have kept a closer eye on you two. I knew he hated me; I knew it was only a matter of time before you got caught in the cross fire."

I couldn't believe that I'd almost let this happen. I was such a fuck up. What almost happened to my brown eyes…I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that.

"Edward?"

Bella's voice broke through my brooding, and I looked down at her.

"Do I have to go to lunch?"

I laughed a little, "Of course not, Bella brownie. I'll take you home okay?"

She nodded at me and we stood up. She was a little bit unsteady, so I put an arm around her waist and walked right out of that place. As I made my way over to the Volvo, I could faintly hear Emmett screaming at Newton. I knew that he couldn't really kill him, or even beat him up too badly; he didn't want assault charges, but that didn't mean I didn't wish it could happen. I let her into the passenger side, and we drove away. I hoped she could forget this, that it wouldn't be part of her forever. That one day, it could be just a bad dream.

But right now, she just looked so fucking fragile.

Her hair was a mess on her head, and her cheeks were tearstained and red. She had her arms wrapped tightly across her chest, and her knee was bouncing a little.

"Edward, you don't hate me now, do you?"

"Of course not."

"You don't have to lie."

"I know that. That's why I don't"

She looked at me, and I could see the pain in my perfect brown eyes. I wanted to puke and cry all over again. We were silent as we rounded the corner onto her street. I didn't know what to say; I had absolutely no experience (for once) with this. I pulled into the drive way and cut the engine. I was going to help her in, whether she wanted me to or not, but she didn't seem like she was ready to get out yet. Her eyes were trained on the house, and she was picking at the hem of her purple top. Suddenly, her eyes flicked over to me in horror.

"What am I going to do on Tuesday?"

"Ummm, I don't know Bella, what?"

"I have a date with Mike…I can't face him after that!"

Her eyes started welling up again, and she buried her face in her hands. Honestly, this girl is too ridiculous.

"Bella, there's no way in hell you're going out with Fucknewton tomorrow night."

"But…But…"

"B, he just tried to rape you in the middle of school. Do you really want to be alone with him tomorrow night?"

She shook her head.

"I didn't think so. C'mon, let's get you inside."

I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.

"It's okay. You don't have to do that."

"No, Bella, I want to. Just let me help you."

"It's not your responsibility. I don't _belong_ to you, Edward."

"Well, maybe you should."

Her eyes flicked back to mine, and for the first time ever, they looked completely dead. I shouldn't have said that. I knew it. I fucking knew it. Bella didn't say anything though. She just opened the door, shut it behind her, and I watched her stumble into her house. I didn't help her.

I fucking knew it.

I fucking knew it.

I drove away from her house, and to be honest I never wanted to see her again. This shit hurt. How do people do this? I mean, they make movies and write books about this shit, but what the fuck makes it so special? I started falling for a girl—No. Not just any girl; _the _girl, and she rejected me. No, wait, that's not true. I wasn't even worth rejecting because she didn't want to waste the words on someone like me.

I was a fuck up.

This is what I deserved.

I didn't even realize where I was going until I saw the gray waves against the gray horizon. I launched myself from the car, and stood right on the edge of the cliff. My toes were hanging over the edge, and it would only have taken a slight sway to push myself over the edge. Minimal effort; just how I like it.

As I looked at the water churning below, I thought about Bella and my brown eyes. Everything was so fucked up now. Ever since the night I had that dream, my entire world was upside down; I couldn't go back to being the person I was, but this guy I was now definitely wasn't going to fly. Bella had turned me into the kind of guy I used to pity, and I hated it. I hated feeling like this; exposed, vulnerable. Edward Cullen wasn't supposed to feel shit like this. I fuck the girl, and then leave her. I do not get hurt. But this time, my brown eyes let me fall for them, and they left me. I wonder if all the chicks I dick around with feel this way? Or was it just sex for them? Fuck, now she had me feeling guilty for past lays.

Fuck.

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the wind blow over me.

It would only take a slight sway to push me over the edge…

**BPOV**

Thank God for Edward Cullen.

Once I heard his voice, I immediately calmed down because I knew he would save me; he was the only one who could save me. He put his arms around me, he held me close, he said all the right things. He put me back together. And then he said the one thing I didn't even know I had been longing to hear:

"_Well, maybe you should."_

My heart would have leapt out of my chest, were it not for my rib cage. I wanted that; I wanted to be his. I already was, he just didn't know it. But hearing him say the words; I panicked. I mean, what do I have to offer Edward Cullen? He's gorgeous, smart, and did I mention beautiful? And I'm just plain, boring, average Bella.

Why would he want me?

So I stumbled out of his car, thinking to myself that if he had meant that, he would follow me.

But he didn't.

He just peeled out of my driveway and left. He realized that he could do better than me. I knew it was true, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

A lot.

I pulled myself up the stairs and got into the shower. I had to wash off the Mike Newton cooties. I can't believe that I had ever thought we could be happy together. Who knew he had that side to him? Apparently, Edward did. He did try and tell me to stay away from him.

_OFEC._

Oh, God. Forget OFEC. I am so beyond OFEC it isn't even funny. Needless to say, Mission: failed. Edward Cullen consumes every thought in my being; forgetting him would be like trying not to breathe. It couldn't be done.

I finished up in the shower, and pulled on a pair of old sweat pants, a tank top and Edward's sweatshirt. I still loved it; even if things between me and its owner were hopelessly screwed up. I went downstairs to make myself some toast, and I thought about everything that Edward and I had been through in the last week.

Crap, I'd only known the kid for a week, and he'd completely turned my world upside down. I mean, in that short span of time, he'd made my world revolve around him and his every thought. I wonder if all the girls he'd paid any kind of attention to felt this way about him.

Probably.

It was a joke to think that I was unique to him. How could I be?

My toast popped up, and I put some jelly on it. I was just about to start eating when I heard the rumble of my truck coming down the street.

_What the hell?_

I leaned out the window just as it was pulling into the driveway, and watched as Jasper Whitlock exited my vehicle.

To repeat an earlier thought; _What the hell?_

I raced to the door, and opened it just as he was about to knock. He hit my nose instead.

"God, Bella! What'd you do that for? Are you okay? Fuck, I'm so sorry."

He was crinkling his face up in worry and I just rubbed my nose lightly. "It's okay, Jasper. You didn't mean it. What are you doing here?"

"Dropping off your truck. Emmett told me Edward took you home, and you needed your truck so I drove it over here. Where is he, anyway?"

"How did you get it here? I have the only key." I ignored that part about Edward on purpose.

He looked beyond me and answered distractedly, "I hotwired it. Seriously, where's Cullen?"

I looked down at my feet, "He left."

Jasper's eyes were boring into me, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"What'd you mean he left?"

"Just that."

He scoffed, running a hand through his tangled blonde hair, "Little Bella, there's no way he would just leave you."

I felt the tears start to well up again, "Well, h-he d-did, so.."

"Aw, geez Bella, I didn't mean to—"

He cut himself off and pulled me into his chest. He didn't smell as good as Edward. It was nice, but just not as good. Jasper pushed me back into the house, and led us over to the couch, where he perched me on his lap. He tucked my head into his shoulder and started rubbing circles into my back. It didn't feel as good as when Edward did it.

"What happened?" His voice was soft and comforting, and I could tell he wanted to fix it for me.

"It's so embarrassing."

"It's okay. I'm friends with Cullen, remember? I've heard more embarrassing shit that I could shake a stick at."

I laughed a little, and told him everything; about meeting Edward, OFEC, Bella brownie, that run in on the stairs, coming in my window, to just before, in his silver Volvo. When I finished, Jasper was staring straight ahead, and for a while he didn't say anything.

"Bella, I don't think you realize how much you mean to him; it's definitely more that I thought."

"Please; How could you say that? He's Edward Cullen, remember? Love 'em and leave 'em Edward Cullen. I was so stupid to think that he wanted _anything_ from me."

"No, you're wrong. Edward doesn't make friends. The only people he's hung around with since the accident are me, Alice, Rose and Emmett. That's it. Sure, he's been with just about every skirt in this town, but like Alice says, it's his coping mechanism. You have to understand, he was a lot closer to his mother than the others were. When she died; he died, too."

"Yeah, but he's good at this. He probably does it to all the girls."

"Yeah, okay, Bella Brownie. What'd he call Mallory? Lemon Bar Lauren?"

I shrugged. You never know.

"No, Bella. You're it. He's into you; he just doesn't know how to do this. He's _never_ done this. You have to be patient. Trust me; the real Edward is worth it."

He looked at me in earnest and I knew he was right. I had to get to get Edward and talk to him. We had to sort this out. I think that I already knew everything Jasper was saying, but I just needed to hear someone say it.

"I have to see him."

"Yeah, you do."

I nodded and sprang from Jasper's lap to grab my keys.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"You think you could drop me at home?"

He smiled sheepishly at me. "Yeah, I think I could do that."

He smiled back at me, but his expression changed and I watched him pull his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans. His face looked confused as he looked at the screen.

"Alice?"

_Alice?_

"No, I'm with Bella. Why?...Dropping off her truck, he took her--…what'd you mean?...No, I have no idea…did you call him?...yeah, okay, I will. Bye."

He looked back up at me, and I could see fear reflected in his eyes.

Oh no.

Oh no, Please. Please.

No.

"Bella, Edward didn't go home. No one can find him."

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

This cannot be happening.

"Jasper, where would he go if he didn't go home?"

I watched as Jasper pursed his lips in concentration, then he shook his head.

"I don't know Bella. He's never done anything like this; he always picks up for Alice. Unless…"

"What?"

"He might be down at La Push. He used to go there with his mother, but now I don't think he ever goes. He was talking about it recently though."

"Where?"

"First Beach. Do you know it?"

I nodded. Charlie used to take me there when I was little. I could find it if I had to; and right now I definitely had to.

I raced out the door with Jasper quick on my heels. The entire ride over to his house, Jasper kept saying that he would come with me, but I knew that this was something I had to do alone. It was between Edward and I; no one else.

I dropped him off, and after saying I quick thank you, I figured I owed him one for helping me out. "Listen, I know I'm kind of breaking girl code, but I thought you should know: I think Alice would really like it if you gave her a call this weekend; maybe took her out or something."

His whole face lit up like I had just told him he won the lottery and that Santa was real.

"You think?"

I laughed, "No, I _know."_

He beamed at me and shut the door, bolting into the house. As soon as I could I was rumbling down the street headed toward La Push. I really, really wished my car would just go faster. I mean, didn't it know I was trying to get the guy?

Apparently not, since it refused to go over 55.

What seemed like an eternity later, I turned off onto First Beach, and I was relieved to see the familiar silver Volvo parked on the grass. My relief was short lived though, when I didn't see Edward. I parked my truck and got out quickly, scanning the area for him. I was starting to panic as I walked over to the Cliffside, but then I saw a familiar tuft of bronze colored hair blowing in the breeze, and I thank every deity ever known to man. He was sitting Indian style at the edge, his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he watched the waves crashing in below. I made my way over to him slowly, and I was suddenly nervous. But at the same time, I knew that there wasn't any place else I would want to be.

I plopped down next to him, letting my feet dangle over the edge of the cliff.

"Edward?"

Nothing.

"Edward?"

This time his eyes flicked over to look at me, and the sight of him took my breath away. He looked so, so sad. His eyes were filled with pain, and hurt, but at the edges, seeping in through the rest of it, I saw…love.

And that was all I needed.

"I'm so sorry. I just didn't know what to say, you know? I mean, I wanted to hear you say that to me _so bad _you have no idea, but when you actually did, I panicked. I have no idea why you would feel that way about me; I'm just so average, and you're so not, and I could never even compare, but Edward, if the offer still stands, I want that…but I think it's only fair to tell you that I was always yours; you just didn't know it."

He didn't say anything; he just turned back to look at the sea, letting out a deep sigh.

'Bella, do you know why I come up here?"

"Jasper said you used to come up here with your mother."

He nodded, "Do you know what happened to her?"

"No." I did, but something told me I had to hear it from him.

"When I was seven, my parents went away for their anniversary, and on the way home, Carlisle lost control, and they crashed. Carlisle was okay; just a few broken bones, but my Mom. God Bella, she was so fucking broken." His head bowed at the memory, and I started rubbing his knee. He pulled it away.

"She had so many surgeries, and they had to resuscitate her so many fucking times. She was on a ventilator for a while. They said she was brain dead, but I knew she wasn't. Whenever I would sit in that room with her, I could just tell. Sometimes she would squeeze my hand a little, or smile sort of. She was in there. She was in there…"

His eyes squeezed shut, and I knew that this was only going to get worse.

"But Carlisle thought he knew better; he gave up on her, Bella. So he had them pull the fucking plug…"

I watched the tears start pouring from his face, and my heart ached and I wanted to puke. I hated that he walked around with all this pain; that he couldn't see that she was gone long before the doctors cut off her life support. I reached over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He didn't pull away this time.

"I begged him; I pleaded with him, because I knew she could come back. But he wouldn't listen to me. Bella, he just ignored me, and said he knew best. I let her down, you know? I fucking let her down."

"No, you didn't Edward. Not at all. She loved you so, so much. It's not your fault."

"I'm a fuck up, okay? I ruin everything. Her, my life, and if you hadn't pulled away, I could have ruined you, too. Thank God you're smarter than that."

"I'm not, though. Edward, I'm not. I won't let you do this. I won't let you go. Ever."

He sighed, but didn't move other than that. His arms were still limp at his sides, and that just made me hold onto him tighter.

Then I heard him whisper, "Bella, I'm gonna fuck up. It's inevitable. I'm gonna fuck up."

I lifted my eyes to look at him, and I felt my own tears welling up.

"No, you won't. I trust you. I won't let that happen. I won't"

He exhaled again, and I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me close. Relief flooded over me. He was mine; I was his. We were perfect.

"B, I've never done this before. I'm probably gonna be bad at it."

"No, you won't"

"I'll probably forget important dates."

"It doesn't matter."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

He leaned over and his lips brushed lightly against mine, then up my nose, where he suddenly froze.

"Bella brownie, what happened to your nose?"

_Okay, really?_

I sighed, "Jasper knocked it by accident when he dropped my truck off. It's nothing. Actually, he was the one who told me where to find you."

He traced one perfect finger across the bridge of my nose and then he kissed it lightly.

"Remind me to thank him, okay?"

Before I could respond, his mouth was crashing into mine, and I was completely swept up in everything. All of the hurt, anger and pain flew away, and we were only left with each other, and this kiss. It was even better than the first one (probably because I knew he'd remember it) and he tasted like tears and salt and Edward. I felt like I could do just about anything at that moment, and that I would do anything for him. There were fireworks, trumpets, hell, there was even a parade running through my mind.

All because Edward Cullen was kissing me.

Sober.

_Cue the happy dance._

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_A/N: So, I hope you guys liked this one…it was kind of hard to write, but I hope it came out okay...if you guys have question, let me know!!_

_=]_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Wow, you guys really worked overtime yesterday!! I have to tell you that yesterday ALONE, I got 1200 hits…cool beans, right? I felt the need to share because that wouldn't have happened without you guys, and__ I love you all just as much as Edward loves Bella (yeah, really that much)!!_

_So anywhoo, I got a few questions about length, and all I can say is that it's def not over yet. I have a few more things before I can call it a day with this one, and I hope you'll stick with me!! So take the time to review, because you know how much I love it, and I'll catch you guys tomorrow!! =]_

_Oh and one more thing: I don't own this; S. Meyer does_

Chapter 9

**EPOV**

I was kissing my brown eyes.

Nothing in the whole fucking world is better than kissing my brown eyes.

Bella was holding me in her arms, keeping me next to her, keeping me with her, and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. This was perfection; I hadn't felt this good in a very long time.

She wanted me; she wasn't leaving me.

I had her; she had me.

I really, really hope I don't fuck this up.

"B, are you cold? Do you want to go?"

She snuggled into my chest and sighed, "No, I'm fine."

I rubbed circles into her back and my mind started spinning again.

"Bella, are you sure this is what you want? I don't want to force you into anything; I wasn't gonna jump if that's why you said that stuff—"

She put her hand up to my lips, cutting off my sentence. "Edward, I know you're new at this, but it's not a good idea to try and break up with your girlfriend right after you get together."

My brown eyes sparkled back at me.

_**Girlfriend.**_

"So that's what we are?"

Holy shit.

I have a girlfriend.

I have a _girlfriend._

…

Bella must have noticed the uncertainty in my voice, because she started to look worried.

"Well, I mean, we don't have to be; if it freaks you out, it's fine. I don't mind."

She looked away from me, embarrassed, and I thought about someone else being here with her.

Yeah, fuck that.

"No, Bella brownie, that's what I want. You're mine, and I'm yours. You would know better than I the title that goes along with that."

She thought for a minute, her lips pursed. So fucking kissable. Then she nodded.

"Girlfriend. I'm definitely your girlfriend."

"Good. I like that."

I planted a kiss in her hair and she sighed. I swear to God, I could have stayed on the edge of that fucking cliff for the rest of my life if she would just stay there with me. I felt a few rain drops start to fall, but I didn't say anything. If she didn't want to go, then I didn't either.

"Edward, we should probably go; it's starting to rain."

"Ok, Bella brownie."

We stood up, brushing each other off, and I held her close to me as we walked to our cars. I honestly didn't want to let her go.

"So, Edward…"

"So, Bella…"

"My dad's going away on a fishing trip this weekend…"

Uh-oh

"Yeah…"

"And I'm supposed to ask if I can stay over at your house while he's away."

"Uh-huh…"

"So maybe we shouldn't tell him right away? I mean, I'm not ashamed of you, it's just he doesn't particularly like you, and—"

"Bella, I know the chief doesn't like me. Don't worry about it; you don't have to tell him about us until you're good and ready. Honestly, I don't care if anyone knows. As long as you're mine; it doesn't matter."

She smiled up at me, and I couldn't keep my lips off of her. Kissing Bella was a fucking religious experience; shrines should be erected in honor of this girl's lips, they're that fucking awesome. She pulled away after a minute, and snuggled back into my chest, so I held her. You know, I've been with a lot of chicks, and I've done pretty much everything under the fucking sun, but this; this was something completely different.

I've never done any of it with the corresponding emotions and everything was intensified. I wanted to hold Bella longer, I wanted to kiss her harder, I wanted to talk to her forever. If I could do all of those things at once, it would e that much better. But hey, a guy only has so many appendages. She pulled away, waving good-bye to me as she got into her truck and I followed her in the Volvo.

Here's the thing; when Bella's with me, I don't have to worry about anything because I can just get lost in her, and when she's making me feel. But now, sitting in my car alone, following her to her house, my mind starting to work again. I'm not boyfriend material; I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. How could she want this? She deserved better than this; so much better. I admit that I told Bella about my mother to try and scare her away; I thought that maybe if she could see what a rotten person I really was she would go away.

Because I really could fuck her up.

But my brown eyes have no sense of self preservation.

She pulled into her drive way and I continued driving to my house. I guess I had to go home eventually. They probably hadn't even noticed I was gone. But the moment I walked in the door, I heard Jen's voice calling me.

"Edward? Honey, is that you?"

She walked quickly into the foyer, pulling her glasses from her face before wrapping her arms around me.

"Honey, you had me so worried! Where were you?"

I looked down at her, "How did you even know I was gone."

"Emmett."

"Emmett?"

"Emmett. He got suspended for getting into a fight with Mike Newton. Apparently something about defending Bella's honor. Oh, well; Mike really should be used to it by now... Half the time I had to deal with his bloody noses in elementary school, he brought it on himself."

She was looking off into the distance, remembering Fucknewton as a kid. He was a shit; even then.

"So where were you?"

I pulled myself from her arms, and headed into the kitchen "La Push"

"Really?"

I nodded and went into the fridge, "Did we eat yet."

"No; your father's not home yet. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"But, Honey, you haven't been there since—"

"Yeah, I have I just didn't tell you."

She looked at me, her mouth hanging open a little, a hurt expression on her face. "Why not?"

I shrugged, "I didn't tell anybody. It's personal."

Fuck, that hurt her. Her shoulders slumped a little, and she turned away from me.

"Honey, we're having fish for dinner, is that okay?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Double Fuck.

This; this is the shit I'm talking about. I always say the wrong fucking thing.

"Jen, I'm sorry; I didn't mean that the way it sounded—"

She spun around and waved a hand in my direction.

"Honey, I know I can't replace Esme, and I don't want to. But next time, just let me know where you're going; I promise I won't ask questions."

Fuck.

I just nodded at her, and she smiled sadly. She wasn't telling me anything that I didn't already know. After the incident, when Jen married Carlisle, she would spend hours letting me cry into her shoulder, and she never once told me to 'get over it' like one of my shrinks suggested.

Fuck that shit.

Jen knew me better.

She never made me deal with the shit I didn't want to, and sometimes she let me yell and scream and swear at her, just because she knew I had to get it out. She just took it. She tried to take all my pain from me.

"Jen, you love me, don't you?"

She smiled, and her eyes softened, "Very much, sweetheart."

So I said the one thing I knew she'd want to hear, and I could finally say because I knew that I meant it.

"I love you, too."

I nodded decisively, and turned to go up stairs, not bothering to wait for her reaction. That shit would be too awkward, and Edward Cullen may have mellowed out a little, but he sure as hell wasn't an emotional mess.

All the time.

I hope.

Fuck.

I get to the top of the stairs, and yell as loud as I can.

"EMMETT!!!"

Then I hear back, "LITTLE BROTHER!!"

You have to laugh at Emmett's enthusiasm; you just have to.

I go into his room, on the opposite side of the house, and sure enough, he's sitting on the floor in his boxers playing Xbox Live.

"Shit, Rose!! You gotta hit those!! I can't die again!!"

I can hear Rosalie yelling back at him through the headset.

"Emmet, get off. I gotta know what happened with Fucknewton."

'Sorry, babe; gotta fly."

He disconnected, and turned to look at me, a stupid grin spreading across his face.

"Little brother, it was fucking awesome! I think Newton's face softened since fifth grade. It broke a lot easier."

"Blood?"

"Edward, I know you're supposed to be the tough guy, but I don know how to hit a kid and make it count."

I sat down on the edge of his bed, "You got suspended?"

He smiled proudly, "Two weeks."

"Does Carlisle know?"

"Yeah, he's the one who called Jen to come get me. Alice drove Rose home in my Jeep."

"Was he pissed?"

Emmett shrugged, rubbing his face with one of his massive hands, "Yeah, but once he found out why I did it, he understood. You wanna know what he told me on the way over?"

Not really,

"What?"

Emmett laughed at the memory of the conversation, "Mom used to date Fucknewton's dad. When they were in high school."

I almost shit my fucking pants. I blinked at Emmett. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah; Michael Newton, Sr. was our mother's first boyfriend. Dad said that if they hadn't met in college, she probably would have married him. You know what that means…"

My eyes widened in horror, "Fucknewton would have been my brother."

"Or worse; one of us could have _been _Fucknewton."

I shuddered. As much as I hate Carlisle, I have to fucking love him for not being Michael Newton, Sr.

Emmett's voice broke through my thoughts, "How's Bella?"

I really couldn't have suppressed the smile if I tried. "She's fine."

"Aw, Edward! You didn't screw he did you?"

"What? No! Of course not! She almost got _raped_ this afternoon, idiot."

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry. But you have to admit, it wouldn't be unlike you..."

I nodded, "Yeah, you're right; I know."

"So what's the deal with you and Bella, anyways?"

I didn't say anything right away. I had never done anything like this with my brother before; I never had any reason to. But he waited patiently, not really pushing me, just letting me take my time.

I really don't give my brother enough credit.

I took a deep breath. "I guess you could say she's my girlfriend."

There wasn't any shock in Emmett's face, no surprise, or gasp. He just nodded, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I knew that, Little brother. Ever since Fucknewton picked her up last Friday, I could tell you had something for her."

"How could you have known then? I didn't even know then."

"Little Brother, you got drunk alone last Friday. It isn't hard to figure out."

Fuck.

He was right.

Fuck.

It wasn't love at first sight with my brown eyes; it was love before sight. Ever since that fucking dream.

Fuck.

Emmett must have noticed me slipping away because he hit my leg a little bit too hard.

"Hey, let's go see if dinner's ready, I'm starving."

Leave it to Emmett to think about food after a major break through. Instead of saying anything, I just follow him out of the room, and down the stairs. In the kitchen, Alice was setting the table, and when she saw me behind Emmett, her face lit up in happiness, and relief. In a flash she had her arms wrapped around my waist and it felt like she was clinging to me.

"What you did for Bella was so amazing. I knew you were in there."

_God, Alice, grab a Midol._

I just sighed and put my arms around her. "That's what friends do, right?"

"mmhmmm."

I looked over at Emmett, who was rolling his eyes at us.

"God, can you two cut out the twin thing for a second? I'm your sibling, too."

Alice released me, and launched herself onto Emmett, deciding to tease him a little.

"Oh, Emmett!!! My long lost big brother, how I have missed you!! Not a day goes by I don't think of your smiling face! Every night before bed a say a little prayer—"

"Alice get the hell off of me! Can't you take a fucking joke."

"Language, Emmett. Don't you think you've gotten into enough trouble for one day?"

Our laughter subsided when Carlisle walked in. He is our resident fun-sucker, after all. He sat down at the head of the table, frowning at the three of us. I hate that shit. He looks at us like we're the ones who should be apologizing for something.

Not fucking likely.

I couldn't fucking look at him, so I went over to Jen, who was trying to get the food on the table and I helped her with it. She looked so fucking happy; I liked it. She handed me a couple bowls and I put them on the table, before sitting down beside Emmett, as far away from Carlisle as possible.

We all started piling food on our plates and I couldn't help but chafe at the fucking uncomfortable silence in the room. Then the asshole cleared his throat.

"Well, it seems that we're all aware of Emmett's suspension. I want you all to hear this so that there isn't any doubt as to what I said or how I meant it;" He looked right at me when he said that, "What you two did today for Bella is commendable. That young lady deserves nothing but the best, and I'm very proud of the both of you considering the situation, and your age; to be honest, I'm not sure I would have handled it any differently. But, Emmett, that doesn't excuse your behavior completely."

Emmett hung his head, but I saw him attempting not to smile. "But like I said; I can't fault you for it."

I watched a sheepish grin cross Carlisle's features, and some feeling emerged in me. I can't tell you what it was, because I'm not too fucking sure, but it wasn't the malice and mistrust I'm used to.

Huh.

Let's explore that later.

The conversation was turned to Alice after that, and she filled us in on what we missed that afternoon. Nothing really happened; my afternoon at La Push was a thousand times better. I helped Alice clear the dishes, and the entire time I could feel Carlisle watching me. I know that he was waiting for me to turn around; to look at him, or say something. But I wouldn't. Bella might be healing me, but I could never fucking forgive Carlisle.

That shit was never going to happen.

He must have read my mind, because I heard him sigh and head toward the stairs. Good. Get the fuck away from me.

I felt Alice nudge me, "Hey, you shouldn't be so hard on him."

"Why not?"

"You know why?"

"No. I really don't. Enlighten me."

"Twin, he lost her, too. We all lost her—"

"Not like I did."

"Yeah, you and mom were close, but she was our mother, too. She loved us, too. And regardless of what you might think, Dad loved her."

"He might have loved her, but he gave up on her. This conversation is over, Alice."

I turned away from her and flew up to stairs and into my room. I collapsed onto my bed because I just couldn't fucking breathe. I was finally feeling like it was too much; like I couldn't handle whatever was happening to me. I pulled out my phone to call Bella, and then I realized I didn't have her number.

I am not in possession of my fucking girlfriend's phone number.

In case I haven't said it before: .life.

I groan half heartedly, and roll over onto my back. I think about getting up to play, but I decided not to. I'd been trying to get back into it after that first night, and I started writing something for Bella. I didn't want to fuck it up with my mood.

So I pulled the blankets up over myself and tried to go to sleep.

Maybe I could dream about my brown eyes.

**BPOV**

I watched Edward drive away before I got out of my truck. I figured he didn't come in because Charlie's cruiser was parked on the street. Words cannot express how happy I was that he didn't mind not telling Charlie yet; I knew that there had to be some serious damage control before I could even _think _of introducing them, and forget about spending any more time at the Cullen's. But as I made my way into the house, I realized that I was more nervous about what I was going to tell Charlie about today.

I opened the front door, taking a deep breath and called out to him.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Bells? I'm in the kitchen."

I took a few deep breaths on my way over there, but once my dear old dad came into view, my worries were momentarily alleviated.

"Seems like you had an interesting day at school," he said, raising his eyebrows.

My stomach started doing flip-flops. _What did he know?_

I didn't say anything, and he continued "Seems Emmett Cullen was suspended for two weeks for beating up Mike Newton; that's the boy you went out with last Friday—"

_As if I didn't remember._

"I feel bad for Dr. Cullen though; having two irresponsible sons. I don't know how he does it."

I felt the anger rise in my system, and I swear to God, I couldn't have stopped what came out of my mouth if I tried.

"Dad, Emmett and Edward are not irresponsible. They're amazing guys who've been through some pretty horrible things, and honestly, the fact that they're still standing astounds me some times. Emmett got beat up Mike Newton for _me _dad; because he was defending _me. _And Edward; Edward was actually the one who helped me first. If not for those two irresponsible boys, _chief_, it could have been a lot worse."

I was struggling to catch my breath after that, but surprisingly, there weren't any tears. I watched Charlie's face go from anger to shock and back again as he absorbed what I was saying. Though when he spoke, his voice was oddly calm.

"Bella, why would the Cullen boys have to defend you from Mike Newton?"

I considered my options quickly:

1. Come clean and tell Charlie everything; thus making my life, as well as Mike's, a nightmare.

Or

2. Give him a watered down version, because other than a little necessary groping, nothing really happened because Edward got to me.

Guess which one I picked?

"Because Mike was just getting a little too…friendly. I asked him to stop, and he didn't listen so Edward pulled him off of me, and Emmett took care of him. That's all."

I watched Charlie's jaw clench. "Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Do you want to press charges?"

"No."

His eyes flicked over to me in disbelief, _"No?_"

I shook my head. "It isn't necessary; like I said, the Cullens took care of it."

"You can change your mind, you know."

"I know. And I'll let you know if I do."

Charlie let out a deep breath as he stood up and pulled me into his arms.

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you Bells."

"Don't worry, Dad. I'm fine."

He didn't say anything after that; he just held me a little bit tighter. Then I think he remembered how much he hated emotional scenes so he released me, smiling a little.

"well, you must be hungry. Have some pizza. I was just going to go up to bed." He picked up his plate and put it in the sink, and headed for the door. He paused there, giving me a lingering look, "Night, Bells."

"Night, Dad."

I grabbed a couple slices of pizza from the box and sat at the table, thinking about today. I mean, who would have thought that Edward and I would be together this morning? Definitely not me. I knew that we had a long way to go; and that given Edward's past, there were going to be a ton of bumps in the road, but that's okay. As long as Edward would be there to catch me when I fall, hold my hand in the rain, and cuddle me at night, I knew that I would be able to handle the rest.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N; So, thanks for all of your reviews/adds and favorite-ing from yesterday!! I LOVE it!! Ok, so on to other things: As most of you (if not all of you) know, I try my hardest to update daily, so you can pretty much expect that. However, this week I won't be able to update over the weekend, but I was going to see if I could shoot for two tomorrow. Don't hate me if I can't do it; it doesn't mean I love you any less, I promise!! _

_And, btw, I don't own this; Stephenie Meyer does_

Chapter 10

**EPOV**

"_Edward?"_

_I shifted around in the darkness, trying to find Bella. Her voice was frantic, letting out the occasional moan. I was trying so hard to just fucking get to her, but I couldn't see my god damn hand in front of my face._

_It's very frustrating._

"_EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_She screamed at the top of her lungs; my brown eyes were terrified. Fear gripped me, and I couldn't even find my voice to call out to her. I was just stumbling around in the darkness. I was fucking hopeless, as usual._

_Then all of a sudden, the screaming stopped, and I panicked. I held completely still, trying to see if I could hear anything else. Then something smashed against my leg._

_I looked down and saw…pieces of Bella lying at my feet. Her hair, her arms, her legs; all just there._

_But worst of all, my brown eyes were looking back at me; almost like they had expected this all along._

_I sunk to my knees, sobbing, and trying to put her back together. But there wasn't anything I could do. It was over._

_I fucked up._

I snapped my eyes open and sat straight up in bed, panting. It was still dark out, and my room was completely still.

Bella.

I had to talk to her.

Now.

I was still dressed from yesterday, so I just grabbed my keys off the kitchen counter and left. I had to see my brown eyes; they'd know how to fix this.

She's the only one that would know how to fix this.

Not soon enough I was around the corner from Bella's house, so I stashed my car and found my way to the tree by her bedroom window. You'd think the Chief would know that having tree branches that close to you're house is like inviting someone to break in.

Lucky me he doesn't.

Once I made it out to the branch, I realized that this time it was going to be a bit harder to get in. She hadn't left the window open all the way, but it was enough for me to slide my foot under and push up.

I swear to God, I could have broken my fucking neck doing this shit.

But it would have been worth it.

I landed in Bella's room with a bit of a thump, and I froze, hoping the Chief hadn't heard. Once I heard him snoring, I knew I was in the clear. I crept over to the door and locked it, before turning my attention to the girl in the bed. She had the covers pushed down to the end of the bed, and she was wearing my sweatshirt again. Nothing is sexier than Bella in my clothes.

Well, not anything that I've seen…yet.

Her hair was fanned out on the pillow, and she had the most kissable pout going on. I was falling so hard for this girl.

"Edward…"

I knew she was asleep; but that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun. I leaned in, so that my cheek was pressed lightly into hers.

"Yeah, Bella?"

I heard a sharp intake of breath, and felt her eye lashes flutter. Then before I quite knew what was happening, her little arms found my neck and pulled me into bed with her.

"You're really here, right?" She asked; her voice sleepy.

So fucking hot.

"Yeah, B, I'm really here."

"Good. I was about to wonder if I'd gone insane. Did I over sleep?"

"Nah, I just wanted to see my brown eyes."

"Your brown eyes?" She said with a yawn, "Last I checked they were in my head."

I sighed and kissed her forehead, "Mine, too."

"So I've heard."

I laughed a little and she settled into my chest, tangling her fingers into my hair. "Are you okay?"

"I am now."

"What about before now?"

"Nothing you didn't just fix."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Yes."

"Bella."

"Edward."

I sighed. Clearly, I was never going to win any arguments with my brown eyes.

"I just had a bad dream. It was…just bad. It made me miss you, so I fixed it."

"Was it about me?"

"Yeah."

"Something happened to me?"

I didn't say anything; I didn't want to fucking think about it.

I felt her small hand move from my hair to my cheek as she pulled away to look up at me.

"What was it?"  
"I don't really know." Because I didn't. I just knew that I couldn't fucking save her.

She brushed her fingers along my cheek bone, and I instinctively leaned into her touch.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving."

I smiled—for her benefit, not mine—and kissed her forehead again. "I know. It's fine. It's better now."

She seemed a little less worried, and smiled back a bit. I felt like a shit for making her feel that way, so I leaned in and kissed her; not as hard as this afternoon, but hard enough so that she would know that just her _being_ would help me fix it.

Whatever the fuck 'it' might be.

She pulled away, catching her breath a little, and I figured I had to say something to make her feel better.

"B, did you know that I don't have your phone number?"

My brown eyes blinked up at me, and then her mouth formed a cute little surprised 'o'.

She was making it really difficult for me. And she didn't even realize it.

"Well, we should fix that."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it over, letting her get to it, and I rolled onto my back, rubbing my eyes.

I was so fucking tired.

I heard my phone snap shut and there was a beat of silence before I felt two hands undoing the button on my jeans. Instinctively, my hands flew down and caught her wrists and I looked at her, confused.

There is no fucking way she wanted to have sex, right?

I know I've never done this dating thing, but isn't there some kind of rule that says you shouldn't fuck when you've only been together for twelve-ish hours?

She read my expression and rolled her eyes at me.

"You wanna sleep right?"

I nodded.

"And not on the floor, right?"

Um, duh.

"Then you have to take these off. I'm not cuddling with a pair of jeans."

I sighed. If that's what my brown eyes wanted, then that's what they would get. I swear, I can't deny this girl a fucking thing. So I pulled off my jeans and pulled her back down on to the bed with me, wrapping her up in the comforter. She tangled her legs in mine, and I could feel her heart beat, so steady and sure against my chest.

So this is what heaven feels like.

"Edward, what are we going to do tomorrow?"

Tomorrow.

Tuesday.

"Go to school. Why?"

"I mean, what are we going to tell people?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean 'nothing'"?

"Bella, what do you want me to do? Go over the PA and make an announcement?"

She shrugged as much as our embrace would allow, "I don't know. No. Not that, but I mean…Oh, I don't know."

She buried her head in my chest. This girl is so fucking ridiculous.

"Bella, you're mine, okay? The end. We don't have to say anything. It's a fact."

"But…you. You're _you, _and I'm…I'm the new girl."

"So?"

"I don't know."

"B, you're over thinking this. A lot. If you're worried about what people will say about you and me, we don't have to do this; I'll go Bella, and we can pretend it never happened."

Well, maybe she could, but I don't think I would ever be able to. It had been the best fucking twelve hours of my fucking existence, and if walking away would make it better for her, then I'd do it. I might kill me; but I'd do it.

"No." Her voice was so sure and so confident, my heart relaxed. "That's not what I mean. I just don't want to mess things up for you."

"Isabella, what could you possibly mess up? In case you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of an ass hole."

"Were."

"What?"

"You _were_ an ass hole. But now you're mine. You're over it."

I laughed, resting my chin on top of her head. "Yeah, I guess I am."

I felt her yawn into me, and I started rubbing her back, trying to get her back to sleep.

"It's okay, B. Go to sleep."

"mmm."

We stayed like that all night long, until I had to leave her to go change for school and pick up Jasper. I felt so fucking bad though; if I had known that my dicking around would someday be a mistake, I never would have done it. But then again, why would I ever have thought someone like Bella would want to be with me? I sure as hell didn't deserve her; but for whatever reason she still wanted me.

_Please, please. Don't let me fuck this up._

**BPOV**

Edward left before I woke up, and I noticed that he'd tucked the pillow under my arm again. I was falling so hard for this kid, it wasn't even funny. As I got ready to go to school, I thought about how he came all the way over to see me. I'd have to start sleeping with the window open; maybe he'd make a habit of it. I'll have to remember to ask him.

I felt bad for implying that I was nervous about what other people would think. The truth is I was nervous about what people would think of my being with him. I mean, c'mon. Edward can have anyone; and he literally has. What could it possibly be about me that he likes so much?

I have no idea; but I hope it doesn't go away.

By the time I got downstairs, Charlie had left, but not before making me some toast and leaving it on the table for me.

Sometimes, my dad was too nice.

I wonder if he would still be this nice if he'd known I'd had a sleep over last night.

Oh, well…

I was heading out the door when I got a text from a number I didn't recognize.

_B, I'm not going to make it in before Bio…but I'll see you in there._

_Save my seat._

So falling for Edward Cullen.

I didn't text him back; I didn't feel like I had to. And I mean, duh I'd save him a seat. Who else would I sit next to? Jessica Stanley?

Not likely.

I drove to school on a high, and I really couldn't have wiped the contented smile from my face if I tried. As I got out of my truck, though, I felt people staring at me. I knew it was because people knew that Emmett had almost killed Mike Newton for me, and I just felt awkward.

"BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I turned to see a flash of black running toward me, and I fell back into my truck when it hit.

_Where's Edward when you need him?_

Alice stepped back from the hug she forced me into, and she was literally bouncing up and down with a huge smile on her face.

"Bella, you are NEVER going to guess what happened yesterday. NEVER." I raised my eyebrows.

_Jasper called and asked you out for Friday night._

"Jasper called and asked me out for Friday night!!!!"

_Called it._

I smiled at her, "Wow, Alice! That's awesome!"

Her face fell ever so slightly. "Oh my god. You knew."

Oh, no.

"No."

"Bella, you have to be the worst liar of all time."

Yeah, I know that but you didn't.

"No, this is how I look when I'm telling the truth."

_Oh my God, did I really just say that?_

_Yup, I did._

Alice rolled her eyes, "Oh, well, whatever Bella-mo-Mella. You have to come over and help me pick out an outfit; I have _nothing_ to wear!"

This is not true. Alice had enough clothes to cover every single person in a small South American country at least two times over. It's pretty safe to say, she most definitely had something to wear.

I rolled my eyes at her and she linked her arm through mine as we walked into school, talking endlessly about the fabulous Mr. Whitlock. I was daydreaming about Mr. Cullen.

_Oh, right. The weekend._

"Hey, Alice? Charlie's going away this weekend, so do you think I'd be okay if I stayed with you?"

I looked over (and by over I mean down) to her and she was giving me a 'did you really need to ask that question?' face.

"So that's a yes?"

"Umm, duh, Bella. Just…duh."

I laughed and said thank you, before waving good-bye and heading into Bio. I was so excited to see him, you have no idea.

Just as he said he wasn't there, so I went to our table and put my backpack on his stool. Even if no one would dare sit there, I still wanted to do it. He'd laugh.

Probably.

I hope.

The bell rang and Mr. Banner started teaching, and Edward still wasn't there. I started to worry. What if something happened to him on the way back home this morning? What if he got in trouble when he was sneaking back into his house? What if, right after he sent me that text, he realized that I was just boring Bella; not Bella Brownie, or B, or any of the other things he's called me?

Dude, sometimes I hate my brain and I just want it to turn off.

I mean, really.

Now would be a good time to have that option.

But, as soon as the classroom door flew open, all of my worries flew right out. Jessica Stanley walked in first, but I could see Edward holding the door for her, looking at me over the top of her head. I barely noticed the smug smile she had on her face and she took her seat in front of our table. I was too busy watching Edward—my boyfriend—walk over to our table, my favorite crooked smile on his face.

And it was for me.

He was smiling that smile for me.

He brushed his finger tips across my lower back as he went to the other side of me, and put my back pack on the ground, laughing a little then pressing a kiss into my temple.

I closed my eyes and let his sent wash over me; a freshly showered Edward was ah-mazing. His normal smell was intensified, and warm, and I could feel the ends of his still wet hair brushing the skin on my forehead.

_Falling so hard._

I must have been holding my breath, though, because he whispered in my ear, "Breathe, Bella," and laughed before pulling away.

I gave him my best withering glare, but he just laughed some more, and shook his head. Then Mr. Banner did the best thing he has ever done in his entire career as a biology teacher.

He turned off the lights and started a movie.

I felt Edward's stool slide closer to mine so that our legs were touching from hip to knee. The electricity between us was almost palpable. I mean, we could probably supply a village in some third world country with all of its electricity for a year; at least, that's how I felt about it. Then his hand went from folded on top of the table to his lap. My breathing started going ragged in anticipation. Then I felt it; his hand ghosted up my leg, and I could feel the extra tingle in its wake. He made a few more passes up the middle, each time getting firmer and firmer with his touch. Then I felt his hand nudge my knees apart ever so slightly, and he did the same thing on the inside of it; pausing slightly when he got to the top and rubbing before going back down.

I seriously thought I was going to come right then, and he hadn't even _touched me_ touched me.

The power this boy had over me…

His hand slid back down and over my knee, which he squeezed, before pulling his stool back to where it was and refolding his hand on the table just as Mr. Banner brought up the lights.

Wow, at least one of us was paying attention.

The bell rang and Edward held my hand as we walked to our next class. I turned to look at him, and from the smirk on his face I could tell I was still flushed from our-ehm- biology lesson.

"So you have Euro with Alice?"

"I have Euro with Alice."

I pouted at him, "So I guess I won't see you until lunch then?"

He groaned as we reached my classroom and he put his arms around me, "I'll see what I can do. Would you like that?"

I pretended to think about that.

"I think I might."

I smiled at him and he rolled his eyes before pressing his lips lightly to mine. "I guess I'll be seeing you, then"

"I suppose."

I extracted myself from his arms and went into my English room, and spent the entire period on an Edward Cullen induced high. I swear, you couldn't get me to stop smiling unless you started killing bunnies AND puppies right in front of me at the same time. But then again, Edward probably had some kind of super power to bring them back to life.

Yeah, that's just how my boyfriend rolls.

The bell rang, and on my way to French I stopped at the bathroom. I was just about to start going when the door swung open and I heard voices.

Ah, hell.

Here's the problem: I have this thing about peeing in front of people; it just freaks me out, and I can't do it. I don't know why, but I just can't. Now if they had started going, I could have joined in, but it seemed like they were only here to touch up their make up.

Crap, I was so going to be late for French.

I rested my chin on my hand, and waited for them to leave. Then I actually started listening to their conversation. I recognized Jessica's voice instantly.

"It was like he just had to have me, Tanya. But you know, I've got my period so I couldn't—"

"You blew him, didn't you?"

I'd only actually seen Tanya once; she was the head cheerleader and a devout worshipper to the shrine of Rosalie Hale. I mean, we're talking the next best thing to the real thing.

"Yeah. And I mean, you know how big that thing is, but he was harder than I'd ever seen him. I guess the new girl doesn't put out; he's been hanging around with her _a lot _lately."

"Don't you have bio with him?"

"Yeah. It's so funny how he pretends to be into her, and she just soaks it right up. Like today, we walk into class together, and she's acting seriously giddy to see him. He told me he doesn't like her."

My heart sunk to my feet.

"And Tanya, get this; he actually _held her hand_ after class. Can you believe it."

Tanya snorted. "He must really want her, then. The Edward Cullen I know wouldn't even hold me afterward."

I heard caps being put back and bags closing. I wanted to shrivel up and die.

"I guess we'll see; he's probably fucking her right now."

They laughed as they walked out the door, and I felt the tears start to leak from my eyes.

I knew it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it; that it was too good to be true, that there was no way Edward could really feel those things for me.

But most of all I knew that I wasn't enough to change him.

I just wasn't worth it.

_A/N: Uh, oh. Don't be too mad at me for leaving it there…Reviews are LOVE!!_

_=]_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Seriously, you guys are too freakin funny! I literally fell off my chair laughing when I read your reviews!! I will reply to them, I promise, but I love you __all SOOOOOOO much that I stayed up extra super late last night to bang this one out for you…oh, and shamonti: I decided ;-)_

_A__nd in case you were wondering, I don't own this; still Stephenie Meyer_

Chapter 11

**EPOV**

When I pulled into Jasper's drive way, I almost hit him with my car. Not on purpose, but because he came barreling toward it, slamming into the hood. Good thing I was already braking. He threw his cigarette on the driveway and pulled the door open; seriously, there's too much enthusiasm.

The Volvo might get hurt.

There are severe consequences to the Volvo getting hurt, and Jasper's balls were in danger of knowing what they were.

"What the fuck, man?"

I just glared at him, but he was grinning like an idiot.

"I called Alice last night."

Oh my fucking God. Hell has frozen over, pigs can fly and a duck has successfully mated with a monkey. Jasper called Alice.

I sputtered a few unintelligible syllables and he gets into the car, still smiling.

"Dude, after all that shit with Bella yesterday, I just found some balls and did it. I'm taking her out on Friday. Fucking hell; I can't believe she said yes."

He let his head fall back, sort of laughing to himself. Then he got all somber and looked at me.

"Cullen, how's Bella?"

At the mention of my brown eyes, I got my own giddy smile to match his.

"She's good."

"So you're…"

"Yeah, we are."

"Good," he nodded decisively "She'll be good for you. Tame the beast within and all that shit."

I couldn't help but laugh at that; seriously, if he only fucking knew.

"Yeah," I pulled out of his driveway, but there was still something I needed to get off my chest. "Last night Bella said that she was nervous about what people would think of my being with her. Do you think it's something to worry about?"

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged, "She was talking about my reputation, I think."

"Cullen, that's what you get for boning the entire female population of FHS. But you're into little Bella, right?"

"Completely."

"Then who the fuck cares? Sure the vindictive ones are going to talk shit, but whatever. You aren't in possession of a time machine, so what the hell are you supposed to do?"

He was right; as badly as I felt for the things I'd done, and what that meant to Bella, I couldn't take them back.

But I could sure as hell make it up to her.

That might be fun.

Jasper pulled me out of my make it up to Bella fantasy: "Dude, pull in here."

'Dipshit, this is a…store."

I looked at the little shop, and I knew for a fact that he would never be caught dead in this place. It was one of those trendy shops that no one—except Alice and Rose—ever went in. Jasper was just too…dirty to go in.

Right?

He rolled his eyes at me, "No fucking way. Come help me pick out a scarf for Alice."

I checked the clock on the dash. I wanted to get to Bella already.

"Dude. We're gonna be late."

He looked at me blankly.

I sighed. Apparently, my brown eyes have pacified me; normally, I would have left Whitlock's sorry ass behind.

Then again, he was buying a gift for my twin.

And I do owe him for telling Bella where to find me.

I sigh and get out of my car, following him into the tiny shop. I fucking hate it already. It's all pink and bright and fluffy and shit. Honestly, if I wanted to be subjected to this, I would go pass out in Alice's room. I shoved my hands in my pockets and scowled. I want my fucking brown eyes, and I want them now.

Correction.

I wanted them ever since I left their house.

"Cullen, wipe that shitty ass look off your fucking face and help me."

He was standing next to a giant display of scarves in ever single color, style, shape and pattern you could think of. I'll admit; I was kind of in awe.

"What do you think?"

He looked at me like we were at the fucking Louvre or some shit, looking at a masterpiece.

"I think it's a fucking scarf; you should pick one."

"Not helpful, Cullen. Just not fucking helpful."

The tiny sales woman, who looked like an older and uglier version of my sister, made her way over to us and started in with Jasper on the pro's and con's of some of them.

_Can't you just fucking pick one?_

I thought about texting Bella, but once I saw the time, I realized she would be sitting in class, and I didn't want her phone to go off and have her get in trouble.

"Whitlock, are you done yet?"

"Edward, which one do you think Alice will like more? He's her twin."

I turned back to them and saw the sales lady giving me a funny look. She was holding up two scarves: one zebra stripe with hot pink on the border and the other a purple floral thing.

"Stripes. Can we go now?"

He fucking beamed at the woman and nodded, handing her his credit card in the process.

"Cullen, she'll still be there." The bell has officially rung. "We're, like, two minutes from school."

"Hurry the fuck up, then"

He signed for the stupid fucking thing and I sprinted back to the Volvo. The shit head though, sauntered over at a leisurely pace. This kid and his balls had a fucking death wish. As soon as the door shut behind him, I shot out of that fucking parking lot with a vengeance.

"God, Cullen. You're only gonna be fucking five minutes late. What the fuck?"

I ignored him. I want my fucking brown eyes.

NOW.

I pulled into the first place I saw and tore through that fucking school to get to bio. Yeah, I probably looked stupid; but it was worth it. I rounded the corner when I saw a girl bent over in front of my Bio room.

_Bella brownie?"_

Then the girl lifted up her head, and I saw the (unfortunately) familiar head of strawberry blonde hair.

"Hey, Jess."

She looked up at me, a familiar coy smile spreading across her face.

"Hey, you." She breathed.

_Shit, I fucked her._

I was mildly disgusted, but because I was telling myself my brown eyes had made me a better person, I shook myself out of it and noticed why she was crouched on the ground. She dropped her shit.

"Here, let me help you."

"Thanks, Edward."

We pulled together stray papers, and she seemed to be going a lot slower than I was.

"So I didn't hear from you this weekend."

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

"I thought maybe I could keep making it up to you?"

I made eye contact with her. Before I did that, I'm kind of ashamed to say, I didn't know what I was going to do. But the moment I looked into her generic, dull brown eyes I realized that generic, ordinary girls like Jessica Stanley just didn't do it for me.

All I wanted was my perfect, beautiful, funny, shy, ridiculous Bella brownie.

"Sorry, Jess. I'm with Bella, now."

Her smile faltered ever so slightly; if I hadn't known her as well I would have missed it, and she said, "We'll see about that."

I looked at her, puzzled, but didn't say anything. Stanley could think whatever the fuck she wanted; Edward Cullen was a one woman man from now on. I opened the door to the room, and let her go in before me, and there they were.

My brown eyes were smiling over at me.

I fucking love it when my brown eyes smile.

Couldn't get over there fast enough; especially with Stanley moving like a snail in front of me.

I took my seat next to Bella and kissed her temple, which made her stop breathing, so I had to remind to resume that necessary life function. And once Banner turned off the lights, I decided to get a little up close and personal with my brown eyes.

This is Bio, after all.

I kept my eye on the clock as I traced my fingers up and down her leg. I couldn't go too far, because I didn't want her to come in the middle of bio, and I had a sneaking suspicion that Bella coming was infinitely sexier than Bella in my clothes.

Call it a hunch or whatever, but I didn't want to test that theory in front of a bunch of horny adolescent boys.

Not fucking likely.

When the lights went back up, I grabbed her hand and walked her to English, which she seemed to like. Emmett did that for Rose, so I figured it was a good idea, right? Then she asked me if I'd see her before lunch.

Yes, you most certainly fucking will. I have come to realize that I can't go too long with out my brown eyes. It's like withdrawal or some shit. But nothing could prepare me of the onslaught that is Alice Cullen when I finally made it over to Euro.

"Edward! You will never guess what happened last night."

_Bet I can._

"Jasper called and asked you out for Friday."

She completely deflated, "Why was I the last to know?"

I laughed and slumped into the seat next to her.

"You weren't; he told me this morning when I picked him up."

She seemed mildly pacified, and the bell rang, but Alice being Alice wasn't done with me and tore a piece of paper from her notebook. She scribbled something quickly and passed it to me.

_Bella's staying over the house this weekend. Will you be good?_

You know you have it bad when even the girls name _written_ does it for you.

_Yeah, Twin. It'll be fine._

I watched Alice read the note, and then meet my eye, smiling brightly. Then her expression changed; her eyes got all wide and she gasped a little. She got her pencil and started scribbling furiously.

_EDWARD CULLEN: ARE YOU DATING MY FRIEND, ISABELLA SWAN??????????_

Sometimes, my sister is too fucking giddy.

_She's my friend, too, and yes I am._

I pass the note back to her and her eyes go all wide again.

"EDWARD!!!!!!!" She screams in the middle of class. Every one turns in their chairs to look at her.

"Ms. Cullen is there a problem?" Mrs. Finley said, eyeing Alice.

She shakes her head 'no' and slumps down in her chair, mouthing an 'oh my god' in my direction. I have to laugh; sometimes my sister is even more fucking ridiculous than my girlfriend. We didn't exchange notes after that, instead, as soon as the bell had rung, she pulled me out of my seat, dragging me down the hall.

"Talk. Now."

"There's not much to say; we just kind of realized that we had feelings for each other, so now we're together."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So you haven't slept with her."

"God, Alice. I'm not a complete ape."

"Yeah, you kind of are."

I just rolled my eyes at her. How am I supposed to respond to that one? We get to Alice's French class, and I scan the room quickly, but Bella's not there yet.

"I'll wait out here for her."

Alice smiles, but then points beyond me, "There she is."

I glance over to where Alice is looking and see my brown eyes, smiling like there's no tomorrow and heading into the bathroom.

No worries; I'll wait.

Alice slipped into the room, and I leaned up against the lockers waiting for Bella to come out. Then I see Stanley and this other girl Tanya go into the bathroom. Not gonna lie; I hid a little from them. Stanley could be okay sometimes, but Tanya—shit, I'm _glad_ I don't remember fucking her. But apparently, I did; at Emmett's 18th.

Whoops.

Seriously, though; it felt like I had been standing there forever.

Still no Bella.

I watched as Stanley and Tanya exit and head away from me. Then the bell rings

Still no Bella.

My mind starts racing then. Maybe she's sick, or hurt or….I don't even know what; I just knew I had to make sure my brown eyes were alright.

Fuck.

I made it to the bathroom door in a few quick strides, and press my ear against the door. I can't hear a fucking thing. I know she's in there; I watched her go in. What the fuck could have happened?

So I suck it up and do the one thing I never thought I'd do: I entered the girl's room.

Hey, at least it didn't smell like ass.

"Bella?"

Nothing.

"Bella, I know you're in here; I watched you come in."

Then I hear it; a soft whimper, and a few muffled sobs.

Fuck.

My brown eyes were crying.

Fuck.

"B, seriously, where are you?"

Nothing.

I start to make my way down the bathroom, checking for feet under the stalls, but it's not until the last one that I see the feet that belong to me. I sigh and press my hand up to the door.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong?"

"Go away, Edward."

"Nope. Not fucking likely."

"G-go." She sobbed. My heart broke.

"Isabella, if you don't open this door right this minute, I swear to God I will break it down."

"You w-w-w-wouldn't d-dare."

"Try me."

I heard the lock swipe open, and I pushed the door open. The pieces of my broken heart shattered into a million fucking pieces when I looked at her. She was sitting on the seat, (thank god her pants were pulled up; that was a distraction I didn't need,) and she was a mess; her eyes were red and puffy from the tears, which were flowing freely down her face. I was seriously going to puke. I sank down to my knees in front of her, not caring that we were in a public restroom, and that there were probably a million different kinds of bacteria on the floor. I did not fucking care.

I took her face in my hands, frantically trying to brush the tears from her perfect face.

"Bella, please. Talk to me."

She shook her head as much as my hands would allow, and I heaved a painful sigh.

"Please." I managed to choke out. The seconds were moving by so slowly. Finally, she spoke.

"D-did Jessica-a St-Stanley g-g-g-give you aa-aha-a-"Then she burst into tears.

_What the fuck is happening?_

"Baby, what? Did she give me what?"

"Head," she whispered. I completely froze.

_Not recently._

"No, Bella brownie. Of course not."

She looked at me with dead eyes again and my heart froze, "Edward, don't l-lie t-to m-me."

"Never."

"Then a-a-admm-mit it."

I sighed, "Bella, in the past Jessica Stanley has given me head. But honestly, no one's been near my junk in at least a week."

"Then where were you this morning?"

"Uh, in your bed."

She shook her head, pushing my hands off of her face, "No; after that. You were late, you walked in with _her._"

Oh, silly Bella.

"B, I went with Jasper to pick out a gift for Alice, which she'll be receiving next period. Walking in with Stanley was a coincidence; she dropped her shit outside the room so I helped her pick it up and we entered together. The end."

"I don't believe you."

I sunk back on my heels; surely she didn't just say that.

"Excuse me?"

"I do not believe you."

"Why not?"

"Because you're Edward Cullen; that's what you do, right? You fuck girls because you can, and you get whatever you want because you think you're entitled to it. Well guess what? You are not hot shit. I can't believe I was dumb enough to believe that you'd change for me; that you actually cared about me. But wait, I forgot, Edward Cullen doesn't have feelings. He's just a dick."

I was completely shocked.

I didn't know what to do. I can't believe I fucked it up…already.

Oh, wait; I didn't.

I stood up and walked away from her, taking a deep breath before responding.

"Listen, Bella, I don't know what you heard; and frankly I don't give a flying fuck, but you have to understand that I have a fucking past, and they walk around here every fucking day. And yeah, I was good at what I did, and they enjoyed it, but I was done with that the moment you said you were mine. I _did change_ for you; I'm still changing for you. And I fucking love every minute of it because I get to be with you. You're fucking _it_, Bella. Just you."

She wasn't looking at me, though; she was looking away shaking her head.

"But, B, you have to understand that I can't make them all go away; they're always gonna talk shit about me, and the things that I did with them because that's just the way they are. They're shallow and brash and rude. But they're the past. They're all in the past, and baby, you have to deal with that. You have to get over that, and nothing I say can make that happen for you. I wish I could, but I can't. You just have to be strong enough to do it."

_Please, Bella, Please; say you're strong enough._

She looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap.

"I guess I'm not."

I just blinked at her. This could not be happening.

She just stared at me resolute, biting her bottom lip.

Apparently, it was.

Fuck.

"Fine, Bella. Have it your way."

And I walked out of there, leaving her exactly where I found her. I was so unbelievably pissed off that I wasn't even aware that I possessed the capability to be this annoyed.

"Edward?"

I stopped, but for a second I thought about continuing down the hall. But because my brown eyes were calling me, and for fuck's sake I would still do anything for them I turned around. She was standing just outside the bathroom door, her arms hanging loosely by her sides. She didn't make a move, so I didn't either.

"Last year I lost it to Brandon Fiora in his basement. We dated for a few months, and I just figured that that was what you were supposed to do."

I sighed in frustration. Why the fuck was she telling me this?

"I hated it, and we only did it the one time, because he broke up with me two days later. That hurt."

"I'll cut his dick off."

"What?"

"You fucking heard me."

She took a few steps closer, "Yeah, I did. I just wanted to hear you say it again."

"I will cut his dick off."

She was closer now. I could have reached out and pulled her into me if I wanted to; but I didn't. This time, she had to come all the way to me.

"Did Jessica Stanley give you head this morning?"

"No."

"I believe you."

"Are you sure? Because, Bella, I can't do this every fucking time you hear a rumor."

"I know." She still hadn't closed the space between us. "But there's one more thing I need to know."

I sighed, closing my eyes, "What?"

"Can you forgive me for being stupid and gullible?"

I laughed, "Only if you forgive me for being a slut."

I didn't even have time to react or open my eyes because she wrapped her arms around my waist, and held onto me so fucking tight.

"It's not your fault; everybody needs love."

"So that's what that asshole was for?"

"No, that's what you're for."

I just fucking held her after that; my chin resting on her head, and her hands tracing circles on my back. Every once in a while she's mumble an apology, but I didn't respond to them; there wasn't any point. I think that I always knew that we'd eventually have this argument. Thank fucking God it happened early, that way we could just go from here; we didn't have to deal with it anymore.

The bell rang a little bit after that, and I looked down at her and she smiled up at me, keeping her arm around my waist as I walked her to class. When we got there, she just wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

"I'm so freaking sorry."

"Bella brownie, no worries. Can we just forget about it?"

"Yeah, just don't be mad at me."

"I'm not. I'll see you in a few, okay?"

I tilted her chin up and kissed her full on the lips. She stopped breathing again.

"Breathe, Bella."

I laughed and she rolled her eyes at me. I gave her another quick peck on the forehead and walked away. I can't say I felt great, but at least I didn't lose my brown eyes. I fucking needed them like I needed air, and it was in that moment that I decided that nothing would come between me and my brown eyes ever again.

Not one fucking thing.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Guys, I'm so sorry. I just got wicked busy, because I have a research paper due this week, on top of midterms and two more papers… __but whatever…I hope you guys like this one, it's a little intense, but not as intense as the others (you'll see)..._

_This one is for my co-conspirator, shira01 ( hope it's enough...)_

_And I know; this is hard to believe, but I don't own this; Stephenie Meyer does._

Chapter 12

**BPOV**

So I kind of felt like an idiot after that.

But not enough to be totally convinced that I was any more important to Edward than…_them._

I mean, I know he can't take back the things he did in the past, but I just wish he'd never done any of it at all. Why couldn't he be a normal teenage boy and just have one girlfriend that he messed around with?

WHY?

I sat through class thinking about this. If I hadn't ever come to Forks, and I hadn't ever met Alice Cullen chances are, Edward would still be with…_them._ He would be holding them, sneaking into their rooms at night, kissing them, and calling them…I dunno…something just as cute as Bella Brownie.

I hate that he did that; I hate that he obviously valued himself so little that he gave it up to every single girl that caught his fancy. I hate the girls for giving into him, because he's beautiful, and intelligent and so freaking smooth. I hate that he doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, because it is; it's a huge deal.

And all of these things combined should make me hate Edward most of all; he's the one who did it, and developed this cult of personality that made girls flock to him, and did absolutely nothing to discourage them.

But I can't.

Because as much as I wanted to change his past, I didn't want to change him. Underneath all of it, he's just a kind, loyal but seriously confused boy.

And so help me, I wouldn't want him any other way.

Edward was waiting for me outside my room, and he walked me to each of my classes, holding me tightly against his side, and kissing me before heading to his own. With every passing minute, it seemed like more and more people thought that Jessica and Edward had indeed…hooked up this morning.

And I some how became the naïve new girl.

Yeah, cause I can't hear you whispering at the top of your lungs.

I trudged out of my class to Edward again, who was waiting to escort me to lunch.

"What's up, B?"

I sighed, "Nothing."

He pulled me into him, pressing a kiss into my hair, "Bella…"

"I'm just down from this morning. I don't like the looks that I'm getting."

"What can I do to fix it?"

"That's just it: you can't do anything at all. It's just gonna take time, right? Like you said?"

He sighed sadly, and I felt bad for bringing him down with me. So I just leaned in a little closer and squeezed. At least I knew that no one else would get to do this.

That was comforting.

But nothing; not even eau de Edward, could have prepared me for entering that cafeteria.

I seemed like every single pair of eyes was trained on Edward and I as we walked over to his table. I looked up at him, and to my utter astonishment, he gave me my favorite crooked smile, and just kept on walking.

"Can we go? Every one's staring."

"Bella brownie, they're staring because they're all wondering how Cullen ended up with the most gorgeous girl to walk the earth."

Yeah, I smiled at that. Sue me.

He pulled out my chair for me and I sat down, taking in the view. With Emmett being suspended, Rosalie wasn't much company, being totally engrossed in her turkey sandwich, but Alice and Jasper; that was the change. Instead of sitting on the opposite side of the table, like he usually would, Jasper had his chair pulled close against Alice, and his arm was draped across the back of her chair. I noticed that she had a zebra print scarf around her neck; one that hadn't been there when she accosted me this morning. For some reason that small fact made my heart flutter.

Alice met my eye, and I swear to God she screeched.

"Bella Swan is dating my brother!!"

No one looked particularly shocked. Rosalie kept on eating, and Jasper just drummed his fingers on the back of the chair; meanwhile, Alice bounced. But as soon as she took in the faces of the people around her, she slowed to a bob.

"Why am I always the last to know?"

"Because usually it's not your business," Edward responded, kissing me lightly before heading over to get in line.

"And not always the very last, Ali. Look at poor Newton; he was the last to find out he was a shit head." Jasper said as he let out a dry chuckle, "How many years will the poor bastard be getting, by the way?"

"None. I'm not pressing charges."

"Why the fuck not?" I jumped at the hard sound of Edward's voice behind me. He plopped down a sandwich for me, before his penetrating eyes met mine.

"I…umm….eh…well, because I just didn't want to deal with it any more. It's done."

He sunk into the seat next to me, but kept the glare.

"Bella, he deserves to be locked up until the end of time. What if he tries something again?"

"He won't. And besides, I have you and Emmett to protect me. Pressing charges would only have prolonged all of this…crap. I don't want to deal with it. It's over; it's done."

He didn't look remotely satisfied. He just stared at me, completely confused.

"Please," I whispered, "I just want to forget it."

He sighed, and rested his forehead against mine, "If that's what you want, Bella brownie."

"That's what I want."

He closed the distance between our lips and kissed me again; lightly at first, but then turning insistent, running his tongue across my lips.

"Look, Edward; I know you've never ad a girlfriend before, but could you please not suck face at the lunch table? It's awkward."

Edward pulled away at the sound of Alice's voice, and I blushed so hard, I'm pretty sure it would leave a bruise. I looked away, but Rosalie responded.

"Aw, let 'em alone. Edward, you kiss that girl all you want. It's nice to see you kissing the same girls for a change."

We all sort of blinked at her. Rosalie was turning into Emmett.

Huh.

Edward laughed a little, and pressed a kiss on my temple. I loved how easily I fell in with them; well, save for Edward up until recently, and even though I missed things about Phoenix, I realized that it wasn't anything substantial. I missed the heat, of course, and the way the sun felt when it was beating down on me. I missed the clear, pristine blue skies and the soft brown of the landscape. The more I thought about it, I realized that if the situation were reversed—moved from Forks to Phoenix—I would have been miserable. I wouldn't have Edward or Alice or Emmett or any of them; people who had made my life brighter than it had ever been in Phoenix.

How could I have been without them for seventeen years?

A quick swipe of blonde hair in my periphery broke through my day dream. It disappeared behind me, but reemerged beside Edward, trailing long fingers over one arm, across his shoulders before continuing down the other side. I watched him stiffen at Tanya's touch; especially when she leaned over, whispering directly in his ear.

"Babe, I heard what Jess did for you this morning; how she couldn't 'meet your needs'? Well, honey, I can. Before next period; you know where to find me."

I saw Edward's jaw tighten and his hands clench into fists on the table. But when he opened his mouth, his voice was distinctly feminine.

"Back off, slut puppy." Rosalie was giving Tanya the death stare, "He's with Bella, now."

"Yeah!" Alice added. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper suppressing a laugh.

"Just go, Tanya. You're only embarrassing yourself." Edward said, oddly calm given his obvious discomfort.

Tanya smirked over his shoulder and whispered something to him that I couldn't hear, but made Edward's eyes narrow as he seethed. I had to look away; I just couldn't take it. This chick just wouldn't let it go. A moment later, I felt his cheek pressed against mine.

"Bella, don't cry. Baby, please. I'm sorry. Please. Don't cry."

The thing is, I hadn't even realized I was crying so when he pointed it out, it only made the tears come faster. He reached up trying to brush them away, but once they became too numerous he let out an exasperated sigh.

"That's it!" He yelled, slamming a fist onto the table.

"Cullen, what's wrong?"

I heard Edward take a few deep breaths, pull out his chair and stalk out of the cafeteria. Seriously, how many make-or-break arguments are we going to have today? Because it sucks, and I don't even know how to fix this one.

"Bella, I…" Alice looked around in shock. "Jasper, go after him."

Jasper nodded, and went to stand up when the feedback from the PA made everyone stare up at the loudspeaker. The familiar voice of Mrs. Cope filled the room:

"_Students: Mr. Cullen has decided to read a small passage to all of you from a book called…uh…what was it dear? Oh yes, A not so fictional story from the mind of Edward Cullen, by OH! It appears to be written by Mr. Cullen! How wonderful I—"_

There was a bit of a scuffle as the microphone was pulled from her grasp and I heard Edward's voice saying thank you before speaking into it.

"_So as you all just heard, this is a not so fictional story; emphasis on the NOT, got it? Here goes: Once upon a time, there lived a boy who was pretty much a slut. Yup, he slept with all of you. Well, most of you, and you liked it, and because afterwards you had no morals, you continued to beg him and beg him for it, and he obliged because, fuck, he liked it too. But then, one day, exactly one week ago today, He met a girl with the best fucking eyes on the planet, and he decided that kissing her forever was better than boning every chick in existence for the rest of his life."_

OH.

MY.

GOD.

"_So in case you haven't noticed; I'm the slut, and Bella's my world. She'__s the best fucking person I've ever known, and if one more of you shit heads makes her cry; I will not hesitate to beat you to a pulp. And while I've got your attention, I'd like to give you a few fun facts: Tanya has the worst implants of all time, and I'd like to tell her on behalf of the rest of the student body: stop trying to be Rosalie. You just aren't good enough; Jessica Stanley is obviously a compulsive liar, so don't believe her when she says it's her first time…for anything. And….oh yeah, Lauren Mallory has herpes. She got them from Tyler Crowley. That's all."_

I couldn't believe what had just happened.

Edward Cullen just told the entire school that he was with me; he wasn't ashamed of me, he wasn't mad at me. He did that for _me._

I ran out of that stupid lunchroom as fast as I could, toward the main office to try and find him. I had to see him. NOW.

I rounded the corner and saw him at the other end of the hall, smiling to himself and running a hand through his hair.

"Hey!"

He looked up, startled, but once he realized it was me, his expression turned into one of…affection.

"Hi."

I felt the tears back in my eyes as I hurled myself at him. All I have to say is, thank God he caught me. He chuckled as I planted feverish kisses anywhere I could find room.

"That was…the nicest…most sweetest…most stupidest…thing…anyone's…ever…done…for me."

"I'm glad you approve, baby."

He pulled me impossibly closer and kissed me hard; as though he wouldn't ever let me go, and I was glad for it. Now everyone knew, without a shadow of a doubt that I was his and he was mine.

No one would ever get between Edward and me ever again. Absolutely no one.

**EPOV**

People seemed to get the idea after that, and except for the occasional stare, none for those chicks bothered me again. Bella was happy, and surprisingly, so was I.

I started spending the night at Bella's because she told me she liked cuddling and shit. Not gonna lie, I can't say I hated it.

What I was hating was watching my best friend getting cozy with my sister. I thought that maybe, because I had known Jasper for so long, and because I was relatively certain he wasn't a dick, I would be more comfortable with the fact of him and my sister.

Not fucking likely.

By the time Friday actually happened, it was fairly routine until Alice came home from whatever the fuck she has on Fridays.

She came bursting in through the kitchen door, her eyes wide.

"Where's Bella?"

I shrugged, taking a sip of water from my glass. My brown eyes might be my girlfriend, but I sure as hell don't keep a detailed account of where they are at all times. Doesn't mean I didn't miss them like hell, though.

"Well, twin, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

I shrugged again.

"EDWARD CULLEN!! YOU FIND OUT WHERE SHE IS RIGHT NOW OR I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO FATHER CHILDREN! _EVER!!!"_

Then the doorbell rang. I love my brown eyes for their timing. I smirked at Alice, still not saying anything and heading to the door.

Can't fucking wait.

I opened the door, and see Bella looking over her shoulder at her truck.

"What's wrong, B?"

She turns back to look at me, her brow furrowed and her lips pouting. I am now officially convinced that she's trying to kill me.

"Nothing. My truck's making a funny noise. I was just wondering if it was normal."

I laughed and stepped out onto the porch, scooping her up into my arms.

"Sweetheart, none of the noises your truck makes are normal."

She giggled and I pressed my lips into hers, carefully at first, because I found out pretty quickly that she doesn't like it when I go in for it right away. Whatever; it just means I get to kiss her more.

She moaned into my mouth, and I fucking lost it. I pressed her up against the railing, and went hard instantly. She had barely fucking touched me, and I was harder than I had ever been in my entire life. She shoved her hands into my hair, and I started running my hands up and down her sides, underneath her tee shirt. My hands brushed the bottom of her bra, and I was ready to go in for the kill when I heard a foot tapping behind me.

"Edward, I know you don't care, but I have a very important date tonight which I need my _best friend _to help me get ready for. So could you please get off?"

I laughed a little; sometimes my sister makes it too easy. I whispered, so only Bella could hear me, "Yeah, I'll get off; just gimme another second!"

I heard Bella giggle, then she kissed my cheek bone and pushed me off of her.

"Okay, Alice. I'm sorry. Let's get to it!"

I adjusted myself before turning around and following them into the house. They paused at the top of the stairs, and Alice said:

"If you bother us…just don't. That thing about your future children still applies."

Bella's face twisted up, and I just sighed and walked away. Jen made me dinner and I ate with Emmett in the kitchen before he left to spend the night at Rosalie's. The thing about Rose and Em was that, for whatever reason, both sets of parents trusted them to be safe. It wasn't uncommon for him to spend both nights at her house, but always in a separate bedroom.

Or so they thought.

"Yeah, little brother, you have to perfect the art of sneaking to your girl's bedroom."

I smirked. If he only fucking knew.

"You can't just go barging down the hall you have to be crafty and sneaky. Can't let the parents hear ya."

"Really, Em? 'Cause I was thinking it would be a good idea to try out the chief's pistol. You know, maybe do a little target practice with his flat screen?"

Emmett glared at me. "Not cool, little brother. I'm only trying to help, and you—"

"God, Relax." I stood up, ruffling his hair, "I'm only teasing."

"Yeah, that's what Bella said."

I was about to respond, when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned quickly, pulling her into my arms.

"Please, God, tell me you're done."

She pretended to think for a minute, "Uh, yeah. I guess so. Did Jasper show up yet?"

"Nope."

"Uh, oh."

"What?"

"It's 8:35"

"So?"

"He's late."

"By how long."

"Five minutes."

"Seriously, Bella?"

She just quirked an eyebrow at me, and I set her down.

"Where's Alice?" Emmett called, shrugging into his jacket.

"Uh, she's in the foyer, I think."

I followed Bella in there and I saw my sister, sitting on the steps staring at the front door. Her hair was hanging straight down, and the green in her eyes was even richer because of the short hunter green dress she was wearing. She noticed me staring after a while and looked at me, completely uninterested.

"What?"

"Twin…you look…you look…beautiful."

She brightened a little, "You think?"

"Yeah, yeah. You really do."

"Edward, I—"

Her voice was interrupted by the door bell, and Bella went to open the door. Jasper stood on the other side of it, and I noticed that he looked…clean.

Huh.

Alice bounced up quickly, and that was when I remembered that tonight, Whitlock wasn't my best friend. He was the enemy. He smiled like an idiot at Alice, carefully pecking her on the cheek, before nodding to me over her head. I just glared at him.

"Okay, well, Bye!" Alice said, leading Jasper out the door. I just stared after them, trying to remember why I thought this was a good idea.

"Oh my God." Bella said, frowning.

"What?"

"You're an ape, you know that?"

"I've been told."

She rolled her eyes at me and we headed into the living room to watch a movie. She picked the Mexican, and I have to say, I'm glad she didn't get all girly on me and grab She's the Man or something. I cannot fucking express to you how much I hate that shit. It was fairly straight forward; I turned out the lights, and we watched maybe fifteen minutes of the movie before we were making out. I had her under me, just where I wanted her, but I really wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. Do people do this when they've been dating for less than a week? Am I supposed to want to plow her into the couch and not care if Jen sees the cum stain tomorrow?

What the fuck am I doing?

Bella, of course, answered these questions for me. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and started searching around, while her hands pulled my hips down into hers. I was trying really, really hard to keep my raging hard on under control, but once she did that it was just too fucking painful. I moaned into her mouth, which only seemed to encourage her, because she took my hand and pushed it up under her shirt.

Holy Fucking Hell, I almost came right then.

I felt her up a little over her bra before getting impatient and pulling the cups down. My fingers ghosted over her tit, and I felt her nipple pucker in response. I fucking loved it. It was so much better than with any of the other girls because I knew that she was mine.

Mine.

My brown eyes…My Bella.

If I had known that this is what I was missing out on, I might not have turned out the way I did.

Oh well; not gonna lie, I did enjoy it.

Usually.

Like when I came.

But I digress.

I pulled Bella's shirt up over her head and I just had to stop and look. She was so fucking beautiful that I forgot the pain in my crotch and felt it in my heart.

But then she goes, "Touch me. Please…I need you to touch me."

Bella brownie, you don't have to tell me twice.

I dove into that shit like I wasn't ever going to see it again. I nipped and licked all over her chest; any where my mouth could find room, and I loved the noises she was making. Moaning and groaning, all the while writhing underneath me. I swear to God I thought my dick was going to launch off my body, I was so fucking hard. I undid the button on her jeans and started fingering the lacy band of her underwear.

"God, Edward, I'm so wet for you. Do you feel it?"

Yup.

Yup, I do.

I couldn't actually say anything though, because I was afraid that even the slightest change in my core would make me come. So I just groaned and kissed her hard, starting to ease her jeans down her legs. But I stopped dead when I heard:

"Jasper…"

_A/N: Uh, sorry guys!! So what do you think?? I;m sorry about the cliff hanger, but I wasn't able to post all weekend__ (like Fanfic wouldn't let me), and at this precise moment, I could, and I thought it might be fun…maybe I lied?? Oh well, just remember that I LOVE YOU!!! Review for me, okay?? =]_


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Hey guys!! So thanks for all of your reviews/adds/ favs because I love love love them! This one's on the shorter side of life, but I think you'll find it…satisfying…=]_

_BTW, I don't own this; that's completely S. Meyer_

Chapter 13

**EPOV**

What the fuck.

I looked down at Bella, who had by now turned beet red. Her eyes were wide, and I felt her finger tips digging into my sides.

"Oh, my God, Edward…is that…It can't be…"

I heard Alice moan again, and my jaw clenched. Whitlock was trying to bone my sister in the hallway.

Not fucking likely.

In fact, after I got threw with him, boning anyone would be unlikely.

I shifted my weight to stand up, pulling up the fly on my jeans when I felt Bella wrap herself around me.

"Bella, I have to take care of this, let go."

"You cannot leave me here, naked."

Fuck, I forgot about that.

I reached behind her and grabbed her tee shirt, tugging it over her head. There; no more naked Bella, on to killing Whitlock. I extracted myself from Bella's death grip, only to have it reapplied to my legs.

"B, what the fuck?" I don't like swearing at my brown eyes, but this shit was getting old.

"Edward, do you really want to go out there and see your best friend feeling up your twin sister? Because I can guarantee you that's what they're doing."

I sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "No."

"Okay then. Let's just go upstairs, and let them…uh continue, and then we can, well, you know."

"Bella, you can't seriously expect me to let this happen?"

I looked at her incredulously. Surely she would want me to protect my sister's honor, right? This isn't supposed to be happening.

"Edward, they can do what they want. And besides; how would you feel if Jasper cockblocked you right now?"

I groaned because she just reminded me of the throbbing going on down below. Fuck. I gotta get off—soon.

I grabbed Bella's hand and led her out of the room, through the kitchen and up the back stairs to my room. I hurried inside and collapsed onto the bed. This could not be happening. It took me a minute to realize that Bella had yet to join me on the bed. I hope I didn't lose her on the way up.

Fuck.

I heard the door click shut softly and I rolled onto my back to look for her. She was standing in front of the door still, her eyes trained on the ground, biting her lower lip.

"Bella? Honey, are you okay?"

Her eyes flicked up to meet mine tentatively and then shifted back down. Okay, what the fuck could have happened in between the time she said 'cockblock' and shut the door? It's moments like these, where you have to be a fucking mind reader that makes me wish that girlfriends and relationships were never invented. But then I looked back at my brown eyes—My Bella—and I can remember that it's worth it; all of this emotional bull shit is worth it because she'll do it with me; she'll do it for me. I pulled myself up off the bed and went over to her, wrapping her up in my arms. She leans into me, carefully at first, but then completely melting into my touch, like she thought I was going to run away or some shit.

Not fucking likely.

I kissed the top of her head, rocking her gently.

"B, what's up?"

She whispered, it was kind of creepy though, because the way she said it, it made me feel like we were in one of those cheesy horror movies, you know? Like Hayley Joel Osmond was going to suddenly appear and be all 'I see dead people.'

But anyways, Bella said in the same tone of voice, "I'm scared."

"Of What?"

She sighed and tried to pull away, but I just held her tighter. "Bella brownie, of what?"

"What we were going to do…down there. I mean, ugh I dunno…"

"What do you mean? Are you not…are you saying that you aren't…ready?"

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

She had seemed ready, right? I mean she was wet and shit, so that means that she's ready, right? What the fuck? My girlfriend was turning into a cocktease.

Fuck.

Wait…wait…get it under control, idiot.

Okay…deep breath.

I look down at her, and my brown eyes are pleading with me to understand, to not be mad. And I'm not. I'm just…frustrated.

"Edward, please don't hate me." She whispered into my chest, pulling me closer.

I kissed the top of her head, and squeezed her, "Have you seen my annex?"

She looked up at me confused. "I'll take that as a no. C'mon." I pressed another kiss into her hair and led her over to it. I pushed open the door, stepping aside to let her go before me. She stepped in carefully, tracing her fingers over the albums on the wall leaving a tail of dust in her wake. I haven't touched those fucking things in ages. The moonlight fell across Bella's face, making her all the more radiant, and honestly any thought that I had about getting off few out the floor-to-ceiling windows; I was just glad to be in her company. I followed her gaze as she turned around and saw the piano.

"Can you play?"

I nodded

"Will you play me something?"  
I sighed, and nodded. Now this was the one thing I might not have been ready for. I sat down on the bench, and Bella sat next to me. I lifted the lid, and let my fingers glide gently over the keys before I press into them a little bit harder, starting to play. At first I'm not sure what I'm playing; I wasn't sure what she'd want to hear, or what she was expecting, but it suddenly turned into a more delicate and emotional version of the song I wrote for her before. Maybe it was because she was sitting next to me; maybe it was because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew she was it, the melody transformed and it became…Bella.

I kept on playing and she leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder, and she brought one hand up to tangle in my hair, tugging gently. Before I really knew what was happening, she lifted my arm and repositioned herself so that she was straddling my lap, facing me, and I noticed she had already disposed of her jeans. She started kissing me deeply then whispering in that lust filled vice of hers.

"You never told me knew could play that well."

"It never came up, Bella brownie."

"mmmm" she moaned at me, trailing kisses down my neck and across my collar bone. Safe to say I missed a few notes that time. Then she sat back up pulling her tee shirt over her head, and I missed a few more. Isn't this the chick that just said she wasn't ready?

"Bella, I…oh, God." I was going to protest and be a gentleman about it, but she started lifting the hem of my own shirt, leaving a trail of kisses where the material left my skin. She discarded it on the floor beside her own and started kissing me on the lips again, harder and harder matching the way I was playing. I felt her tongue sneak into my mouth, pulling my own into hers and sucking on it.

I never thought I would be doing this on my piano.

Ever.

First time for everything, right?

She kept right on kissing me, but her hands snaked there way down my body to the button on my jeans. I felt my breath hitch, "Bella, are you sure?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded, never taking her eyes off my hard on, which was painfully obvious through the denim. I stopped playing then because it wasn't making much sense and I just had to touch her. I picked her up and carefully stepped out of my jeans and attempted to make my way into the bedroom when she pulled away.

"No, Edward; in here. Please."

What my brown eyes want my brown eyes get.

I lowered her gently onto the floor, and I crashed on top of her, kissing anything I could find: her collar bone, her tits, her stomach. Then I caught sight of the navy lacy panties she was wearing; well that simply wouldn't do. I caught my fingers between the band and her skin, but before I pulled them off of her, I checked to make sure she was okay, and she nodded at me. I slid them carefully off of her, and I have to say; I've seen plenty of women, but my brown eyes were definitely the best of all. I pulled off my boxers and leaned into her carefully at first, but then she pushed her hips into my throbbing member, which in and of itself almost threw me over the edge. I cradled her head in my hands, positioning myself at her entrance.

"Bella, are you sure? Baby, we don't have to do this; we could stop."

Like hell I could stop.

But thank fucking God she just shook her head, leaning up to kiss me gently. "No, I want this. Edward, I want you."

Okay, Bella brownie. You got me.

I eased into her slowly,as her mouth hung open and her eyes clamped shut while I filled her to the hilt. She was so fucking tight; I knew that I wasn't going to last too long, but I'd be damned if I didn't at least try to do it right.

"Baby, open your eyes."

She flicked them open a little, and I saw that my brown eyes were hooded with lust and desire.

Fuck, I wanted this, and she wanted it, too. I kept my forearms on the ground next to her head to brace myself and started easing in and out of her. This was totally new for me; I mean I can fuck a girl, but this...this was completely different. This wasn't a casual fuck or even a quick fix to my not so little problem; this was sex with my brown eyes.

Shit.

I had to make sure she kept eye contact with me though, because those little moans and groans she was letting out were making it very, very hard to stay in control. I was taking everything in me to keep from plowing into her.

"Edward, baby, faster."

Okay, I can do that.

I sped up a little, but I started planting a trail of kisses across her chest, and in between her tits as she started lifting her hips to meet me thrust for thrust, and pushed her hands into my hair and started tugging. It was better than I could have ever imagined. It just felt better, you know? It felt like for the first time in a long time I...belonged with someone.

"Oh, God...I'm so close...please…."

I wanted her to come, and I wanted to watch. I had a feeling that watching Bella come, and being the one that had made her come would be almost as good as coming myself.

Almost.

So, I reached a hand down between us and started rubbing her bundle of nerves. The reaction was almost instant. I felt her walls start to flutter around my cock, her hands pulling my hair even harder, and her knees start to dig into my sides.

"ohgodohgodohgodohgod…..EDDDWWWWARRRDDDD!!!!!!!"

She came violently on my cock, and the intense waves of her orgasm brought my own and I spilled into her, as she milked me, taking in all she could.

Then I had a mild heart attack.

"Bella, I hate to be a downer, but baby; I didn't use a rubber."

Her eyes stayed closed as she attempted to come down, "It's fine; I'm on

the pill."

Thank you, Lord.

I eased myself in and out of her a few more times, letting myself go completely soft inside her before pulling out completely and rolling over next to her, pulling her on top of me. Bella snuggled into my side and tangled her legs up in mine, tracing lazy circles across my stomach.

"Was I...okay?"

Seriously?

"Bella brownie, you were fucking amazing."

"Really?"

"Yeah, sweetheart. That was the best sex I've ever had. And you know I don't lie to you."

I pulled her up to my face so that I could kiss her, but I held back a bit so that I could try and show her how much what she just did for me (and to me) meant to me. Then something occurred to me.

"B, what happened to not being ready?"

She moaned softly, and then started burrowing into my chest. This girl is too ridiculous.

"Bella?"

"It's just that, you know, once we got up here, and there was an actual bed...I got nervous. You know...the others"

Good Lord.

"Bella, I've never brought another girl up to my room."

"Really?"

Fuck, I'm gonna have to tell her. "Yeah. Actually, I'd usually just use...the guest room."

"Oh my God."

She froze slightly in my arms and turned to look at me.

"I slept in that bed."

I laughed and pressed a kiss into her hair, "Well, you never have to again, so it works out, now, doesn't it?"

She let out a deep sigh, and I could tell that she'd be asleep in a minute. As carefully as I could, I eased out from under her, then pulled her up into my arms so I could carry her into bed. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and started kissing the space where it meets my shoulder. I was getting hard all over again.

I have never rebounded that quickly.

Ever.

I pulled back the covers with one hand and put Bella down, then grabbed a pair of boxers for me, and a tee shirt for her, but when I turned around to pass it to her, she was already asleep. I made my way over to her side of the bed, and she looked completely perfect. Her hair was fanned out across the pillow, and her mouth was in that cute little 'O' shape again. I pulled on the boxers before reaching for her and pulling her up to get the shirt over her head.

"Edward?" She breathed.

"Yeah, B?"

"I have to tell you something, okay?"

"Yeah…"

"I think I love you."

Oh.

Well that's something completely different.

Now here's the disclaimer: I am not responsible for what I said next. I'm pretty I only said it because I knew she wouldn't remember it, and because maybe, for the first time I was so happy to hear someone other than Jen and Alice say it to me.

So here's what I did: I leaned in, pulling her into my arms, and resting my cheek on her shoulder so that I was speaking directly into her ear.

"I love you infinitely, Bella. Always."

"hmmmm."

That was all she said, and I felt her head fall into mine and I knew she was back asleep. Good. I didn't really know where to go from there. I eased her back down onto the pillow, and then got under the covers myself. This was all completely new to me. Even though I had been spending the night at Bella's and in her bed, it felt strange to be doing the same thing here, in mine. I shut my eyes and started rubbing them with the palms of my hands, trying to place exactly what had just happened.

Unfortunately, I couldn't.

I felt Bella start to move around, then start calling for me sort of melancholy.

"Edward?..." I looked over to her, and her eyes were closed, vut scrunched up, and she was pouting ever so slightly. I rolled over toward her, cupping her cheek in my hand and tracing her cheek bone before kissing her pout lightly.

"I'm here, Isabella. I'm right here."

She sighed a little and I wrapped her up in my arms, trying to get as close to her as I could without being inside of her again. I tucked her head under my chin and I felt her start to trace those little circles in my back.

"Bella, don't leave me."

Shit, I don't know where that came from.

"I can't" she whispered.

For whatever reason, even though she's unconscious, I felt like she meant it; that she won't ever leave me behind. I just hope that I never give her a reason to.

_Please, please; don't let me fuck this up._


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Aww, you guys are seriously too cute! In case you haven't already figured it out I love you all so freaking much for your reviews, cause really, they keep me going most of the time. So I got a few requests for a run down of what happened between Alice and Jasper on there date, and their, um, hallway activities. I can do it in a one shot, but only if you guys want it…so PM me or let me know in your reviews...cause you know how much I love to hear from you!! =]_

_And you guessed it! I don't own this; all Stephy Meyer_

Chapter 14

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning in a tangle of sheets with a huge tee shirt on. But I can't say that I minded; it smelled just like Edward. I moved slightly and winced at the dull ache that spread through my muscles. Now, I know I'm not a virgin, but it was only that one time over a year ago, and Edward's…well, he's….let's just say, there's a reason he was so popular. I shifted over to plant my feet on the floor.

Holy Hell I need an Advil.

Now.

I checked out the situation behind me, and I was a little worried once I saw that Edward wasn't there. Uh, oh. I listened really, really hard to see if I could hear him moving around somewhere, but there was only silence.

Crap.

I got out of bed and tiptoed into the guest room and changed into my own sleepwear. It probably wouldn't do to get caught in Edward's tee shirt. I grabbed a hair tie and pulled that mess on my head into a pony tail as I tried to find the kitchen. The first thing I saw was Jen, standing at that wonderful stove of hers flipping pancakes, then my eyes travelled to the island, where Jasper and Edward were sitting side by side, but something was…off.

Oh, Good Lord.

Japer had a bag of frozen peas attached to his cheek bone, and Edward looked like the cat who caught the canary. Seriously, you leave the boy alone for two minutes…

"Hey, B! How'd you sleep?" Edward said, as if he didn't know.

"Oh, good morning, dear! Take a seat next to the boys, and I'll have some pancakes for you. Do you want chocolate chip, blueberry, banana walnut or strawberry?"

Holy crap, I died and went to IHOP.

"Uh, blueberry, I guess. Thanks, Mrs. Cullen."

I hopped onto the stool beside Edward, and he kissed my temple lightly, before quirking an eyebrow in my direction, then clicking his tongue and going over to the cabinet and grabbing me the advil bottle and a glass of orange juice. That's when I really _saw _Jasper.

"Jasper, what happened to your face?"

He looked over at me, pulling the bag off of his cheek bone to expose the neat black and blue mark that now resided there.

"I…uh…I fell?"

Edward nodded in approval. God, he's such an ape.

"Well, Jasper, I think I'd be a good idea to have Carlisle look at it; it still looks awfully angry for getting it last night."

Jasper sighed, and replaced the bag, "Yeah, that's probably for the best, Mrs. Cullen."

Just then, Alice bounded down the stairs, her black hair sticking up in any and every direction with the biggest smile I've ever seen plastered across her face. Which immediately deflated once she saw Jasper's peas.

"Oh My God, Jazz, what happened?"

I saw him shake his head ever so slightly, as she went over to him, placing her small hands on either side of his face.

"This is what happened last night…when I tripped over the curb, remember?"

I'm pretty sure I heard Jen snort at that one.

Alice's eyes widened even more if that was possible, as she took in everything Jasper was saying with out actually saying it, then they narrowed as she shifted her stare toward Edward.

"_Never going to father children. Ever." _She hissed, taking the seat beside Jasper, and running her hand soothingly across his broad shoulders.

Amazing, the strides one night can make.

Jen put that plate of pancakes in front of me, giving me a small wink. "So Bella, I heard you were interested in working at the library?"

I nodded at her through a mouthful of pancake.

"Well, if you're really interested, I can put n a good word for you? They're looking for a secretary in the Teen department."

"Sounds good, Mrs. Cullen. I really appreciate it."

She smiled kindly at me, "Anytime, dear."

We all sat at the island in relative silence eating these heaven sent pancakes, when Alice suddenly called my name.

"Bella, come get dressed. We have to go shopping."

Oh, no.

"Alice, I…uh….I…." I looked up at Edward for help, but he seemed too worried about his future children to challenge his pint sized sister. He pressed his cheek against mine and whispered an apology. Oh yeah, you'll definitely be sorry, sweet cheeks.

"fine."

Alice squealed, grabbing my hand and taking me back up the stairs. We paused in the hallway, and she took both of my hands in hers. This was suddenly getting a little too "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" for my liking.

"You will tell me everything about last night except for the gory details and I will tell you all about mine, deal?"

I just nodded.

"You have twenty minutes to pull yourself together. Go."

Umm, okay, General Pixie Pants.

I went into the guest room, and avoided the bed at all costs. That thing was seriously freaking me out. I headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting it warm up before stepping in. I was reaching for my shampoo bottle when I felt two hands snake around my waist.

"You could have used my bathroom, you know." Edward peppered kisses down my shoulder and I could feel his hard on pressing into my back. We really couldn't be doing this right now. Alice would kill me…Alice would kill him.

Oh, I go it.

"What the hell did you do to Jasper's face?" I spun around to face him, and he kissed me full on the lips.

_Deflection, typical._

"Hey, seriously; what happened?"

He shrugged, my favorite crooked smile spreading across his face, "He tripped into my fist?"

"Try again."

"He, ugh, he ummm…he…shit. Fine, Bella. I got up to grab some breakfast and I caught him sneaking out of Alice's room, so I decked him."

"Oh My God."

"Please. He should be happy it was me and not Emmett."

This is true. Jasper wouldn't have a face if it had been Emmett. Edward leaned down and kissed me again, and I'll admit, I got a little carried away and I let my fingers trail down his stomach and tangle in the wiry bronze hair that was currently sheltering my new best friend. Edward moaned a little and pulled me closer, and I accidentally squeezed my shampoo bottle and squirted a little of it onto him. That reminded me why I was in here.

"Hey…hey, seriously, get off me. I gotta go out with your sister, remember?"

"Do you really have to?" Oh, crap; he started pouting. I watched the water as it fell across the top of his head; darkening his hair and making it hang into his eyes from the weight of it, and then trace rivers across the chiseled features of his face. His green eyes were piercing into my brown ones, begging with all of their might not to go. I almost caved.

Almost.

"Hey aren't you supposed to be like a slut or something? Shouldn't you want me to go so you can..I dunno…slut it up?"

I promise I was joking. So what if a little bit of my insecurity flared up? He smirked at me and said, "Baby, I'm reformed, dontchca know."

"Yeah," I snorted, "We'll see."

He sighed, and cast his eyes downward, "Bella, I don't want to fuck up."

Crap.

Insert foot in mouth…now.

I put my hands on either side of his face, and ducked down to catch his eyes. They were impossibly sad.

"Do you mean that?"

He nodded once.

"Then you won't. It's as simple as that, okay? I'm sorry, though, I was only teasing."

He shrugged a little and I dropped his face so that I could wrap my arms around his waist. At first, he didn't do anything, but then he sighed, and I felt his check rest on top of my head and his arms wrap around me.

I really, really wanted to tell him I loved him, then. But I knew that it wouldn't be right. Even though I'm pretty sure that was what I was feeling, I didn't want to freak him out and send him running for the hills. I wanted him to stay with me; even if that meant biting my tongue.

"Hey, seriously, I need to get ready, so if you're going to shower with me, let's get to it."

He kissed my hair and exhaled, "Okay, Bella brownie." He released me and we started to, ya know, bathe. Not each other though, because honestly I didn't trust myself to keep it PG.

When he was done, he reached behind me and shut off the water, then helped me out of the tub, throwing a towel in my direction. He wrapped his around his waist, and headed for the bathroom door, but I grabbed his wrist.

"Hey, don't be mad at me, please. Please? Forgive me."

I hated this; this moody détente we had going on. I wanted to be his again. I don't like feeling like I'm on the edge.

He smiled my favorite crooked smile and lifted the hand was still wrapped in my own to my cheek, "There's nothing to forgive, Bella. But if it makes you feel better, there isn't anything you can do that would make me not forgive you."

Then he leaned in a kissed me. Not hard and urgent like he usually does, but soft and tender; like he actually meant what he said. Like he wants this as much as I do.

I guess I just have to accept the fact that God on earth Edward Cullen wants to be with me.

What is a girl to do?

"Bella. I am letting you know you currently have eight point five minutes."

Go shopping with his slave driver of a sister, that's what.

""kay Alice."

Edward gave me another quick kiss before letting me get dressed in peace, which I did at a frenzied pace. I didn't want to see what Alice would do if I wasn't ready in exactly eight minutes. I made it down the stairs just as Alice was grabbing her keys off the table.

"Ready?" She asked, then heading toward the door, not waiting for a response. We got into a Mercedes SUV and Alice pulled out of the drive way and started to head toward the high way. And she didn't say one word the entire time.

"Alice? Are you okay?"

I saw her jaw tense a little, but then she sighed. "Do you think Edward is upset about Jasper and me?"

"Well, I mean, I guess…not. It's only because you're his sister; he'll never think anyone is good enough for you."

"Yeah, okay fine. I expect that shit from Em, you know? But my twin and I…God I just wish he would treat me like an equal and not a damsel in distress all the time."

I sighed, as she pulled into a parking space at the mall and got out, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Alice, he's only that way because he loves you. And give him some time, you know? He just has to get used to the idea of you and Jasper. I mean, you should have seen the look on his face when he heard you in the hallway—"

Whoops.

Alice's eyes went wide as she white knuckled the steering wheel. "He heard us?" She hissed.

"Uh, yeah…we were, um, watching a movie? And we kind of, well, I mean we sort of…yeah."

She nodded, as if piecing something together in her head, "So that was your bra I found on the floor?" Then she gasped, because she just realized what finding my bra on the floor meant.

"Oh my god! Did you get lucky last night??"

"I am so not telling you details of your brother's sex life."

Crap. I think I just did.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Please, I'm so used to it, it's insane. But trust, I don't want to know anything more than that."

I rolled my eyes, "So tell me about your date. Was it what you expected?"

Her eyes glazed over and I saw her attempt to suppress a smile, "We had the best time. And we didn't even do anything spectacular. He just took me to dinner and a movie. And Bella, ohmigod when he kissed me? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I thought I was going to melt away and die."

I giggled. That's exactly the way I feel when Edward kisses me.

"I just feel like an idiot for waiting that long, you know?"

"Yeah. But I bet you feel better now that you've done it."

She smirked, pulling a dress off the rack, "Oh yeah. I feel much better."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Oh, Alice."

**EPOV**

I went into my room to get dressed and decided to spend yet another Saturday alone in my room doing my homework. I was flying through it, though, and before I knew it, it was done and Bella still wasn't back. I sighed, looking around my room for any kind of a distraction. All I saw was my piano, taunting me from the annex. My piano, which now made me hard as a rock think about what Bella and I had gotten up to last night.

I went back over to it and sat on the bench, just hanging out there and letting the memories of last night flood over me. Then other, less recent ones began to invade my mind. My eyes lifted to the picture of my mother and me at La Push when I was a little kid. It was so fucking easy back then. There wasn't anything to worry about or even think too much about. I just had fun; she was always making sure that I had fun.

And now there's Bella. Bella, who doesn't ask too much of me, and can't stand it when I'm even mildly frustrated with her. Perfect, beautiful, ridiculous, silly Bella. And she's mine

Mine.

I started tapping the keys when I heard a soft knock on the door. I looked up, half expecting to see my brown eyes, but instead I saw my fuck up of a best friend. Holy Shit, he looked like hell. His cheek bone was a nice, deep shade of purple and swollen.

Yeah, I gotta mean right hook.

"Shit, Whitlock…"

He laughed and gingerly touched the bruise. "Yeah, Cullen, you're tellin' me."

I shook my head. "Look, I'm sorry. I know I told you to go for Alice but, I just never—"

"You never thought I'd grow a pair and do it." He said, cutting me off.

I just nodded.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I get it. She's you're sister, but ass wipe, you're my best friend. You should know that I wouldn't hurt her."

I just nodded. All of this emotional shit was taking a toll on me. I know I'm reformed and shit, but fuck. A guy can only take so much.

"Whatever, Whitlock, it's done. Just, please, don't let me catch you doing _that_ with my sister again, okay?"

He nodded, then looked back at the piano. "I haven't seen you in here in ages."

I nodded at him and my fingers started to roam over the keys, arcing into a soft melody. "Bella wanted to hear me play."

He just stood there listening to what I was playing for a while, before his eyebrows knit together in concentration.

"What is that? It doesn't sound like Esme's."

"It's not. It's just something I wrote for Bella."

"For me?"

Her voice hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn't finished with it, and I sure as hell wasn't ready for her to know it was hers. I couldn't speak, so I just shrugged a little at her. She kept right on staring at me, and I kept on playing. Her eyes were starting to glisten in the dimming light of the twilight sun, and her bottom lip began to quiver. A sly smile crept across Jasper's face as he looked back from me to Bella.

"Hey, I think I'll go find Alice."

Before I knew it he was gone, and it was just me and my brown eyes. Just as it should be. She came over and sat beside me, and I couldn't bring myself to look at her again. I wasn't really sure if I could take it if she didn't like it, because it was everything of me that belonged to her; it was everything. I watched as her tiny hands slipped on top of mine, stopping their movement.

"Edward, I…no one's ever done anything like that for me. I…I love it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful. How could I not?"

I shrugged, "You never know."

There was a beat of silence and we both just kind of sat there, not wanting to break the peace.

"Edward, can I tell you something?"

"Uh huh."

"I know I shouldn't even be thinking of this yet, and I know it's super early, and there's a very good chance you'll freak out, but I've gotta say it or I might explode." She took a deep breath and I got a little bit nervous.

"Edward, I love you, tentatively."

_Wait, what?_

"huh?"

"The feelings that I have for you are so much more than like or infatuation; or even loke—"

"Wait, loke?"

"Loke: in between like and love."

"Uh, okay."

_That was a new one._

"So anyway, I don't want to freak you out because I know we've only been together for, like, a week, so I'm saying that I love you, tentatively."

My brown eyes were searching mine, waiting for me to freak out I bet. Unfortunately for her, those were the three words I wanted her to say. So I laughed lightly, and smiled at her, cupping her face in my hands, and kissing her softly.

"Bella brownie, I love you too, tentatively."


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Hey guys!! I promise I read all of your reviews, but I have to go to work tonight, and I figured you'd rather have another chapter than a reply, so I did this…But I will relpy to them when I get back tonight, I promise!! Love you all so freaking much for sticking with me!! Oh, and please, please, please make my world a little brighter and review?? =]_

_And yeah, I don't own this; Steph Meyer does_

Chapter 15

**EPOV**

_Five Months Later..._

My brown eyes do not like it when I call those things on her chest 'tits'. She prefers 'breasts'.

Lame.

They also don't like it when I get drunk, because she says I turn into a horny motherfucker.

Lame.

They hate it when I get jealous and moody, but I think she secretly likes the jealous part because she always curls into me when I have to stare down some ass hole.

No so lame.

They hate it when I ignore them while I play Xbox with Emmett, but they seem to have fun trying to get my attention.

Not so Lame.

But the one thing that I always seem to do right; no matter the situation or circumstance is that I tell my brown eyes that I love them. When I tell Bella that I am fully, completely, infinitely, balls deep in love with her, she melts.

And that, my friend, is the least lame thing in the world.

The whole 'tentatively' thing flew out the window about two months ago when she and I were sitting at the harbor watching the boats and the birds. It was one of those rare, late fall afternoons where the sun was shining—albeit dimly—and it was kind of warm-ish. I wasn't really watching the boats and the birds, though. I was watching my brown eyes watch the boats. It was freaking me out a little that I hadn't had a dream about them in a while. Don't get me wrong; I was defiantly dreaming about Bella, but it was…all of Bella, not just the eyes. Not like before. But whatever; I had the real thing now.

I watched the sun trace patterns across her pale skin, and as the corners of her lips turned up ever so slightly every now and again. She crossed her legs and put her hand in mine and started tracing circles, never taking those eyes off the horizon. Then finally she turned to me, a bemused expression on her face.

"What?"

I sighed. This was it. I just fucking felt like _it._

"I love you."

"Tentatively." She said, laughing and rolling her eyes.

"Bella, fuck tentatively. I fucking love you."

She smiled softly, "I love you, too."

She looked up at me all shy and shit, and suddenly she was the new girl who sat next to be that first day in bio all over again. She was perfect and pristine, and I couldn't fuck her up. So I pulled her onto my lap and started kissing her, and she wrapped her arms around me and just held me, keeping me close, refusing to let me get away.

And for once, I'm fucking glad for it.

So yeah, I hate to sound like a cliché shit fuck, but hell; I'm the happiest son of a bitch on the planet.

Even when I'm trying to sneak into her room at 1:05 AM and she forgot to leave the fucking window open.

The fucking shit I do to be with my love.

I tapped the window with a branch to get her attention.

Nothing. Not even a fucking twitch.

I tapped again, a little bit harder.

Nothing.

I really should just go home, but I've become so fucking dependent on my brown eyes that I can't sleep without them. I just lie in my bed, waiting until I know everyone's asleep so that I can sneak out and crawl into my girlfriend's bed and get some rest. Or have sex. Whatever.

I let out and exasperated sigh, and tap one more time, telling myself that if she doesn't answer I'll go home. But I know I won't. I will wait in this godforsaken tree all night long if I have to.

Oh thank fucking God, she woke up.

Bella came over to the window, rubbing her eyes and yawning a little. She threw up the window, and squinted into the darkness.

"Edward?"

Good Lord.

"No, Bella. It's your other boyfriend."

"Emmett?"

Fuck.

"Bella, just move so I don't hit you."

She giggled, and moved to the side so that I could launch myself into her room. I landed with a soft thud, and almost instantly, Bella had wrapped herself around me. I held her up and started smiling against her lips.

"Door?"

"Psh, Cullen, I locked that thing ages ago."

"Good."

I flopped down onto the bed and on top of her, and she pushed off my jacket, then my tee shirt, all the while letting out those tiny moans that she knew drove me crazy.

"You're completely killing me."

"Not on purpose."

"Tell yourself that, love."

She giggled, and scooted up the bed away from me, and I pulled off my jeans and crawled under the covers with her, pulling her tightly into me. She wrapped her fingers in my hair, and started rubbing, and I relaxed into her.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"  
"Do you ever think about…us?"

"I think about you. That takes up the majority of my time."

"Ha ha. No what I mean is, do you ever think that maybe you and I were, I dunno, supposed to be doing this?"

"Usually."

She looked up at me and pouted.

"Bella, when I'm with you, we fit. You and me together…fuck if it was any other way, I don't think the world would orbit the sun properly. So are we meant to be? You bet your sweet ass we are."

She sighed and snuggled deeper into my chest.

"So, forever, then?"

So ridiculous.

"Of course. I will always be this in love with you—if not more so---for the rest of my life. You're it for me, Bella. No one else. Ever."

Shit, I just said that out loud.

I felt her freeze in my arms and I thought I had finally freaked her out enough to make me leave. I literally stopped breathing, as if air wasn't necessary, as I waited to hear what she'd say.

"Promise?"

Her voice was barely a whisper, but I heard it.

"Promise, Bella brownie. I love you. Infinitely"

"I love you, too."

She started planting kisses all over my chest, giggling along the way. She loved it when I told her I loved her infinitely. I have no fucking clue why; it didn't make much sense to me. She stopped after a while, and then I felt her tapping my back.

"Edward…"

"Isabella…"

"The Chief says you can be introduced tomorrow."

Oh fuck.

Bella finally told the chief about her and me a few weeks ago when he caught us holding hands in front of the diner in town. I have never seen someone that angry in my entire life. He grabbed Bella's arm, and I know he didn't mean to hurt her, but she shrieked in pain as he ripped her away from me, and, as you well know, I do not let my brown eyes get hurt. So I hit him a little. Not too hard; just enough to stun him and let her go, which he did. I pulled Bella into my arms and looked at the red mark that was forming on her arm, rubbing it gently.

"You okay?"

Her eyes were brimming with tears. I was going to puke, hit Charlie, then puke again.

"Get your filthy god damn hands off my daughter!"

Charlie spat at me, and if only to antagonize him, I pulled her into me even tighter. "No. Not if you're gonna do shit like that to her."

"That is my daughter Edward Cullen, and I will not let her get tangled up in your bullshit!"

I was about to respond when I felt Bella's fingers on over my lips.

"Dad, let's go home. I have something to tell you about Edward and I."

I seriously did not want to let her go. It was going to fucking kill me if he sent her back to Phoenix. Oh, who the hell am I kidding; I would have followed her. But I did, and after that, Bella and I were only allowed to see each other during school hours, and she wasn't allowed to sleep over my house anymore.

He didn't say shit about me sleeping over her's.

But apparently, the Chief hadn't caught on because he wanted to be introduced. Fuck.

"Really?"

She laughed, sleepily, "Yeah. Tomorrow. Maybe around 10? I have to go to work at 11, and he's going fishing with Billy for the day. Think you can handle it?"

I smirked, and reached my hand down to grab her ass and push her into me, "Yeah, Baby, I think I can handle it."

"God, you're such an ape."

"You love it."

"Yeah, unfortunately I do. Hey, I have to take my truck to the mechanic tomorrow after work; do you think you could take me?"

"Sure. What time?"

"I get off at 4. I'll meet you at the library and we can just go from there."

"Okay. I'll be there."

I laced my fingers through her hair and started humming her song, just like she liked as she drifted off to sleep. The steady beat of her heart and the heat of her breath on my chest knocked me out almost instantly, just like I liked.

"_Edward?"_

_Bella was calling me, but her voice sounded distant and weak. Fuck. I had to get to her; she needed me, and I had to get to her. I tried to move frantically, doing anything I could to find my way toward the sound of her voice._

"_Edward…"_

_Then I saw them; my brown eyes looking at me, all glazed over and raw, like they hadn't blinked in years. Fuck, she looked ragged._

"_Bella? Bella, baby, what's wrong? Where are you?"_

_I reached out to her, but my brown eye shrunk away. I started sobbing reaching out to her, but getting nothing but fists full of air. _

"_You can't get to me," I heard her voice say, sounding dead and defeated, 'You won't ever get to me. You won't save me, Edward."_

_Like fuck I wouldn't. I cried out for her, frantically moving in any direction I could until I felt myself start to fall. But Bella wasn't there to catch me._

**BPOV**

I felt Edward's grip around my waist tighten, and I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyebrows were clenched out together, like he was in pain and his lips were parted and moving ever so slightly, as though he was speaking to someone. I reached up to trace the deep line that had formed on his forehead, but he let out a growl, so I pulled my hand away. I had never seen him dream like this in all of the nights we've spent together, and not gonna lie, it was kind of freaking me out.

"Edward?"

I called to him softly. He didn't stir, so I started planting little kisses along his jaw and down his neck, then back up again.

"Edward? Honey, wake up."

Then I heard him say, in a voice no louder than a whisper "…bellahh"

"You better be awake, sweet cheeks." And then I kissed him full on the lips. He didn't kiss me back at first, but once he actually woke up, I felt him smile, and then match my urgency.

"You can wake me up like that any day, B."

"Okay."

He pulled me closer and kept right on kissing me, before rolling us over so that he was on top of me, and I could feel every perfectly hard inch of him pressing into my thigh.

There is something so magically wonderful about morning wood.

I wiggled down underneath him to line myself up, as he pushed down his boxers before moving onto my own pants. His breath hitched slightly when he realized I had gone commando.

"B, seriously?"

I shrugged, kissing the hollow between his neck and shoulder, "You never know when your awesome boyfriend is gonna want some."

He laughed and in an instant he was inside me, filling me up completely, and I let out a soft moan. I loved Edward inside me.

He began thrusting into me, locking us into a not-so-gentle pace, and I felt my stomach start to tighten. My eyes snapped shut involuntarily and I twisted my fingers in his hair, and pulled cause I know he likes that. His head dipped into my neck, and he began nipping lightly at the skin there and grunting every now and then.

I was so not lasting long today.

I felt myself start to clench around him, but I couldn't quite…get there. And Edward, because he's Edward, knew exactly what to do. Or in this case say.

"Bella, Baby? Do you wanna come?"

"I…uhh...oh, crap…I….yessss"

"Then do it, baby, do it. Come on my cock."

_Okay._

And I did. Hard and strong, but not too loud because I'm pretty sure Charlie wouldn't want to see this, and Edward kept thrusting into me, until I felt his body shudder, then still as he released into me.

He stayed there for a minute and I rubbed his back and shoulders as he eased in and out of me slowly.

"Thanks, B. I needed that." He said rolling off me.

I smacked his pretty little head.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?"

"I, Edward Cullen, am not an east lay, so don't say crap like that to me…EVER!"

He laughed and pulled me in his side, tangling his legs into mine.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I really am. Forgive me? Please? I'm nothing with out you."

I rolled my eyes at him, but I let my head rest against his chest. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Mmm, only the one I love."

"That's me?"

"That's you."

We just lay there, wrapped up in each other for a little while longer, until I heard Charlie turn the shower on in the bathroom. Well, that's a buzz kill.

"I should probably go. I don't think the chief would want to meet me in my boxers."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

He kissed me again and got out of bed, pulling on his clothes as he went. This was always my least favorite part of the day; when he left. It always felt like he was taking a part of me with him. My solution: Don't ever leave.

He must have noticed the sadness in my eyes, because he sighed and crawled over the covers to me, and kissed my eyelids, then my lips.

"Baby, I'll be back in half an hour, tops."

"Promise?"

He laughed, "Promise."

"Fine, I guess you can go."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

He gave me one more quick kiss before slipping out of my window and down the tree. I leaned back on the covers and I started thinking about what it would be like if Edward didn't have to leave in the morning; if he could just stay with me, and not worry about getting caught. Not gonna lie, I got a little bit nervous. I mean, how often is it that you meet the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with at seventeen? I knew that I loved him, and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that he was my soul mate, but at the same time, I knew it was going to kill—absolutely kill—when we went to college and he dumped me. Which is exactly what would happen because, even though he loved me now, there was no way that I could keep him interested forever.

Just no way.

Then I heard a soft knock on the door, breaking my thoughts.

"Bells? You better get up, kiddo. Shower's free."

"'Kay, Dad. Thanks."

I get up and go through my morning routine quickly, thinking that that would make Edward get here faster. But, it doesn't. By the time I've showered, dressed, dried my hair, and even put on a little make up, I still have ten minutes to kill before he's supposed to show up. Crap. I made my way downstairs, and I saw Charlie in the kitchen with some toast and coffee in front of him. I popped two pieces of bread into the toaster and turned around to face him.

"Dad, you're going to be nice to Edward, right?"

He looked up at me, feigning innocence, "Bella. Why would I be anything but?"

I sighed, "He's important, okay? I just; please. Be nice to him. Please. For me."

He tapped his fingers on the table, "I won't start anything if he doesn't."

I was about to argue with him when I heard the doorbell ring. Love Edward and his timing. I shot Charlie another pointed glace and head over to the door, throwing it open with a little too much excitement.

Edward looked up at me, grinning. "Hey, Sweetheart. How'd you sleep?"  
I just laughed and threw myself at him, kissing him hard and breathing in that freshly showered Edward smell. He kissed me right along, not bothering to put me down or let me go. That is; until Charlie cleared his throat rather loudly.

I sighed and Edward put me down, giving me another quick kiss on the forehead. "Ready?"

He asked, taking my hand.

"Yeah."

I led him into the kitchen, but just before we reached the doorway, he stepped in front of me putting himself in Charlie's line of vision.

"Chief Swan, It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Edward Cullen."

Who the hell is this and what has he done with my boyfriend?

"Edward. It seems you've taken an…interest in my daughter.

Edward glanced over at me, smiling "I'd say it's more than an interest, sir. I'd have to say I've fallen for her."

Okay, I'll admit it; I swooned. Charlie grunted.

"Look, kid. I know all about your reputation, and if you hurt her or so much as make her flinch—"

"Chief Swan, I promise, no harm will ever come to Isabella when I'm around."

Charlie nodded, taking in Edward's serious stare.

"Well, okay then. Bella?"

I stood next to Edward looking at my father. Then he raised his eyebrows and cocked his head in Edward's direction, silently asking him to leave. Edward took the hint and leaned over, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll wait for you outside."

I nodded leaning into his touch a little bit, and I caught Charlie rolling his eyes. As soon as the front door clicked shut, he spoke.

"Listen, I still don't like this, and I'm not saying I completely approve of this, but I decided to…loosen up."

I perked up instantly.

"You can see Edward any day after school from the time I get home until 8 o'clock. No exceptions. And you can also go out with him on the weekends, but only during daylight hours. And if you sleep over at the Cullen's you have to be locked from the inside and the outside in whatever room you're sleeping in. Understand."

I nodded, excitedly.

Charlie chuckled a little, then rolled his eyes at me, "Good. Now get outta here before I change my mind."

I grabbed my stuff and my pieces of toast, and headed out to Edward. But I paused as I got near my dad, placing my hand on his arm, and kissing his cheek. "Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"Love you, too, Bells. Now get goin'"

I laughed a little, and headed out the door, but I slipped on a patch of ice at the bottom of the steps. No worries; Edward caught me.

"Easy, snuggle bunny. I don't need to break my promise to the chief just yet."

I glared at him, and he set me upright and I handed him one of my pieces of toast.

"So, what'd he say?" He said as he chewed.

"Well, you're allowed over for three hours every afternoon, and we're allowed to go out on the weekends, but only during the day, and I'm allowed to stay over your house again. But I have to be locked completely in whatever room I'm in."

He nodded, slipping an arm around my waist and walking me to my truck. "Seems fair."

"Glad you approve."

He opened the door, and helped me in. "I'll pick you up at four, okay? Be careful; it's icy."

I kissed him, then smiled as we pulled away, "I will. I love you."

"Love you too, Bella."

He threw another smile in my direction and headed toward his own car, pulling away in front of me.

In that moment, it didn't matter that he would some day be tired of me, or that we could crash and burn. I had him, and he loved me.

And you know what?

Sometimes that's enough.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Hey guys!! Thanks for all of your reviews for the last one, they were awesome! So anyways, this one's on the short side of life, but it needs to be…you'll see why… And meet my new beta, KittenInACup, she rocks my socks, and she'll rock yours, too so go check her out for me._

_Also, please go and read the Alice/Jasper one shot that I got a million and one PM's for, k? =]_

_And yeah, I don't own this; S. Meyer does…_

Chapter 16

**BPOV**

My hours at the library weren't terrible. I only worked part time, so that meant I got at lest ten hours a week of uninterrupted reading time. The teen section, where I worked, was basically deserted on the weekends, and I liked having that time to myself.

Don't get me wrong; I loved spending that time with Edward, but hey…everybody needs some time alone.

Edward.

I was so completely and utterly in love with him. Every little thing he did, every look he gave me made my heart flutter and my stomach flip. Yeah, I know; it's corny but it's true. I loved him that completely. And when he tells me he loves me infinitely…oh my god, it's the sexiest thing in the world.

And the best part is, I know he means it.

I glanced up at the clock: quarter to four.

I shut down my computer, and gathered up my stuff to head down to check out for the day with Jen, who usually runs my shifts. I took the stairs to the main lobby and saw her sitting at the front desk

"Hey, Jen!" I called. She looked up as I approached, her bright blue eyes gleaming at me.

"Good afternoon, Bella. Everything okay upstairs?"

"Yup. It was fine. I'm just waiting for Edward; he's taking me to drop my truck off at the mechanic."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's just making some weird noises, so Charlie thought I should get it checked out. No big deal."

The smile returned to her delicate features, "Okay, dear. As long as you're sure."

"Don't worry about it, Jen," I heard Edward call from behind me. "I've got her."

I spun around, unable to keep the smile off my face.

"Hey, Sunshine. How was your day?" He said, wrapping me up in his arms.

"Edward, when are you going to just pick one?" He had this whole thing about pet names. He just freaking loved them.

He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, and pretended to think about it. "Mmmm, never, Bella brownie. They're all perfect for you, so how could I stick to only one?"

I sigh, exasperated with him, but still head over heels. "I dunno, Sweet Cheeks, I just don't know."

I turned back to Jen, giving her a quick smile. "Bye, Jen."

"Good-bye, Bella. We'll see you for dinner?"

I nodded eagerly, as Edward slipped an arm around my waist and pressed a kiss to my temple.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you have to call me Sweet Cheeks?"

"Why? You don't like it?"

He laughed a little, "It's just a little…wimpy, don't you think?"

I smirked and reached down to grab his ass. "Well, you do have sweet cheeks."

He rolled his eyes, laughing, "Easy, tiger. We don't want to give the old folks a floor show."

I laughed as he pushed me up against his car and kissed me full on the lips. It honestly didn't matter how often we did this; I loved every single second of it. His lips against mine, the feel of his fingers on my cheeks, the way his nose would trace the line of my own as we both caught our breath, it was heaven and it was all mine.

Mine.

I giggled against his lips and pushed him off of me; we had to be at the mechanic by 4:30 at the latest, and we were already treading a thin line.

"We gotta go. Follow me, okay?"

"Bella, why don't you just fuck it and let me buy you a new car? Anything you want; just name it. An Audi? A Benz? Seriously, you name it."

"Edward, you are not buying me a car."

"Why not?"

"It's too much."

"Not for my Bella brownie."

I rolled my eyes at him again, "You're just mad that you can't drive such an amazing machine."

He scoffed. "Yeah, like I'd ever trade in my baby."

"It's not as great as you seem to think it is."

He raised an eyebrow at me, but I held my ground. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. You couldn't handle the awesomeness that is my truck."

"Alright, fine." He said, putting his keys in my hand and taking mine.

"What are you doing?"

"You take my car, and I'll take yours. Then we'll definitely know who's got the better ride."

"A-are you sure?" I got nervous; Edward never let anyone drive his car—_ever._

"Bella brownie, don't tell me you're intimidated?"

When I saw the challenging look in his eye I knew it was too late to back down. "No, not at all." I sounded twice as confident as I felt.

_Thank God._

He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and kissed my forehead gently, "I love you, Bella. Infinitely."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "Mmm, I love you, too."

He kissed me again, lingering a little but then he finally pulled away. Edward walked around to the other side of my truck and opened the door to climb in the driver's side.

"Be careful, okay? If anything happens to the Volvo there will be consequences."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, Sweet Cheeks. You got it."

I climbed into the Volvo, and realized that Edward was right. This was much better than my truck. I flicked on the radio and pulled out of the space, checking to make sure Edward had pulled out behind me.

And there he was, in my rearview mirror, drumming his fingers over the steering wheel, trying to concentrate on the road.

Perfectly content to be totally surrounded by Edward, I smiled a little wonder how I got this lucky.

Whatever; I'm just glad I did.

**EPOV**

My brown eyes are too stubborn for their own good. As I followed her to the mechanic, I thought about how I was going to replace her truck without her noticing. With Jen's approval, I had already ordered Bella a Volkswagen Eos. I picked a VW because I figured she would be less likely to turn it down, since it wasn't technically a luxury car.

Not that I thought she would turn it down; I was going to hide her truck from her.

I let Bella get a little farther a head of me, taking delight in the fact that she was in a car that could actually perform on the road, instead of puttering along the way hers does.

The light in the intersection changed to green, and Bella went through.

Then all of the happiness in my being was gone as I watched a big black Mercedes collide with my Volvo.

_Oh, God. Please, please no._

_Bella._


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: So I love you all of reviewing for me yesterday…still completely blows my mind that so many of you are interested, but I really do appricate it when you add this to your alerts/favs…makes my day that much better…leave Edward some love for this one, too??? He's having a rough day…_

_Oh, and Stephie Meyer owns this; not me_

Chapter 17

**EPOV**

I pulled her truck to the side and jumped out as fast as I could to get to my brown eyes.

_Fuck. What have I done?_

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

The driver in the Mercedes got out and put her hands on her head and gaped at the gnarled mess of steel that used to be my car.

_Bella. Please, no._

_Fuck._

I was on the passenger side in an instant and once I saw Bella, my world broke. Her head was bent forward, her hair falling like a curtain around her face, and I could see the steady trickle of blood pooling on the airbag. I threw the door open, and was about to crawl in to get Bella out when I felt a hand on my arm.

"This isn't your concern, son. Why don't you just get going? Let the adults handle this."

_Fuck you and get away from my brown eyes._

I pulled my arm out of his grip and crawled across the seat to Bella. I lifted her face into my hands, and I thought I was going to die. Her skin was so pale, so pale, and there were deep purple bruises forming along her collar bone and across her neck.

But there was so much fucking blood.

So much blood.

"Bella, It's gonna be okay; you're gonna be okay. I promise, Bella. Please. Please, stay with me; don't leave me. Please."

I kissed her forehead gently and unclipped the seat belt, pulling her into my arms and out of the car. A group of people had gathered around us as I laid Bella on the ground.

_Oh, God please…not Bella, Not my Bella…not my brown eyes…please…_

I pulled off my jacket and put it around her to keep her warm, and I grabbed some napkins from my pocket and pressed them to her head. I heard somebody sobbing, and at first I thought it was that asshole lady who hit the car, but then I realized, as I saw the wetness dripping onto my jacket, that it was coming from me. I pulled Bella closer, and cried into her, not embarrassed that someone would see me just completely and utterly terrified that I wouldn't ever see my brown eyes again. Then I heard her voice; it was so faint that I probably wouldn't have heard it if she hadn't been so close:

"Edward…"

"Bella, I'm here. Baby, I'm here. You're gonna be okay."

I heard her swallow, "Don't cry, S-sweet Cheeks. I love you."

"I love you so, so much. Please Bella, Please…"

I started sobbing again as her eyes fluttered closed. I was fucking losing her; every second that passed was pulling her farther and farther away from me, even though I was holding her as tight as I thought she could stand it.

"Edward? Edward, what happened?"

The voice behind me was frantic, but trying to remain calm for the sake of those watching. But the sound of it made me cry harder. It cemented the fact that I had done this to my brown eyes.

I had fucked up.

"Chief, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just—it…and then that fucking whore in the Mercedes…Oh, God. I will kill that fucking bitch…"

I felt Charlie put his hand on my shoulder; "Edward, the ambulance is going to be here shortly," His voice was strangled and I could tell he was on the verge of tears himself. "You can follow in Bella's truck, okay?"

I heard the sirens getting louder as they approached, and something clicked in my brain, "No. I'm going in there with her."

"Edward…"

"No! I'm getting in that fucking thing and you can't fucking stop me."

I heard the paramedics coming toward me, and someone with latex gloves one trying to pry Bella from my grasp. Unwillingly, I let her go, sobbing even harder at the emptiness that consumed me.

They worked on her a little right there, then lifted her on to a gurney with a backboard and a neck brace to get into the ambulance. I followed. There is no fucking way I was going to be apart from my brown eyes any second longer than I had to. They told me to sit next to the gurney, and I held Bella's hand tightly as we sped through the streets toward the hospital. The paramedics were talking all around us, and I couldn't take it anymore; I needed it to be us again, just Bella and I.

Fuck anyone else.

I leaned over to press my lips onto her cheek, but I gasped at how cold her skin felt.

"Isabella, please. Don't go; don't leave me. I love you so much. Please—"

I would have kept going, but the ambulance lurched to a stop and the doors swung open and they pulled Bella out.

I followed the gurney as far as I could until a female doctor put a hand on my chest and told me to wait.

So I did.

For hours.

I paced to try and make the time go faster, but all it made me do was think of Bella: Bella and I at the harbor; Bella and I in her bed in the morning; Bella and I in my annex the day we had sex for the first time.

The day she saved me at La Push; the day she thought I let Stanley give me head; the first day I snuck into her room and apologized; the first day I saw her; the first night I dreamt of her.

_Bella, Please. Please. Please._

Charlie came shortly after we did, but he didn't say anything to me. He was just…there. A shell of his former self.

"Edward, it's not your fault."

I turned to look at him, incredulously.

He leaned forward in his seat, and rested his arms on his knees. "It could have happened to anyone. Frankly, it's probably better that she was driving your car; Volvos are much safer than rickety old Ford's."

"Chief, it should have been me. Don't you get it? It should have been me. If I hadn't switched with her…"

"It would have been her in her truck. Edward, there's nothing you could have done. It's not your fault. She wouldn't want you to feel like this."

"How are you so fucking calm?"

He sighed, and leaned back in his chair. "I'm still in shock. It still hasn't hit me that it's my baby girl in there. But as soon as your father comes out, I'm sure it'll sink in."

Fuck.

I forgot about Carlisle.

He will fucking kill her. He's like Dr. Grim Reaper or some shit.

He cannot touch my brown eyes.

I sunk down against the wall, listening to Bella's voice in my head, telling me that everything will work out and that she loves me.

Fuck this, I need _her._

Alice and Jasper show up as the sun goes down with Jen. My sister was crying hard, like there was no tomorrow, and she kept it up all night. It made me want to die that I had done that to her. But Whitlock, fuck, Whitlock just sat there and held my sister while she cried, and kept her comfortable.

I was holding my head in my hands as I sat there, letting the tears fall silently, and I feel Jen sink down next to me.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"No."

I felt her arm wrap around me, and her hand tangle in my hair. It only reminded me of Bella; everything reminds me of Bella. "Honey, I'm sure she'll be fine; It's not nearly as bad as when Es—"

"Don't fucking say it." I hiss.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I never wanted for you to go through with this again."

"It's the same, isn't it? It's exactly the same fucking thing, and I can't help Bella, just like I couldn't help her."

"Oh, baby, it's not your fault. It wasn't ever your fault."

I shook my head because I just couldn't fucking take it anymore. Bella was lying in that room because of me.

Because I fucked up.

"Chief Swan?"

At the sound of Carlisle's voice, my head snaps up and I can see him coming toward us, his scrubs covered in blood.

Bella's blood.

_Fuck, what have I done?_

I stand up quickly as Charlie goes over to Carlisle, who starts peeling off his gloves, not making eye contact.

"Chief, I'm sorry, but it seems that Bella's injuries are quite severe. We've stabilized her, but she's going to need some surgery to stop the internal bleeding."

Charlie nodded and took a deep breath. "But she's going to be okay? She'll make it, right?"  
"Yes, she should be fine. Nothing but a minor concussion, and eight stitches to the cut above her eye."

"Can I see her?"

"Yes, of course. She'll only be conscious for a few more moments, so you'll have to keep it brief."

They headed down the hall, and I followed, but Carlisle turned and put a hand on my chest. "No, Edward. You'll only make it worse."

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked from him to the Chief, who was being led away by the same female doctor from before.

"Carlisle!" I can hear Jen yelling as she gets closer to us, but I didn't let her finish her thought.

"Listen up, motherfucker, because this might be the last fucking thing I ever say to you: If anything happens to Bella, I will fuck kill you. You will be in a million fucking pieces and I still won't be satisfied. You took my mother and I will fight like hell if you try and take Bella, you smug bastard!"

I could feel the anger welling up inside of me and waited for Carlisle to respond. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but instead of anger taking the place of the initial shock on his face, all I saw was…pity and guilt.

Fuck.

He let out a deep sigh, and patted my shoulder before heading down the hall the way he came. I felt Jen's arms wrap around me again, and I just fucking sobbed into her, like a fucking baby. I cried for my mother and I cried for Bella, the two most important people in my fucking existence—and I couldn't save either one.

Jen led me back over to the chairs and we sat facing Alice and Jasper, waiting to hear any news. It was taking too fucking long. I started to think the worst: what if Bella didn't…what if she couldn't…fuck.

I couldn't take that. I just couldn't fucking do that. There wouldn't be any point to me wasting air to put in my lungs if I couldn't see my brown eyes.

I knew what I had to do; now I just needed to figure out how to do it.

***

The rest of the night passed by slowly. Jasper and Alice stayed curled up in the waiting room, murmuring to each other. That pissed me off.

Emmett and Rosalie showed up for awhile, but left after there hadn't been any change.

That pissed me off, too.

Jen, though, she stayed with me all fucking night. She kept rubbing my back and cooing to me while I cried. It was nice; but I really wanted my mother.

After a while I had to tell her to leave; I just couldn't take her pity anymore, and I just wanted to be alone. I was making my way down the hall when I saw Charlie again.

"Edward," he said, smiling slightly. I just looked at him.

"She's going to be alright. Everything went fine. She'll be in here for a couple of days, but after that she should be fine."

I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding.

She was going to be okay; she was going to come back to me.

"She…she wanted me to tell you that she's—" He chuckled a little and ran a hand through his hair. "She wanted me to tell you that she's sorry about your car."

Yeah, my brown eyes _would_ say that.

"Listen, she's unconscious, but you can go see her if you want." I perked up. Seeing my brown eyes would be a fucking privilege. Charlie handed me a slip of paper with her room number, and I bolted up the stairs and raced to her room; the elevator takes too fucking long. The door was propped open, and I took a few deep breaths before I stepped inside.

But once I did, my heart fucking broke.

Bella was lying in the bed, and her skin was so pale it matched the starched white sheets. She had dark purple bruises under her eyes, tubes coming out of her arms, and a neat patch of gauze above her left eye.

_Oh, God. Bella, I am so sorry._

I went over to the bed slowly because, I hate to admit it, but I was fucking terrified.

"Bella?" I called softly.

Nothing.

I pulled the chair up so I was sitting next to her bed, and took her tiny hand in mine. "Bella, please?"

Nothing.

Just me, begging, on the verge of tears, and the steady beat of her heart monitor.

I leaned in and pressed a kiss into her cheek. It didn't feel like her, though. It was dry and rough against my lips, and that only made me sadder. I guess I was hoping that something wouldn't have changed.

"Bella, baby? Can you hear me?"

Nothing.

"Honey, I love you so much, sweetheart. So, so much. Baby, you can call me anything you want; I don't care, and I promise I'll never complain about it again. Well, okay, maybe I will a little, but I'll only be teasing. Oh, God Bella. I am so fucking sorry. I should have had you follow me; I should have made you take your truck. Fuck, Bella, I just should have done the whole fucking thing for you."

I was bawling now. I just couldn't hold it back anymore.

"Baby, the sad thing is, I bought you a car. A brand new fucking car. And you're still getting it, because I love you so fucking much it hurts. I can't do this without you; I can't do any of this without you. Me, without you…no. Just no. It doesn't work, remember. Baby, I know I'm being selfish, but I need you to be okay. Please, baby. Please."

I couldn't say anything else after that; it was too much. I wanted it to be me in that bed, not her. She didn't deserve this; she didn't deserve any of it.

Jasper and Alice found me after awhile, and told me they were leaving; it was getting late. Whatever. Get the fuck away from me and my brown eyes.

Then some nurse lady tried to get me to leave; I just told her to fuck off. Didn't she know my father was Chief of Staff?

I heard her babbling into a phone, but I can honestly didn't give a fuck. But I did a few seconds later when there was a knock on Bella's door.

"Edward? It's getting late. Maybe you should get home."

Fucking prick.

Like hell I was leaving my brown eyes.

Like hell.

"No."

"Edward, please?"

He was fucking pleading with me. I looked up, and for once I didn't see Carlisle Cullen: Ape Shit Wonder of the World, I saw my father.

My dad.

"At least come and get a cup of coffee. You can come right back down if that's what you want."

I sighed and looked back over at Bella, who was still unconscious. I didn't want to go; I didn't want to leave her there alone. If she woke up and I wasn't there…

"Edward, Please. They need to check Bella's vitals. I promise, she shouldn't wake up before you get back."

I nodded at him, and kissed Bella on the forehead, telling her I'd be back soon. I followed Carlisle down to the Cafeteria, where he bought two coffees and a sandwich, and then to an empty table at the other end of the room. I sat across from him and he passed me the sandwich and a coffee, and fuck I was hungry, so I ate.

I didn't say anything and neither did he. He just waited for me to finish before he said, "Edward, I'm sorry for before. I-I didn't realize how…attached you were."

I glared at him. "Well, now you do."

He nodded, "Yes, I suppose I do. I guess I never realized how much your mother's death affected you. I always knew you were sensitive to it; but I never imagined you blamed me for her death."

"Who else would I blame? You were driving the fucking car; you pulled the fucking plug. Who else is there Carlisle?"

He looked at me like I had just stabbed him in the chest. "Edward, I—do you realize how hard it was for me to make that decision? She was the love of my life, son. My reason for being, lying in a hospital bed, and she wasn't coming back. It was horrible…and now, to see you going through the same thing. It's torture. You've been through enough, son. But thankfully, Bella should be okay."

I just looked at him, and for the first time I realized how much my parents were in love. In love like Bella and I. I tried to think about how I would have felt if Bella had been hooked up to a ventilator; if I had been her husband and I had to make the decision to cut off her life support.

"How did you do it?" I asked, disbelieving. I wasn't really sure I wanted to know the answer.

He sighed. "Once they told me that she was brain dead…that there was no hope, I couldn't let her continue like that. It wouldn't have been fair to her; she wouldn't have wanted that."

I didn't know what to say. Carlisle reached over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"I think of Esme every day, Edward. Every fucking day."

_Me too._

I felt myself start to shake again, and in an instant I was in my father's arms. I felt whole; like I got something back that I was missing. I heard Carlisle—my dad—tell me he loved me, and for once I didn't mind it.

He pulled away and we stood. "Edward, I promise you Bella will be fine. It's not the same. She's so lucky that she was in your Volvo; if she'd been in the truck, without air bags…she certainly would've been killed."

I just nodded at him, and picked up my coffee to head back to my brown eyes. My dad walked beside me in silence until we reached his office. "We'll check on you in the morning, son. But call if you need anything."

"Thanks, Dad."

He smiled and gave me a quick nod. I just walked away. I was too fucking tired, my friend. Too fucking tired. I rounded the corner, flicking the tab on my coffee cup when I heard:

"**EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: Hey you!! Love you guys so freaking much for all of your awesome reviews for the last one; I know I left you hanging, but hopefully this chapter will make up for it._

_This one's for HerAlice09… hope you like it!_

_Anywhoo, guys do me a huge favor and go check out the teaser for what could possible be my next story: Window to Your Mind. I could do that or a sequel to this…or both, but really I want to do what you guys want to read, so you know…leave me one_

_Oh, and I don't own this; All Stephenie Meyer_

Chapter 18

**EPOV**

"**EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

My heart literally stopped beating in my fucking chest. I was imagining it; it couldn't be Bella calling me. She was unconscious; Carlisle said—

"**EDWARD-D…"**

That time her voice trailed off into a strangled sob and I took off down the hall toward her room. I fucked up yet again, and now my brown eyes are alone and terrified.

_What the fuck have I done?_

I grabbed the door frame to pull myself to a stop, and when I looked at her—fuck.

She was leaning forward, and there were huge tears rolling down her cheeks. Her lips were quivering and she was literally sobbing. The minute she saw me, though, her eyes snapped shut and she let out another sob, so I ran for her. I braced myself on the edge of her bed and took her face in my hands and tried to kiss the tears off of her face.

"No…no…" she sobbed, and I pulled away. "Hold me. I need you to hold me."

"Baby, I can't. You're broken; I'll just hurt you."

She shook her head as much as my hands would allow. "Please?"

What my brown eyes want my brown eyes get.

I pulled myself onto her bed, and kneeling in front of her, I pulled her into me as much as I thought she could handle. But Bella…Bella just started sobbing into me harder, and taking fistfuls of my tee shirt and pulling me closer. I tried to comfort her any way I could, smoothing back her hair and planting kisses where I could, but she kept sobbing.

I have never felt so fucking useless in my entire fucking life.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

I turned my head slightly, and saw the same pain in the ass nurse stand in Bella's doorway.

"I don't care who your father is; I will not hesitate to call security!"

"Edward, no. Please, please don't leave me," Bella sobbed into my shirt. I rubbed light circles into her back. There was no way in fucking hell I was leaving. Not as long as she wanted me.

I watched the nurse come around to the side of the bed and pull a syringe from her pocket.

"Edward, please, don't let her give it to me. Please, I want to stay with you. Please."

"If you fucking touch her, I will personally make sure you'll never be able to use your arms again."

Her eyes widened with fury and she was about to say something, but Carlisle's voice intervened.

"Nurse Rachett, that's enough. If Bella hasn't settled down in twenty minutes, we'll sedate her."

She gaped at him, but since he's Dr. Chief of Staff, she fucked off.

"Calm her down. I mean that," he said, closing the door behind him.

Bella was still sobbing and clinging to me, and I lightly ran my finger across her cheek. It almost felt like her.

"Bella Brownie, what's wrong? Baby, why are you crying like this?"

"I-I thought y-you were g-gone…"

"Where else would I be?" I asked, kissing her forehead gently.

"I dunno…"

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Baby, I'm here."

"I-I'm sorry about your car."

"Baby, fuck the car. How are you? Shit. Am I hurting you?"

She had calmed down a lot by then, and she started nuzzling gently into my chest. I let out a deep sigh. I was just happy that she was fucking conscious. She tried to speak again, but I stopped her. I didn't want her to waste her limited strength talking to me. So we sat there; and I rocked her, humming her song and trying not to cry. I couldn't believe that I'd let this happen. If I thought I hurt when she was out, it hurt much, much worse when she was awake and I could see her react. It fucking broke me. She fell asleep shortly thereafter; I put her back down against the pillow, and I resumed my vigil at her bedside. After a while, I gave into the fatigue and put my head on the side of her bed and put her hand on top of my head. Maybe it would keep the dreams at bay.

***

It only seemed like a few minutes later when I felt the hand in my hair start to twitch.

"Edward?" Bella said, her voice sounding tired and weak.

"Yeah, Bella Brownie?"

"I love you."

I laughed a little. "I love you, too. Infinitely."

I lifted my head and took her hand and kissed it. "You okay?"

"Mmm. Better. I'm glad you stayed."

"Where else would I be?"

She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, and for a brief moment, I forgot where we were, and it was just Bella and I again.

"Bella?"

"Edward, I broke the Volvo!" she blurted, squeezing her eyes shut, trying not to cry.

My girl is so ridiculous.

"B, like I already said: fuck the car."

Her eyes opened slowly, and it was almost like she was trying to see if I was lying. "But you said that there would be consequences…if I hurt the Volvo."

"You think I would break up with you because some idiot bastard woman hit my car?"

She looked at me like that was exactly what she thought I was about to do.

Not gonna lie, it kind of broke my heart.

But I sucked it up and leaned over so that my forehead was pressed so gently into hers.

"Sweetheart, you're my whole fucking world, and the moment you got hurt, I got hurt. If could switch places with you, I would. Baby, in a fucking heartbeat, I would. I hate more than anything that it wasn't me; I hate that I let you go in front of me, and I hate that there's nothing I could do to stop it. You're everything; like I said, none of it means a fucking thing without you."

She didn't say anything, and all I could see was the thick fringe of lashes around my brown eyes.

"Bella?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I love you. Nothing is more important than that, okay? Nothing."

"I know," she breathed.

I lifted my face to kiss her gently, and she reached up to trace my cheek bone and smiled at me. It was a perfect fucking smile that I didn't deserve, but I sure as hell would take it because I'm a selfish fucking bastard.

"So, was I out for very long?"

"No, just most of last night. Do you remember waking up?"

She cast her eyes down, and started fidgeting again. "I'm sorry for that; I wasn't really thinking."

I grabbed her hand again, "Bella, don't you ever apologize for needing something from me. I should have been here; that was my fault. If any one should be sorry, it's me."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Edward, you cannot be here every second of every minute."

"You don't want me here?" I said, feeling rejected. I tried to hide it from her, but she must've been able to tell because she pulled her had from mine and put it in my hair, sweeping it off of my forehead.

"I want you here. Of course I want you here! How could you say that? I always want you…I just…I don't want you to feel like you _have_to be here."

I smiled, and laughed a little. "Like I said, Bella Brownie, where else would I be?"

The nurse came with Bella's breakfast tray, and I helped her eat, then we watched TV and played cards until Alice and Jasper showed up with lunch.

"Oh God, Bella!" Alice wailed, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. "Are they giving you a hydrating drip? Because you don't look hydrated."

Leave it to my sister to worry about Bella's skin when she was almost fucking killed. Sometimes I feel like I need proof that we're twins.

Jasper poked her in the side with one finger and gave her a stern glare. "Mary Alice…"

She looked back up at him, and I swear to fucking God they must communicate telepathically because she immediately gasped and rushed over to Bella's side.

"That's not what I meant! I only meant that I thought you could use some lotion? You know because it smells nice? Not that you smell! No, you don't; you smell lovely…like hospital? Oh, hell I can't get any of this right—"

"Alice, it's fine calm down!" Bella said, laughing, "If anyone smells, it's ape man over here."

Then I realize that that comment was directed at me. Then they're all staring at me, like I have fucking mold growing out of my ears.

"What?"

"Cullen," Jasper says, laughing. "You do kind of smell."

I gingerly lift the collar of my shirt to my nose and take a whiff. Yeah, I'm kind of rancid.

I sigh, rubbing my hands over my jeans, "Okay. I'll run down to Carlisle's office and see of I can grab some scrubs and take a shower—"

"Edward, go home," Bella says, eyeing me.

"What?"

"Go home and take a shower in your own bathroom with your own soap and your own clothes. I don't want you here unless you smell like Edward."

She has a playful glint in her eye, and I can't help but want to keep it there. I will do anything for my brown eyes.

Absolutely anything.

"Okay, fine, you win, Love."

I stood up and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, "Thanks, Sweet Cheeks. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll be back in a little bit, okay?"

Alice hands me the keys to her car, since I didn't have one anymore, and I made my way down to the garage. I have to say, I hate Alice's Mercedes. It's so fucking…Alice. I drove back to my house quicker than I intended to get the hell away from that thing. When I pulled in the driveway, though, there was an unfamiliar green Toyota sedan parked in the driveway.

_What the fuck?_

I tried to sneak in through the garage, but as soon as I shut the door, I heard Carlisle calling me.

"Edward? Could you come into the dining room, please?"

_Fuck, this could not be good._

I walked over slowly, not fully wanting to, but knowing that making an appearance there was inevitable. But nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in that room.

_What the fuck is this?_

I was looking at the worst fucking thing you could possibly think of: my father, Jen and my shrink sitting around the dining room table. Jen was already crying, and it seemed like my father was, too.

"Edward, you remember Dr. Brady, right?" Jen asked.

I nodded, narrowing my eyes in his direction.

"It's good to see you again, Edward," the asshole said, smiling like the shithead he is.

I didn't say anything.

No one spoke, and I sure as hell wasn't going to break the silence. I just wanted to get upstairs, take my fucking shower and get back to Bella. Fuck whatever shit was happening here.

Dr. Brady looked between Jen and Carlisle, then to me as he started talking.

"Edward, I don't know if you know this or not, but I was actually at the scene yesterday when your little friend was injured."

I actually scoffed at that statement. This shit thought Bella was my 'little friend'.

Ha.

"And I have to say, your behavior at the scene was…startling to say the least." He turned his gaze from me to Carlisle, who had his jaw clenched tightly shut, not making eye contact. "Like I said, Dr. Cullen, it's an obvious case of transference—"

"NO!" I yelled, slamming my fists down on the table. I saw Jen jump a little then reach out to put a hand on my arm.

"No, Mrs. Cullen. This is how we got into this mess in the first place."

"Excuse me?" I sneered. Where the fuck does he get off?

"Edward, anyone could see that you were, once again, mourning the loss of your mother. Transferring that loss onto this…Isabella Swain?"

"Swan, you fucktard."

"Edward."

"Dr. Shit-face."

"Honey, please…" Jen said, meekly, but I noticed she didn't reach her hand to me again.

I sunk down into the seat nest to her, running a hand through my hair. Dr. Brady cleared his throat and started again.

"Edward, I'm here because I think it would be in your best interest to go to a rehab facility in Utah where you can sort through your depression and your odd attachment to your mother."

Odd attachment to my mother. I will give you a fucking odd attachment to my mother, you perverted dickwad psychopath.

"Listen, fuck-face, my shit is my shit. Who the fuck are you to come in here and say that you know anything about what I went through? My mother died. The most important woman in my fucking world died. Don't even pretend you have the slightest idea what that's like."

"I lost her, too." Carlisle said, meeting my eye for the first time.

"Not like I did."

"No, not like you did. I lost my _wife_, Edward; the mother of my children and the love of my life. She was my entire world! How do you not understand that? I killed my happiness! Do you know how many times I've wished it was me, instead? Every God damned minute of everyday!

"When I lost control that night…and I heard Esme screaming…I felt so utterly helpless. For Christ sakes, I'm a doctor! I couldn't even save my own wife!"

He buried his face in his hands for a moment no one said anything. I just sat in my seat, completely confused. Then, his head snapped back up and his eyes refocus on my own.

"The entire time she was on life support, I thought it was literally going to kill me to watch her waste away like that. You have to understand, that I never imagined my life without her. It took every thing in me not to…follow her when she went.

"You can not even begin to comprehend how hard that was; how unbearable it was to think that I wouldn't get to see her in the mornings, or have dinner with at night. I wouldn't have any more children with her, wouldn't ever kiss her again. Edward, it was a nightmare. But then I remembered what kind of woman _my wife_was. She wouldn't have wanted me to wallow in self pity; she would have wanted me to think of you, Alice and Emmett. She wouldn't have withdrawn like I wanted to. She would have been stronger."

"You moved on!" I spat, with a little more venom than I intended "You married Jen and you forgot about Mom!"

Fuck. I didn't even realize I felt that way until I said it.

"No," Carlisle shook his head, vehemently. "Like I said, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about your mother. All I have to do is look at the three of you, and I see her; especially you. Jen—I love Jen, with all my heart, but I think that the reason we've worked is because she's never expected me to deny Esme. And then again, I love her differently; she raised my children, and frankly, that's a lot more than most women would do. Especially with you, with the way you withdrew from all of us after the accident. Edward, do you have any idea how hard it was for me to watch you go through that? And then on top of it, you wouldn't even talk to me or Alice or Emmett. Just Jen."

He shook his head again, as if I were the total fucking conundrum in the room. Dr. Brady just looked shell shocked, and I couldn't help the smug smile that crept across my face.

"Well, Dr. Cullen. It seems that I couldn't have come soon enough."

"No, I'm not finished yet." Carlisle was shooting death stares at him, but quickly came back to me. "I lost my wife, but I will not lose my son, too. I've let this go for too long; let you ignore me and act like a spoiled brat, but that's done. I want my son back."

He started to shake, and these huge tears started rolling down his face. He looked like a little kid, crying over a missing truck.

"I just want my son," he added in a whisper.

All of a sudden, it felt like everything clicked. All of these years, when I felt like Carlisle didn't care, when it felt like he hadn't wanted to know me, he had really just been giving me space. But now I realized that he felt guilt: guilt for killing the woman he loved. The very same guilt I would have been facing if Bella had died yesterday.

"Dad…" I said, my voice coming out in a strangled whisper. "Dad, I-I get it."

"Get what?" He sounded totally dead.

Fuck.

"The incident—or accident, whatever. I get it. Because the way you feel about Mom is the way I feel about Bella. I love her so much; it hurts most of the time. And yesterday, to literally watch her slip away…it was excruciating. But you have to understand; with Mom, I never felt like I fit in with you guys, but she always made sure I was included. I separated myself because I lost my…my reason to be included." I looked down at my hands folded in my lap and saw Jen's come to rest in mine. "I don't know if that makes sense. It's just the way I feel."

I heard Dr. Brady clear his arrogant throat again and his chair push out.

"Clearly, Dr. Cullen, Edward needs help, fast. His attachment to Ms. Swain is obviously bordering on obsessive and he isn't functioning as a proper teenager should. I'll be more than happy to take him off your hands at this time."

"_**Take him off our hands?**_" Jen screeched at him. I looked up and saw steel in her blue eyes, and she was almost trembling from the anger.

"You will _never_ talk about my son like he's some kind of disease that you can't be bothered with, ever again!"

"Jen—"

"No, Carlisle. He stepped over the line and I've kept my mouth shut long enough." She turned back to the doctor like she was going to kill him, right here in the dining room. "My son may be troubled, but he's a good boy, with a good heart and more compassion than you'll ever have! So don't you come into my home and tell me that my son is a scab on the otherwise perfect world. He used to cry in my arms every Thursday night after your sessions when you would 'purge' the memories from him. How could you even think to tell a ten year old BOY to get over his mother's death? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Mrs. Cullen, clearly, he's effected you too, perhaps we should—"

"NO. You. Are. Not. Listening. To. Me. I do not care what you have to say; just get the hell out of my house before I call the police."

I watched as Dr. Brady blinked at Jen, who was still giving him the death glare. Finally, he packed up his shit and left.

Thank fucking God.

I went to leave, to get in the shower and back to Bella, but Jen put her hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"No. You will work this out. Edward, it's time for you to forgive your father and yourself for what happened. It wasn't anyone's fault; it just happened. I'm sick of watching the guilt eat away at the both of you, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle." She sunk back down in her chair, cupping her face in her hands, "I just can't do it anymore. I can't." Then she reached up and put her hand around my wrist. "Please, honey. For me?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. I had to do this for her. For Bella. For my mother…for myself.

"Dad? Dad, I'm sorry."

"Don't say it if you don't mean it, Edward. I'm not expecting a miracle; I just want a change."

"No. No. I mean it. You deserve it. Dad, if Bella had died yesterday, I don't think I would have been able to handle it. I probably wouldn't even be here right now."

I heard Jen gasp next to me, but I kept my eyes on my father. "Maybe I love Bella obsessively, but fuck; she's all I see, and now…after actually _listening_ to you…you and mom…it's me and Bella…it's the same as me and Bella."

"Edward, love is obsession. It's everything that that person does meaning something to you, and your entire world hanging on their every word. It's like everything that they do makes or breaks you, and all you can do is pray to God that they don't break you."

He looked at me with knowing eyes, and for the first time in a very long time I felt like he got it. He smiled at me, and I can't help but grin back.

"You should get going, son. Bella's probably wondering where you've been."

I glanced up at the clock and I noticed that it's almost eight. Fuck.

I kissed Jen on the cheek quickly, and as I headed up the stairs and I could hear her and my dad talking to each other. Yeah, he loves her, too. But not like he loved my mom.

I took the quickest fucking shower known to man, and quickly rushed downstairs, grabbing the sandwich Jen left for me, and heading out the door.

All of a sudden, all I could think of is Bella.

Thank fucking God we have the rest of forever.

I parked Alice's car and raced up the stairs to Bella's room. Alice and Japer were sitting in the hall playing cards, but they stopped when I walked up to him.

"Everything okay, Cullen?" Jasper says.

"Dandy, asswipe." I tossed him the keys. "Take my sister home, okay?"

"You got it, shithead."

Alice gives me a meaningful glance, and I press a kiss to her forehead. "Love you, twin."

She hums contentedly, "Love you, too."

I watched them disappear around the corner, and I crept into Bella's room. She was asleep, with the reading lamp on next to her bed. I get beside her and kiss her eyelids, then her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled the goofiest fucking smile I've ever seen.

"Hey, Sweet Cheeks. I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Love Muffin."

Her nose wrinkled up in disgust. "Love Muffin?"

"No go?"

"Definitely not."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Okay, Bella Brownie. Whatever you want."

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Baby, I'll stay with you every night."

"No, like, get in here with me."

I eyed her IV skeptically. "Do you think we can?"

"I think I need you to."

"Okay."

What my brown eyes want, my brown eyes get, so I climbed into bed beside her and she curled up into me, just like she always does.

"Edward, I love you."

"I love you, too, Isabella. Infinitely."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: So, I edited the next few chapters because the way they were didn't flow with the direction the story is going. The edits will be from here forward, until I get to what used to be 21 (I have no idea how many chapters will be in between yet), and then everything will go back to normal. I'll try and get the rest of them up as soon as I can; you could probably expect at least one update per day, if not more. This one is pretty much the same, but there's more at the end, so make sure you read it._

_Steph Meyer owns this; not I._

Chapter 19

**BPOV**

I was released from the hospital a few days later, after the doctors were sure that there wasn't anything else wrong with me. Edward stayed with me the whole time; I mean he literally never left the hospital as long as I was there. Something about obsessive love or whatever.

I still felt terrible about his car, though. It was totally my fault that he didn't have his baby anymore.

I looked over at him as he drove my truck to the Volvo dealership to pick up his new car, and I realized that he looked…happier, almost as though a weight had been lifted from him. I was glad for it.

"Bella Brownie, what are you staring at?"

"Um, the perfection that is Edward Cullen."

"Hardly," he scoffed.

I leaned over and brushed my lips against his cheek. "No, you are. I just don't deserve it."

"Well, if that isn't the biggest lie of all time—"

"It's not a lie if it's a fact."

He rolled his eyes at me and laughed a little, pulling into the dealership. "Whatever you say, love, whatever you say."

I smiled smugly as he parked my truck, and as we got, out I couldn't help but gawk at row after row of incredibly beautiful, incredibly expensive cars.

"See something you like, beautiful?"

"I can't believe you're _this_ lucky," I said as he slipped an arm around my waist and we walked into the building.

"I have you, don't I?" he said, pressing a kiss into my forehead.

I didn't say anything; I still don't get why he's so enamored with me. It doesn't make sense, right?

He took me over to a perfect silver Volvo S40, just like his old one. I couldn't help the wave of guilt that rushed over me as we looked at the car.

"You okay, love?" Edward asks. He's got this perfectly concerned look on his face which only makes me feel that much worse.

I bit my lip and tried to think of a way to phrase what I was thinking.

"Are you sure I can't give you any money for the car? After all, it was my fault."

I watched his jaw clench ever so slightly, and then he closed his eyes and sighed.

_Oh, crap. I broke Edward._

I stood there watching him as he opened his eyes and stared at me.

"Bella, what part of 'fuck the car' was unclear?"

"N-none of it."

"Then would you please drop it?"

I just kind of stared at him. I mean, I was only trying to help; it was the right thing to do wasn't it? Shouldn't I want to help pay for the car that I ruined?

I turned away from him, because it felt like tears were eminent. I stared at my shoes. Shoes are good, right? They can be pretty, or ugly; any color you want. You know, shoes are pretty awesome; they're the ultimate functional fashion.

Please don't tell Alice I said that. Please.

Then I saw some men's shoes in front of mine, and I felt a man's hands on my face, then some men's lips on my forehead. I closed my eyes and let myself melt into him.

"Bella," he whispered. He was so close I could feel his lips moving against my forehead. "A stupid piece of metal could never be more important or more valuable to me than what I have in my hands right now. This is it; this is what it's all about."

I put my arms around his waist and pulled him into me, so I could bury my face in his chest. I felt Edward put his chin on my forehead, and his arms wrapped around me, rubbing circles on my back.

Yeah, I know; I over reacted. I usually do. That's just how I roll.

I heard some one clear his throat behind us, and Edward kissed the top of my hair and released me, turning to face the guy who I could only assume would be selling Edward his car. Dr. Cullen had already paid, so we were just picking it up.

Lucky duck.

Sometimes, especially in situations like this, it highlighted just how different Edward and I really were. He didn't want for anything, and while I didn't either, I don't think that I'll ever have a new car, or be able to pay for college without loans. I'll spend the rest of my life attempting to make ends meet as a whatever-you-can-be with an English degree, and Edward will have a beautiful life with a wonderful wife and gorgeous children. And that's what he deserved; after everything he's been through, he deserved a little happiness and deep down, I knew that I couldn't keep him happy forever. I just wasn't the type of girl who ends up with the completely perfect life, which meant that sooner, rather than later, Edward would leave me. Because deep down, he's knows I'm not enough, too.

His voice snapped me out of my day dream. "Sound good, Love?"

I nodded and tried to smile at him. This time we have together should be good, and I promised myself that it wouldn't be anything but. I did deserve _that_ didn't I?

He took my hand and we walked out to the parking lot, and he handed me my keys. Well, at least I thought they were my keys. They just didn't feel right in my palm. I looked down, and in my hand was one of those really cool flip keys with a VW logo on the front. I stared down at it disbelief.

_Since when do you buy a Volkswagen at a Volvo dealership?_

I walked back over to Edward, who had my favorite crooked smile on his face.

"You gave me the wrong keys, Sweet Cheeks."

"Did I?"

"Yup, see?"

"Bella Brownie, I bought myself a Volvo."

Okay, now I was confused. "So what's this for?"

He laughed a little and then kissed me on the forehead. "Happy Birthday, Love."

OH.

MY.

GOD.

"What do you mean? My birthday's not for months-"

"I missed the last one, and I thought I should make up for it."

He took the key from me and pressed the lock button and a car beeped. I spun around, and there, next to Edward's brand new Volvo, was a brand new VW.

Holy Hell; it was gorgeous. Silver, just like his and completely perfect, just like him.

"Edward…. What did you…How did you…What??"

I couldn't wrap my mind around this. My boyfriend just bought me a car.

A CAR.

Who does that?

Oh, yeah, Edward Cullen.

I shook my head at him. "I can't accept this. It's way too much."

He looked at me, with his perfect lips pursed. "Why not?"

"You can't just buy me a car."

"But it seems like I did."

"But you shouldn't have."

He was inching closer to me, "But I did."

"I can't keep it."

"Do you not like it?"

"No, I love it."

"Wrong color?"

"No."

"Well, then. It seems that there's nothing wrong with the car."

"It's too much!" I wailed, but by this time, he was pulling me into his arms and smiling down at me.

"Nothing is too much for my Bella."

And then he kissed me. It was a completely perfect kiss, just like him, and it made me forget about everything all at once. The world seemed to consist of Edward and I; nothing else mattered as his lips moved softly against mine.

He broke away and rested his forehead on mine.

"Can't you just say thank you?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I love you."

"Mmm, I love you, too."

"Let's get going, okay? Jen and my Dad are expecting us, and Alice wants to see your new car."

I took the key back from him and turned it over in my hands. I wondered if he would regret this purchase some day; if he would end up feeling like it was a waste because he bought it for me.

Probably.

But right now, it didn't quite matter, because Edward was watching me open the door with a satisfied smile on his face, and only love in his picture perfect green eyes.

"I love you, Bella Brownie. Infinitely."

"I love you, too, Sweet Cheeks."

He smiled at me, and I could tell that he meant it; it was like everything I needed to know was wrapped up in those eyes. They held my happiness, my fear, my hope and most importantly, my love.

It made me wish that we could stay like this forever; he and I, in love and together.

But I knew that that could never be. Even now, as I watched him watching me, I could see my happiness slipping away. So I had to tell myself that this was enough for me; Edward and I could have each other and be completely perfect.

For now.

I followed Edward back to his house, and thankfully we got there quickly. Had I been left to my own devices for too long, I might have ended up doing something dumb.

I pulled up behind him in the drive way, and he shot me a very happy (vey crooked) smile.

"You look so fucking good in that car."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I don't think I can keep the car, Sweet Cheeks."

He laughed and leaned up against the Volvo. "Why not, love?"

I walked over to him and leaned in so that my weight was resting on his chest. "Don't you think it's too much? I mean, you probably spent 25 grand on a car for me, when I broke yours in the first place. I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem right to me."

He sighed and his head dipped down to the spot where my neck met my shoulder. "Bella Brownie, can I be honest?"

"I hope so."

"You know what I mean."

"Uh huh…"

"Your dad helped."

I pulled his face up to mine and stared at him in disbelief, "Explain that, please."

Edward's eyes shifted away from my gaze and he began to trace a lazy finger across my collar bone. "I asked him before I bought the thing, and he said he'd pay for part of it. I didn't want to let him, but he insisted. Then we traded in your truck, and believe it or not, we got ten grand for that hunk of sh—antique, and if we're being honest, it was actually Jen and Carlisle who bought you the car."

I stood in his arms completely speechless. It seemed as though everyone in my life had conspired in this. What the hell?

When I still hadn't said anything, he sighed and his piercing green eyes bled into my chocolate ones.

"Bella, I just want you to be happy. I want you to have nice things and not have to worry about your fucking car making it around the block. I want to take care of you."

He broke my heart just then.

"Edward, _you_ make me happy, and honestly, that's all I need. Just you."

He smiled a little, and pulled me back into his chest, with his chin resting on top of my head.

"I love you so fucking much." He said, pressing a kiss into my hair.

I closed my eyes and savored the moment. "I love you, too Edward Anthony Cullen. So, so much."

"Well that was a little intense." I felt him quake a bit as he started to rock us.

"You ever just feel like you need to say it? Like it's so blatantly obvious that you just have to be like "I love you'? Because that's what that moment was… at least for me."

"B, that's my whole fucking life."

He held me there, and I started to feel better about everything. Maybe Edward and I could make it; maybe we would break the cycle. He loved me, damn it. He had to love me. Just then there was a high pitched screech that made us break apart, and I saw Alice flash toward us.

"Bella, Ohmigod! Look at your Car!! Holy crap, it's beautiful!"

She was bouncing up and down and it was hard not to catch onto her enthusiasm.

"Thanks, Alice. You trained your twin well."

Edward pulled me back into him and kissed my temple. I loved those moments. Alice started hurling question after question at me about the car, and I had to draw blanks on most of them. I mean, really, I just got the thing; all I knew was how to put it in gear. I couldn't even listen to the radio on the way over.

How boring is that?

Thankfully, Jen interrupted and told us that dinner was ready. I loved eating at the Cullen's mostly because it was so much livelier than at my house. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but there's something about sitting down to eat with a big family that just makes me feel… comfortable. Even during the awkward moments. The six of us were sitting around the table after Dr. Cullen and Jen went up to bed, and Emmett decided to, well, you'll see.

"So anyways, I was reading this story about this guy—"

"In what magazine, Em?" Rosalie asked him, smiling smugly. I felt like I was missing something…

"It was Men's Health, _Rosie,_ and anyway, this guy bangs this chick, and then he won't take her home or something, so she gets pissed. She waited until he fell asleep then, get this, she takes a dump on his chest!"

Um, ew.

Edward and I traded matching looks of disgust and I watched Alice's nose wrinkle up. Then Rose smacked Emmett in the back of the head.

"That is by far the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my entire life!"

"I can top it." All eyes shifted to Jasper, who seemed to be spilling from his chair at every angle.

"Oh, really?" Edward said, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Jasper just nodded, flopping one arm around the back of Alice's chair and letting a devilish smile spread across his face.

"You remember Victoria from summer camp when we were in Middle School? Well, she let that really weird new kid stick his cell phone up her cooch… and then call it."

We all started snickering wickedly to one another, except for Emmett, who was deep in thought.

"Why would she want her vagina to ring?" He asked. Dead serious.

We all burst out laughing, which only seemed to make him angrier, and he started to turn red.

"You guys are assholes, you know that? Such complete shits! Rosalie, of all people! I expected more from you!"

I watched as Rose wiped the tears from her eyes and placed a hand gently over Emmett's.

"Baby, you don't put it on ring; you call it on vibrate." She emphasized the word vibrate to make the point, and realization washed over Emmett's face, then it wrinkled up in disgust.

"Fuck, I hope he didn't use that phone again."

His comment brought on a new round of giggles and we traded dirty tales from the crypt until the wee hours of the morning, and we decided to head to bed. Since we were all staying the night, the Cullen's had worked out a very elaborate sleeping arrangement: Edward and Jasper were to be banished to Emmett's room, Rosalie got the guest room (shudder) and I would sleep in Edward's room. At first, Jen thought I'd want to stay with Alice, but I quickly opted for Edward'. Hmm, let's see: the chance to spend the entire night wrapped up in all that is Edward or in the pink dungeon that is Alice's dwelling?

Which would you choose?

But anyways, that plan went out the window once we actually got upstairs. The three of us all retreated into the bedroom of the Cullen to whom we belonged, with said Cullen. There was no way in hell I was sleeping without Edward; I was pretty sure I couldn't, anyways.

He pulled me into his room, and pressed me up against the wall.

"I can't wait to get you in bed…" He whispered as he peppered kisses along the line of my neck. I moaned against him and tangled my hands in his mess of hair. He picked me up swiftly and carried me over to his massive bed, and continued his assault on my skin. Edward was everywhere at once, his hands roaming over every surface, and his lipd following in their wake. It was like he knew exactly what I needed and what should come next.

God, I love this man.

He moved lower and lower down my body, and soon enough we were flush against each other, and we both groaned as he thrust into me in one quick movement.

We took our time, and he made sure to muffle my cries with his shoulder as I came. It really didn't matter how many times Edward and I made love; it was as though each time was better (and more intense) than the last. I felt him twitch inside me and spill, but he lingered inside me a little bit longer than he usually would. I carefully ran my hands up and down his back.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and I couldn't keep the worrying tone out of my voice if I tried. But when he turned his face to mine, I saw my favorite crooked smile splayed across his lips.

"You wanna know what I just realized?"

"What?"

"Pretty much everyone else was probably doing the exact same thing just now."

I rolled my eyes and pushed him off of me. "God Edward, you really know how to ruin a moment, don't you? I mean really? Really?"

He kept on laughing, but propped himself up on his elbow so that he was looking down at me.

"Aww, Bella Brownie, don't be mad. It was only a joke."

I shot him a dirty look, but once I realized that this was, in fact, Edward, I decided to let it slip. A yawn escaped my lips and I turned toward him, and Edward pulled me against his chest so that we could assume the sleeping position. Once we were properly settled, I listened as he started humming my song and it gently lulled me to sleep.

"I love you for always…Edward…" I said, half asleep.

"I love you, too, My Bella. Sleep, now. Dream of all the wonderful things you're going to do. But don't forget to take me with you."

I laughed a little at that. Half asleep Edward is kind of my favorite because he gets all… deep. It's almost like he can read my mind and he knows exactly what I need to hear. And I love him for that, among other things. It kind of makes me feel like things can work out for us in the end.

Maybe Edward and I can have a happy ending after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_A/N: There's the first edit; what did you think? The whole point of doing the edits was to take a little more time to have E and B together. Not gonna lie, the next few will be mostly fluff. I want to tell you though, for those of you who read the original versions, none of the major plot points are going to change. All of the stuff that was in those chapters will happen, I'm just putting in a few details in between so that it doesn't seem so rushed and random. _

_Love you guys for your killer reviews, and I'll have at least one more chapter up tomorrow…_

_=]_


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: You guys are seriously awesome for putting up with me and my crap… I kinda love you for it. This one's super short, but it introduces a new idea that I'm going to work in, which might explain Bella's character a little bit more… see if you can pick it up ( I bet you can, cause I know you guys are smart like that)_

_Leave me some love =]_

_And, yup: I don't own; Meyer all the way…_

Chapter 20

**EPOV**

I woke up the next morning to Bella kicking at my legs. And, hell, for such a little girl, she can pack a punch.

I pulled back a little from her, and the first thing I noticed were the tear stains running down her cheeks. I gently reached up to trace the line down her cheek and her bottom lip started to quiver a bit.

Fuck, even while she was sleep-crying my brown eyes made me want to puke. I rolled her over so that she was on her back and I could kiss my way across her cheeks and fix it.

I would do anything to fix Bella.

Ever since the accident, she'd been having these wicked fucking nightmares. She would start to scream and yell, and a couple times it got so bad Charlie would come rushing into her room, and I would have to haul my ass back out her window, the whole time hearing her cry out for me. It fucking killed me.

Those nights, Charlie would call me to come and get her to settle down, and I would have to take my time walking back up the street to her house, and pretend that I hadn't just left the warmth of Bella's bed. I would pull her into my arms and hum to her, trying to lull her back to sleep. Every single time she would cling to me, like I was going to fucking walk out on her, and if it had been really bad, she would start kissing my neck and fisting her hands into my hair, begging me not to leave.

I fucking killed me to see her like that.

It usually took a bit of time to get her to settle back down, and I was able to curl up around her again and hope she wouldn't have another one. But the one thing that I could always count on was Bella whispering, just as she was falling asleep, "Doomed, Edward…just doomed."

Well if that's not fucking ominous.

She'd never remember any of it; just the part where she'd wake up crying, and after a while, I stopped asking. It was probably better that way; Lord knows I wished I could forget them.

But this particular morning, she hadn't been screaming, and there wasn't any dream (as far as I knew).

I felt her start to stir beneath me, and smiled into her skin.

"Edward, whatever it is you're doing down there… don't stop."

"You okay, Bella Brownie?"

"I will be once you finish up."

"Very funny. But I'm serious; you okay?"

I looked up into my brown eyes and they seemed calm and warm, just like before.

"Yeah, I'm okay. You okay."

I dropped my eyes back down to the creamy skin of her chest and nodded.

""Now, C'mon," she said, wiggling a little underneath me, "Get back to it."

What my brown eyes want, my brown eyes get.

***

A few… hours later, Bella ripped herself away from me and headed home; pretenses must be kept for the chief, after all, and I wandered into the kitchen and found Alice and Emmett sitting at the island playing scrabble.

"I-S-O-T-O-P-E: isotope!" Emmett cried, smashing his giant hands together.

Alice's brow furred up in frustration as Emmett counted his points. I walked up behind her and looked at her letters: BREMMER. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" She asked, twisting to look up at me.

"You don't see it?"

She shook her head and pushed her tiles toward me.

"R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R: remember. And that's a fifty point bonus for using all seven tiles."

Alice smiled triumphantly at Emmett, who was still looking slightly bewildered.

"Thanks, Twin; I couldn't have done it without you."

I laughed as I headed to the fridge to grab a soda. "No worries, Alice. That's what I'm here for."

Alice broke out in a giggle, and one of Emmett's giant fists slammed on the granite counter top.

"It's not fair when you two use that stupid twin shit when we're playing a game." He narrowed his eyes and shifted his gaze between the two of us, "Not cool."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the fridge, which was curiously adorned with a new picture.

It was Carlisle and the three of us at some park, goofing around. Emmett, as usual, was in the foreground, showing off his non-existent little boy muscles, and Alice was wrapped around one of Carlisle's legs with his hand resting on top of her head. But then my eyes found a smaller version of me, resting atop my father's shoulders, smiling widely at the camera, my chin resting on top of his head.

That was when I noticed that he and I were wearing matching smiles in that shot. I guess we really did have more in common after all.

"It's good that you had that talk with him." I heard Alice call from behind me, "Dad's really been in a better mood ever since."

"You think?"

"Yeah, and so have you. I think it's good that you're finally beginning to understand that you weren't the only one who lost Mom."

"Yeah, Little Brother. She birthed me, too." Emmett added. Alice and I both turned to look at him. There was no way our mother had given life to us _and _Emmett.

I'm sorry; I know I've made strides and become some kind of emotional train wreck, and I can accept people despite their short comings, but this… No.

"Emmett what planet did you beam down from, and how do we FedEx you back?"

His eyes narrowed at me again, and I figured now was the moment for my grand exit. I dashed up the stairs as quickly as I could and by the time I got to the top I could hear Emmett crashing after me. I locked myself in my room and headed into the annex to play until it was time to head to Bella's.

Because I may have a shit ton of flaws, but I will always be on time for my brown eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Thanks for the love from the last one(s) guys; it means a lot that you're still taking the time to jot down your thoughts even though I'm completely back tracking… I love it._

_This one's more of an insight into B's state of mind currently, giving you a little bit more of a perspective as to where she's coming from… leave me some love, and maybe I'll be motivated to give you another update tonight… =]_

_Still Steph Meyer, if you were wondering…_

Chapter 21

**BPOV**

_All I could see in front of me was a huge black car. _

_It was barreling toward me, not looking and not particularly caring that there was a shiny silver Volvo in the middle of the intersection. I panicked and all of a sudden, I felt the car get thrown to the right and an airbag in my face. I fought to stay awake; to keep myself together, but I was no match for my heavy eyelids. _

_But through the blackness, and pain—searing pain in the back of my head—I could hear the velvety voice that I loved more than anything, calling me._

_Completely Broken._

"_Bella? Bella…please Bella. No. Bella…"_

_I reached out for him, calling after him; anything to get to Edward. But then I saw him; he was crouched over, clutching his sides and sobbing. Tears were streaming down his perfect face and landing in the patch of grass he was kneeling over. I tried to reach out to him; talk to him… anything. He was in so, so much pain._

_Then I watched as one perfect hand reached out to a stone embedded before him and trace something on it. I looked over in horror as I realized what it was._

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_Sept. 13, 1991- Feb. 2, 2009 _

_I let out a dry sob when I realized that Edward was crying over me… because I had let him down; because I had to go and die on him… just like his mother… _

_I tried to reach out to him again, but to no avail, as my world slowly faded to black once more…_

My skin felt cold and clammy and I sat straight up in the darkness. I was panting, gasping for air, and I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella? What's up, sweetheart? Are you okay?"

Edward.

Oh, God… Edward.

I looked over and his green eyes were boring into me with worry and concern.

"Seriously, Bella Brownie; you're freaking me out. Say something, Love."

So I launched on him, wrapping myself tightly around him and buried my face in his chest.

"Edward… Edward…"

His arms were around me in a flash, and he pulled me incredibly close. I felt one of his hands come up to tangle in my hair, while the other stayed around my waist, rubbing careful circles over my skin.

It felt like I wasn't really there; like this wasn't my life Edward wasn't supposed to be here, loving me and putting up with my shit. Certainly he knew he could do better. But even that realization couldn't keep me from holding onto him for dear life. I could feel his breath washing over my cheek where he had dipped his head into my shoulder, and I noticed it was coming out ragged.

"Are you okay?" I whispered into his tee shirt.

I felt his chest start to tremble, "Bella, you're the one having nightmares, and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

"mmhmm."

He scoffed and pressed his lip gently to my cheek, "Yeah, baby. I'm okay."

He held me there for a little while longer, and soon I felt myself start to slip back to sleep. Edward didn't let me go as he gently lowered us both back down onto the bed, and we waited for Monday to happen.

***

I woke up to my alarm the next morning still wrapped up in Edward. I kept my head tucked under his chin, not quite ready to leave his embrace. It just felt right when we were together like this, you know?

I wanted to know what the hell was happening to me; why I kept having this irrational fear of Edward leaving or worse… my leaving him. I knew he loved me, and I knew that he wanted to be with me, but for some reason (that was bigger than Tanya and Jessica) I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite… right.

" 'Bout time you woke up."

"Oh! You're awake."

He gave a little laugh, "Couldn't sleep with a crab like you wrapped around me half the night."

I quickly retracted my arms and rolled onto my back.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered. I felt his arms snake around me again, as his nose traced the line of my cheek bone.

"Baby, I was only teasing. I was just worried about you; I didn't want you to have another nightmare. I won't sleep again if my holding you all night is what it takes to keep them at bay. Baby, I'll do whatever it takes."

I really, really don't deserve him.

I turned back over and kissed the tip of his chin and the corners of his mouth.

"I love you." I whispered. It was all I could think of.

"I love you Bella Brownie. Infinitely."

I lifted my hands up to cup his cheeks and all I saw in his sparkling emerald green eyes was pure, unadulterated love. I felt so badly for the things I'd thought of earlier and I wished we could just go back to the way we'd been before the accident, and before all of this… crap that was creeping into the edges of my mind.

I wanted it to be Edward and Bella, again… not to get all Barbara Streisand on you, but to be the way we were.

He kissed me a few more times before leaning up to look at the clock.

"Fuck, Bella, I gotta go."

He kissed me one more time and hopped quickly out of bed, pulling on his jeans and my favorite green hoodie.

"I'll see you in a little while, Love." He said, giving me one last kiss before heading out the window.

I slumped back down against the pillows, and let the nerves start to wash over me. Today would be my first day back since the accident, and to say that I was nervous would be an understatement. I didn't want people looking at me yet, and I didn't want to have to see the curious looks on their faces when they saw me coming. I already knew I screwed up; I didn't need _them_ to confirm it.

Begrudgingly, I loafed out of bed and headed to the bathroom and started my morning routine. By the time I'd finished my shower, dried my hair, dressed and even put on make up, I knew I couldn't put it off any more.

I had to go to school.

I took the stairs one at a time, and for once I didn't go down for the count with the last one. I saw Charlie's head poke around the corner as I came down the hall.

"No show today, Bells?"

I shook my head and walked past him to the freezer to grab a waffle, and popped it in the toaster.

I turned to find Charlie peering warily at me over the top of his travel mug, quirking an eyebrow.

"You okay, Bella? What's with the 'tude?"

Oh, good lord, my father did NOT just say 'tude.

I don't think there's ever been a dorkier expression. Ever.

"Nothing, Dad. I'm just tired, I guess."

He narrowed his eyes a bit, but seemed mollified, otherwise. My waffle popped up and I pulled it out, grabbing my keys off the counter on my way out. I pecked my dad on the cheek and he ruffled my hair.

Figures.

The one day I put in effort…

I clicked the lock on my car and got in, throwing my backpack onto the passenger seat. I popped the key into the ignition, but that was as far as I got. I dropped my hand from the key, and they went clammy and sweaty again, and I felt my breathing start to pick up. All of a sudden, I could see the black Mercedes coming toward me again… closer, and closer still; not caring that I was so clearly in the way…

A loud tap on the window made me jump and yelp at the same time. I looked over to see Edward, whose smile immediately fell once he saw the look on my face. He ripped the door open and knelt down taking my face in his hands, and checking it over.

"Bella, what's wrong? What happened?"

_I don't know, Sweet Cheeks; I just don't know._

"W-what are you d-doing here?" I tried to change the subject, but he kept that terrified look on his face as he answered.

"It's almost ten after. When you didn't show up at school, I figured I should come back and make sure you actually got up. What's going on Bella? Are you okay?"

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to push all of the bad feelings out of me. I opened my eyes and managed to smile for Edward.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Can you… do you think you could drive me to school? I just don't feel like driving today."

"Of course, Bella Brownie. C'mon. We're gonna be late if we wait any longer."

I grabbed my back pack and got out of my car, and with Edward's arm wrapped protectively around me, we headed over to his.

He pulled back out of my drive way, but we didn't talk about my little episode again. He just snuck worried glances over at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

A few minutes later we pulled up into school, and I saw a huge crowed of people huddled in the middle of the lot, pushing and shoving at each other.

"What's going on?" I asked Edward as he pulled into a space.

"I don't know. They weren't doing that when I left."

I got out of the car and we headed toward the mob, which was when I noticed that whomever was in the middle had been passing out fliers. I picked up a discarded one off the ground, and my heart immediately sank to my stomach because I saw the one four letter word I'd been dreading my entire seventeen and a half years:

Prom.


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: How much do you love me right now? So here's ANOTHER UPDATE because I love you that freaking much!! I have to tell you that the reason these have been so quick is because I've been a bad Bella and I haven't been sending them to my wonderful, oracle-esque Beta, KittenInACup,__ because I really just wanted to get them out, so that the story can get back on track. Just wanted to let you know, in case there's an abundance of errors._

_Now, my loves, it's time for a few plugs. Because I'm a idiot and I didn't realize that you wouldn't be able to review if you reviewed the originals, so I got a TON of PM's and you can't write them one after the other, so I perused your stuff and these are the ones I loved; like check them out now…they're THAT GOOD:_

_What I've Done by raok: so so good for canon Edward… it makes my canon look like a truck driver._

_Fall For You by JaspersAngel: Loving this story to the max… It had me completely hooked with in minutes_

_The Right Side of Wrong by Little Miss Whitlock: I wish I could write as well as she does. Totally wonderful story and completely perfect._

_Oh, and legit just now, HerAlice09 just updated What's Forever if You're gone, so get there if you haven't yet…_

_I love them all; check 'em out!_

_On with the show, and in case you didn't get the memo… I don't own… still Steph Meyer _

Chapter 22

**EPOV**

I looked down at the blue prom flier Bella had in her hand and then back to her disgusted looking face.

I swear to you, if it were possible to stop the smirk, I would.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Prom, Edward. Stupid… prom."

I pulled her closer into my side, rubbing up and down reassuringly. "Hey, it might be fun, don't you think?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's a social event?"

"And…"

"And, we aren't the most social people."

"I used to be."

Her eyes shot up to meet mine, and I instantly regretted the words leaving my fucking mouth.

Fuck.

"Baby, I'm sorry… it was only a joke; I didn't mean it…"

She pulled away from me a little and walked ahead of me toward bio.

Fucking Shit balls, dude. Seriously.

Fuck.

It seemed like no matter what I did lately, my brown eyes would end up getting hurt. I was always saying the wrong thing, or I touched her the wrong way, making her flinch. And the worst part was, I had no idea what was wrong because she refused to talk about any of it. Like that thing in her car this morning… what the fuck was that?

It was almost like she was afraid to drive the car.

I let her continue down the hallway in front of me, but I never lost sight of her. She looked so… lost. Her shoulders were slumped, and her arms were crossed protectively across her chest as she shuffled down the hall. This was not my Bella… something was definitely up.

By the time I walked into bio, she was already perched on her stool, but she didn't look at me, instead pretending to be very involved in tracing circles on the table top.

I saw Stanley smile, but I ignored it; I didn't need to piss Bella off anymore than she already was; especially when I wasn't exactly sure why she was so upset in the first place.

I slouched into the seat next to her, and watched her delicate fingers tracing the patterns over and over.

"I'm sorry." She said, but the curtain of her hair hid her face from me.

"It's okay, B. No big deal." I tucked her hair behind her ear and saw that she was biting her bottom lip. I ducked one hand under her chin to make her look at me, and to be completely honest, my brown eyes looked petrified.

My brown eyes should never look that scared.

Ever.

"Bella, what's going on?"

She shook her head a little, but at that point, we could have been in the middle of Madison Square Garden, and I would have made her talk to me.

"Isabella, please. Tell me. What's wrong Baby? How can I fix it?"

She dropped her eyes, and started fidgeting, "I don't think you can."

The bell rang then, and I was ready to go all Spiderman on that shit and rip it off the wall. Oh, and by the way, Like hell I couldn't fix it.

Like. Fucking. Hell.

For my brown eyes, I could cure cancer and stop global warming.

I sure as hell could fix it.

She must have noticed that I was silently fuming, because she put her warm little hand on my leg and squeezed. Banner turned down the lights (thank fucking God) and I pulled Bella into me protectively.

Nothing would get to my brown eyes.

Nothing.

***

The rest of bio passed by with Bella tucked under my arm, and sighing into my tee shirt every once in a while. She let me hold her hand as I walked her to class, then headed to Euro. I couldn't get this shit out of my mind. It was so fucking frustrating. I began to wonder if everyone's girlfriend does this shit…

But for my brown eyes, I'd stick it out.

I walked to my classroom, and saw Alice arranging her sticky notes on top of her desk. I didn't know those fucking things came in so many colors.

"Hey, Twin," she said, as I made my way down the aisle to her. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and slumped down into the seat next to her, and rubbing my hand over my face.

"Have you noticed anything… weird about Bella lately?"

She looked up at me for a moment, as if going through her mental day planner of B's activities.

"Well, she has been acting a bit… aloof, lately. But she's just been in a wreck, so it's understandable."

"You think?"

"Yeah. I mean, would you bounce back in like two days if you had gone through something like that?"

My eyes snapped shut as the memories of Bella's accident came flooding back, and I felt my heart shattering at the sight of her broken body all over again.

"Twin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"No, no. It's fine, Alice. Don't worry about it."

I tried to give her a reassuring smile as I carefully opened my eyes again. I had to change the subject to something else… _anything _else.

"So do you think Jasper will ask you to Prom?"

Then she got all nervous. Let me tell you something: if Whitlock doesn't ask my sister to Prom… let's just say, he'll need to come up with a girl name.

"I hope so… I mean, he should, right? Edward, do you think he will?"

My sister looked up at me with pleading doe eyes so I told her something that was the truth and a threat simultaneously:

"He will if he has balls."

Then my sister did the most disgusting thing of all time: she smirked.

"Mary Alice Cullen, wipe that god damn smile off your face NOW!"

"Geeze, Cullen, take a chill pill. You're the one who brought the boys into it." I glared at her, thinking WWED (what would Emmett do), but before I could put that plan into action, she cut me off, "How are you going to ask Bella?"

I shrugged, "I don't think Bella's too into Prom."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Of course she is; every girl's into Prom."

"Not mine apparently."

"No, yours too! Just ask her cutely."

"Cutely? That's not a word."

"Yeah, it is. It means with cuteness. Look it up. Now here's what I'm thinking…"

I tuned her out then.

Maybe Alice was right; maybe Bella would want to go to Prom. I should ask her. Even if she says no, she might still at least appreciate the gesture.

Maybe the distraction would make my brown eyes feel better.

Hopefully.

***

Bella stayed in the same moody ass funk all day long, and I noticed her getting antsy as we headed out to the Volvo. I pulled her into me and pressed a kiss into her forehead.

"Everything good, Love?"

For once, she smiled up at me just like she used to and my heart leapt in my chest. "Yeah, Sweet Cheeks. I'm fine."

I gave a crooked smile back and we hopped in the car so I could take her home. She played thumb wars with me on the way over, and I even heard her giggle a few times.

It was so good to hear her fucking laugh again.

I pulled into her drive way, and putting the car in park I leaned over to kiss her, fully and passionately. It felt like forever since she'd kissed me like this; her lips moving perfectly against mine, her tiny hands fisting in my hair out of want and love instead of fear and pain.

It felt so fucking good that I almost felt bad about my hard on.

Almost.

I felt one of Bella's hands trail down my chest and then brush up against the boys.

She smirked against my lips, "Seems you have a problem, Mr. Cullen."

"Never with you Miss Swan. With you, it's a fucking necessity."

_Fucking necessity… hahahahahahahahaha_

"Coming in, then?"

"Mmm, as much as I'd love to Bella Brownie, I can't."

I hated doing it to her, but it was for her own good. That doesn't mean I didn't cringe at the rejection I saw in her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, "I just thought—I mean, you're… and we…"

I gently cupped her cheeks in my hands and turned her to look at me.

"Baby, it's got nothing to do with you. I promise. There is nothing more that I want right at this moment then to have my way with you."

Who knew that would one day be a romantic thing? Not me, my friend, certainly not me.

But she didn't look at me. My brown eyes stayed cast down, and she was starting to fidget again.

So I gave her a choice.

"B, would you rather have a quick fuck now or me in your bed tonight?"

"Bed, why?"

"Because I have to take care of some shit at home, and if I don't do it now, I won't be able to make it over tonight."

She seemed brighter after that, and I felt better about the whole thing.

"You promise you'll come?"

"Where else would I go? And who else would take care of my not so little problem?"

"Good point."

She kissed me again, and I watched her bounce into her house, throwing a quick smile my way.

Yup.

My brown eyes were definitely worth it.

**BPOV**

I waited up for Edward until nearly two in the morning.

He didn't come.

He didn't come.

I worried about him, and was mad at him all over, but more than anything, I just wanted him to be here. I wasn't sure I knew how to sleep without him anymore. I left the window open on the off chance he might decide to show up and curled up in bed, absolutely terrified of what might happen.

I didn't want to have another nightmare, especially when Edward wasn't here to protect me. There was a light tap on my bedroom door and I heard Charlie's voice on the other side.

"Bells? Honey? I'm going down to the station; I got called in. I shouldn't be back until about lunch time. I'll leave you a note in case you're still asleep. Bye."

He sounded like he was talking to an answering machine.

I didn't say anything back; I just rolled over to the other direction—over to Edward's side—and buried my face in his pillow. Maybe his scent was enough to keep me safe tonight.

***

It seemed like a short while later I was woken up by a cool hand brushing across my forehead.

"Wake up, Beautiful. I have a surprise for you."

I smiled at the sound of his perfect voice. But then I opened my eyes, and immediately forgot being mad once saw him. He was so freaking beautiful, it's not even funny. The sun was streaming in behind him, and the bronze color of his hair coupled with the iridescent quality his skin had taken on made him look ethereal. Edward smiled down at me, still managing to look completely pulled together in his white tee and jeans combo and stepped back.

"So? What do you think?"

I sat up slowly and had to brace myself for what I saw.

Blush roses.

Every where.

My favorite.

On every surface, so many bouquets were piled around my tiny room, and I couldn't help but gasp as I took them all in. There were petals scattered all over the floor, and it just looked too freaking… cool.

"Edward… what's going on?"

He smiled my favorite crooked smile and came over to the side of the bed hiding both hands behind his back.

"I have something for you."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

I smiled a little and decided to play along, "What is it?"

He pretended to think for a second, "I don't know if I should give it to you."

"Why not?"

"Well, I don't know… My Bella doesn't usually like surprises."

"I like them when they're from you." Usually. As long as it wasn't another car, I'd be okay.

"Well, if you're sure…" He trailed off and I nodded encouragingly. "But you have to promise me something."

_Anything._

"What?"

"You have to say yes to the next thing I ask you. No matter what."

I thought about this; but then laughed at myself for being so skeptical. It was only Edward, after all.

"Okay, Sweet Cheeks. You got it."

He smiled again and pulled a white box out from behind him and held it over to me. I took it from him and looked at the pretty blue letters embossed on top: Sweet Cheeks Bakery.

No Freaking way.

I looked back up at Edward who was smiling devilishly at me. "Open it."

I pulled off the string that was around it, and I found the most perfect, heaven sent brownies of all time. I looked up at him, and I noticed his expression softened as he sat down on the bed and looked into the box with me.

"They're Bella Brownies. I talked to the guy who owns the bakery, and I told him about you and us… and he came up with these."

"Edward, I… I can't believe you… I mean… you made me a brownie?"

"Correction. I made you your own brownie."

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I realized what he'd done. No one had ever done anything this sweet for me. Ever. Okay, except Edward all those other times, but if it's the same guy it doesn't count, right?

I was jolted back to reality as Edwards forehead came to rest on mine.

"Now my request."

"Anything."

"Prom?"

I hesitated slightly, but then looked back down at my brownies.

Who was I to deny him anything?

"Duh, Edward… just duh."


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: Hey you! So I'm really sorry, but it's a one update kind of night… but the good news is, it's prom, so that should keep you entertained. This one's for my love, Little Miss Whitlock, who's my Kangaroo and totally the ultimate in awesome; without her, this chap might not have been as it is._

_So enjoy guys, and don't forget to leave me some love, cause you know... I love it!! =]_

_And no, no; I do not own this… still Steph Meyer_

Chapter 23

**BPOV**

"Alice, I hate it."

"No, Bella." She said, not even bothering to look in my direction, "You love it."

I quirked an eyebrow and looked back and the gray dress she put me in. I felt many things for this dress, and I'm pretty sure that love wasn't one of them.

"Aw, C'mon Bella; it's not that bad!"

She came over to my side and adjusted the bow that held the one shouldered contraption in place.

"I don't know, Alice. I mean, this sort of thing isn't me."

I cocked my head to the side and smoothed down the gunmetal colored silk. Not gonna lie; it felt pretty damn good against my skin.

"You need this dress." Alice said, her eyes piercing into me, and doing her best impression of Edward.

"Do I, oh wise one? Because I was thinking I could go with a nice pants suit combo. Get all Hillary Clinton on this."

She glared at me, "This isn't a themed prom, Isabella."

Whoops.

I sighed and looked back in the mirror and cocked my head to the side as I sifted my shoulders. I guess it wasn't so bad; could've been hunter green.

Then Alice and I would've matched.

Fun times.

…Not.

"So you really like this dress?"

I saw her roll her eyes and cross her arms, "B, I wouldn't have put you in it if I didn't know it was perfect."

Point.

I nodded decisively, "Okay. Purchased."

Alice squealed and bounced a little. I don't get why she bounces all the time. I mean, is she part kangaroo or something?

"B, you're going to be the hottest thing at Prom! I'm so freaking exited! Holy crap now you need…"

And there she goes.

I shook my head as I headed in the dressing room to miraculously transform into regular old Bella again. Seriously, it's not that I don't like to get dressed up and be girly; it's just that I know that I look completely ridiculous doing it. And I was going to look even more out of place when I'm standing next to Edward while doing it. We seriously could be a comic strip.

You could call it…hmm… "The Adonis and the Dirt Clump"

Guess who's who…

A quick rap at the door of my room jolted me out of my thoughts, and I got a little nervous. But of course, it was only my hyper active kangaroo being the slave driver that she is.

"What, Alice?"

"Hurry the hell up! If you want to get out of here in time for Edward to actually pick you up at your house we have to leave _now._ And you still need shoes… and a bag… Bella, how could you think it was possible for us to do this the day of prom?"

_Cause I didn't actually think I'd be going?_

I didn't say that though, I just stepped out and shrugged at her, "I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal. I don't think Edward's that into it anyways."

"Of course he's into it; he's taking you isn't he?"

Sometimes Alice forgets that not everyone had a doting boyfriend like Jasper. I mean, Edward's amazing, but Jasper's, well… whipped. The other day, I caught him letting her straighten his hair with her flat iron.

_Snort._

I put my dress on the counter for the sales lady to cash out and turned back to Alice.

"Yeah, but he is Edward Cullen. And we've never done this whole out with the school kids thing before."

_Where it would be even more obvious that we don't match._

Alice rolled her eyes at me and took my bag, "B, it's not a big deal. It's only Prom, remember?"

"Yeah, I know. But Prom's a big deal… it's a rite of passage, you know?"

"Bull shit and balls."

"Excuse me?"

"Bull shit and balls. It's only a rite of passage for the people who know they aren't going to have a life after high school."

"You think."

She nodded her head and quirked an eyebrow as we settled into the department store make-up counter.

"Completely. I mean, think about it: that's only true for the Tanya's and Jessica's of the world, who are pretty much going to be on a steady downward slope from here on out. Where as you and I, the ultimate in awesome, will only get more awesome with the passage of time. We're like the Sinatra of high school."

Okay, really?

"If you say so Alice."

She shook her little head around like one of those bobble-head dolls and said, "I do," then proceeded to attack me with brushes and the like. We sat there for probably a good twenty minutes before Alice stepped back and scrutinized me.

"Okay, Dahling, I think you're done."

I giggled at her phony French accent, and pulled the hand mirror from the counter to check it out. But instead of myself, I saw some pretty girl with these huge brown eyes and a perfect, creamy complexion. I quickly turned around to see where she was, but when I did, I realized there wasn't any body there.

"Looking for someone?" Alice quipped.

I blinked at her a few times then looked back down in the mirror.

Holy Hell… it's me.

I felt those stupid tears in my eyes and looked back up at Alice.

"Isabella, you absolutely cannot cry after I did all that work! NO! Stop right this minute!"

Suddenly, my eyes didn't feel so wet anymore. I sucked in a deep breath and smiled at her.

"Thanks, Al. I love it."

Her expression softened a bit and she waved her hand to negate my statement, "It's nothing, kid. Now, c'mon we only have, like, an hour before the boys show up."

We headed back out to my car and I rummaged through my bag for my keys. Alice was chatting about something or other, and once we reached my car, I almost had a heart attack.

_NO! NO! NO! Not my brand new car!  
_ I gasped and ran over to it, staring intently at the huge gash along the driver's side. It looked like someone had driven into my car. Edward was going to kill me. I snapped my eyes shut and groaned.

"B, what's wrong?"

"Alice… look at my car!"

"Honey, I am."

She seemed totally calm, which given the moment was quite disconcerting. I snapped my eyes open, and I swear, it must have been by magic that my car was back to normal; no dent, no scrapes… nothing.

My hands started to go clammy again, and I noticed I was shaking a little as I handed Alice my keys.

"So you think you could drive?"

"Sure. Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I'm just tired."

I got into the passenger seat and immediately closed my eyes, leaning my head back.

_What the hell is happening to me?_

***

The drive back to my house was pretty uneventful, and I was so thankful that Alice didn't ask any questions about that little… event in the lot. I really wouldn't know how to answer them. She led me quickly up to my bathroom and pulled my hair up into a messy I-didn't-try-to-hard up-do, and then I was allowed to change into my dress.

I pulled the fabric over my head, and just paused for a second to look at my appearance. Not gonna lie; I didn't hate it. The grey color of the dress highlighted the paleness of my skin, and made it look flawless, and the soft waves in my hair made my neck look more graceful than I've ever seen it.

I smoothed the dress down a bit, and wondered if maybe (just maybe) I could actually look like I belonged with Edward tonight.

Maybe…

"Bells?" I heard Charlie call, "Edward's here."

Cue the butterflies.

I knew that I really shouldn't be this nervous; it's only Edward.

Oh, right… It's Edward.

I took one more deep breath and headed out of my room and down the stairs. Edward came into view and I felt my breath hitch. He looked absolutely completely perfect standing at the bottom of the stairs watching me. I felt my heart beat go all crazy as I gave him an impish grin.

I got to the last one when a bright flash went off in my face and I stumbled a little, crashing into Edward.

"Geeze, Bella Brownie, we're gonna have to get you a walker if you keep this up!"

I felt the blush creep up my neck and cheeks as he set me down on the ground and I heard the stifled laughter.

_I knew it was too good to be true… I knew it._

I kept my eyes cast down as people moved around me, too afraid to look up. I felt so… awkward.

I felt Edward's arm snake around my waist and he started to nuzzle my neck.

"You look beautiful, baby." I heard him whisper, and despite myself, I started to melt into him.

"You think?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"No…"

I heard his laugh as he pressed his cool lips into my cheek, and I finally looked up. Alice looked freaking amazing, I mean, that dress of hers? It hugged ever single curve of her body and I saw her mouth an 'I'm sorry' as she gestured to the camera, and I just shrugged.

No big deal, right?

Edward's hand squeezed my side and I looked over to him.

"Ready, Love?"

I nodded and let him lead me out to his car, and I had to breathe a sigh of relief. I totally wouldn't have been able to handle the night in my car tonight.

Really couldn't have done it.

He held the door open for me and I climbed into the Volvo, but as soon as he left me alone, I felt my breath coming quicker. I snapped my eyes shut quickly, but instead of Edward's face, I saw that stupid Mercedes all over again. I jumped when I felt Edward's hand over mine.

"Hey… are you okay? We don't have to go if you don't want to; I could just take you to dinner if you want?"

"No. It's okay. You already paid for the tickets, so we should go."

"Bella, fuck the money. It's fine. We don't have to go, baby. It's no big deal."

I tried to smile at him reassuringly, "I want to go. Really. Just hold my hand?"

He smiled at me, and lifted my hand to his lips to kiss the back of it, then pulled the car out of my drive way to head over to meet my doom. All through the drive, I went through a list of reasons why this was a bad idea, the most glaring of which happened to be that, oh yeah, I can't dance.

Oh hell; what have I done?

"Relax, Bella. I won't let anything happen to you."

He squeezed my hand again as we turned into the lot, and he quickly found a space. I noticed that he moved a little bit faster coming over to my side, which I was glad for. I just didn't wait to be alone with my brain for too long.

I took his hand as he helped me out and we walked in with Jasper and Alice. He held me close as we posed for pictures, and I tried not to feel embarrassed. But the worst part; the absolute worst part of all of this?

Umm, the dance floor. Duh.

The lights were down low and the music was blaring and I knew that I wouldn't be able to escape a headache tonight.

"Do you want to dance?" Edward whispered. I looked at him with wide eyes. "Don't worry, Bella. I won't let anything happen to you."

I bit my lip as he led me out to the dance floor, and once there, he pulled me close to him and I let myself get lost in it all; in him, in the music and I guess the night, too. With my eyes closed, pressed up against Edward and with his lips on my neck and shoulder, it just felt… right.

We stayed that way for quite a while, and I was actually kind of sad when he led me over to a table. It was fun, okay?

"Do you want something to drink?" He asked leaning over me as I sat with one hand on the back of my chair, one on the table and a mischievous grin across his face.

"Sure," I said and because his smile was contagious, I grinned right back. "What's that look for?"

"What look?" He asked, feigning innocence. Trust, nothing about Edward Cullen is innocent.

I made a big circle in the air around his face with my finger, "That look."

He laugh a little, "Well, I was just thinking, we went to prom…"

"Yeah…"

"So you know what comes after that?"

"What?"

"Prom sex."

"Prom sex… Edward, really?"

"What?"

"Isn't that a little… cliché?"

"Of course… but that doesn't make it any less fun."

I had to give him that. "True."

"So I'll get you a water, then…"

"The prom sex awaits." I finished for him.

He kissed my forehead gently and whispered that he loved me before heading over to get my water.

Prom sex could be fun.

Who the hell am I kidding; prom sex would be ah-mazing.

"Hey, you!" Alice said as she plopped into the seat next to mine, "How's it going?"

"Gooood." I said, grinning.

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "Yeah, I'll bet."

We giggled at each other and I started to look around for Edward. But when I saw him, I got a little antsy. He was standing next to a table, a bottle of water in his hand talking to Melanie from his math class. He was smiling down at her, and then he started to laugh at whatever she was saying. I felt the hollow pit in my stomach building up again, and I just wanted to collapse into the floor. Alice must have noticed the look on my face because I felt her little hand on my bare shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

I could only nod, and I quickly dropped my eyes to my lap, not daring to look up again. Then I felt two massive hands on my face and it was being lifted up.

"Are you okay?" Edward's eyes were tight with worry and I instantly felt horrible for making him feel like that. He should be happy; he shouldn't have to deal with this.

I pushed his hands away and stood up, adjusting my dress, and heading for the door. I just needed to be out of there, you know?

I heard him following me, and calling my name as I headed into the parking lot. I was only a few steps from the Volvo when I felt his hand on my arm as he spun me around to face him.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I couldn't look at him. What could I say? I had no clue what was wrong. No freaking idea. I felt the tears start to catch in my eyes as I watched the ground and shuffled my feet. Edward didn't go anywhere, but I could feel him watching me.

"I-I don't k-know." I let the sobs take me over and in an instant; I felt his arms around me, one around my waist and the other cupping the back of my head and holding me close to him. His head dipped to rest in the crook of my neck, and he whispered to me, trying to get me to calm down, while planting light kisses on my skin. I wanted so badly in that moment to be okay again; I would have given anything for it. But I couldn't… I just couldn't.

"Edward, I love you. No matter what, I love you. So much."

He pressed a kiss into the spot behind my ear, "I know, baby, and I love you, too. More than you'll ever know. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Absolutely nothing. Whatever you need, baby, I'll get it for you, okay?"

I nodded into his chest, and started to dry my eyes. Edward pulled away and leaned down, wiping his thumbs across my cheeks, then kissing my nose.

"C'mon, Mr. Cullen. Let's go home."

"Okay. Do you think Charlie will be surprised to see you so soon?"

"No."

"Why not?"

I smiled coyly, "I'm not going home."

He quirked an eyebrow, "Oh?"

"Someone promised me Prom sex…"

He slipped his arm around my waist and we walked the rest of the way to the Volvo. "Then Prom sex is what you shall have."

I couldn't have loved him any more if I tried.


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Hello kids! Thanks for all of your fabulous reviews; they make me laugh so freaking hard, it's not even funny and I love hearing your theories about what's up with Bella. I know this one's a __shorty, but my Wednesdays blow, so, eh… so leave me some love??? =]_

_And yeah, don't own… S. Meyer does_

Chapter 24

**EPOV**

I was kissing my brown eyes. And they were kissing me back. And they liked it.

No, correction: they loved it.

Bella was kissing me with so much emotion that I almost had to wonder where it was coming from. The way she ran out of Prom, but more than that, the look on her face before she did it….

Fuck.

She just looked so fucking broken.

But to be honest, right at this moment, her lips and what ever the fuck was under that dress was all I wanted.

Now, preferably.

"Baby, we better get inside the room before we give the bell hop a show."

I pushed her up against the wall in the hallway, and she un-tucked my shirt. Fuck, I'm lucky we made it out of the elevator fully clothed. I dragged her around the corner, never taking my lips from hers as we finally made it to our room.

Hey, don't judge: it is prom sex, after all.

She pulled herself from me, and latched on to my back with her spindly arms wrapped securely around my waist. I was fumbling with the key card when we heard voices from the elevator.

"_That car just came out of no where! Really, John! There's nothing you could have done."_

"_I know, I know; but the car! The whole front end is completely demolished. It's going to cost a fortune…"_

They kept talking as they walked in the opposite, their voices slowly fading, and I felt Bella freeze on my back.

I opened the door and tried to look at her out of the corner of my eye.

"You okay?"

I felt her shiver a little, and I held my breath as I waited for her to respond.

"Yeah, I'm fine? Are you backing out? Did you lose your balls?" I felt her hot little hand snake down my front and grab my junk. "Oh, found them."

She gave another squeeze and that was all the motivation I needed. I flipped her back to my front so I could attach my lips to her face and shit the door with my foot. I walked her over to the bed and as soon as I felt her knees hit the edge of it, I let her fall with me crashing down on top of her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and lifted her hips, so I started grinding into her shit like there's no tomorrow. She moaned into my mouth when she felt how hard I was for her, so I slipped my tongue along her bottom lip, which elicited yet another dick hardening moan.

Fuck, I love my brown eyes.

I felt her fingers fumbling with the buttons on my shirt, and usually, I'd just push them away and do it myself, but for whatever reason, I wanted tonight to be totally fucking cliché as hell, novice, fumbling Prom sex. And I would love every fucking minute of it.

She finally finished, and went to push the shirt off my shoulders, but fuck; my tie. I choked a little and I heard her gasp, her hands frozen on my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" Bella whispered, my brown eyes going wide.

I smiled down at her and shifted my weight so that I could loosen it.

"Better than fine." I said crashing my hips into hers, "I'm hard."

Hey, I said I wanted it to be cliché, remember?

Bella giggled and pulled my face down to hers, all the while pushing my shirt off. I felt her hands trace back down my stomach and she groaned once realized I was wearing an undershirt.

"Too many fucking clothes…" I heard her mumble.

I laughed against her neck and sat back on my knees to peel it off. Once it was over my head, I looked back down at my brown eyes and they were eying me hungrily.

Fuck, you'd think I was made of s'mores.

Oh, well; give me a camp fire. I'm in.

She licked her lips and pulled me back down to her by the waist of my jeans, and once I was back down to her, she slid down my zipper and undid the button, then slipped her hand into my boxers. I moaned at contact.

"Eager, love?" I whisper, my lips once again finding their home at her pulse point.

"You know it." She moaned back, arching into me as she worked her hand over me.

That was the moment I realized that I was about to cum and she was still wearing that dress. Anyone else see a problem with this?

I tapped the arm that owned the hand down my pants and she begrudgingly withdrew it, so that I could push the silky fabric of her dress down her shoulder, peppering kisses along the way. But Bella, because she's Bella, kept on arching her shit into mine, making my just want to rip into her right then.

_NO. NO…Easy… cliché prom sex…cliché prom sex…_

Thank fucking god her dress only had one shoulder; I would have ripped the other one. But the best part about it; the most fucking awesomest, wonderfulest, most beautiful fucking thing about this dress?

No fucking bra.

Beautiful, bouncy, braless Bella.

I dove into that shit like I was a ho on crack.

Need. Tits. Now.

They fit perfectly in my hands, and it seemed like every fucking thing I did to them only made her want more. I put my mouth on her, sucking gently, and she shot her hands into my hair and arched her chest into me. Lucky me; better access. I kept licking and sucking there, until I remembered that I still had a dress to remove. I made a quick swipe at the under side of each of her lovelies and traced my finger to where her dress had gathered around her waist. She arched her hips up slightly, letting my pull it off.

Good Fucking Lord.

I only have three words.

Lacy. Black. See through.

I am the luckiest god damn son of a bitch that ever lived, you know that?

I smirked down at her, and lifted one leg up over my shoulder so I could kiss my way from her knee to the apex of her leg, then back down the other, carefully avoiding where I could tell (fuck, could I tell) where she wanted me most. But I didn't want to go down on her. You just don't do that during prom sex. It's all about the main event. She let out a whine once she realized I wasn't going to do it, but I just smiled back at her and kissed my way back up my girl, making sure to say hello to the girls along the way.

When I got back to her lips though, I remembered who I was with. My Bella Brownie; Mine. No one else would get this with her.

No one.

Over my dead fucking body.

I moved my mouth gently against hers, biting and sucking on that gorgeous bottom lip of hers, and letting myself moan as her hands ran up and down my back. Before I was aware that it had happened, she flipped us over so that I was on my back and she was hovering over me, with a devilish grin across her swollen lips. She kissed me again, hard, and then traced a line across my jaw, down my neck and leaving wet kisses on both of my nipples. I moaned at that—she'd never done that—and slammed my eyes shut, because as if the nip lick wasn't enough to make me cream my pants, she dragged her body over mine, planting firm, but loving kisses down my abs, and starting twisting her fingers in the hair—down there.

I had to do something; I wanted to cum in her, not on her so I said the first thing that came to my mind, "Bella, Baby, come back to me…"

She paused mid-kiss and I felt my dick twitch under her, as if to say, "What the hell?"

And not gonna lie, I was thinking it.

My eyes opened, and all of a sudden she was on top of me, grabbing at my sides and trying to wrap her arms around me (her legs already had me in a vice grip), so I pulled her up to my chest and held onto her.

She buried her face in the crook of my neck and I felt her start to tremble on top of me. Every single fucking alarm went off in my head, and I swear, if her bare tits hadn't been pressed into me, I wouldn't have been hard. But they were, so I was. And I kind a felt bad about it. It's a little pervy, right?

I tried to compensate by tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead.

"What's wrong, Love?"

She started muttering into my chest, but I didn't catch a fucking word.

"Bella was the English, or are you speaking in tongues?"

She let out a little sob, and pushed her face even farther (if that was possible) into my shoulder and I started to worry that I was going to suffocate her by accident.

The chief would like that.

_Snort._

I shifted my shoulder to push her face toward mine.

"B, you gotta talk to me. You're scaring me, baby."

Scared.

You bet your ass I'm scared. I will not lose my brown eyes. I will not. I have come too far and am too fucking in love with her to let her slip away, and I knew I was so fucking close to letting that happen.

Way too fucking close.

"I'm sorry, Sweet Cheeks." She said, kissing my neck, "I'm so sorry."

"Isabella, it's fine, but you have to tell me what's going on. Please, Baby? Please?"

"I don't know though, that's just it. I don't fucking know."

I reached over, expecting to find tears under her eyes, but there weren't any. Her cheeks were dry for once. I brushed my finger down her cheek and tucked it under her chin to make her look at me.

"Baby, like I said; whatever it takes. We'll fix it. I'll talk to Carlisle tomorrow, and we'll sort it out. It'll be okay, Baby. I promise."

"You think?"

"Bella, I know. Because only a fucking strong person could save a shit like me."

She squeezed me tighter, "You're not a shit. You were never a shit. You were always perfect."

I kissed her forehead again, "No. I just stopped being one when I found you."

I reached around me and pulled the blanket around us so that she wouldn't get cold and smoothed back her hair and she started to fidget.

"Baby, go to sleep."

"But, Sweet Cheeks, Prom sex…"

"Are you going some where?"

"No."

I kissed her again, "Then we have time."

Time.

I would definitely make sure that my brown eyes and I had plenty of time.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/__N: Hello! So this is another shorty… I actually got the idea for it this morning when I was walking from breakfast to class, and then I wrote it out in said class… not so good. You'll see why. This is (once again) for Little Miss Whitlock, who made it clear that the fade to black was simply unacceptable, so for her I turned on a fucking light. She never fades to black, so check her out… like NOW. If you like me, you'll love her…_

_But leave me some love before you go, okay??? =]_

_Oh, and yeah… don't own… and I don't think Steph would be too thrilled with this, either… or Disney, for that matter…._

Chapter 25

**BPOV**

We were lying in bed the next morning, me still on top of Edward, with his hands running up and down my sides.

"I'm sorry, Sweet Cheeks."

"It's no big deal, Love."

"Yeah, it kind of is."

"Not really; you can have sex anytime."

"But not Prom sex."

"There's always next year, baby."

"True."

He did have a point. There was always next year, which implied time.

Time.

Maybe I'd be better by then.

But then all of a sudden these huge doubts filled my mind, only serving to remind me just how unlikely that would be. I groaned, and buried my face in Edward.

Deep breath.

Yum.

"What's wrong, Love?"

I sighed and lifted my face so that my chin was resting on his chest, and I saw my favorite crooked smile spreading across his perfect lips.

"I just wish I knew what was wrong; I don't want to be like this… I really don't. I want to be myself again."

His smiled faded a little and he brushed the back of his hand across my cheek.

"I'll get you back, Bella. I promise."

"I know… but I just want to, I dunno, laugh again."

"Laugh?"

"Yeah, you know: ha. Ha. Ha. Laugh."

"Hmm." He said, tangling his fingers in my hair and shifting his eyes to focus out the window.

"_There's a calm surrender…"_

"Huh?"

"_To the rush of day…"_

"What are you doing?"

"_When the heat of a rolling wind, can't be turned away…"_

"Seriously, what the—"

"_An enchanted moment…"_

"When?"

"_And it sees me through…"_

"Through what?"

"_It's enough for this restless warrior, just to be with youuuuuu…"_

"Well, that's sweet, but I still don't—"

"_CAN YOU FEEEEEELLLLLLL THE LOVVVVVVVEEE TONIGHT???"_

Oh…. OH!

"_IT IS WHERE WE AREEEE…."_

He kept on going, and I couldn't help myself. I started to laugh. Hard. Huge, feel it in the pit of your stomach, big ass tears rolling down my face… laughing. I had to roll off of Edward, I was laughing that hard, and I couldn't have stopped if I tried. Edward, though, had other plans. He kept on singing (at the top of his lungs) and started tickling me, making me writhe underneath him. But all of a sudden, he stopped. His eyes darkened and darted down to my chest and she licked his lips.

Oh, crap. I was still naked.

I parted my legs underneath him and pushed my knees into his hips. He quirked an eyebrow, so I did it again.

His lips crashed down onto mine with a fierce hunger that I'd never felt before. He took my bottom lip into his mouth and started nibbling at it, following along with his tongue, as his hands started to work their magic on my breasts.

Thank God for piano lessons.

My hands found their way to his hips and I pushed down his pants and boxers as far as I could without leaving his lips, and he kicked them off the rest of the way. I moaned into his mouth when I felt his hard on pressing urgently into my thigh. He pulled away a little; pressing light kisses to my cheeks then down my neck.

"I love you," he whispered, "I love you…"

I snapped my eyes shut as he continued his assault down my body. When he got to the edge of my underwear, he lifted himself up a bit and dipped his fingers under the fabric, lifting it ever so slightly away from my body.

"Edward…"

"What?" He said, never taking his eyes off the scant piece of black lace. I was so freaking wet, it's not even funny. I lifted my hips a little to get him to pull them off, but he clicked his tongue.

"I don't know…"

"What… what?" I panted.

"Are you my Bella?" AS he said the words he moved his fingers quickly so that they had slid up my thighs, then back under the wait band and he squeezed my hips. I was aching so badly for him.

"Always… always."

"Say it."

He fisted my underwear, "Tell me."

"I'm yours!" I wailed, but what I meant was get the hell inside me. Now.

In a flash he ripped the lace from my body, and I felt the velvety tip of his erection teasing my entrance.

"Edward, please…make me yours."

He thrust into me quickly, and I gasped. That line gets him every time. He gave me a second to adjust, before pulling out almost completely and slamming back into me. He kept pounding into me and I could feel the coil in my stomach start to tighten as his hand swiped at my chest.

"Edward…" I moaned; it was all I could think. Everything else was irrelevant.

His head dropped to my shoulder and he planted hot, wet kisses all over my skin. Then I heard his voice, low and husky in my ear.

"Bella, I love you…"

"Uh…" yeah, I was beyond words.

"Do you love me?" He started moving faster. How the hell was he forming sentences?

"So, so much… oh fucking Christ, EDWARD!!"

"Then cum for me, baby. Cum on my cock and show me how much you love me."

_Okay._

I came violently and my world exploded into a haze of white and bronze. I trembled around him as he kept quickly thrusting into me until he tensed and I felt him spill inside of me, my name on his lips. He relaxed and rolled onto his back, pulling me with him, but still, ya know, hanging out inside me. He kissed the top of my head as we attempted to catch out breaths.

"Baby, I love you."

"Love you, too, Sweet Cheeks."

"Hey, I thought of a new one."

"Oh, God. Do I even want to know?"

"Of Course you do."

I laughed a little and planted a kiss at his pulse point. "Okay."

"Gum Drop."

"Oh, God."

"What?"

"Seriously?"

His green eyes sparkled with amusement, "Yeah, why?"

"Edward Cullen, you absolutely can not call me Gum Drop."

"Oh? I thought you were mine?"

_Damn it._

"Well, there should still be… limits."

"Limits?"

"Yeah, like no… umm… weird ones. And hey, what is it with you and food, any ways?"

"I don't know. I guess you're just kind of like food for me. I'm always completely satisfied."

He smiled down at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, I love you, Bella Brownie."

I snuggled closer, happy that for once I felt like myself again; like maybe I could get through this.

"I love you too, Sweet Cheeks. So, so much."

He laughed at me. "Yeah, I could tell."


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: Hey you! Thanks for prying yourself away from the DVD to check this out… I love it! I love you guys for all of your reviews, they totally kept me entertained and motivated me to get through this chapter… hope you guys like it, and leave me some love!!_

_P.S. I STILL don't own this… still some lady named Steph Meyer? Huh, go figure…_

Chapter 26

**BPOV**

"It's going to be okay, Bella Brownie."

Edward squeezed my hand before heading into see Carlisle. We were standing outside of his study, and I was completely terrified. I didn't know what Edward had told him about me or even if he knew I was coming today. But either way, I was absolutely petrified of what he'd say.

"You think?" I bit down on my bottom lip and shifted around on my feet. Edward rubbed circles over my thumb as he leaned his forehead against mine.

"Yes, baby, I do. I love you; it's going to be okay."

I closed my eyes, getting lost in the velvety tone of his voice. "Mmm, I love you, too."

He kissed the tip of my nose and took a deep breath before knocking on the study door.

"Come in." I heard Carlisle call.

Oh, Balls.

Edward opened the door for me and once I stepped in a head of him I got even more nervous if it were possible. I mean, this guy was, like, _the _doctor; if you were screwed up, he knew about it. I tried to shake this out of my mind when I saw Carlisle, who was sitting behind his desk, staring into the blue haze of his computer screen, with his glasses perched on the perfect slope of his nose, and his lips pursed exactly like Edward.

Edward.

I had to do this for Edward; he deserved better than this.

"Breathe, Bella." Edward whispered in my ear before clearing his throat.

Carlisle looked up and his face broke out into a smile. "Hello, son. What brings you here today?"

"Dad, we were wondering if you could talk to Bella? She's been having some issues…"

Edward kept on talking, but my mind was already spinning. Dad? DAD? Since when was Carlisle 'Dad' to Edward? When did that happen? What else didn't he tell me? Considering how much he hated his father just a few short months ago, it seemed odd that Carlisle was suddenly dad again.

What else hasn't he told me?

"What do you think of that, Bella?" Carlisle asked, smiling brightly at me.

"Um, I'm sorry, what?"

He laughed a little and ran a hand through his hair; just like Edward. "I said, why don't you and I have a little chat, and we can see what's going on. Does that sound okay?"

I looked at Edward for reassurance, so he smiled my favorite crooked smile.

"Um, yeah, I guess."

"Wonderful," Carlisle said, standing up and taking off his glasses.

Edward dropped my hand and plopped down on the sofa, stretching along its length, and Carlisle walked to the door holding it open for me to exit. I looked from father to son, "Aren't you coming?"

Edward must have heard the apprehension in my voice because his face softened completely, and he pulled me over to him.

"Baby you gotta talk to him. Don't worry; it'll be fine. I promise, baby. Whatever it takes, remember?"

That one phrase had been his mantra over the past few days. He kept chanting it to me, over and over, but instead of making me feel hopeful, it only made me feel more lost. It just felt so wrong; him wasting his precious time on me like this. He's only just gotten his life back, and here I was stealing it from him.

How selfish could I be?

"But, please? If you're there… It would be easier. You've seen it—"

"That's just it Baby, I only know what I see. Beyond that, I know nothing."

"I don't know if I can… I mean, what if I… or what if he…"

"Bella Brownie, it's going to get better. This is just the beginning. It's only going to get better."

I leaned in, my forehead pressed to his and closed my eyes as I whispered, "But how can you know?"

"Because I love you. And nothing will ever get to you as long as I love you, okay?"

I tried to pull back the tears threatening to fall in that perfect mass of bronze hair.

"What happens when you don't love me anymore?"

I heard him let out a soft sigh, "Baby, how could you even say that? Isabella… I love you with every fiber in my fucked up being; you make me whole. You are more essential to me than air, because living without you isn't living at all; it's just existing. You're mine; you'll always be mine. My brown eyes, my Bella brownie, and there isn't one god damn thing you could ever do to change that."

I just nodded at him, trying to believe the words, and he let go of my hand so that I could head out into the back yard with Carlisle. We walked in silence for a little while, and I noticed how beautiful everything looked in the evening sun. The late spring air was thick with perfume and the diminishing late cast a hazy glow over the masses of flowers that covered most of the area.

"Your flowers are beautiful, Dr. Cullen."

He laughed a little, "Thank you, Bella. And please, call me Carlisle."

I nodded, but didn't say anything else; I wasn't sure where to begin. Or what he was expecting.

"Edward tells me that you've been having some trouble recently?"

"Um, sort of."

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

I let out an exhausted sigh, "I wouldn't know where to begin."

He turned to face me, and gave me a kind, understanding smile, "I find that the beginning is usually the best spot."

So that's what I did; I told him about the nightmares, and the hallucinations and the panic attacks, how sometimes I flinch when Edward—_Edward_—touches me, and how I can't handle driving my own car sometimes.

"Thanks for that, by the way. The car, I mean."

"It was our pleasure, Bella. And your Thank-you note was lovely."

I smiled at him, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes.

He smiled back tightly, and began to think. I waited nervously, because I had no idea what he'd say. Absolutely none.

"Well, Bella, you're obviously going through a reaction to your accident. The dreams, the panic attacks are leading me to a few different conclusions, but then again, I'm not a trained psychiatrist. However, I'd be happy to refer you to someone. I'm sure Edward wouldn't mind taking you to—"

"NO!" I shouted. Carlisle seemed stunned at my sudden out burst, but otherwise didn't say anything.

"No," I repeated a little more quietly, "Edward can't know. I don't want him to know anything about this. I—I don't want him to worry about me."

"He'll worry either way. He's very much in love with you."

I shuffled my feet, nervously, "I can't… I can't let Edward… shoulder this, and I know he will. He'll try and do this for me, and I can't—I can't _let _him do that. He doesn't deserve that."

Carlisle sighed, and put a hand on my shoulder, "Bella, whether you realize it or not, you have come to mean a great deal to my son. In this past year, he's changed so much," Carlisle's gaze shifted wistfully back to his study window, "He wasn't the same after his mother died. Very cold, very distant. But you; something about you made him whole again."

He turned back to me and smiled sadly, "You brought him back to us, Bella. Give him a chance to do the same for you."

Ummm, way to guilt trip me there, Dr. Cullen.

The problem with all this was (of course) that he was asking me to do something that could have a possibly disastrous consequence. You see, once Edward realizes just how damaged I am, why would he stay? Sure, I helped him when he was low, but part of me knew that he admired my strength; it was a type of strength that (at the time) he had been lacking. But now… how could I ask him to put me back together? Moreover, how could I _let _him put me back together?

I couldn't ask him for that; it would come at too much of a cost to him.

I lifted my eyes back to meet Carlisle's and he was looking at me like a concerned parent. I took a deep breath before I spoke.

"I'll think about it," I lied, "But if I could get those names from you? I think talking to someone would definitely help."

He smiled a little and nodded, motioning for me to follow him back to the house. My heart started to pound with every step because I realized that now I would have to tell Edward that I would have to see someone.

A psychiatrist.

A shrink.

How would he react to that? I could see it in my mind now: He'd turn away from me, and cast me off. He wouldn't want the damaged broken version of Bella. He would turn me in; just like the Volvo I smashed and get a newer, better _whole_ version.

What reason did he have to stick by me through this?

I didn't even want to stick by me.

I took one more deep breath as we crossed the threshold into the study and I saw Edward stand, a wary smile crossing his face.

"Hey, Bella Brownie. How'd it go?"

I stood a few feet away from him, still pretty close to the door so that I could make my escape quickly, and trained my eyes to the solid wood floors.

"Fine. Carlisle's going to give me some… names. For a doctor. To talk to."

I heard Edward exhale, but he didn't move.

"You're sure it's that bad?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Carlisle's voice cut me off, as I realized the question was directed at him.

"Yes, I do. She's been through a traumatic experience, Edward, and she needs professional help to get through it. It's for the best."

"That's the only thing we can do?" Edward said through clenched teeth, his voice trying to stay even.

"Son, I know you're nervous about the whole idea, given your own experience, but it could be different for Bella. It will be different for Bella."

Edward let out a frustrated sigh and I saw his feet come into view in front of me, and he curled his fingers under my chin, lift my face up to look at his.

"And this is what you want?" He asked, his voice no louder than a whisper, "Because if you want something else, I'll get it for you. Anything, Bella. Absolutely anything."

"No, this is what I want. There's... I'm damaged, an—"

He didn't let me finish. He quickly clamped me in his arms, my head tucked into his shoulder as his nose began to nuzzle my hair.

"You could never be _damaged_, Bella. You're perfect. So fucking perfect. You're going through something right now, but it'll pass. I swear to you it'll pass. But don't you ever let me hear you say that you're _damaged_ ever again."

I nodded into his neck and inhaled, taking in as much of him as I could. Sure, he says that now, but what if I need years of psycho therapy? Or drugs? Or even simpler than that, what if I can't ever stop having panic attacks? What if the nightmares keep coming?

When will it be too much for him?

I couldn't take it if I let it go too far; if he held my hand through all of this only to leave me when we went to college, or worse, after we'd been together for years, and even married. The idea of Edward leaving literally took my breath away. I didn't want to be without him, but at the same time, I knew it would be better for him if I simply faded away.

I heard footsteps behind me, and I knew it was Carlisle. I felt one of Edward's hands leave my back and take something from him; I could only assume it was the list of names.

"C'mon. We'll go up to my room." He whispered, pressing a kiss into my part.

I nodded as he unfolded me from his arms, and I suddenly felt cold as a shiver went through me.

"Hey, you okay?" Edward asked, his green eyes understanding.

I shrugged, and he pulled off the light sweatshirt that he'd been wearing and pulled it over my head, then rubbing my arms up and down to create some friction.

"Better?" He asked, smiling a little.

I nodded at him, and he seemed satisfied as he led me out of the study with a quick good bye to Carlisle, to his room.

He shut the door behind us, and I flicked on the light before climbing onto his bed.

"Do you think this is a bad idea?" I asked him as I laid back, my eyes trained to the ceiling.

I felt the bed shift next to me, and then I could see him out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn't dare to look at him. I would end up completely losing my resolve if I did.

"No, it's not that." He said, and I felt his hand come up to trace the line of my cheek bone, then over my forehead, "It's just that I haven't had the best experiences with them, and it scares me to think of you going through something like that. I hate it that you hurt, Bella. I hate it. But if this is what it takes to make you better, than that's what will be done."

I sucked in a deep breath and rolled onto my side so that I could face him. I had to say it facing him.

"I want to do this. Carlisle thinks it will help, and I trust his opinion. But I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"I don't want you to come to the sessions with me."

His eyes grew dark, and narrowed considerably, "What do you mean?"

"I just think it would be better if I went… alone. Or had Charlie drive me. I think it's for the best."

"But why, Love?" He was pleading with me now. He wanted me to let him in; at least he thought he did.

I couldn't think of an answer he'd agree to, so I just said, "Please? Please, just let me do this my way."

I searched his face for anger and disgust, but instead I saw him begin to relent. His fingers reached out again to my face and I leaned into his touch.

"Whatever it takes." He whispered, more to himself than me. "Whatever it takes."

I opened my eyes and tried to smile at him, "Whatever it takes."

He smiled back at me sadly and pulled the paper out from behind him, unfolding it carefully.

"Which do you want to call?"

I took the sheet from him and studied the three names on the pad. Then I shut my eyes and pointed.

"This one!"

Edward started to laugh at me, and I opened my eyes to see who the lucky doc would be.

Doctor Abigail Gordon.

Hm.

Edward, still laughing, handed me his cell phone to make the call, and that was when I started to get nervous. I fingered the numbers carefully.

"Sweet Cheeks, will you hold me?"

I lifted my eyes to him, and his laughter suddenly ceased as he pulled me into his arms.

"I love you," I told him. Because I needed him to know that no matter what the doc said, that would always be true.

"I love you, too, Bella Brownie. Infinitely."

And with that I dialed the number, hoping beyond hope that infinity really was forever.

***

A few days later, I pulled up to Dr. Gordon's offices in Port Angeles. I was kind of proud of myself because today was the first day I'd actually been able to drive my car in almost two weeks. Maybe that was a sign. Maybe things would only get better from here.

I parked and headed into the quaint brick building, trying to take deep breaths on the way.

I quickly found the office and knocked, like the little plaque next to the door told me to, and shifted around uncomfortably as I waited for someone to answer.

But once the door did swing open, I was totally terrified. Dr. Fiona Ramsay was a tall model-esque red head, with fair freckled skin, and light violet (yeah, violet) eyes. She was utterly stunning, and I felt like stupid, plain, boring Bella all over again.

_God, even my shrink makes me feel inferior._

"You must be… Isabella Swan?" She said, her voice not sounding remotely friendly or interested.

"Yes, but it's Bella, please, Dr. Gordon."

She looked up then, her violet eyes hard, "Unfortunately, Dr. Gordon has been called away for personal reasons. I am Dr. Fiona Ramsay, and I've taken over all of Dr. Gordon's patients."

"Oh, I had no idea. I hope everything's alright?"

"Frankly, Isabella, it's none of your concern. Please take a seat on the couch, but do not put your feet on it."

I did as she said, fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat. Dr. Ramsay sat across from me, crossing her long legs and pulling out a pad.

"You may begin."

That was all she said, so I stared at her. She let out a frustrated sigh.

"Isabella, tell me why you are here. What is wrong with you? Or as the kids say "what's your damage?""

Damage.

Edward.

Damage.

Volvo.

Edward, I'm… damaged.

I told her about the accident then, all of it, and even how I couldn't sleep with my own boyfriend after hearing two people I didn't even know speaking about an accident I wasn't even involved in. How lame is that?

She listened to me the whole time, taking down notes here and there, but never really saying anything to me out right. So I kept on talking… talking until I almost ran out of things to say. Then she put up a hand and went to speak.

"Isabella, from what you've told me it sounds like you're suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is common after being involved in something as traumatic as a car accident."

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I wasn't nuts or headed for the loony bin. I had a problem and it had a name, and it was common. How odd that 'common' suddenly felt like the best thing in the world.

Dr. Ramsay looked up at me again and asked a question.

"You and this… Edward? You're a couple."

"'Yeah."

"And he's older than you?"

"No. Well, yes, but only by a few months."

She tapped her pen on the paper thoughtfully, "Well, it appears to be simply puppy love."

I didn't know what to say to that. Was she trying to underscore my feelings for Edward? Or his for me?

"At your age, it is completely normal to feel like you're in love, but in order to save you a lot of heart break, I will tell you now that it isn't. You're only seventeen years old; you don't know what love is."

"I don't?" That. That was my brilliant response. Instead of walking out of that damn office and slapping this bitch seven ways to Sunday, I acted like a ditz.

"No. You need to really experience life in order to love someone. You are an innocent, naïve young girl. What could you possibly know about the real world?"

"But Edward… he's been through a lot. He would know if he loved me or not, then. He would know better than I would if it really could be love."

"Hmm, I can see why you would think that. But I will tell you now, two damaged pieces do not go together; they never will, and they never can. You both need someone strong and whole to protect you from yourselves. Your relationship simply cannot survive. It isn't strong enough."

I cast my eyes down to the floor and felt the tears start welling up. She had just told me everything that had been nagging me in the back of my mind would inevitably happen at some point. Soon.

We wouldn't be Edward and Bella for much longer.

I wouldn't be anyone's Bella Brownie anymore.

I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes as Dr. Ramsay stood up.

"Well, Isabella, I believe that that's enough for this week. I'll see you next week at the same time."

I only nodded as I shuffled myself out of the room and walked back to my car. I tried chocking back the tears, but they fell anyway the moist little traitors, and they came even faster as I drove home. The only good thing about today would be that Charlie was at La Push and Edward was in Seattle with Jasper for some stupid thing. At least I could be alone; I could start to get used to it.

But as I turned into my drive way, my heart began to ache at the sight.

Sitting on my stoop in the rain, waiting for me was Edward. His bronze hair matted down and his keys swinging around one of his long fingers. I started to sob out right when I saw him smiling at me, his eyes full of hope and... what I used to think was love.

I parked my car behind his in my drive way and got out as he rushed over to me.

"Baby, what's wrong? What happened? Did you have a panic attack? Why didn't you call me? I would've come, Sweetheart. I would have picked you up."

I sobbed harder at his words and feebly reached out for him. He pulled me forcefully into him, so that I was smashed up against his broad chest and wrapped securely in his arms.

Funny, he didn't feel so damaged right now.

He let me sob into his chest for a while, until I started to shiver from the unusually cold rain that was falling around us.

"Baby, C'mon. Let's get you inside."

I nodded into his chest, and he adjusted me, taking my keys in one hand and tucking me under his arm and pulling me over to the house. He let us in, and we kicked off our shoes at the door and he led me upstairs to the bathroom. He shut the door behind us and turned on the shower, letting the room fill up with steam.

"Lift up your arms, love." He said, his voice tender and… loving.

I did as he asked, and he pulled off my soaked tee shirt, tossing it on the floor, and he followed with his own. Then he pulled me up as he kneeled down, resting my hands on his strong shoulders and he pulled off my jeans. He stood up then, and carefully took my face in his hands and kissed me. He was soft and gentle; and for a moment I believed in us. I believed that we could break the mold; that we would be that one couple who defied the odds and stayed together. But then Dr. Ramsay's words rang out in my mind.

"_Your relationship simply cannot survive. It isn't strong enough_."

I kept my eyes closed as he pulled away, resting his forehead on my own.

"Do you want to get in?" He asked, his voice low and even.

"No, not really."

"Are you warmer?"

"Yeah."

He nodded, and reached around to turn off the spray, then wrapping a towel around me before we went into my room.

He sat me down on my bed and turned to begin rummaging around for some clothes. I watched him search, and I noticed he was still wearing his jeans, and they were riding a little lower than normal from the weight of the wet fabric, and there were droplets of water running in rivers down his pale skin. Then I noticed the goose bumps that had broken out across his back. He was freezing, he had to be. And he was looking for clothes to keep me warm. We might both be damaged, but surely I could make the most of this limited time.

For him.

Because of him.

I stood up and wrapped my towel clad arms around him, and I heard him inhale sharply as my warm skin came in contact with his cold back.

"B, you're going to get cold again."

"I'm cold if you're cold."

"So that's how it works now?" He said, turning around in my arms and reaching to unclasp my bra.

"Yeah. Edward, whatever happens, you're a part of me. For always."

He smiled down at me and slipped a tee shirt over my head. "I know, Bella. Because you're a part of me. You're the best part of me."

I smiled up at him and he handed me a pair of clean underwear and my favorite sweats to change into. Then he grabbed my hands and brought them back to my sides, and went into another drawer, where he kept a few things, and changed. I collapsed onto my bed, and he followed soon after, pulling me into him and tangling our legs together. He smoothed back the hair from my face and stared into my eyes, ad if he was trying to read my mind.

"How come you're home?" I asked.

"I thought you might need me, so I stayed home."

"But what about your… your… um."

"iPhone? Baby, please. How could you think that a phone is more important than you?"

"I don't. I just thought you wanted it. You didn't have to stay."

He laughed a little at me, and ran the back of his hand over my cheek.

"I wanted to, Baby. I want to be where you are."

I felt the tears start springing to my eyes again, and he pulled me into him and started humming my song and running his fingers through my damp hair.

It was then that I decided not to waste anymore time wallowing. I couldn't do it for myself, but I sure as hell could do it for Edward. I knew that, for him, I had to make the most of this year, because college would be the last straw. It would be the moment that I became plain, boring, damaged Bella Swan and stopped being Bella Brownie to him. But until that moment came, I wanted happy memories of Edward that I could keep for the rest of my life, tucked away for when I needed to remember a time when I was truly happy. Because if anything, I was always happy when I was with Edward.

I closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me, silently making my promise to him.

_I love you, Edward. So, so much. I promise to love you forever; completely __and with all of me, until I die… with ever fiber of _my_ fucked up being. You're it for me; you're it. No one will ever come close. Ever. I love you, Sweet Cheeks. _

_I love you. _


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N: Before you read this, please try to remember that I love you…This chapter is basically the same as before, with a few additions, so make sure you read the whole thing… _

_And that I don't own this…still Stephenie Meyer…_

Chapter 20

**BPOV**

_One year later…_

The last year with Edward had been perfect, just like he deserved. I stopped going to see Dr. Ramsay after another month. I couldn't listen to her anymore; I got that Edward and I weren't meant to be, but at the same time, I didn't need her telling me that over and over again. Edward was the best part of me; even if I wasn't the best part of him. I never worked up the courage to tell him about the diagnosis, or what Dr. Ramsay would tell me during our sessions. Part of me was worried that he would get mad at me for thinking that, but it was almost entirely overridden by the other part of me that was afraid that he would agree. And I know it's pretty masochistic, but I didn't want him to leave yet. I still needed him.

He helped me through my panic attacks, and never judged me. He would just hold me tight, and hum. The strong steady beat of his heart would lull me into a deep calm, and it was only in those moments that none of my other problems seemed relevant. Just Edward; he was the only thing that was relevant.

Charlie hadn't caught him sneaking into my room, so he was still spending every night with me. He was still telling me he loved me incessantly, and I said it back because I meant it, but also because I wasn't sure if I would ever get to say it again. He and I filled out our college applications together, usually at his house with Jasper and Alice, and I ended up applying to twelve colleges because I didn't want it to really be happening. I didn't want us to go our separate ways, as I knew we would.

Sure enough, Edward got into Brown, his first choice school, and he was so excited. He literally had tears in his eyes when he told me.

"So what about you? Did you get your letter?" he asked, looking down at me, the rain pouring off of his perfect bronze locks, a sly smile creeping across his features. Of course I got in. He and I had studied like crazy; we would have gotten in anywhere. But I didn't want to tell him that I had, because I knew that it would become a burden having me so close by, as a reminder of the time he'd wasted.

"I…uh… well, the thing is—"

"Hey, Edward! Did you hear the news? Bella got into Brown!"

_Damn Charlie and his timing._

Edward's eyes turned bright and he scooped me up and twirled me around.

"Bella, it's gonna be so fuc—freaking perfect! You and I, we're going to have a blast, baby. I'm so proud of you, Love."

He set me down and I just couldn't look at him. "Edward, I can't go to Brown," I whispered. There was silence, and I figured he was about to leave, so I ran upstairs and hid in my room. I couldn't watch him leave. I curled up on my bed, which only made it worse because my sheets smelled exactly like him.

I really should have stripped the bed but I couldn't; I couldn't lose all of him so quickly. All of a sudden, though, I felt the bed start to shift. Figures Charlie would pick this moment to get all paternal.

"Bella Brownie, what's up?"

Funny, Charlie sounded an awful lot like Edward.

"Go away, Dad. I don't want to talk about it."

"B, if I were your father, I sure as hell wouldn't be sending your horny teenage boyfriend up to your room."

I couldn't do anything; it was just too much.

"Fine, you don't have to talk yet. But you will."

I felt the bed shift again as he stood, and my heart stopped beating. I wished he had just left when I came upstairs because this was so much worse. But then I heard the rustling of fabric, and him kicking off his shoes, and sure enough, the bed started to shift again as he got onto his side of the bed and pulled me back into him. I felt his arm leave my waist to pull a blanket over us, but almost as quickly, I was back in his arms. I knew it would kill me to stay there, and I knew that giving myself this moment would make it hurt more when he did leave, but at the same time, I didn't want to let him go.

I never wanted to let him go.

I twisted around in his grip, and in the minimal light that was covering my bedroom, I could tell that he was worried.

"Hello, Beautiful."

"Hi."

"What's wrong?"

"I can't go to Brown, Edward."

His brow furrowed, and his mouth twitched. "Why not?"

_Because you can't possibly want to be with me once we get there, and I don't think I could handle seeing you with all those other girls everyday for the next four years._

"I can't afford it."

This wasn't entirely true: I couldn't afford it on my own, but I could with the more than generous financial aid package that they were giving me, and Phil, who'd just been signed to the Red Sox, was willing to cover the rest.

"Bella, my Dad would be willing to help you out, you know that."

I let out a frustrated sigh and slammed my fist pathetically into his chest. I had taken so much—too much—from the Cullen's, as my shiny VW could attest.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to be beholden to you for the rest of my life!"

Well, if that wasn't a poor choice of words, I don't know what is. Edward let go of me almost immediately and sat at the edge of the bed, looking out the window.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that wanting to take care of you would be a burden."

I sat up next to him, but didn't look right at him.

"It's not that. I just… I want you to remember that we're only eighteen. You aren't supposed to help me finance college."

"But I want to. I like to help you."

"What if I decided to go to BU?"

"BU costs just as much as Brown."

"Yeah, but would you still be willing to help me pay for it if I decided to go there?"

He turned to look at me. "Of course, Bella. I want you to be happy."

I wasn't expecting that.

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just watched him. He sighed and leaned into me.

"B, do you want to go to BU?"

I did, but only because it wasn't Brown.

"Yes."

"Then go. I don't want you to do something because you're trying to make me happy; just think of yourself, okay?"

_Then I should really be going with you._

"Okay."

He scooped me back up into his arms, and it was almost like everything really was going to be okay, like he could possibly want me forever.

The way that I wanted him.

That was the last semi-fight we had about college. Edward sent in his deposit to Brown, Alice to Wellesley, Jasper to Northeastern, and I to BU. At least Alice would be close by; I could see her if I felt like it, and there was an hour between Edward and me. Enough to keep the gossip away. The summer had it's melancholy moments because I knew that the time would come where he would sit me down and tell me that it had been nice, but we were growing up and apart.

So that's why I made the decision to just do it myself.

It was late August, and Edward still hadn't broken up with me. I was leaving on Tuesday for Boston, and I wanted it to be done before I got there. I pulled up to the Cullen's in the car that Edward bought for me, and I was already choking back the tears. I got up to the front door, but Edward beat me to the bell.

"Hey, Bella Brownie, I fucking missed you today."

He scooped me up into his arms and I felt myself start to cling to him. But I had to be stronger than that. I had to do this for him; so that he could have all the happiness he deserved. He brushed his lips against mine and kissed me, so I kissed him back. It would be the last time I felt those familiar butterflies, the electricity that flowed between us and the love that we had. He pulled away and looked at me.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Come sit with me?"

We sat on the porch steps and I watched the twilight sun start to fade in the distance. This was so much harder than I had ever expected.

"I have to go to college alone," I said, not really knowing how else to put it.

"You are, Bella. Just like you wanted."

"No, I mean, you and me… it can't work there."

I heard his breath hitch, but not in a good way, "What do you mean?"

"I can't go to college and wait for you to break up with me. I just can't do it."

"Why would I break up with you once we got there? What's so different out there?"

"Everything."

"But what in particular?"

"Everything, Edward! You won't be happy being tied down to me out there. There's gonna be so many other girls out there, and you're going to feel trapped by me, and then end up resenting me, and I can't just sit and wait for that to happen."

"That wouldn't happen. Bella, I love you. I mean that."

"We're eighteen years old. We don't know what love is."

"So you don't know if you love me?"

"Of course I love you; I just want to end this before it ends up hurting more."

Then he did something I didn't expect: he took my face roughly in his hands and made me look at him.

"If you do this, Isabella, if you leave, that's it. I won't wait for you."

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes while he said that, and all I saw was the pain and hurt that I knew I was causing. Yeah, Edward might have loved me now, but soon he'd find someone new, and I'd be that girl he dated back home.

I'd be no more important than Jessica Stanley. But regardless, he'd always be my world.

I pressed my lips to his, but he didn't kiss me back. I don't think I expected him to.

"Good bye, Edward. I love you."

**EPOV**

No.

No.

No.

Fuck this.

Fuck this shit.

What the fuck is this?

How the fuck could she…. How could she even imply that—

"No! Isabella, stop!"

I watched her shake her head as she kept moving toward her car—the car I had picked for her—to leave.

To leave me.

To leave us.

I felt my heart shatter to pieces; it was more painful that watching Bella with fucknewton, in the accident and in the hospital bed… combined.

She was leaving me because she thought I would leave. She thought I was going to hurt her. How could she not see the obvious?

Hadn't I told her countless times that I—

"Bella. Please, stop." I pleaded with her to just fucking… stop.

And she did. Her hand on the door handle, and her bottom lip pulled into her mouth. She was trying not to cry; she didn't want me to watch her cry.

Fuck that; I want some real emotion.

I took her arms in my hands a little roughly to make her face me, and I bent down a bit so that I was looking into my brown eyes. But instead, I only saw to gentle patches of snowy white skin.

"Open your eyes. If you're going to leave me, at least have the decency to let me see my brown eyes one last time."

My words were harsh, I knew, but she had set the terms of this fucked up game, and I sure as hell could play it.

"Open them."

She did, slowly, and I swear to God, I almost died right then. My Brown eyes were petrified. Total terror in her eyes, watching me warily. What did she think I was going to do? Hurt her? Beat her?

Never.

Not on your fucking life.

I took a deep breath and closed my own eyes, trying to calm down a little. She couldn't leave me; she just couldn't.

"Baby, please. Talk to me."

"There's nothing left to say."

"There's everything left to say!" I shook her a little, but then checked my temper again. "Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I've told you that thousands upon thousands of times. Baby, you're my whole fucking life, remember? Where you go I go, remember?"

She looked away from me, still biting that pouty bottom lip. Is it sad that even when she's leaving me, I find her incredibly desirable?

"Edward, please. I just… it was fun."

She turned to look at me again, my brown eyes sealed off. I laughed bitterly.

"Bella, what the fuck? It was fun? No, B; it wasn't fun. I was love, and it was hard and a pain in the ass most of the time, but it was absolutely the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, because I got to do it with you. You, Bella. You're the love of my fucking life. Only you, forever. What part of that sounds even remotely unsure? Which bit are you having doubts about?"

I straightened up so that I was looking at the top of her head, and I noticed that she was looking at the ground.

"I'm sorry Edward. I just don't want you anymore."

I sucked in a sharp breath and took my hands off of her.

"You… don't … want… me?"

She nodded, and pulled open the car door. I felt the tears welling up in my own eyes, and I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. It had to be a dream; it just fucking had to be. I would wake up any minute and be in Bella's bed, wrapped up in her, and we would go to school together and it would all be a bug fucking joke. This could not be fucking happening. I just didn't make sense.

Then she reached up and brushed her fingers along my cheek bone and whispered, "Be careful."

I leaned into her touch instinctively, but automatically felt like a wimp when she retracted her hand and I heard the engine start in her car, and I watched her drive away.

My life, my heart, my love my Bella… gone.

I fell to my knees, unable to think of anything else except the searing pain that was ripping through my chest. It felt like I was dying; like I couldn't move, or breathe… just sob.

So I did.

I screamed and yelled and wailed in my drive way because I was just… nothing all over again. The best part of me had just driven away from me, because… she didn't want me.

My brown eyes didn't want me.

"Edward?" I heard Alice say, as her little hand gripped my shoulder. "What happened? Where's Bella?"

I let out another sob as Alice said her name, and let the agony wash over me.

"Oh, God." I heard Alice mutter, and her little arms were wrapped around me as best they could be, and I cried into her a little more.

"Edward, it's okay; it'll be okay. Just tell me what's wrong." She cooed, running her fingers through my hair.

I sucked in a deep breath, and let my eyes meet hers.

"She's gone."


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: Wicked nervous about this one, so PLEASE BE GENTLE… I love you anyways =]_

_This one is for Little Miss Whitlock, who's wicked awesome at making sure TE doesn't hit the fan, and for LeslieLamb, who's waffles are waaay better than mine ;-)_

_And yup, you guessed right… I don't own this; Stephenie Meyer does_

Chapter 28

**BPOV**

It's been two years, six months, three weeks, and four days since I last saw Edward Cullen.

But that doesn't mean I don't remember absolutely everything about him. I still dream about his messy bronze hair, piercing green eyes, and incredibly perfect crooked smile. I can distinctly recall the exact feeling I used to have when he would kiss me, or play the piano for me, or hold me while we slept.

Giving up Edward Cullen was probably the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire twenty years.

I got out of class that afternoon, the February sun poking through the clouds, and headed over to my car, the same VW Edward gave me so long ago. It still sort of smelled like him, and every once in a while, I'd end up driving around Boston just to stay in the car a little longer and soak it up.

I know, I know; it was my decision. I'm the one who broke up with him, and I have no right to be pining over him the way that I am. But I just never imagined that it would hurt this much. I mean, if I knew I was doing the right thing, and I knew that Edward didn't really love me the way that I loved him, why couldn't I feel better about all of this?

I have no idea, friend. I have no idea.

I was going to meet Alice for lunch, and I started thinking about safe things to talk about. Over the last two years, my and Alice's friendship had certainly taken a hit. For a while, she and I didn't talk, and I didn't blame her. I mean, after everything I had taken from the Cullens… hell, I wouldn't talk to me either.

But one afternoon, about three months after I broke up with Edward, I bumped into her and Jasper outside of Quincy Market. It was awkward to say the least. I was alone and disheveled, and they were together and glowing.

I can distinctly remember Alice walking over to me, tears welling up in her sea foam green eyes, and pulling me into her arms.

"I had no idea," she whispered.

I still have no clue what she meant by that but, whatever, because ever since then she's been my best friend again.

We started hanging around together almost every chance we got, and for once. I actually started to feel whole again, like I at least kind of resembled the person I used to be. I was with Alice when I actually met my new boyfriend, Jack Fletcher.

Jack was a decent guy. He looked good in a suit or in a hoodie and jeans, and he could talk to just about any one, and didn't have to drop the F-bomb every 3.2 words.

Although, sometimes I wished he would.

Jack came from a very wealthy, very WASP-y New England family and his great ambition in life was to become a senator. He said he didn't care from where; he just wanted to be one. He never spent the night with me, and we almost always had what Alice would call 'standard sex': lights off, him on top, double pump and done. But she encouraged me to go for it; you know get under some one to get over someone, and all that. The problem is, Jack wasn't so good to be... under.

Not everyone could be a reformed slut, I guess.

_I miss my slut._

_**OFEC.**_

How much does it suck that I resorted to OFEC again? And let me tell you, it's not too successful when you start whispering _that_ instead of your boyfriend's name while he's moving inside you. Yeah, Jack didn't really appreciate that too much.

I pulled up to a meter and saw Alice across the street in front of the restaurant waiting for me. Alice, I don't think, will ever change. She'll always have the same inky black hair, the same killer fashion sense and the very same crooked smile of a certain…

**OFEC.**

I'm getting worse and worse everyday.

My obsession over forgetting Edward helped me to get over my panic attacks almost entirely. They're so few and far between now-a-days that it's almost as though none of that stuff ever happened. I feels like forever ago.

I get out of my car and click the lock, smiling at Alice as I cross the street.

"Hey Ally Cat, how's it hangin'?"

"Aren't you only allowed to say that to boys?"

I shrugged, "Probably. But if I ever said that to Jack, I don't think I'd be able to get him to speak to me for weeks."

It's not that Jack's up tight, he's just… particular with verbiage?

Whatever.

Alice giggled at me, and linked her arm through mine and led me into the restaurant. We were given a table in front of the huge floor to ceiling windows overlooking the harbor.

"So what's up, Bella? I haven't heard from you since…umm… Wednesday, I think?"

It was Friday, by the way.

I held my tongue and rolled my eyes at her. "I dunno, Alice. I haven't been feeling very well lately, and I'm just so stressed out with school, and just… stuff."

She tapped her fingers on the clean white tablecloth, and stared at me.

"Why don't you feel well?"

I kind of blinked at her for a minute then said. "Just poorly, I guess. Kind of queasy lately, but Jack and I tried this new Sushi place last week, and I think it's just that. I never really liked that stuff anyway."

"Are you throwing up?"

Okay… we're at lunch; not exactly the perfect moment for this conversation. Alice stares at me expectantly and I realize that I have no choice but to answer.

"Yeah, but you know, I don't feel well so it's to be expected."

She nodded, but I noticed that she didn't meet my eyes again until after the waiter came to take our order. Then, she cleared her throat and tapped the table to get my attention.

"Bella, do you think you might be…"

I scoffed, cutting her off. "No. No. Absolutely not. There's no way. I mean, Jack and I… we're hardly ever…but I…"

"Whoa, Bella, slow down! I was just wondering because you're looking a little pale, and you're sick… I know I'm jumping to conclusions, but I just figured it was worth asking."

I started to hyperventilate a little.

I couldn't remember my last period.

Shit, shit, double fuck.

"Bella, seriously, I'm sure it's nothing." Alice's hand slid over mine, and I nodded at her.

_Oh, God._

"So anyways, I heard from Edward the other day," she said, pulling a piece of bread out of the basket, and in the process making me forget about what I happened to be lacking. "He said he's thinking about going to med school in Washington."

Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you; Edward's going to be a perfect doctor.

Just like I knew he would.

Just like he deserved. I knew he'd be happy...

"Really? That's nice."

"Yeah, I think he wants to move back home. He's ready."

"That's nice."

"You should call him. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

_No, he wouldn't._

"Maybe."

She rolled her eyes at me and opened her mouth to speak, but was thankfully interrupted by the waiter delivering our food. She must have forgotten what she was about to say because as soon as he was gone she launched into a story about her roommate's boyfriend. It might sound strange, but Alice and I decided not to live together when we moved off of our respective campuses last fall.

We do, however, live in the same building, her two floors above me, and Jasper down the hall. It's comfortable; it made me feel like I didn't leave everything behind.

I kind of spaced out as she talked though, and I started to wonder if it were possible… if I could possibly be…

I mean, I know it's possible; all of my parts work, but this wasn't in my plan. This definitely wasn't in Jack's plan.

All too soon lunch was over and I left Alice so that she could go back to class, and I could head to the drugstore.

But when I got there I was lost like a guy buying condoms.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

I never realized that there were this many ways to tell you whether or not there's a bun in the oven. I mean, can't there just be one test and then, you… know?

What the hell?

"Buy the one with the easy read out. It's…well, easier."

I spun around slowly, not quite sure if I want to see the face I know will be accompanying the voice.

But, because I'm perpetually screwed Bella Swan, it is.

Jessica Stanley.

My day's kicking ass.

"I…uh...h-hey, Jess."

She smiled at me, and I think that that was really the first time I had actually looked at her. She had the same straight strawberry blond hair with kind, maple syrup brown eyes. She was actually kind of pretty.

"Hey, Bella. What's up?"

I honestly couldn't say anything. Flashback to Jessica Stanley: told everyone she blew my boyfriend.

Then said boyfriend did the sweetest thing of all time to make up for her horrible lie. That memory still makes me swoon.

_**OFEC.**_

Jess must have noticed the disbelieving stare my features currently housed, because a friendly, yet still sad smile came across her lips.

"Bella, I know we haven't always gotten along, but I mean, I always sort of secretly hoped that Edward would end up with… well, who didn't right? Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. For everything. Really."

Something about those maple syrup eyes made me believe her. I think I wanted to believe her, if for no other reason than that we both knew what it was like to have a completely unrequited love for Edward Cullen.

_**OFEC.**_

I smiled back at her and decided to change the subject. "So, I guess you have experience with these?" I said, gesturing to the tests.

"Hardly. The summer before we all left for college, Tanya had a scare and I helped her out when she was… finding out. And she was; she started telling people it was Emmett's. I think that's the last time I talked to her… you know, before Rosalie rearranged her face."

I smiled at the memory. I always knew that Rose had gone to town on Tanya, but no one would ever tell me why. Figures.

I sighed and turned back to the shelves. "Digital read out, huh?"

Jess giggled. "Yup, I'd say it's your best bet."

"Okay."

I picked up the test and looked at the box. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be doing this _now_. In fact, I wasn't sure I wanted to be doing this at all.

I let out a deep sigh, and felt Jess's hand on my shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay, Bella. I have a feeling about it."

_I wish._

"Thanks Jess. I hope so."

She smiled again, and gave me her number. She said that if I needed anything, I should give her a call.

Huh.

Who would've known?

I bought my test and headed back to my car, silently praying that this was all some kind of bad dream, and I would be waking up any minute, preferably in Edward's arms in my bedroom in Forks.

**OFEC!!!**

I tried to calm my nerves as I headed into my building, counting the number of steps to the elevator, then the number of seconds it took for the elevator to get to my floor.

By the time I was in the bathroom, I had run out of things to count.

I ripped open the package and peed on the stick.

Then I had to wait.

So I counted the seconds until it was ready…

**JasPOV**

Mary Alice has a night class on Friday that's the bane of my existence. It really fucking sucks. But whatever.

I rounded the corner onto our block and I saw the lights on in Bella's apartment. The only reason I lived in this building was because Cullen practically blackmailed me into it.

Seriously, you get caught with curlers in your hair one time…

Yeah, I know; Mary Alice has me whipped. I'm okay with that; I've come to accept it. I just grab my junk more often to remind myself that the boys are there.

And a well placed grunt doesn't hurt.

So anyways, I forced my way into the elevator and waited for it to get to my floor. The thing was so freaking slow.

Antique or some shit.

The doors squeaked open, and the first thing I saw was that Bella's apartment door was opened a little bit.

As Miss Clavel once said, "Something is not right."

I walked over to her door and knocked gently.

"Bella?"

No answer.

I pushed open the door, but I still didn't see her. Then I heard a muffled sob coming from the back of the apartment.

I swear to fucking God if that asshole laid one finger on her… I would not hesitate to kick his ass. Then I would call Edward to do it again.

I followed the sounds to the bathroom door and knocked again.

"Bella, sweetheart? It's just me. Are you okay?"

"Jazz, go away."

"No."

"Please… just go."

"Bella, if you don't tell me what's going on, I'm gonna call Alice—"

"NO! Do Not Call Alice! Please, please Jasper. Please."

"Did you get into a fight? Or Jack? Did you have a fight with Jack?"

That shit didn't deserve a girl as good as Bella. He was always putting her down and telling her that she should be happy he even graced her with his presence. The first time she had a panic attack in front of him, he went ape shit and started yelling at her. I had to carry her up to her apartment, and Mary Alice spent the night with her. She called out for Edward the entire night. Fucking broke my heart. I knew that that asshole had a rough time of it after she broke up with him, but who did Bella have?

No one.

She was alone.

And when we saw her that day in Quincy Market… fuck.

She looked like hell in a basket.

But the worst part about Bella and Jack? She once told me that she deserved it.

How fucked up is that?

"No…no…just please…go."

To quote Cullen, "Not fucking likely."

So I sighed, ran a hand through my hair and pulled out my cell phone.

If she wasn't going to talk to me, she sure as hell would be talking to someone.

So I called the one prick I knew would make her talk…

**EPOV**

I was lying in bed in my apartment with my arms around Maisie O'Hallahan trying to get some sleep.

I was counting Bellas.

_One…two…three…four…five…_

Then Maisie shifted in my arms to face me, but I kept my chin squarely on top of her head. I couldn't fucking look at her.

She wasn't my Bella.

I guess you could say that these past two and a half years have made me… regress, though not as completely as before. After Alice got me to pick my sorry ass up off the drive way, I turned into a fucking hermit until it was time to go to school. I didn't even want to go anymore. Fuck that shit, my life was over. But Whitlock and the girl who was formerly my sister, but was more of a Whitlock-ette, forced me on a plane to Boston, then moved me into my dorm room.

That night was the night I realized just how much fun a co-ed dorm could be.

That's right, my friend: I was Edward fucking Cullen once again.

Before those perfect brown eyes had to go fucking shit up.

But the girl that was in my bed right now was my challenge for the semester: she was a virgin.

And she wasn't giving it up that easily.

_I'll get you my pretty, and your v-card, too._

Edward Cullen always wins. Period.

"Mmm, Eddie?"

_Cringe._"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you don't mind waiting? I just want to be sure—"

"Whatever you need, Maisie. That's what I'm here for."

She laughed a little and buried her head in my chest.

_I miss my brown eyes._

No.

No.

No.

I sure as hell do not.

Not even a little tiny bit.

Thank fucking God my cell phone started ringing noisily on my night stand.

I flipped it open with out checking the ID. I didn't really care who it was; as long as they got me out of this bed, I was happy to talk to them.

"Cullen."

"Edward."

My heart sank to my fucking feet. Alice. That was all I could think. Something happened to Alice.

"Whitlock? What's up?"

"Listen, I know this is out of the blue, but I didn't know who else to call—"

"Jasper, spit it out; is it Alice?"

I was already getting out of bed and pulling the green sweatshirt that still kind of smelled like Bella over my head.

"No, fuck face. It's Bella…"

He kept on talking after that, but I was too fucking confused to keep listening.

Bella.

Fuck.

I snapped the phone shut and ushered Maisie out the door. Once again my brown eyes were cockblocking me.

Typical.

Fuck.

I got into my car and peeled out of the parking garage under my building and headed up to Boston at a blinding pace.

I hated that my brown eyes still had this effect on me.

I hated that after all the bull shit they'd put me though, I would still be there to protect them.

I hated that even though it's been two years, six months, three weeks, and four days since I've seen them, I was still completely in love with Isabella Swan.

And I would fucking kill any dipshit who tried to hurt her.

I made it to the outskirts of the city in 38 minutes flat. Not bad, considering it was a Friday night.

I had never actually been to Bella/Alice/Jasper's apartment building because, duh, I might run into Bella.

She had made it pretty clear that she hadn't wanted to see me anymore, so I made that happen. I stayed the fuck away from her.

Needless to say, I was shitting my pants when I walked into the lobby of her building and pressed the button on the elevator.

It was then that I realized I had no idea what had even happened to her. I cracked my knuckles just in case and made sure I had my keys in my pocket.

Check and check.

The elevator doors slid open and I saw my destination.

I walked to the door and knocked; I wasn't sure if Whitlock would still be there and I started to get nervous about seeing her again. I was probably the last fucking person she wanted right now.

But thank fucking God, Jasper's stupid ass answered the door and let me in.

"She's been in the bathroom since I got here, about two hours ago."

He pointed in the general direction of the bathroom and I headed toward it.

"She hasn't said anything?"

"Just told me to leave."

"You don't know why she's in there?"

"No, fuck face. Why would I have called you if I did?"

True.

I stopped in front of the only closed door in my line of vision, and I heard sniffling from the other side.

Fuck.

I put my hand flat against the door, then closed my eyes to lean my forehead into it.

"Bella?" I said softly. Any louder and she probably would have leaped out of the fucking window to escape me.

I heard her gasp a little, but she didn't say anything.

"B, c'mon. Open the door."

"N-no."

"Please, Bella Brownie?" Fuck that killed. "Please open the door?"

"Edward, just g-go h-h-home."

"Not fucking likely."

"Just-t-t g-go."

I took a deep breath and laughed a little; this all seemed vaguely familiar.

"Isabella, if you don't open this door right this minute, I'll break it down."

"You w-w-wouldn't d-dare."

Too fucking predictable.

"Try me."

But this time, the lock didn't click and I didn't hear her moving.

"Fine. Have it your way."

I grabbed my keys out of my pocket and popped the hinges off of the door, then lifted it out of place and leaned it up against the wall. Once I was sure it wouldn't fall, I looked at my brown eyes for the first time in nearly two and a half years.

And I wanted to fucking cry.

She was leaning up against the side of the tub, with her arms wrapped around her knees. My beautiful, perfect, chocolate brown eyes were staring at me, and that was when I noticed the neat purple bruise just under her left eye and the cut on her cheek.

Someone was going to die.

I walked over to her slowly and fell to my knees in front of her.

"Isabella, what happened?"

Her bottom lip started to quiver, and a fresh batch of tears started flowing from her eyes. I didn't know what to do. The only time Bella had ever cried in front of me we had been together, and I had no fucking idea how to handle it now that we weren't.

In fact, we weren't much of anything.

So I did what I thought I should.

I pulled her into my arms and let her cry against my chest. I wanted to puke, then cry, then puke again. It hurt so fucking much to see her in pain like this, even after all this time.

She pulled one of her arms out from my grasp and reached up to the counter, then put an object in my hands.

It was a plastic stick.

Fuck.

Then she whispered, in a voice so low that I probably shouldn't have been able to hear:

"I'm pregnant…"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_A/N: DO NOT FREAK OUT!!!!!_

_This is all happening for a reason… 29 is done; it WILL BE UP TOMORROW… maybe later tonight if you guys desperately need it to be...I promise, and shit's gonna get resolved. Take a few deep breaths… okay, good. Better, right? When you review, just please try and remember that this has a purpose… I have a plan, but if I told you what it was it'll ruin the surprise. Just trust me, please? _

_=]_


	29. Chapter 29

_A/N: So the people have spoken… thanks SO FUCKING MUCH for trusting me through 28… It means a lot, especially after the apocalypse it was the first time… that being said, big thanks ever so much to Little Miss Whitlock for letting me bounce ideas off of her like a rubber band, and to raok for being my partner in crim__e ;-)_

_Oh, and one final note to Kelly who review anonymously to 28, shoot me a PM with your email and I'll happily answer your questions!_

_And I honestly don't own this… but after what __I've done, I don't think S Meyer would want to either… _

Chapter 29

**BPOV**

Positive.

Positive.

_What am I going to do?_

My hands were shaking as I held the stick in my hands. I couldn't believe I'd let this happen. It wasn't supposed to be like this; I wasn't supposed to be… pregnant.

But I was.

It hit me like a Mac truck and I had to brace myself against the bathroom counter. I had to tell Jack. It was his, after all, and I hoped beyond hope that he would get me through this. I mean, he'd support me, right?

One of my shaky hands reached into my bag and pulled out my cell. I tentatively dialed his number and held my breath as I listened to it ring.

"Bella, what the hell do you want? I'm in the middle of something?"

"Jack, I, umm… well, I—"

"Spit it out."

"I need you to come over. As soon as you can. It's important."

I heard him sigh, and I knew he was trying to think of an excuse.

"Please?" I asked, quietly.

"Fine. I'm on my way home anyway. I'll be there soon."

He hung up and I tried to wipe away the deer in headlights look I had going on. I had to tell myself that it would be okay; that everything would work itself out.

I was still looking at that stupid plastic stick when I heard a knock on the door.

"Coming." I called.

I took one more deep breath, and headed to the door. I opened it, and saw Jack. Good Lord, he was pissed. His jet black hair was in careful disarray, and his deep brown eyes looked black; like onyx, almost. He looked completely menacing, and totally intimidating.

"Well?" He said, pushing past me and into my apartment.

"Are you okay?" I asked. I really had no idea why he was acting like such an ass. I mean, he's usually not this tense.

Did I really want my baby to have a father like this?

I suppose I didn't have a choice.

Jack, though, just glared at me. "I have shit to do, Bella. You knew that. I don't have time to lay your bull shit baby games today. Spit it out so I can go."

I snapped my eyes shut and felt the tears begin to fall. "Jack, I'm pregnant."

I didn't open my eyes, and there wasn't any sound in the room.

"You fucking slut," He shouted, "Who're you sleeping with?"

I opened my eyes in shock, "No one… only you. It's yours."

He stood up and came toward me, "There is no way that _thing_ is mine. We used protection! It's not fucking rocket science! You obviously have been giving it out left right and center, and now your going to saddle me with some other asshole's mutant spawn? No, no way. I don't think so." He turned away from me and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Get rid of it."

My eyes widened in shock, and my hands shot protectively to my stomach.

"W-What did you say?"

He turned back to me, and all of a sudden he was standing no farther than two inches from my face, "If you want me to stay, you'll get rid of it. You can't possibly want _that _more than me."

It was in that moment that I realized I did. I would rather be a single mother than be subjected to a lifetime of Jack. So I found my voice and did what I had to do.

"No, I'm going to keep it."

"Excuse me?"

"I-I think you heard me."

His eyes narrowed and I watched his shoulders tense. Then all of a sudden, I felt his hand come in contact with my face. I stumbled back into the wall, and winced as my own hand touched the same spot. I looked back at Jack, who didn't seem flustered.

"That was the worst decision you've ever made."

The mix of the tears and the fear made me run for the bathroom and I quickly locked the door behind me. I was absolutely terrified and I had no clue what to do. I didn't have my phone with me, so I couldn't call 911, and I didn't want to risk seeing Jack again. But I didn't really want to call the police anyway. I wanted Edward.

He was the first thing I though of after Jack said that losing him was the worst mistake I'd ever made. But he was wrong; giving up Edward was. I knew that I had no right to miss him then, but I couldn't help it; like I said, he's the best part of me.

I was such a fool for letting him go in the first place; he would have taken care of me. He would have made me feel better about this. I sank to the ground up against the tub, and just cried. I cried because it hurt, because I had completely screwed up my life, and I cried for my little one who didn't have a choice in the matter.

Now I'd screwed up his life, too.

All of a sudden I heard a knock on the door, and I jumped thinking it was Jack.

"Bella, sweetheart? It's just me. Are you okay?" Jasper said, and a little bit of the tension left my body.

"Jazz, go away." I really didn't want him to see me like this.

"No."

"Please… just go."

"Bella, if you don't tell me what's going on, I'm gonna call Alice—"

"NO! Do Not Call Alice! Please, please Jasper. Please."

Alice would go postal on Jack. I didn't need my best friend in jail. And on top of it, what would she say once she found out about the baby?

"Did you get into a fight? Or Jack? Did you have a fight with Jack?"

Damn it.

"No…no…just please…go."

"Not fucking likely."

He was sounding too much like Edward for his own good. A few seconds passed and I heard him murmuring into his phone. I wondered if he had called Alice, after all.

"Little Bella? I'm going to be right outside the door if you want to come out, okay? I'll be right here."

I didn't say anything back to Jasper. There was nothing to say; I just wanted to be alone. Seems as though I never would be again. I started thinking about having to tell Charlie and Renee. Oh, God, they would completely kill me. I would have no where to go, Phil would stop paying for school and my dad… my heart wrenched at the thought of telling my father.

I heard a distant knock at the door, and Jasper pushing up off the floor against the door. I heard him talking to someone, but whoever it was didn't seem loud enough to be Alice. I waited, sniffling, and watched as a pair of feet stopped outside the door. Then I heard it, and I swear, if I hadn't been in so much pain, I would've thought I had died.

"Bella?"

_Edward._

I let out a small gasp, and I couldn't say anything. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest and be with him. I physically ached knowing he was so close to me, yet still completely out of my league at the same time.

"B, c'mon. Open the door."

But I couldn't; I couldn't let him see me like this.

"N-no."

"Please, Bella Brownie?" Holy hell that hurt. "Please open the door?"

"Edward, just g-go h-h-home."

"Not fucking likely."

"Just-t-t g-go."

I heard him sigh, then chuckle. I'm sorry, but I didn't see anything funny about this situation.

"Isabella, if you don't open this door right this minute, I'll break it down."

"You w-w-wouldn't d-dare."

I knew he wouldn't; he didn't care enough to really get to me. He would have come for me after two and a half years, right?

We would have fixed it then… right?

"Try me." He said, and I could hear him getting testy.

I didn't move from my spot, I just watched his feet shifting on the other side of the door.

"Fine. Have it your way."

My eyes widened at his words and I could only listen as I heard his keys come out, then as he quickly pulled out each of the hinges. I couldn't believe he was actually breaking the door down.

I heard him grunt a little as he lifted it out of the frame, and then I saw him. He was wearing the same sweatshirt as the last time I saw him, and the green color made the unique hue of his hair stand out even more, and was the perfect compliment to his eyes. His jaw was more angular, but he was still so beautiful it made my heart ache to know that he wasn't mine anymore. Then his eyes met mine, and I recognized the look of horror in his eyes. He walked over to me slowly, and fell to his knees.

"Isabella, what happened?" He whispered. I saw Jasper standing behind him with a murderous glare in his eye. I felt my chin start to tremble and I knew I couldn't do anything to keep the tears at bay. I hated that I had to be this weak in front of him; I hated that this was how we had the see each other again.

I hated myself for pushing him away.

I hated myself for making him hurt.

But Edward just pulled me into his arms, which only made me sob harder. For the first time in nearly three years I felt complete. Totally and completely together. All of the memories I had tried to hard to repress were back with a vengeance and I couldn't stop them: Edward climbing through my bedroom window, him holding me as we slept, making love on the piano, attacking him in the hallways, copping a feel in bio, going to prom, picking a college…

Everything. I saw everything. And it was all Edward.

I awkwardly pulled my arm from his grasp to grab that god forsaken stick. I had to tell him; he had to know why I was crying, so I forcefully slapped it into his hand. I heard him suck in a breath as I said, "I'm pregnant…"

I felt his heart speed up against my chest and let my grip on him go lax so that he could pull away. But Edward—because he's Edward—surprised me by holding onto me tighter.

"Who's the father?" I could hear the strain in his voice as he asked me, and to be honest it killed me, too.

"J-Jack. My boyfriend." I whispered the words and I hated myself for them.

"And he did this to you?" I heard the tension in his voice and felt his arms wrap more tightly around my body. I didn't have to answer; he knew already.

"B, I'm gonna lift you up, okay?"

I nodded against his chest, and sooner than I realized he had me off the floor and was carrying me over to the bed. He sat me down and stepped away, pacing and running his hands through his hair.

"Okay, so I'm gonna call Alice. She'll take you to the doctor tomorrow so you can get checked out."

"NO!" I practically screamed, making Edward stop in his tracks and Jasper shoot up from where he was sitting on my couch. Then Edward's eyes went dark and his jaw tightened.

"Isabella, you're going and that's it. I'm calling Alice now." Then he pulled out his phone and left my room, shutting the door behind him. I sunk back against the pillows and closed my eyes. I've made such a mess, haven't I?

A few minutes later, my bedroom door flew open, and I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was.

"I WILL FUCKING RIP THAT PIECE OF SHIT A NEW ONE! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME SOONER??"

"Alice, please…"

I heard her take a deep sigh, trying to calm down, then I felt the mattress start to depress to accommodate her.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry."

She wrapped her arms around me, and for once I didn't feel like crying. I just let Alice hold me and smooth back my hair.

"I'm going to call the doctor and get you an appointment."

I quickly scrambled out of her grasp, a look of horror spreading across my face. "Alice, I won't get rid of it!"

"Sweetie, no one's asking you to. You have to go to the doctor to make sure everything's okay. That's all."

I relaxed a little, as Alice dialed the number; it was still early, the receptionist would still be there, and I got an appointment for the following afternoon. Then the butterflies set in.

"I'll stay with you tonight." She said, pulling me back into her arms, "But Bella, it will be okay."

"I hope so, Alice. I really do."

**EPOV**

I watched Bella's bedroom door shut behind Alice and I quickly turned to Jasper.

"Who is this fucktard and how do we get to him?"

I wasn't surprised that Bella had picked Fucknewton round two, but I at least hoped she was happy. It broke my heart that she wasn't.

My brown eyes were so obviously not happy.

"Jack Fletcher. Blue blood. Fucking cock sucking whore douche bag. I know where he lives."

Jasper's face didn't twitch in the slightest as he relayed the information so I knew we were on the same page with this.

I smiled wickedly at him, "Okay, then. Looks like we've got a dipshit to kill."

We let ourselves out of Bella's apartment and when we finally got outside Jasper pulled out his phone.

"Do you think we should call Emmett to mobilize?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and shut my eyes. _Did he really just ask if we should call Emmett to mobilize? _

_Yeah, that's Whitlock._

My brother had skipped out on his last to years of college because he got signed to the Giants. Yes, it would be beneficial to have him at this particular moment in time, but at the same time, it would take him too long to get here, and I wasn't in the mood to wait.

Bitch needed to die. Now.

"No. And don't ever say shit like that again, bitch. Do we have to drive to his place or can we walk?"

"Walk. It's this way."

I followed Jasper down the street and let my anger course through my system. No one makes my brown eyes hurt. Absolutely no one. I don't care if she broke my fucking heart and ran it over in her new car, she's still mine. She'll always be mine; whether she's with me not.

It took about five minutes to arrive out in front of the asswipe's building.

"You ready?" Whitlock said, a game smile on his face.

"Always. What floor?"

"First. Cause he's an idiot."

I snorted. Yeah, dip shit was an idiot.

There wasn't a door man, so we just waltzed right through the front door and Jasper led the way to the apartment door. I held my breath as Jasper knocked and I noticed he kept his hands clenched in tight fists. The door swung open, and I almost laughed.

He was probably a good six inches shorter than me, and he was trying way too hard to look like he was supposed to be living in Boston. He had the stupidest color hair and his dumb beady eyes were glaring at Jasper and I.

"What the hell do you want, Whitlock?" He said. I stayed silent.

"We're here about Bella. We saw what you did to her."

He actually had the nerve to laugh. "That bitch got what she deserved, dicking around like that. It's probably yours anyway. I always knew that fucking slut had a thing for you."

I saw red. Nothing else; just red.

Before I knew what I was doing, I lifted him up by the collar of his J. Crew shirt and threw him against the wall.

"You touched Isabella and made her cry. Now I'm going to make you cry, and wish that you never learned how to use that pathetic excuse of a dick."

I went toward him, and he quickly stood up, holding his hands in front of him.

"She got what she deserved! She was lucky that I even spent time on her; some hick from Washington. Like she could ever be worth anything."

Before I knew what was happening, my fist came in contact with his face and he tumbled back to the ground.

"Isabella Marie Swan is the best person I've ever known. She's smart and loving and completely selfless, and for the life of me I can't figure out why she even wasted breath on a shit like you. You, crap ass, were the lucky one. Anyone who's ever known my brown eyes would say that. And if I _ever_ see you even breathing in her direction, I will not hesitate to remove your balls and let the birds pick at them. Remember that."

I watched that shit cower in the corner and start to shake as the blood began to flow from his nose.

I turned back to Whitlock, who had an accomplished smile on his face, "Let's go."

He nodded, and I was already out the door when I heard him say, "We'll be watching you." Then slam the door.

Fuck, he really knows how to ruin a moment, doesn't he?

We started walking back to Bella's building, but I had to stop and sit for a minute and think. What the hell was I doing? I knew that I couldn't do this again; I couldn't become that Edward again, only to have her leave. I couldn't take it if she pushed me away.

"She misses you, you know."

I looked up at Jasper, who was bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet.

"How the fuck would you know that?"

"Simple." He said with a smug grin, "She told me."

I looked at him skeptically. "She really said that."

"Yup. We were talking about you a couple months ago and all of a sudden she gets all teary eyed and says that she missed you."

I didn't know whether to smile, laugh or cry. So I didn't do any of it.

"Jasper, she left me. She didn't want me."

"Bull shit, Cullen."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "Come again?"

He rolled his eyes, "Bull shit. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she left you _for you?_"

"Whitlock, on what fucked up planet does that even remotely make sense?"

"Planet Bella."

Well. Planet Bella wasn't fucked up. My brown eyes lived on Planet Bella. It was an interesting idea, though. For nearly three years I've thought of every possible way I could have fucked up but I honestly couldn't think of any. I just assumed that Bella finally realized that I was (in fact) a shit head, so she went to find something better. But what if… what if it was exactly the opposite? What if my brown eyes had had the exact same fears that I had; fears that I hadn't even told her about?

Fuck.

Whitlock let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, I know you love her, and I'm _confident_ she loves you. Now why don't you do something about it?"

"Like what?"

"Use that Cullen charm to your advantage. Get that girl back."

"I can't Jasper. I can't because I can't lose her again."

He leaned down and put his hand on my shoulder, "Then don't."

"Do you really think it could be that simple?"

He pulled away, laughing. "Mr. Cullen, it is that simple."

I nodded my head and started to think. It might just be that simple. I could just go and tell Bella that I need to be with her, and if she really felt the way Jasper implied, she'd feel the same. But what if I couldn't forgive her? What if I always felt like she would leave when she got nervous about me doing the same?

Fuck, I'd take her back every single time. I am a wimp for my brown eyes.

Clearly.

And now there's this whole baby issue. My brown eyes were going to have a baby, and it wasn't mine. It killed me that she would bare someone else's child because it should have been mine. Maybe the next one would be. One thing was for sure, though, I wasn't about to let that shit head near Bella or the baby; father or not. He had no right to treat my brown eyes like that. Mine.

She was mine.

She would always be mine.

The cold started to catch up with me as the wind started to whip down the street. Whitlock pulled his jacket collar back up, and shivered.

"C'mon, let's get back. They might be hungry or something."

I nodded and stood up, letting Jasper lead me back to their building, and then to Bella's floor. We crept back into her apartment, and found it to be completely still. Jasper gently pushed open Bella's door, and we found the two of them wrapped around each other and fast asleep.

"I'll take Mary Alice upstairs. You think you can stay with Bella?"

I just nodded, trying to push back the tears when I looked at her again. Her eye was getting worse, and I knew she'd be in pain tomorrow. I fucking hated myself for letting her go.

I watched Jasper lift Alice up carefully and he nodded to me before walking out the door. Watching Bella sleep after all this time was a trip. I could see her feet moving around under the blankets and when I listened carefully, I knew she was talking in her sleep.

"Edward…" she called, and I swear my heart stopped. She was calling me… she wanted me.

"So sorry, sweet cheeks…so sorry…"

I wanted to go to her badly, but I held back because I didn't want her to freak out. So I bit my lip and shut the door to her room and took a spot on the couch. I flicked on the TV and tried to find something to watch, but sooner than I expected sleep over took me, and I dreamt that my brown eyes and I were happy again.

I only hoped we could be.

***

I jolted awake when I heard a loud thump in the room.

"Holy freaking hell…" I heard Bella mumble.

I quickly rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stood up.

"Bella? What happened?"

I watched as the figure in front of me turned slowly and I could see my brown eyes go wide with shock.

"I-I heard the TV on, and I came to turn it off. Edward? Are you really here?"

"Of course, B. Where else would I be?"

There was a silence, and I prepared myself for her to tell me to leave. But instead, in a watered down voice, I heard:

"Is it pathetic that I'm incredibly happy to see you?"

"Only if it's pathetic that I feel the same way."

More quickly than I thought was humanly possible she was in my arms and I was clinging to her. She cried softly into my chest and I let my head dip to her shoulder. We felt right. This was better than fucking every chick twice over and cumming every single time. This is where I belonged; where I needed to be. I could only hope that she felt it, too.

"Hey, let's get you back to bed, okay? You had a long day."

I felt her nuzzle into my chest, and I reflexively gripped her tighter. Slowly, I backed her into her bedroom and onto her bed, pulling the covers back up around her.

I looked down at her to see that her eyes were closed and she had already curled up on her side.

"Edward, we need to talk."

"I know, B. But not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. We have time."

"Promise?"

"Always. Sleep now."

I turned to leave but she grabbed my arm, "Stay with me?"

I can't deny my brown eyes anything. "…okay…"

I sighed because I knew that this was the one thing that was bound to kill me if she told me to fuck off again. But because I'm a masochistic asshole, I pulled off my sweatshirt and dropped my jeans to curl up with my brown eyes. I gently put my arms around her waist and buried my face on top of her head. I don't think I realized how much I missed that until right then.

"I wanted it to be you," she whispered. "I never thought it would happen with anyone but you."

"I know, B. I wanted it, too."

Her hand drifted over mine and she squeezed, and I would have given anything for the sun not to rise and for time to stand still so that we could stay like this forever, and never have to deal with anything ever again.

But all too soon it was over.

We stayed in bed, wrapped up in each other until noon, when she had to get ready to go to the doctor. I offered to take her, but she said that Alice could handle it. Doesn't mean I didn't worry about her.

They left together and Jasper showed up to sit with me while we waited. We gave up on TV, and suddenly his eyes lit up in recollection.

"We could play Wii!"

"Bella doesn't do video games. Why would she have a Wii?"

He shrugged, pulling it out of the cabinet under the television, "Mary Alice made her buy it. There's this virtual shopping game thing that she wanted Bella to have so she bought her the whole fucking system for her birthday."

Yup, that's my twin.

Jasper and I played Tennis for what seemed like forever, waiting for the girls to get back. I was finally whipping his mangy ass when I door burst open and Alice rushed past us into the bathroom.

Uh-oh; not her, too.

I looked at Bella, who was completely pale and hadn't moved from the door way. I went over to her slowly, not wanting to freak her out.

"B, what happened? Is everything alright?"

She looked at me blankly, then back over my shoulder where I could hear Alice had reappeared.

"She's right: November 2008. Piece of shit."

I looked back at my sister who was holding the box from the pregnancy test in her hand, then back to Bella.

"B, what's going on?" I asked, a little more sternly this time.

She met my gaze, and I watched her go calm before my eyes.

"Nothing. It was a false positive. I'm not pregnant."

Holy fucking Christ… what the hell?

"What do you mean? How does that happen? I-I don't…"

"The nurse said that it can happen when the test is expired. And apparently mine was. I didn't even know those things had expiration dates. Anyway, they did a blood test and it turns out I'm not…"

I couldn't say anything; I couldn't fucking speak. I was so fucking happy; I thought I was going to piss my pants like a little kid.

She could be mine again; completely and I'd never have to share her with anyone. Images of Bella and I began to race through my mind: Bella and I on vacation somewhere warm, me down on one knee proposing, her on Charlie's arm walking down the aisle, the two of us on our honeymoon, and then Bella, full with my child.

I wanted that; I wanted every single bit of that.

And I'll be damned if anyone—even Bella herself got in my way.


	30. Chapter 30

_A/N: Hey! SO I had a shit ass day today, and then I looked and there were 80 reviews for 29… that's the most for any chapter of TE, and I just wanted to say a quick thanks to you guys for reviewing… like I tell you, I really do appreciate it. I got a ton of people asking about length…and I have no clue (still) how much longer this is going to be; all I can say is that I still have a few WMA (weapons of mass angst) to drop, and only 1.5 people know my plan….hehe_

_So much love to Little Miss Whitlock; she's the better half of my brain, and to my beta KittenInACup for allowing me to be grammatically incorrect… =]_

_Yup, don't own… S Meyer does…_

Chapter 30

**EPOV**

"Cullen, fucking say something."

I shook myself out of my mini Bella-induced coma and focused on Whitlock, who was waving a hand in front of my face. I looked back and forth, from him to Bella, who was still white as a sheet. I went over to her, and bent down to look into my brown eyes.

"You okay?"

She nodded and moved past me, going into her bedroom and shutting the door. Alice pushed off the door frame and came over to Whitlock, who wrapped his stupid arms around her. I fucking hate that shit.

"She probably shouldn't be alone tonight," Alice said as she watched me. "Can you stay, Edward?"

What the fuck?

Why did she just assume that I would stay with Bella?

I have not seen this girl in almost three fucking years; why the hell would I want to stay?

Oh, right. Because I fucking love her.

I nodded and glanced back to the bedroom door.

"We'll come back in a few hours, and we can go to dinner, okay Twin?"

"No. I'll order in," I said, not taking my eyes off that door. "She probably won't want to go out."

I felt Alice come over to me and plant a kiss on my cheek as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"You're doing the right thing, Twin. I can feel it."

I just nodded at her. I wanted them to fucking leave so that I could sort this shit out. I turned away from them, hoping they'd take the fucking hint and turned back to Bella's door. I knocked quietly.

"Bella? Can you let me in?"

"It's open." She sounded so fucking… hollow.

Fuck.

I opened the door slowly; she was sitting on her bed, legs folded underneath her flipping through a magazine. She didn't look up. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, keeping my eyes on her. She was fidgeting a little, and I could tell that she was trying not to suck that perfect bottom lip in between her teeth.

Damn that lip. It's like the fucking holy grail of lips.

I took another deep breath and headed over to the bed, standing next to her, and casting a shadow on the bed spread.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Her voice was shaking now… we were almost there…

"You can tell me."

"I k-know."

_Come on, Baby; I'll catch you. Don't be afraid._

I reached out and ran my hand through her hair; still soft, still smelled like strawberries.

"Edward…I… is it bad that I'm relieved?"

She broke down then. Huge sobs erupted from her little body and she started shaking. I sat down on the bed and lifted her into my arms so that I was cradling her like a little kid. I tucked her head into the crook of my neck and tried rubbing careful circles on her back.

"Of course not, Ba"—I had to catch myself— "Bella. Why would you want to attach yourself to that shit for the rest of your life? Hmm?"

She nodded into my chest, and I thought about Bella being subjected to a lifetime of that. It made me want to break the fucking dip shit all over again.

"You're feeling guilty about something you never had, Bells. There's nothing you can do about it."

"But, I just… I mean…"

"Bella, do you want to go back and hump that guy to try and get a little of his demon seed?"

She snorted. "No."

"Okay, then. Just be happy there wasn't a baby in the mix; you never would have gotten rid of him."

She was quiet after that, and the crying slowed down. Thank fucking God; I thought I was going to puke all over the top of her head.

"Edward, I'm sorry," she whispered.

I let out a sigh. As much as I wanted to say it, as much as I wanted to feel it, I just couldn't forgive her yet. At least, not completely.

"I know, Bella. I know."

She sighed, sadly, and I felt like a shit for not saying it. But I couldn't; I couldn't lie to my brown eyes, even if it was for their benefit. It doesn't mean I didn't love her; I'd give anything for her. But I just…I don't know. I just didn't feel like we were ready yet.

"Hey, I'll go out and grab some food. What do you want?"

"I have stuff in the fridge. I don't mind cooking."

"No way. It's fine; anything you want. You know that."

"Anything?"

"Name it."

"I want to cook for us."

Fuck.

My brown eyes outsmarted me.

Fuck.

I rolled my eyes and let her get off of me. "You win this battle, Miss Swan, but the war is not yet won."

She smiled at me, but it didn't touch her eyes. "I hope not."

Before I even had a chance to respond to her words, she was heading into the kitchen where she was rummaging through her fridge.

"What to you feel like?" she called. I lost my fucking voice. I was too busy staring at her perfect ass, and the way it looked cupped in those fucking tight jeans. I really just wanted to kneel down and worship at the Shrine of Bella's… well, sweet fucking cheeks. I had forgotten how wonderful that shit was. I could write fucking symphonies for those fucking cheeks.

"Edward? Did you hear me?"

I snapped my head up to meet her eyes, and she was watching me skeptically. "I said, what do you feel like?"

_Fucking you on the counter._

"Umm, maybe, uh, French toast?" She nodded in approval, and pulled the stuff out of the fridge. You know, it's kind of fucked up how quickly I went from doting puppy to horny mongrel.

Oh, well.

As long as I kept… ahem... my raging boner in check, there shouldn't be a problem.

I have been away from my brown eyes for too fucking long.

"So how's… life?" She asked me, dipping the bread then turning it over into the cinnamon and sugar.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Really, Bella?"

She shrugged. "Well, you already know about mine—"

"Hardly."

My brown eyes looked up at me sadly, and I felt my breath hitch as I took in the deep purple color of her bruise. "Yeah, you do."

I groaned as she said the words and leaned over the counter so that my face was only inches from hers. She smelled so fucking perfect, just like my Bella.

She was my Bella.

"Why didn't you call me?"

Her eyes darted down to the stove and she flipped the bread in the pan.

"How could I? I left, remember?"

How could I forget? Worst fucking day of my fucked up existence. Next to yesterday, that is.

"Bella, I'll always be here for you. You know that. Don't ever doubt that again." She shook her head ever so slightly, and if I hadn't known her as well as I did, I wouldn't have noticed. So I curled a couple of fingers under her chin and tilted her face up to meet mine. I tried to reign in the tears as I got a really good look at her swollen eye.

Fuck, I'm a dip shit.

"Isabella, it doesn't matter what happened between us; I'm only a phone call away." I hesitated slightly, "Forever."

My brown eyes went wide with the words and she nodded again. That was enough for now. I couldn't do anymore. I removed my hand and she kept flipping, and neither one of us said anything else. I was too busy watching her; I missed that.

Fuck, I missed a ton of shit, huh?

Bella put a few slices on a plate for me, then served herself, and we parked in front of the TV for a while. We watched _The Philadelphia Story_ (her favorite), and she quoted it to me, like she always used to. It was nice to see her like that; kind of happy I mean. Save for the shiner, of course.

I watched her eyelids start to fall and I stood up, grabbing the plates.

"C'mon, Bells, lets get you into bed."

"No, it's fine… I'm up."

I laughed as I dropped the dishes in the sink, "Barely, B. Let's go."

I heard her scoff, and watched her stand up and stretch out.

Fuck, dude… just fuck.

I walked her into the bedroom, and she climbed into bed, settling in. I grabbed the blanket from the end of her bed, and a pillow, and started back for the couch. Or maybe the floor… we'll see.

"Edward?" she called, her voice timid.

I turned to look at her.

"Will you stay with me?" Her eyes darted down as she said it, and that familiar blush crept across her cheeks. "I mean, I understand if you don't want to; it's totally fine, but I just thought that may—"

I dropped my head back, closed my eyes and sighed. "Bella, do you want me to stay?"

"…yes."

"Okay, then."

I dropped my jeans again, and replaced the blanket and pillow, then crawled into bed with my brown eyes.

I pulled her into me, and I felt her little arms pressed into my chest. We fit, after all. We just fucking fit.

***

"Edward! EDWARD!!!"

I was jolted awake with Bella screaming my name. I pulled her back into me, and held her as tight as I thought she could stand.

"Baby, shhh, it's okay… I'm right here. Honey, please… I'm right here."

She kept on sobbing, and she started pounding her little fists into my chest.

"Baby, stop. I'm here; I'm here baby. Wake up, sweetness."

I heard her gasp, and then her little arms were wrapped tightly around me as she mumbled into my chest.

"Edward…. Edward…. Thank God. Edward…"

I pulled her closer to me (if that was even fucking possible) and soon enough I felt her start to kiss my chest, then I felt her full lips attach themselves to my collar bone. I tipped my head back and groaned.

"Bella, we really shouldn't be doing this."

But she kept on going, pushing me over and straddling my hips. "No… Edward… I need you. Now."

She started grinding her hips against my crotch, and my dick forgot why this was a bad idea, and I got hard quickly. Only my brown eyes could make me that hard. But my stupid, motherfucking, cockblocking head had to be all rational and shit, so I heard my mouth say, "Really, Bella. We shouldn't—"

Thank fucking God Bella's mouth agreed with my dick. Her perfect, plump lips melted into mine, and I heard my self moan against them. I fucking loved this shit; it was like our first kiss all over again. Electric, passionate, happy, joyful; it was all there, and I felt satisfied for the first time in forever. No matter how many lays I've had, my brown eyes were always the best.

Always.

No one even comes close to my brown eyes.

I felt her hot, wet tongue slip out of her mouth, and swipe against mine. Dude, I'm not that dumb. I opened my mouth to her and she pushed her way inside and I laughed internally at her aggressiveness. My Bella had never been this forward. Once she was done cleaning out my mouth, she sat back up, letting me catch a breath and pulled her shirt up over her head.

No fucking bra.

I swear to God I will build a fucking time machine and kill the fucking idiot who invented the bra. He was clearly not a boob man. My hands shot up to cup her tits and I sat up, making her fall back down onto the bed. I let my left hand work its magic as my mouth latched onto her other nipple, and I bit down gently. She arched her back into me and her hands shot reflexively into my hair.

"Edward… oh God…."

I smiled into her ripe flesh and kept at it, before switching over and keeping my pace. Once she forgot what my name was, and it turned into a mix of guttural moans, I declared Mission: Accomplished, and kissed my way down the flat plain of her stomach to the barrier of her pajama pants.

I placed feather light kisses there, then looked up at her. "Baby, are you sure?"

She bucked her hips into me. "Fuck, yes! Please, Edward…"

I cannot deny my brown eyes anything…

So I kept on kissing as I pulled down her pants and underwear slowly, kissing all over the skin there, except where she wanted me most. I swear to God I had to contain the squeal that threatened to come out when I saw that perfect pink pussy for the first time in three years.

Holy fucking hell, she was wet.

I sat back and she whimpered a little, but I pulled off my shirt and boxers as quickly as I could with out falling and collapsed back on top of her. I smashed my mouth to hers and tried to tell her that I loved her in that kiss. She just kissed me back harder, silently saying "shut the fuck up and get to it." I could feel my hard on pressing oh so wonderfully into her sopping wet core and she moaned into my mouth. Then she pulled away, her brown eyes dark and sexy.

"Get in me. Now."

Anxious, much?

I decided to use this to my advantage.

I sat up against her, leaning all of my weight on one forearm next to her head, as the other grabbed hold of my dick and I positioned it at her entrance.

"Baby, is this what you want?"

"Mmmm," she said, closing her eyes and arching her back trying to get me to slip into her.

"Baby, you don't get it unless you say it."

"FUCK! God damn it Edward, I want your fucking cock!"

I smirked. Thank God her eyes were closed. She would have made me stop.

"Tell me I'm the only one."

"Always. You were always the only one."

_Well, since you're being so agreeable…_

"Tell me my dick's bigger than his."

"Edward... Oh god... you're so fucking huge… Your dick's like a fucking… a fucking… jack hammer… pound into me, sweet cheeks, PLEASE!"

"Mm, baby, tell me what I want to hear."

"You're such a big, hard tool!"

"Oooo, baby, I love it when you get into it. Tell me again, Love."

"I want your cock in me… NOW… please, baby, make me come… please… I need your cock."

_Don't have to tell me twice_

I gave one hard thrust into her and she yelped, which covered up my throaty moan. I plunged deeper into her hot, tight pussy and dropped my head to her shoulder. I gave her a second to adjust and peppered open mouth kisses over her neck and jaw bone. I fucking loved this. I fucking missed this; not just the sex, but just being with my brown eyes fully and completely. She moved her hips underneath me, and I felt her hot breath in my ear.

"C'mon, baby; make me yours again."

I planted a hot kiss in the spot where her jaw met her ear and whispered, "You were always mine. We just have to make sure my flag's still planted."

She moaned against my ear and I started plowing into her; I wasn't holding back.

We were in our twenties now, she could take it.

I heard her start to grunt right along with me, and that just made me go farther and harder and I could feel her core start squeezing my cock.

"Edward… Please, Sweet Cheeks… I want to come… please, baby make me come."

Her hands slid down my back and grabbed my ass, pulling me deeper.

"Seems like someone still has sweet cheeks."

I crashed my lips to hers and picked up the pace. My brown eyes were definitely going to cum. I needed them to come.

I am an ape, after all.

So I said the words. Is it incredibly sad that I remembered them after two and a half years?

"Baby… I gotta… hear… it… tell me again, Bella Brownie… do you wanna cum?"

"Uuhhhhnnnngggg….."

"Come on baby… come on my cock…. Milk me baby."

She kept on moaning, but instead of getting tighter around me, I felt her start to slip away; like I was stretching her out…

"Edward…"

I heard her moan, and suddenly I felt an elbow in my side.

"Bella?" I called. I started panicking… _what the fuck?_

"Edward, I think you let the ducks out…"

_Huh?_

Then all I saw was… black.

_Fuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkk._

I opened my eyes and Bella was curled up next to me making little quacking noises. I would have been fucking adorable if I wasn't sporting mad wood. Fucking Christ. It figures; it fucking figures.

My dick has no moral compass.

I groaned and turned onto my back, which only called attention to the fucking issue in my boxers.

I got out of bed, trying to be as careful as possible, so as not to wake Bella, and I wandered into the living room, trying to figure out if it would be appropriate to pop a boner in Bella's apartment.

Probably Not, right?

So I tried to think of some way to resolve the issue with out creaming on Bella's shabby/chic couch.

_Okay, think of Grandma Cullen… taking Bella to see Grandma Cullen… ah, fuck, B's wearing those perfect fucking jeans and her ass looks like a fucking cherry, and I can't wait so I grab her and fuck her in the downstairs bathroom while Gran's making tea and watching the Price is Right…_

Fuck, my dick just got harder.

I swear to God, I could have held up a house with that thing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath…

Fuck that.

I reached into my boxers and wrapped my fist around it, moaning on contact. I kept my eyes shut as I imagined Bella's hand on my cock. Too fucking perfect…. especially when she was only one room away…

Then I was interrupted by the one fucking thing I really didn't need.

My cell phone. Clanging nosily against the coffee table.

I picked it up and connected the call.

"What?!" I yelled.

"Whitlock texted. Consider me mobilized."

Then the line went dead.

So did my boner.

Holy fucking hell, what did Jasper do?

__________________________________________________________________________

_A/N: Gotchya!_

_So I was writing this and listening to "So this is Love" from Cinderella and "Some day my Prince will come" from Snow White… don't as me why; I have no clue…._

_Anyways, hope you liked it; leave me some love (cause Edward didn't get any!)_


	31. Chapter 31

_A/N: Fancy meeting you here! Hi guys… this is 31. It's mostly filler; but I figured we should get the plot moving… you'd like that, right?_

_Good._

_Even more love to LMW for being her wonderful self and helping me along… seriously, you should all be bowing down right about… now. She is that awesome._

_And yes, yes… I know… hard to believe but… I don't own Twilight (gasp!)… Stephy Meyer does…_

Chapter 31

**EPOV**

Whitlock won't know what hit him.

I'm gonna strike fast and hard, and Alice will have to find a new fucking boyfriend, unless she wants to walk around with Jasper in a jar for the rest of her life.

Good luck walking that shit down the aisle.

I will not be the best man for a jar.

I felt a low growl come up through my chest as I thought about my options. Whitlock was sleeping only a few doors down; it would be so fucking easy to beat his sorry ass.

But then there was Bella.

What if something happened to Bella while I was gone?

What if she thought I had left her?

I glanced at my phone: 4:25 AM.

Bitch is going to die.

I got up and crept over to the door, grabbing Bella's keys off the table and carefully going through the door, locking it behind me. I muttered a steady string of profanities as I approached the enemy's lair.

_Whitlock, you are so fucking screwed and you don't even know it._

I pounded on his door; I didn't care if Alice answered the door naked. Whitlock was going to die.

I saw a light flick on under the door, and listened to the dipshit's voice get closer. The door swung open slowly and he was rubbing one eye with his fist.

"Cullen? What the fuck?"

"Move, bitch," I said, pushing past him and into his apartment. "'Is Alice here?"

"Yeah, so keep it the fuck down."

I gave him a death stare, and he had the fucking nerve to roll his eyes.

"Cullen, when are you gonna give it up and let me date Mary Alice in peace?"

I sat down on his couch; I wasn't planning on letting him off the hook easily.

"When she stops being my sister."

He laughed and slumped down onto the sofa next to me. "So what the fuck are you doing in my apartment at 4:30 in the morning, anyway?"

I looked at him again, and narrowed my eyes. "You texted Emmett."

A stupid ass grin spread across his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"Don't look so proud, dipshit."

"Why not?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, my head leaning on the back of the sofa. "Because Em's just gonna…fuck shit up."

"God, Edward, sometimes you're ridiculously dense."

"Pardon me?"

"Idiot, don't you think that motherfucking cocksucker will come back?"

I shrugged. "Why should he? Bella's not carrying his mutant spawn."

Jasper sighed, "Idiot, he doesn't know that."

My eyes snapped open and my body tensed. He was right. Son of a bitch had no clue that Bella wasn't… in a delicate condition.

Fuck, I sound like a chick.

Whatever.

At this point, I've just come too fucking far to lose my brown eyes again. Again. I just couldn't live through that shit even one more time. I'd do anything to prevent that from happening.

If my brown eyes decided to be a lesbian, I'd have a sex change.

Like I said: Anything.

It wasn't that I thought Bella would take Jack back; I'd lock her in a fucking trunk before I let that happen. But I didn't want that fucking cocksucking, dipshit bastard to touch her ever again. Or make her cry. Or breathe near her. Or make her be afraid.

I'm gonna kill a bitch.

"Cullen, easy. He probably won't come back, but it doesn't hurt to have Emmett on stand by."

I looked at him, warily.

"Besides, what the hell is she supposed to do when you leave on Monday?"

Fuck.

Monday.

Fuck.

I didn't want to go, though. I didn't want to be apart from her again. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

"Maybe Bella could—"

"She's gotta go to school. And why the fuck would she want to go to Providence with you? Wasn't there the whole Maisie O'Hallahan V-card issue?"

Fuck.

I groaned and closed my eyes again. I did not want to think about Maisie O'Hallahan and her fucking hymen. Not even a little.

"Well, I don't have class on Mondays or Fridays… so I'll stay as late as I can, and I'll be back up on Friday; maybe even Thursday night."

I closed my eyes and Bella sprang into my mind, uninvited. I wanted my Bella again; I wanted the girl who made me come alive in Bio junior year, when (let's fucking face it) I was no better than gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. And here's the part where I get fucking sentimental:

I still love that girl so fucking much that sometimes I can't stand it; Even the thought of _him_ coming near my brown eyes makes me what to kill someone, preferably him. I wouldn't do that for anyone but my brown eyes.

Mine.

"Edward, listen, take it easy on the girl, okay? She's been through a lot—"

"You don't think I fucking know that?"

"No, no; that's not what I'm saying. It's just that… when it comes to Bella you can be a little… intense. Just… remember that she's—"

Jasper's voice was cut off by a loud, blood curdling scream.

I knew I shouldn't have left her.

I was off that fucking couch in a heartbeat, and racing toward Bella's door and jamming the key into the lock. I could hear her sobbing from inside, and each passing second felt like an eternity. God, why the fuck can't I do shit right?

I finally opened the thing and ran into her bedroom, where I found her sitting up in bed, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on them.

"Bella?" I called, breathlessly.

She didn't move; she just sobbed some more. I felt my face twist up on pain as I was watching her. My brown eyes were so fucking sad.

I heaved a big ass sigh and went to her, pulling her curled up frame into mine. She felt so fucking fragile.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Are you really here?"

"Yeah, B. Still having nightmares?"

She nodded into my chest and I could feel her burrowing into me. I felt so fucking useless; I was no better than when I was seventeen. I couldn't help her then and I couldn't help her now. I cannot even begin to tell you how fucking inadequate I felt.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No."

Well that was pretty definite. So I sighed and started rubbing careful circles on her back.

She sniffled, and grabbed onto my tee shirt, "So you're really here?"

"Of course. You're gonna need to stop asking me that though; I'm gonna start to think you don't want me."

The words left my lips and I couldn't help but notice the accusatory tone my voice had taken. She stiffened instantly in my arms and I felt like such an ass. She had apologized, hadn't she? She'd said she was sorry; why was I being so defensive with her?

"B, I'—"

"No, Edward, Don't. You're right. It's my fault."

She took a deep breath and pulled away from me. I reached out for her, and she smiled at me, as best she could with that fucking black eye, but didn't move any closer. I growled a little, and ran a hand through my hair, looking down at the blush roses on her comforter.

She would.

My baby would.

When I looked up, she was still watching me. So I smiled at her, and then leaned over to kiss her forehead, cupping the back of her head in my hand. I let my lips linger on her skin for a minute.

"Go back to sleep; we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

"Edward?" She breathed.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you came."

"Me too, sweetness; me too."

**BPOV**

The next morning, I woke up with a pounding in my head… which was completely exacerbated by the pounding on the door.

My heart started beating faster.

_Shit._

"Edward?" I called out.

Nothing.

The pounding started again.

I got out of bed and pulled on my jeans from last night, and carefully walked over to the door, taking a deep breath along the way.

_Please, please… not Jack… anybody but Jack…_

I stood on my tip toes to see through the peep hole. Instead of the black mop of hair I was expecting, I saw a huge, hulking man chest.

_This guy looks like… like… a football player?_

I opened the door like a little kid getting their first Barbie Dream House.

"Emmett!" I wailed.

But Emmett didn't smile back at me. Instead, his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched-- How very Edward of him.

"Emmett?" I said, a bit timidly this time.

His posture slumped and he relaxed, letting out a soft sigh, "Little Bella, what happened to you?"

His hand reached out and ghosted over what I could only assume was my swollen eye, and I winced.

"Oh, shit, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't think I was—"

I waved my hands at him; he was just being silly. "It's fine, Em, really; you just caught me off guard. No big deal. What are you doing here, anyways?"

He stepped past me, and began surveying the layout of my apartment. "What? I can't come see my favorite Bella?"

I swung the door shut and turned back to him, a smirk playing on my lips. "First of all, I'm you're only Bella, and second of all, I haven't seen you in nearly, what? Four years?"

The pained expression on his face told me that I had overstepped my bounds. I mean, this was Emmett; the very same Emmett who (almost) killed Mike Newton for me… the same Emmett who taught me how to make the perfect grilled cheese.

How could I be snarky with Emmett?

Bad Bella.

"Em, I—"

"Emmett, what the fuck are you doing here?"

The edge in Edward's tone made me nervous, but the second I looked at him, the butterflies in my stomach dissipated. He had just gotten out of the shower, and I could smell him from all the way across the room. I missed that smell. That smell was home.

He sighed and turned back to me. "Are you okay?"

His eyes were searching mine for any distress, but I just smiled back at him. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He still didn't seem satisfied, but once Emmett cleared his throat, he had Edward's undivided attention.

"Listen, I'm going to take Bella for a walk. You and Jasper and Alice can meet up with us after for breakfast, okay?"

Edward's eyes narrowed, but Emmett quirked an eyebrow, "Whatcha gonna do, little brother?"

I watched Edward's fists clench up as he tried to keep from attacking his brother.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." He said to me, although he was still looking at Emmett.

I looked quickly between the two of them as Emmett chuckled and rolled his eyes and Edward continued to seethe. I sighed and went to Edward, who finally looked at me. His eyes softened almost instantly, and he brought one hand up slowly to cup my cheek and he glanced down at my eye.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered; it was so faint that had I not been staring at his lips, I might not have heard it.

"We'll be fine. We can go to the little restaurant around the corner. Jasper and Alice will take you, okay?"

He hesitated, so I added, "Twenty minutes, okay? That's it."

He sighed painfully, but released me and turned back to Emmett, "You have twenty minutes. Call me if anything happens."

Emmett scoffed, "Please, Little Brother. Have you seen me?"

Edward laughed, and headed into the kitchen, waving us out the door. Emmett turned back to me, smiling.

"Ready, kiddo?"

I nodded excitedly as he held the door open for me, and we headed downstairs. He didn't say anything else until we had stepped out onto the street, and we were a few feet away from my building.

"Bella, why did you stay with this guy?"

"Well, geeze, Em; don't beat around the bush."

"Have you seen your eye?"

My hand reached up reflexively, and I could feel the swollen lump. "Emmett, it's complicated."

He pulled me into his side, protecting me from the chill, "Un-complicate it, then,"

"There's not much to say; he wasn't a good guy in a bunch of ways. He's got a temper, clearly, and I guess I just wasn't important enough for him to keep it in check."

"So he's hit you before?"

"No. Just grabbed a bit too roughly, or shoved a bit. But never anything like this." I said, gesturing to my eye.

"And what provoked this?"

I sighed, thinking about what I should tell Emmett.

Everything, right?

So that's what I did. Emmett's grip tightened around me when I got to the part where Jack hit me, but relaxed a bit when Edward came back.

"How come you called him? Of all people, why Edward?"

"I didn't; Jasper did."

Emmett nodded. "You know, kid, you really did a number on him."

I hung my head, "I know. I just… I mean I thought I was—"

Emmett's fingers pressed to my lips cut me off, and I looked up at him, "Little Bella, you don't owe me an explanation. You gotta talk to him about that shit. I just wanted to be sure that you understood exactly how poorly he dealt with it. Bella, it was so fucking sad to see him like that; just broken all over again. But you know what? You're the only one who can put him back together. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

I nodded, and felt a new wave of guilt wash through me. It wasn't supposed to be like that; Edward was supposed to get over me, and forget. But what if Emmett was right? What if all these years, he'd been waiting for me to come back to him? Come back _for_ him?

Oh, God, what a fool I've been.

I looked back up at Emmett once I noticed we'd stopped. He was gazing adoringly at a small antique cigarette case.

"Bella, hang on, okay? I gotta buy that for Rose."

"What? The cigarette case?"

"Mm-hmm. She collects them. She doesn't have an art-deco one."

I laughed. "Okay. I'll wait here."

He looked at me warily, "Are you sure? Why don't you come in?"

"I don't feel like it. It's fine; I'll be fine."

He looked back from me to the case, and then nodded decisively. "Okay. I'll be just a minute."

I watched him walk into the shop, and I got lost in thoughts of Edward again. I knew that I wanted him again; I knew that I needed him again. Clearly, when left to my own devices, I fail. But it didn't escape my notice that I was still feeling like I could hold Edward back; I mean he appeared to be doing much better than I had been. Why would I want to screw that up? But at the same time, what if what Emmett said was true? What if I was the only one who could put Edward back together again? What if he needed me to? What if I was too late?

My thoughts were interrupted by a very unwelcome voice.

"You gonna add shoplifting to your list of flaws?"

I turned slowly and gasped when I saw Jack's face. His nose was swollen to three times its size and he had deep purple bruises under his eyes.

"What happened to your face?"

He sneered at me, "Like you don't know? Like you didn't send Whitlock and that shitfuck after me, you whore."

I felt the anger rise up in my chest when I heard Jack talking about Edward. He had no right; no right to say that about him. Edward was perfect, and kind… a million times the man Jack would ever be.

But for some reason, I couldn't find my voice.

He chortled, "That's what I thought. Well let me tell you something, you little hussy. I will not have this _blemish_ on my record, understand? You'll be fading away, and I'll do whatever I have to to keep you away from me and my family. They don't deserve to be tainted with the likes of you."

I was about to say something, when I saw a large shadow over take us. Then I heard Emmett's booming voice.

"Are you the cocksucking mother fucker who touched my Bella?"

I watched Jack start to back down almost instantly. "Look, man; it's between her and me. Nothing to do with you."

"Oh? So you call my sister a whore and a gold digger, and it's got nothing to do with me? Okay, yeah. You're right. Nothing at all."

The sarcastic tone almost made me snicker, but I held strong to keep the menacing vibe of the moment. Em brushed past me, backing Jack up into a car parked onto the street.

"Listen, dipshit, if you come anywhere near Bella ever again, I will break your neck. That's a promise. I know people. And if Bella was pregnant, I would personally rip her uterus out, because no one should ever be tainted by the likes of _you._" He hesitated, a mischievous glint in his eye, "In fact, maybe we should burn your balls off now; that way no woman ever has to endure the burden of carrying your degenerate offspring."

Jack's eyes widened and Emmett stepped back. "Go before I finish what my brother started."

I have never seen anyone move that fast in my entire life.

Emmett sighed, and shook his head before looking back to me.

"Did he touch you?"

"No."

"Okay, good." He said, pulling me into his side once more, and heading back down the block. I could see the restaurant in the distance, and the familiar tuft of bronze hair blowing in the wind. My heart went all goopy at that. He was waiting for me; he wanted me.

And if he'd let me, I'd put him back together again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_A/N: Sooooo who wants E and B to have a talk? Oh. Wow. That's a lot of hands… I sense drama in 32…_

_Reviews are love articulated_

_=]_


	32. Chapter 32

_A/N:Hello lovlies! _

_Sorry this took a shit ton of time… I got the block; it sucks I don't recommend it. OH!! Do me a fast one and go check out my new fic _**My Life Without You**_. It's co-written by raok, and I think it might be worth the read… Anyways, this chap is for the ever wonderful and fabulous aliceg, for no other reason than that she's fab and wonderful. _

_Love to LMW for letting me be absolutely insane. Sometimes, a girl needs that shit._

_Steph Meyer owns… not me._

Chapter 32

**EPOV**

"So… Bella."

My brown eyes turned to look at me, and I was instantly nervous. I have no fucking clue why.

Oh, right. We were about to have a make or break conversation, and I had a feeling it was going to be all about the break. A small smile broke out on her perfect fucking lips, and I really just wanted to press her up against one of the parked cars and have my way with her.

But then I'd really be an ape, wouldn't I?

"What's up, Edward?"

She shivered a little and I wanted to pull her into me and keep her warm. I wanted to rip off my fucking skin to make her warm again. Holy fucking hell, what wouldn't I do for my brown eyes?

"How was breakfast? Was yours okay?"

She laughed a little and looked down at the sidewalk as we continued toward her apartment.

"It was good." Then she made my heart fucking melt. She pulled one of her hands out of her coat pocket and looped it through my arm. Love her so fucking much. "Thanks for letting me have that time with Emmett; I haven't seen him in a while. It was nice."

I shrugged, pulling her arm against my side, "It was no big deal."

She laughed, "Please, Edward; you looked like you were about to kill him."

My brown eyes knew me too fucking well.

We stopped in front of her building and I let her lead the way up the stairs and onto that rickety ass elevator. That thing was a fucking death trap, and I started wondering who I'd have to bribe into replacing it. Maybe Emmett's people could take care of it.

"What are you thinking?" Bella's voice was quiet and she was looking at the floor, shifting her feet. Why the fuck was she nervous?

"Hmm? Nothing, B. I was just hoping we wouldn't get stuck in here."

"Oh." She breathed, but she didn't look up. I cocked my head to the side and looked at her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head. But, as usual, I hadn't a fucking clue. The thing lurched to a stop, and I let Bella out in front of me, and took my time following after her. She let us into her apartment, and I shrugged off my shit at the door, while she took the time to put hers away.

"So, you'll be leaving soon?" She asked, not looking at me.

"Do you want me to?"

Her eyes lifted to mine slowly, and I could see that they were glassy and wide. "No."

It was barely a whisper. Barely. And that one word; that one negation of my statement, made every cell in my entire being get all goopy because I loved this girl and she loved me.

The negation said it all.

"Bella…" I breathed, not quite sure what was supposed to come next, and I saw her bottom lip begin to tremble.

Fuck.

I went over to her as quickly as I could and we sunk to the floor, and I pulled her into my lap. It felt right, you know? It felt right to have my arms around her, comforting her and making her forget her problems. This is where she belonged; this is where _I_ belonged. She pulled away a little, but only so that she could look at me.

"Edward, I am so, so sorry. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I really did. It never occurred to me that you'd still… want me."

I sighed sadly, and pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes, "Bella, how could you say that? I've told you hundreds of times that I don't work without you. I just don't."

Her eyes shifted from mine, "But, I mean, we were only seventeen; how could you have known then?"

"How could you not?" Okay, I admit it; I was a little angry that she said that. What we had was the real deal, and if I, with my fucked up loose morals could see that, how could a perfect being like my brown eyes not? How could she have been that fucking oblivious?

"Edward… it's not that simple."

"Yes it is! It is that fucking simple. I loved you; I laid it all on the line for you, Isabella, and I never once gave you any reason not to trust me. Ever."

"But what if it's not you; what if it's me?"

I looked into my brown eyes, and not gonna fucking lie, I was confused. What the fuck? Who the hell had made her think that out of the two of us, _she_—my perfect, beautiful, wonderful, sweet, loving brown eyes were fucked up?

I will personally kill them.

Add whoever the fuck it is to the list.

I pulled her tighter to me, and took a chance in kissing her forehead. I was rewarded with a relieved sigh.

"Well, time then."

"Time?" Bella asked her voice hesitant.

"Time. For me to heal and for you to get it through that thick head of yours that you're fucking perfect. There's only room for one head case in this relationship, and I already called it, sweetness."

She closed her eyes and leaned into me a little more, pushing her forehead into the crook of my neck.

"I just wish it never happened, you know? I wish I just could have stopped it from happening—"

"Stopped what, B?"

"I—" I felt her take a few labored breaths against my neck, and I gave her an encouraging squeeze. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Bella, just talk to me."

There was a beat of silence.

"You first."

"What?"

She lifted her head from my shoulder and looked at me. "Tell me what it was like for you… after I left. I want to know."

I sighed and ran one of my hands through my hair. "You don't mean that. You don't want to fucking know."

She kept her eyes on me, unwavering. "Yeah, I do. I want to know."

I tapped one finger on her knee; it would be too hard, both for me to tell and for her to hear. I couldn't do that to her. What kind of man would I be if I put that on her? Then I looked into my brown eyes and I realized that she was determined to know. She wasn't going to give in, no matter what I said. It is so fucking frustrating that I would do anything for my brown eyes, even something that would hurt them.

And fuck was this gonna hurt.

I sighed and leaned my head against her shoulder.

"It was fucking hell, B. From the moment you drove away until the minute—well, actually, until Friday it was like I was living someone else's life. I was so dependent on you, Bella; I had to be with you because living without you is like… holding your breath. You can do it for a while, but eventually you begin to suffocate. That's my life without you. For the past two years I think I've just been trying to find a way back to you because I know that there's no one else for me.

"It really fucking sucked that you couldn't see that I _couldn't_ leave you. It fucking sucked that you thought I wouldn't miss you or any of that shit because it made me feel like all the shit I did for you didn't mean anything. It made me feel like you were oblivious to it. Bella, I'd never done that for _anyone_ but I wanted to do it for you; you made me want to be a better person. You made me want to be that cliché shitfuck that dotes on his girlfriend, and buys her shit and goes to the ends of the Earth to hear her laugh or make her smile. I wanted to be that guy for you, and when you left… when you said you didn't want me… fuck. Isabella, how could you think that that wouldn't fucking kill me?"

I couldn't lift my head from her shoulder, and I felt her go stiff in my arms a long time ago. I knew I shouldn't have told her the truth; I should have just told her I missed her like hell and that I never stopped loving her, but the idiot side of me wanted her to know. I wanted her to know the kind of pain I was in when she left, and find out if she had felt the same way. Maybe if she had pain too, we could heal it together.

"Edward…" She said in a shaky breath, making my own catch in my throat. I knew that I still didn't understand why she left, and I knew that I still wasn't ready to forgive her; as much as I loved her and I wanted _this_ with her… I wasn't ready for it.

I just couldn't put myself on the line like that again, especially when she had all this fucked up shit in her head still. She wasn't my Bella yet.

And at this point, I wasn't going to settle for anything less. She wouldn't get all of my shit if I didn't get all of hers.

I couldn't do it.

I felt her head lean against mine and I closed my eyes so that I could drift back home. We were in her bed, the sun trying to break through the think blanket of clouds to no avail, and it was just us. Young, and in love; seemingly invincible.

She's my home.

This whole situation just fucking sucks.

"I hate that I did that to you," I heard her murmur. "I hate that you were hurting like that _because of me_. I'll never forgive myself for it, you know. I can't even begin to tell you just how inadequate 'I'm sorry' seems, because it doesn't even being to describe what I'm feeling. I just—"

"Bella, stop." I had to cut her off; I couldn't listen to it anymore. I didn't think I could take it. "Just… stop, okay? I don't want to talk anymore, and I don't think I can."

She let out a ragged sigh, and we sat there for a while longer just clinging to each other. As much as I wanted to pull away and break the tension, I couldn't. I couldn't do anything other than wallow in this fucked up _thing_ I had going on with my brown eyes.

Then my ass fell asleep.

I shifted her slightly so that she was sitting next to me and stood before pulling her back up into my chest and carrying her to bed.

I was fucking exhausted, and I was fairly certain my brown eyes would be, too.

Bella wrapped her arms securely around my neck and buried her face into my shoulder, so I squeezed her closer to me.

I pulled back her comforter and put her down, then I crawled in behind her. I didn't reach out to her or anything; I just gave her a second to adjust and then she turned over to face me. I just watched her and it was almost like I could actually see her thought processes, and I knew that whatever was about to happen wouldn't be too good for me. She reached out, and placed the palm of her hand on my cheek, and I resisted the urge to close my eyes and lean into her.

"Edward, how many have there been?"

Oh, fucking hell.

Really, Bella?

Really?

"I…uh… B… what?"

I figured that playing dumb would help my case. Maybe I could dazzle her.

My brown eyes quirked an eyebrow and I knew it hadn't worked. She just wanted to be all kinds of hurt today, didn't she?

"Bella… does it matter?"  
"No. Not really. But I feel like I don't even know you anymore, and I guess I don't. We're different people now and I… I want what you are. I want it all."

I sighed and kept looking at her. She was unyielding.

"Well, not that much has changed really. I'm still a slut, honey." As soon as the word left my lips, I realized that it didn't have the same teasing tone to it. I had to look away from her because it finally hit me what I had been doing; what I'd been running away from.

_How could my brown eyes think that they were the fucked up one?_

I felt one of her arms wrap around my waist and the other snake over my shoulder and she was flush against me.

"You're not a slut. Everybody needs love."

_Everybody needs love… where have I heard that before?_

"Bella, I—"

The top of her head pressed gently into my chin and shut my mouth. "Forget about it. I knew that it was a possibility. Don't apologize for it, okay?"

"But I should; for you, I should."

She shrugged and placed an absent minded kiss on my collar bone. "No. Not really. You said you weren't going to wait; I didn't expect you to."

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

I didn't… No. No. I couldn't of—

Could I?

…

No.

Not to my brown eyes, never to my—

Oh, God.

Fuck.

I…

I am a pathetic excuse of a human being, and I definitely do not deserve the girl in my arms.

"Bella, I'm sorry… I never should have said that to you, but I was just… angry, you know? I was just—I couldn't believe that—"

"Don't, okay? Just leave it. I shouldn't have even brought it up."

"But, B… that was a terrible thing to say, and I… I didn't mean it."

She sunk deeper into my chest and I felt like shit all over again. "It doesn't matter; it's done."

I pulled closer and buried my face in her hair, inhaling her scent. Still the same; still those perfect strawberries and freesias.

_I love you, Bella. I never stopped._

**BPOV**

I fell asleep in Edward's arms, and felt complete again for the first time in years.

Not gonna lie, it killed when he told me how he felt after I left, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. If anything, it just made me realize that what we had might have meant just as much to him as it did to me.

Maybe.

Some of it, I was sure, was guilt. I mean, he showed up at my absolute lowest point and picked me back up. Now, I know that my life post-Edward hasn't been peachy-keen, but that's not to say it didn't have its moments. I always had fun with Alice, and I really did like school. Those were positives.

I squeezed Edward tighter and I felt him exhale against my hair. I just had this overwhelming feeling of belonging when I was with him; he made me feel like he _did _depend on me and he _did _want me, whether I was damaged or not.

But would he feel the same way if he knew just how fucked up I was?

I was so close to telling him everything yesterday; so close to just laying it all on the line for him, but I held back. I don't know why; it didn't really make sense.

I should have been able to tell him, I wanted to tell him, but I just… couldn't.

It was very frustrating.

And then if I couldn't tell him this, what would I do the next time I was feeling insecure? Would I even get a next time?

No, probably not.

The whole situation just made me feel like I couldn't possibly dig myself out of it; Like maybe I couldn't find my way back to him.

I wanted to be the one for him so badly.

Because I was already his. I wouldn't ever be anyone else's.

I closed my eyes again as I tried to keep as close to him as I could. I could hear his heartbeat, so strong and steady and it was incredibly comforting. I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to the spot over his heart, and he shifted slightly.

"Hey." He grumbled his voice still thick with sleep.

"Hi." I said back, startled at the waterlogged quality my voice had taken on. Edward pulled away a little and his barely opened eyes looked down into mine.

"You aren't crying, are you?"

"No."

He let out a relieved sigh and pulled me back into him. "Good. I hate it when you cry; it makes me want to puke."

"It does?" Well, that's bizarre.

"Yeah. I hate it when my brown eyes cry."

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"  
"Why do you call me that?"

"What?"

"'My brown eyes; why?"

"Oh…mmm. Well, I dreamt of them before I'd ever met you."

Oh.

My.

God.

"W-what?"

"Yeah. That first morning before bio; that's why I was so freaked out by you in the beginning."

"You… you saw my eyes?"

"And heard your voice."

"R-really?"

He laughed sleepily and tangled our legs together. "Yeah. I just didn't know how to handle it, so I pushed you away. Clearly, it worked out."

I had to laugh at that. "Clearly."

"What time do you have class, B?"

I shot up, almost ripping Edward's arm off in the process. I had completely forgotten that I would have to go to school after the weekend from hell.

"What time is it?" I asked, breathlessly as Edward rolled over to check the clock.

"Relax, B; it's only 7:15."

I sighed and collapsed back down onto my bed and Edward's arms were around me again.

"10." I said to him, once I was back in my spot. "I don't have class until 10."

"That's nice."

"Mmm. What about you?"

"I don't have any today."

Yeah. Edward wouldn't. "But you have them tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"I'll come back, B."

My heart did a flip-flop. "You will?"

"Yeah. Well, that is… if you want me to."

I rolled my eyes to myself. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."

"I'll be back on Thursday, then."

"Don't you have class on Friday?"

"Nope."

Yeah. Edward wouldn't.

***

I finally pried myself away from him and went to class, and he left to go back to Providence. Not gonna lie, I felt kind of sad watching him drive away.

It probably wasn't even one-eighth of a percent of what he felt as I drove away that day. I really had been a fool, hadn't I?

I went to my classes, and cooked my meals by myself because I found that I preferred the silence of my apartment to people telling me what I should be thinking or what I should be doing. I wanted to do it right this time; I didn't want to listen to anyone else's opinions or give in to what someone else wanted me to do.

It only made me hurt in the end. And worse, it made Edward hurt, too.

So when there was a knock on my door Wednesday night, I was more than a little surprised.

I looked through the peep hole, but I didn't see anyone on the other side. This could only mean one thing.

I swung the door open with a sigh.

"Hey, Alice."

She smiled up at me warmly, and handed me a cupcake.

"I made this for you. You're going to eat it and tell me what's going on with you."

She walked into my apartment, and I closed the door behind her while she arranged herself on the couch.

I plopped down across from her and dipped my finger in the pick frosting. Butter Cream. Yum.

"So. Spill."

I shrugged noncommittally. "Spill what?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "You and my brother, duh."

I sighed and looked at her, "There's not really anything to tell. I apologized, but he hasn't forgiven me yet."

Alice raised an eyebrow and nodded, "Well, he was pretty broken up about it."

"I know. I wasn't expecting him to forgive me, anyway. I just thought that maybe he wouldn't have taken it as hard as I did."

"But I told you he did Bella; we all told you."

I shrugged. She was right; she and Jasper had told me that, but I hadn't (until now) believed them because I just didn't think it was possible.

How wrong could I have possibly been?

"Alice, I just… I don't know. It's all such a mess now."

There was a beat of silence before she spoke again, "Did you tell him?"

I knew she was talking about Dr. Ramsey. Alice was the only person who knew about the sessions and my diagnosis. She got it out of me one night after we put away a box of wine—each.

"No."

I sighed, "Bella…"

"I know, okay? I know, but it's just so… hard. What if he can't ever look at me the same?"

Her eyes locked on mine, and they were incredibly impassive. "You don't want him to pity you."

"Of course not."

"Just like he didn't want you to pity him when he told you about Mom."

Well, I hadn't thought of it like that. I starting biting on my bottom lip once I realized what that meant. He had put himself on the line, fully and completely while I'd only given him part of myself.

I felt Alice's hand on my knee, and I looked up at her.

"Give him a chance to be there for you, okay? He won't let you down. To be honest, I don't think he can."

I nodded at her, and she stood up. "Where are you going? You just got here!"

She smiled at me over her shoulder, "I know, but I only came to drop off the cup cake. I have plans with Jasper tonight."

"K. Thanks Alice. For everything."

"No worries, Bella. I'll see you later."

I listened to the door click behind her and I slumped down into my sofa. All of a sudden, with the addition of company, followed by its absence the once comfortable silence had turned deafening.

Then my phone rang noisily against the coffee table and I snatched it up.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, B. What's up?"_

"Edward? Hi! Umm, nothing I guess. Alice just left, actually."

He laughed lightly into the phone, and I felt myself relax instantly. "_You okay?"_

"I'm fine. No worries. She just dropped off a cup cake."

"_A cupcake?"_

"A cupcake." There was a moment of silence and I caught myself listening to him breath.

"_B, you there?"_

"Yeah, I'm here."

"_Okay, good. Listen, what time did you want me tomorrow_?"

12:01 AM.

"Whenever you can get here; there's no rush. You… you don't have to come if you don't want to."

"_Bella, do you want me to come?_"

"Yeah."

"_Then I'll be there. Around three, okay? Does that work for you?_"

"Sounds perfect."

"_Okay. I'll meet you at your place, then; we can grab dinner or something_."

"Okay. Oh, and Edward?"

"_Yeah?"_

I took a deep breath to muster up some courage. "Thank you… for everything. You've done so much for me, and I don't think I've ever thanked you for it."

He was silent for a minute and I thought he might have hung up.

"_Bella I wouldn't do those things if I didn't want to. It's no trouble. I'd…"_ I heard him suck in a deep breath, "_I'd do anything for you, Bella. Always."_

There he goes again; laying himself on the line for me. And this time I decided that I could at least try to bridge the gap.

"I'm always here, Edward. Anything you need, I'm here."

"_I know._" He said softly. "_I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"_

"Okay. Night."

"_Later, Bella."_

I flipped my phone closed and a huge goofy smile spread across my face. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt like I had actually done something right for Edward Cullen.

Maybe meeting him half way wouldn't be as difficult as it once seemed.


	33. Chapter 33

_A/N: Hey guys…_

_So I'm sorry it's been like forever and a half, but to make up for it, I wrote this. It's got a little bit of everything, and it's longer than most so yeah… _

_I gotta tell you though that I love every single one of you guys for understanding, and not killing me… seriously. Love you guys hardcore. And your reviews? Fucking brilliant. Maybe you might wanna leave one for this? Please?_

_I almost forgot... almost... but hey, listen, I kinda sorta wrote this oneshot, and I dunno, I was thinking maybe you could check that out, too? It's called Never Let You Go. I'm a little proud of it..._

_Oh, and just to let you know… I don't own this (gasp); Steph Meyer still does…_

Chapter 33

**EPOV**

Three couldn't come fast enough.

I would have to change the tires on my car, that's how fast I was driving to get to my brown eyes. I had to be there, and these past few days without her had been fucking hell. I hated every second of it, and at that point I was just hoping that I could convince Bella to transfer; if not I then I'd have to.

No worries; I'd do whatever was necessary to be with my brown eyes.

But when I rounded the corner onto her street I was… confused.

In the diminishing light I could make out Bella's figure huddled on the stoop of her building, coat thrown over her shoulders. It wasn't so much that she was outside that pissed me off, but rather what she was _doing_ out there.I growled and parked my car, heading over to her just completely fucking befuddled.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked her. My brown eyes went wide and she pulled the cigarette from her lips and exhaled.

"Waiting for you. Is that okay?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair then picked the pack up off the steps and showed it to her.

"Oh, that," She said, twirling the fucking thing around her fingers. "It's my first pack… I, um, I just bought them."

I laughed sadly and opened the pack. There were only seven left.

"Really, B? Your first pack? For a novice you really went through them."

She hung her head and I just kept on staring at her. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

I sighed again and looked at her. "B, there's nothing to be sorry for. I just hate that you're doing this."

Her head snapped up, her eyes defiant. "You smoked when I met you."

Point: Swan.

"Yeah, but I quit for you."

Counter Point: Cullen.

"Ugh, I know." She flicked her cigarette onto the ground and ran her fingers through her hair again.

I sat down next to her on the cold step and put my arm around her.

"Will you quit for me?"

"Yes."

"Good," I said, pressing a kiss into her hair. I fucking missed my brown eyes. "When'd you start smoking?"

"A little while ago," she said, nuzzling her forehead into my neck. My brown eyes missed me, too.

"How come?"

"I dunno… I just did."

I let my arm slip from her shoulders down to her waist and pulled her into me.

"Do you like it?"

"Not really."  
"Because you don't have to stop if you don't want to."

"If you want me to, then I want to."

We were slowly getting back to where we needed to be, I could tell. I was so fucking happy, because the thought of having to spend even another minute without my brown eyes was killing me. I wanted to make her mine again, and I felt like maybe she would want that, too. She shivered in my arms, and I figured we should probably head inside.

"C'mon B. Let's go in."

I helped her up and followed her through the front door and into that fucked up elevator. I felt her watching me, so I turned to look at her. Then I saw that shiner again. I turned to her and cupped her face in my hands. The swelling had gone down considerably, but it was still a little bruised. I wanted to rip him all over again. I lightly brushed my thumb over the area, but she didn't even flinch.

"Didn't even hurt," she said a smile on her lips.

I laughed down at her, "Good. Means it's healing properly."

"Well, thanks, Captain Obvious."

I rolled my eyes and dropped my hands, pretending to be offended. That, my friend… _that_ was my Bella.

"Aww, Edward… C'mon; I was only kidding."

I looked back over at her, scowling a little. But I had to drop that shit as soon as I looked at her. Her eyes were wide, and her bottom lip was pulled into her mouth. Fuck, she actually thought I was mad at her. Oh, silly Bella.

I laughed and pulled her into my side, and she wrapped her arms around me. I didn't say anything else, and I knew I didn't have to. This was what was supposed to happen; this was just so fucking right. We stepped out of the elevator, and walked to her apartment like that. Sure, we probably looked like a pair of idiots, but I think I've spent long enough without my brown eyes.

Wouldn't you agree?

She pulled out her keys and let us in, and at that point, letting her go was necessary. Unfortunate, but necessary.

"What do you want to do tonight?" She asked, flipping on the lights.

"You have to go to school tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have work to do?"

"Yeah."

"Well, let's go grab some take out, and then we can watch a movie. How's that?"

She nodded at me, heading into the kitchen. "Sounds good. What do you feel like?"

Oooh.

"Um… wings, I guess? Is that okay?"

"Yeah, sounds good." She giggled, heading over to the phone to order. "I'll go get them and you can hang out here."

"Nah, B. I'll go. Or at least let me come with you."

She ordered, and then looked back at me, "Okay." She replaced the receiver. "Twenty minutes. But it'll probably take longer to get there."

I stared after her as she headed back out the door. "Is it far?"

"No," she snorted, "It's Boston."

Sure enough, it took us forty minutes to get there, and another fifty to get home. Don't ask me why the return took longer; I don't fucking know. Either way, she let us back into her place and plopped the shit down on her bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Eating and working."

"You're gonna get shit all over the bed."

She shrugged, and headed into the bedroom. I just followed her. Whatever. If my brown eyes didn't care neither did I. She popped a movie into the DVD player, and we sat and ate, while she pretended to do 'research' on her laptop. She was so fucking funny; literally every other time I looked over at her she was on facebook or some shit. And then she'd get embarrassed. Sometimes, my brown eyes were so ridiculous.

We'd watched one movie, then another, and somehow my arm had found its way over her shoulders and she was leaning into my side. I listened to her sigh, as her fingers tapped frantically over the keys, and then suck that godforsaken lip into her mouth as she went over her sentences. The movie, on the other hand, was completely ridiculous. Some shit about a guy who's gotta date all these women so he can get married and get his inheritance. Or some shit.

Then the chick—the one who he obviously was going to end up with—starts gabbing some shit about knitting a hat for his dick.

"B, why do women always want to knit things for the boys?"

She shrugged, pushing her glasses up her nose and refocusing on her computer screen. "I don't know. Maybe because they think it's cute?"

"It's not cute," I said, "It's… masculine."

She laughed at me, and jabbed me a little with her elbow. "Edward, that doesn't really help your case. Maybe… it's the cold thing?"

Seriously?

"No. I refuse to even acknowledge that statement."

"What?" She giggled, "I was only exploring all the possibilities!"

"Yeah, well, fuck that one."

"Okay, well… maybe they just like to knit?"

Of all her explanations, that was the only one I was willing to consider. "If any chick ever told me she knitted a hat for my dick, I think I'd have to break up with her."

Or at lest kick her out of bed. But I didn't add that part.

"Any chick?" Bella asked, her voice going all soft.

I laughed softly and squeezed her into me, "Well maybe not _any _chick."

If my brown eyes knitted shit for my junk, I'd take it; not saying I'd wear it, but I'd thank her profusely for going through the effort. She threw her laptop off the bed after that, and we watched the rest of the movie, making random comments here and there about this or that. I missed this about my brown eyes and me; the time before the accident where we would just hang out and do absolutely nothing. Granted, most of those times, we'd end up naked in her bed, but still. Those were good times.

"Edward?" She said softly, taking my hand in both of hers and lining up our fingertips. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn't moved up from Phoenix?"

"What do you mean?" I was so lost in the current running through her fingers and I wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying.

"Well, if I had gone to Jacksonville, I wouldn't have met you, and maybe we wouldn't even know each other."

"I would've met you eventually."

"How do you know?" She was flexing our fingers slowly now, and I was completely entranced.

"Because, B." I sighed, and I'd felt like I'd already told her this before. "You and I are supposed to be together. Come hell or high water, Bella, we'll always make it back to each other. The end."

"The end?"

"The fucking End."

She sighed, but didn't move her hand from mine and she sunk even deeper into my shoulder. "I wish I could be as confident as you are."

"Sweetness, you don't have to be; let me do that for you."

"It's not fair to you, though. I can't make you shoulder everything. You'll break eventually."

"Eventually," I agreed, "But for you, I'd do it."

I just kind of fucking said that; I'm not sure if it was the right thing or not, and to be honest it probably wasn't. She wasn't ready for that shit again, and I was petrified that I had managed to scare her away. But my brown eyes… they never do what I expect. She dropped her hand from mine, and leaned over to turn off the light. She had propped herself up on one arm and the faint blue light of the television was giving her a glow, and making her eyes stand out.

"Will you stay with me?"

"Isn't that why I drove all the way up here?"

I saw her mouth open to respond, but I just pulled her into me. Sometimes, my brown eyes talk too much. She hummed a little into my chest and I felt her doing some crazy shit with her hands.

"B, what are you doing?"

"I can't… I don't know… ugh… my hands."

So fucking ridiculous.

"Well, this one" I picked up her left hand and tucked it underneath me, "Goes here. And this one goes," I took the other and locked it around my neck, and sure enough her fingers found their way into my hair. "here. Like that. Do you see?"

I didn't wait for her to answer. I just pulled her into my chest and tucked her head under my chin.

"We fit, don't we?" She mumbled as she rubbed my neck.

"We always fit."

"Until I fucked it up."

"Bella, you didn't fuck it up. Shit happens." Well, yeah, shit did happen; but I still hadn't a fucking clue what exactly had happened. "Are you still having panic attacks?"

"Sometimes."

"When you drive?"

"Sometimes. They don't… they don't happen with the same triggers anymore."

"What do you mean?" She sighed and tried to press her face into my chest. "Bella, talk to me."

She whined again, and I put my cheek to the top of her head thoughtfully. "Bella, you can't shut me out anymore. You can't do it."

"I'm not shutting you out. I'm just… ugh, Edward… fuck."

"Would you cut it out with the swearing? Seriously."

She tilted her face up to look at me, and fuck it all, she was smirking. "Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."

"You never used to swear before." She shrugged. "Bella, it's not you."

"I can swear sometimes."

"Yeah, but that was two fucks in like a two minute span. That's not my Bella."

"Your Bella, Your brown eyes…"

I pulled her back into me, effectively cutting off her sentence. "Mhm. Mine. It's all mine."

"God Edward, you're such a caveman."

**BPOV**

I was so happy that I got him to forget about me telling him what happened.

I wasn't ready for him to know yet. He'd go; I just knew that he'd go. And honestly, I wasn't ready to give him up yet. Selfish? Yeah. But still; I just got him back. Forgive me for wanting to savor the moment.

I started smoking occasionally because I found that it helped keep my anxiety at bay. And it reminded me of Edward.

I swore more frequently because sometimes you just can't find a better word. And it reminded me of Edward.

I was still curled up in his arms the next morning, seriously considering ditching class to stay here. I wanted to just have as much of _this _as I possibly could; I'd missed out on so much. I felt him start to shift, so I started running my fingers through his hair, still as soft as ever.

"Mmm. Can you do that every morning?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep.

I laughed, "If you'll let me."

He smirked, "I think I might." He cuddled back up with me, dipping his head into my shoulder. "You know? Of all the shit I missed I think that this was what I missed most."

"What? Morning breath?"

He planted a kiss on my shoulder, "No. Waking up in your arms."

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, that."

"I think I just missed you."

"Really?" He asked. He broke my heart that he sounded genuinely shocked.

"Edward, I never stopped loving you. You know that, right?" He hesitated. "I never, ever stopped. Not ever. And it hurts so much that I made you doubt that. I guess that's what I wanted, but at the same time, I never really thought that you'd believe me. Not ever. I hate that I made you doubt us. I hate that."

"It was never us that I doubted, Bella. It was myself."

That didn't make sense to me. Edward never-- _ever_ --had any kind of self-doubt. That was supposed to be my job, right?

"How can you say that?"

He sighed and kissed the side of my neck. "Because that's the only thing that made any kind of sense. Bella, you left me. I was left. Not you. So what am I supposed to think?"

"But I told you…" I started, thinking back to that cold August day, "I told you it was me. I told you—"

"That you didn't want me, I remember." His tone was icy and flat and I could feel his breath coming out ragged at my shoulder.

"Edward… don't… please don't…"

"I'm not." He said; his voice barely a whisper.

I squeezed him tighter and thank God he held me back. He wanted me to comfort him; he wanted me to fix it.

And I definitely wanted to.

***

I finally pried myself away from him, and made it to class, but I wasn't really there. I wanted to be with him, in my apartment while he held me and we talked about stuff. This day just wouldn't end.

But, you know, because the wheel in the sky keeps on turning, time did pass and I was heading back home. To Edward. At my apartment. Naked.

Okay, no, I lied. He probably wouldn't be naked, but I could _think_ about it. C'mon you know you were, too.

But I really, really wasn't ready for what I saw when I got home.

Sleeping Edward.

I _heart_ sleeping Edward.

I smiled to myself as I went over to the couch, where he was sprawled out. I leaned down beside him, and just watched for a little while, wondering what he was dreaming about. Maybe me? No, probably not. I knew he was still mad at me, even if he didn't know it yet. And really, I couldn't blame him; he had every right to be completely pissed at me. I've never been a particularly lucky person, but I'm so incredibly happy that all of my luck was stored in this man; because no matter what I did or how little I deserved him, he was always there. Always. I reached out and swept the hair off of his forehead.

"Bella, why are you staring at me?"

I quickly retracted my hand, "How long have you been awake?"

He opened his eyes and gave me a mischievous grin, "Long enough."

I felt the blush spread across my cheeks. "Well… you used to watch me sleep all the time."

He laughed and rubbed his eyes, "Yeah, I did."

"Same thing."

"Different."

"How?"

"I'm not as pretty as you."

"Oh."

He groaned and rolled toward me, "Bella, we had this whole banter thing going… don't fail me now."

I focused my eyes away from him. "Sorry."

"Oh, God Bella!"

Before I knew what was happening, I felt his arms circle my waist as he rolled on to his back and I was resting on top of him. We hadn't been in this position in _years._ I arched my face away from his, and sucked in a deep breath.

"E-edward?"

He sighed and kept staring at me, but still not saying a word. I felt his hands slide up from my waist to my shoulders then to cup my face. Then he pulled my face down and I closed my eyes. I was so, so nervous. I felt his thumbs gently running over my cheek bones as the tip of his nose touched mine, and he started to nuzzle it ever so slightly. My breath hitched when I realized his lips were only millimeters away from my own. I felt all the blood in my body rush to my mouth, and I couldn't wait to kiss him. He was just pulling my face to his when… the phone rang.

Bloody… fucking… hell.

I hate whoever is on the other end. I hate them I hate them I hate them.

He groaned and dropped his hands and I pulled back a little from him. Then the machine picked up.

"_Bellini? Sweetheart? It's Renee? Are you there? Honey, I'm going to count to three in my head and if you haven't picked up the phone, I'll assume you aren't there."_

One.

Two.

Three.

"_Okay, well, I guess you aren't there. Well, anyway, I just wanted to remind you that you're supposed to come for dinner tonight. At the house. Six O'clock. We'll see you then!"_

She clicked off and it was my turn to groan.

"What's wrong, Bellini?"

"Oh God, please don't call me that."

"Why not?" he asked, pulling me down so that my head was on his shoulder. "I like it."

"You would."

He kissed my forehead (stupid phone) and then asked, "Who was that?"

I sighed and picked a piece of fuzz off of his shirt. "My mother."

"Oh. What was she talking about?"

"I've been having dinner with her and Phil since I moved out here. I totally forgot that I had to go tonight." I really, really didn't want to leave him yet again, but it seemed like I didn't have another choice. Unless…

"Do you think that you might want to come with me?"

He looked seriously shocked at the suggestion.

"Well…I, um… I… I mean—" Okay, he was flustered. Not a good sign.

I moved to get off of him, "It's fine; I just didn't want to leave you alone again."

He grabbed my arms and pulled me back down. "You didn't."

"No." _Duh._

"Do you want me to go?"

"Edward, I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't."

"True." He thought for a second, "I'd like to go; that is, if you'll still have me."

I rolled my eyes and kissed his forehead. "Of course."

I got off of him and headed back into my bedroom to clean up, and I swear I heard him humming as I left. But it was probably just wishful thinking.

A short while later, Edward and I were in his car and circling my mother's block.

"I thought you said you were poor."

I scoffed, "I never said _that_ exactly, but then again, I'm not. Phil is."

"I kind of liked saving you from a life of squalor." He added, pulling the Volvo into a space.

"Well, I'm a Swan, so…" He reached for my hand and squeezed.

"I'm sorry in advance if I fuck up."

"You aren't gonna fuck up."

He popped his lips and raised his eye brows, "Oh, there is a very good chance I will."

"Edward, do you remember when you met the chief for the first time?"

"Mhm."

"You don't even have to be one eighth that guy."

He snapped his head to look at me, "Really?"

I nodded, "Really."

He took one more deep breath and got out of the car, and I followed suit. Here goes nothing.

We walked up my mother's stoop and I rang the door bell, shooting him a reassuring smile. The door swung open, and there was my mother. In a sundress. In the middle of February. Braless.

Shoot me now, please?

"Bellini!" She yelled, ushering me in.

"Hey, Mom."

I chanced a glance over to Edward, and he seemed completely shell shocked. His eyes were wide and he was already running his hand through his hair.

"And who, pray tell, is you're strapping young friend?" She gave him a sly, Mrs. Robinson-esque smile and I wanted to evaporate.

"Mom, this is Edward Cullen, he's—"

She gasped, "_The _Edward Cullen?"

The Edward Cullen just looked confused, and Renee looked like Jesus had just made a personal appearance.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." I held my breath as I waited for my mother to react.

So she started circling him like a lioness would circle it's pray. He looked petrified now.

"It's good to meet you, ma'am."

Renee took in a sharp breath and slapped both her palms flat on his chest. "Teddy, you must never call me ma'am; Renee, if you must, but within these walls, I am usually called Nay-nay."

Oh. Dear. God.

Edward looked absolutely terrified. I felt absolutely awful for putting him through this. Maybe I could fake an illness?

"Mom, listen, maybe I should just come back next week after Edward's gone home."

She waved me off, never taking her eyes off of him. "You've brought Teddy and now we shall induct him."

She turned on her heel and headed into the dining room. Teddy and I were frozen in place. I rushed over to him as soon as his eyes met mine.

"Oh, God, I am so sorry! I honestly didn't think she'd be that bad! Really, Edward, please… you have to believe me! Do you want to go? Cause we could go? Just sneak out, and—"

He pressed his fingers to my lips and quirked an eyebrow, "Bella. I am about to witness a free comedy show. How could I pass that up?"

My eyes went wide as I realized that he was actually willing to sit through a dinner with my crazy ass mother. He didn't know what he was in for. He dropped his fingers from my lips and held his hand out to me.

"Bella, I don't know how to get to the dining room. Can you help me?"

I shook myself out of it and took his hand and heading into the dining room. Phil was already sitting at the head of the table, and he smiled affectionately at me.

"Hey, Bells." He stood and kissed me on the cheek, "And you must be Edward."

"Good to meet you, sir." Edward said, shaking Phil's hand.

We all sat back down just as my mother came in with a casserole dish.

Oh, God. No.

"Teddy, you're in for a treat! I made my special zucchini asparagus cauliflower surprise!"

"Mom, you can't even get zucchini this time of year."

She waved me off, "Details, Bellini, details."

I rolled my eyes, and I saw Edward suppressing a grin. He caught my eye, and flashed me a quick smile just as my mother dropped the dish of green and yellow goo onto the table.

"Geez, Nay" Phil started, "It looks… lovely?"

She nodded enthusiastically. I saw Phil be brave and reach for the serving spoon, but she slapped his hand away.

"PHILLIP, NO!" She bellowed, "Teddy must be inducted." She said, and then scurried out of the room.

Phil turned to Edward, a very serious look in his eye, "I apologize for whatever is about to happen to you. She went on a spiritual retreat a year and a half ago and she started all this crap. We go along with it, but sometimes it gets embarrassing. If I didn't love her so much, we'd probably be divorced."

Teddy looked terrified again, but not gonna lie, I had to admire Phil for sticking with my mom. I knew a lot of it was that he found her amusing, but I knew that he loved her. It was kind of sweet, actually. I mean, mom had always been flighty, but it wasn't until recently that she'd become bat shit crazy.

She came bursting into the room a few seconds later with a paper crown in her hands. I groaned and had to close my eyes while she inevitably put it on Teddy's head.

"Um, thank you?" I heard him peep. I cracked an eye and saw her with an arm draped across his broad shoulders.

"Of course, Teddy." She scampered over to her plate but didn't sit down. "Now, everyone! Close your eyes so I can say the incantation."

Incantation is mom speak for grace. Or, well, her version of grace.

"AHHHHHHHHMEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYAAAAALLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMmmm….."

_Dontlaughdontlaughdontlaughdontlaugh._

I heard the boys snicker, but I figured that I probably should just keep my mouth shut; someone had to humor her.

I heard her clap her hands so I opened my eyes as she was sitting down.

"Dig in!" She said, with a gleeful smile.

The rest of us stared at the puddle of muck. Phil did the honors again, and scooped a chunk (I guess) of it onto his plate, then handing the spoon to Edward, who in turn handed it to my mother. But because my mother is my mother, she took the spoon and literally dumped half the casserole onto my dish.

Wonderful.

My mom ate as the rest of us pushed the goop around on our plates.

"So, Teddy. Are you a fan of the Harry Potter?"

"Uh, no, I can't say that I am."

"OH!" My mother gasped, clasping a hand to her chest, "Well you must, post haste!"

"Uh—"

"No, no my dearest Teddy! You must!" Her voice got all low and she leaned into him, "It's the truth about our world, you know. Diagon Alley? I've been there."

Edward nodded conspiratorially, and my mother backed off, seemingly satisfied. "Even Bellini's read it, isn't that right?"

I nodded, afraid to say that the only reason I'd read them was because I'd ran out of things to do over one summer.

"See, Teddy? Even the haughty Miss Isabella Swan stooped to read the truth about our world."

My eyes shot up to meet my mother's but she wasn't looking at me; her gaze was fixed on Edward.

"Excuse me?" He said, as though he'd misunderstood her.

She laughed lamely. "Well, you see, my daughter has a tainted soul. She wasn't a very good person in her past lives, so she's making up for those sins now, which is why she's a klutzy, painfully shy, plain girl. Isn't that right, Bellini?"

I can't believe she was bringing this up in front of Edward. I wanted to kill her and cry at the same time, then cry a bit more.

"Renee…" I heard Phil start, but Edward didn't let her finish. He pushed out his chair, and took off the crown.

"I'm very sorry, Renee, but Bella and I have to be going. Bella?"

I pushed out my own chair, waving good bye to Phil, then heading out the door with Edward as my mother called, "Be careful, Bellini! Don't get hit by a bus crossing the street!"

I felt Edward turn to go back but I grabbed his arm, pleading for him to stay with me. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, before letting me lead him out the front door. Where he exploded.

"What the fuck is her problem!? I mean, you're her fucking daughter, Bella! She had no right… no fucking right to say that shit! God… what the fuck! I swear, if she wasn't your mother, she'd be a dead woman!"

"Edward, it's okay. I'm used to it; she's just—"

"Fucking insane! How the hell could she say that about you? What the fuck is her problem? Oh, wait; I know. It's because she's jealous of what a spectacular person you are, isn't it? God, Bella, I want to fucking rip her…" He trailed off and paced away from me for a bit. Then he stopped, turned and walked back to me, then cupped my face in his hands. "Thank fucking God you didn't go to Jacksonville."

I laughed a little and shrugged, "I know, right?"

He sighed and leaned his forehead against mine, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Like I said, Edward; I'm used to it. Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah, Teddy's fine." Even though my eyes were closed, I knew he was smirking.

"Hey, wanna go get some real food?"

"What?" He asked pulling away, "Vegetable shit in a dish doesn't suit you?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Burger?"

"Please."

He slipped his arm around my waist and we started walking down the street to the diner on the next block, and I couldn't help but sigh in relief. Edward had handled my mother; and maybe that meant he could handle the rest of my issues. Maybe that meant I could lean on him a little more than I had been. I snuggled into him a little bit more and he gave me a squeeze. It's funny how one gesture can completely sweep away all of your doubts and fears. That's what Edward's squeeze was to me; the very real reassurance that he was here and that he could handle it.

And I was beginning to realize that _this_ was exactly what I needed all along.


	34. Chapter 34

_A/N:_

_Hey guys... thanks so much for all of your reviews, they were seriously awesome. I'm glad you had fun with Renee. I thought you'd need a little something to break up the angst. But anyway, here's the next installment, I hope you like it. Much love to the ever fab LMW and edwardandbellabelong2gether... love you both hardcore._

_Reviews make me wicked fricken happy... _

_Steph Meyer still owns this shit... just so you know_

* * *

Chapter 34

**EPOV**

"Bella, just pick one."

I was getting seriously fucking impatient. I was only asking her to pick a fucking movie; not the next fucking… I don't know, but it's not important. I looked back over at Bella, and she was staring at the marquee, twisting her hair around her finger.

"What if I pick something you don't like?"

"Then I'll tell you."

"Promise?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, Bella."

I walked away from her and ran a hand through my hair. I just wanted to take her to a fucking movie. I told her to fucking pick one. What the hell was her problem? I turned back around to light a fire under her, but she was gone.

I couldn't see her.

At all.

I went cold all over and I started to panic. She was gone. She was gone. _Oh, God. Not again._ I tried to even out my breathing as I scanned the area for my brown eyes.

Fuck.

Fuck.

"Bella?" I called. My voice was shaking like hell, and I knew that if I didn't find her I'd be on the edge of a very embarrassing public display. I just got her back. I was just feeling alive again, and now she's… gone.

Fuck.

I walked by up the sidewalk past the theater, still looking for her. This seriously couldn't be happening to me—to us. Not now. Not yet.

I was going to fucking die on this sidewalk if I'd lost her.

I stopped at the corner and began looking around frantically, tugging at my hair. Then I felt it. A small, warm hand on my arm.

I whipped around and my brown eyes were looking up at me, so fucking confused.

"Bella." Her name came out in a breath as I scooped her up into my arms and buried my face in the crook of her neck. I really thought I'd lost her; thought that I'd never see her again. I squeezed her tighter to me and felt my anxiety disappear. Bella hesitantly wrapped her arms around my waist, and she let me start to rock her; right there in the middle of the fucking street.

"Are you alright?" I heard her murmur into my chest as her hand started to drift up and down my sides. I pushed my face farther into her soft skin, and I could feel her hair against my forehead. I started memorizing it all. It was like my mind was in overdrive, trying to process what had happened and what the outcome was. I felt like hyperventilating, crying and kissing her all at once. Was that even possible? If so, I was sure as hell gonna do it. That moment made me realize just how scared I was; scared of what would become of us and scared of what I would be without her.

If anything, this last week had made me realize that I _couldn't_ be without her. I didn't want to be that guy anymore. Maybe… I couldn't be him anymore.

I just wanted to be with my brown eyes.

"Hey, seriously. Are you okay?" She turned her head and planted a kiss at the base of my jaw, then on the pulse point just below it.

I kissed her shoulder in return and whispered into her ear, "Yeah. I just… I thought I lost you."

Yeah, it was a pussy thing to say; I probably should've just puffed out my chest and (as Whitlock would say) grabbed my junk. But I didn't. For whatever reason, my brown eyes make me soft.

But in a good way.

When I pulled away, she looked so sealed off to me; like she was just not there. I knew that look. I hated it. I felt my face scrunch up as I looked at her, and that was when my brown eyes started to melt. She put her hands on either side of my face and just fucking watched me. Yeah, we probably looked like a pair of tools, her holding my face and me on the verge of a fucking melt down in the middle of a busy sidewalk, but I didn't give a shit. It didn't fucking matter.

"I'm here," she said, running her thumbs across my cheek bones. "I'm here."

I shut my eyes and let myself get lost in the sound of her voice. She was here. I just had to keep telling myself that she was here. At least I had her for now.

But there was still so much to get out in the open. I still had no idea why the fuck she left. How could I possibly fix whatever the fuck is was if I didn't have a fucking clue? And then there was this business with her panic attacks. Granted she hadn't had one with me yet, but she said she was still having them. And the nightmares? Holy fuck those things must have been vivid. And the worst part was that they seemed to have gotten worse since I'd last slept with her. It was seriously starting to freak me the fuck out.

I've said it a million times, but I really would do anything for my brown eyes, but the thing is, as I stood there with her on that busy street, watching her put her guard up, I began to wonder just how long I could keep going like this. You would think that if she loved me like she said she did, she would've come out with it already. What the fuck could be so bad that she wouldn't want to share it? Or better yet, share it with me? What the fuck had I done to make her think I couldn't be trusted with her secrets?

I opened my eyes and looked down at her again. I was lost. I wondered if she even noticed.

"Did you pick a movie?"

"Uh huh. We don't have to go if you don't want to. We could go home."

"And do what?" I asked, trying to keep my head from dipping back down to her shoulder.

"Umm, we could cuddle. It looks like rain, anyways."

I chuckled to myself, "You just wanna get me in bed, huh?"

"Duh." _Sweet cheeks. _That was the part where she was supposed to call me sweet cheeks. But she hadn't yet. And honestly, I didn't think I'd ever hear it again. I had a feeling that I'd be kept at arm's length from here on out.

Fuck.

How the hell had I let this happen?

"Edward?" Her voice was soft, and I could see the concern etched across her features. "What is it? You can tell me."

Could I? Could I really put all of myself on the line yet again, when I _knew _that I wasn't getting all of her? Yeah, I could, but chances were, I'd get fucking crushed again.

And how many times could I die for my brown eyes?

"Let's just go back to your place, okay?" My eyes were pleading with her not to push it. She didn't. She slipped her arm around my waist and we walked back to her apartment, where I immediately collapsed on her bed. All of a sudden I was so fucking tired. She crashed down next to me and I put my arms around her, pulling her into me. How fucked up is it when the one person who can put you back together can rip you up? I hated that this was what I'd let us become; me, a clingy fuck up, and her completely skeptical of me. How the fuck did this happen?

"Edward, why are you sad?" She had turned toward me, and her hand was back on my cheek. She looked worried for me… it seemed like she wanted to know. I wanted to tell her. I really did.

"I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you again. I can't… Bella, I can't do that again. I can't be that guy again. So really, if you want to do this you have to let me in. No more half way shit. Just fucking give it to me. If you can't then tell me, because I'd rather walk away now before I'm too far into it."

I watched her eyes tighten as she withdrew her hand. "Edward… I want to. I really, really want to but, it's hard." She buried her face in her hands and I knew she was going to cry. I didn't reach out to her, though. "I want to tell you because you deserve to know. You deserve to know what the hell is happening to me… but… but it's just _so,so_ hard."

"Why, though? Why can't you just say it? Out loud?"

Her voice was small and came out in a strangled whisper, "Because I'm afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yeah. I just… I'm so scared that you… that you'll be… that I won't be…"

I broke down then and took her in my arms. She needed me, and we weren't done yet; and if these were my last few moments with my brown eyes, I at least wanted to hold her. At least once more.

"That you won't be what, Bella?"

She sucked in a deep breath, and I could feel it wash across my neck as she spoke. "I won't be your Bella Brownie anymore."

Fuck.

Holy fucking hell, what the fuck had happened to my brown eyes? But then again, there isn't one fucking thing that she could do to make me stop loving her. Even fucking _leaving_ didn't make me stop. So that was it then.

"Bella, There isn't one fucking thing you could possibly do that would make me… change my opinion of you. Regardless of what happens, you'll always be my Bella Brownie. Always." I kissed the tip her nose, "Infinity is quite a while, sweetness."

I felt her burrow into my chest and wrap herself around me. "We were so happy, Edward."

"I know."

"Things like that don't happen all the time, do they?"

"No, they don't."

"I wish I hadn't been such an idiot."

I started rubbing circles in her back, keeping her close. "I wish I had tried harder."

"How do you mean?"

"B, it was all there; staring me in the fucking face, but I just hoped you'd… I don't know, snap out of it, I guess. I should've done _something_ more. You needed me, and I failed you."

I felt her hand worm its way up to my neck, "Edward, you need to stop blaming yourself. I promise, it wasn't you. It had nothing to do with you—"

I was getting annoyed, "Bella, you left me—"

"Not because of anything you did, or didn't do, but because of things with me; because of the way I felt about myself. It just wasn't fair to you to have to deal with me."

"You didn't even give me a chance to, though. You just walked away and kept it all inside. Bella, I told you every fucking thing that crossed my mind; I didn't keep jack shit from you—ever."

"It's just hard," she said, nuzzling her head into my neck. "I never felt like I deserved you in the first place. I didn't want to give you a reason to think that, too."

"Bella."

"I know, I know. But we were only teenagers; forever's a long time when you're that age."

I laughed, "yeah, cause we're fucking decrepit now."

"That's not what I mean. It's just that then, I didn't recognize what we had for what it was. And, Edward, I was a little… afraid of what that meant, too."

"And you didn't think I was afraid?" I shifted so that I could whisper in her ear. "Bella, it scared me how much I loved you. How much I needed to be with you, and touch you and feel you near me. Fuck, baby. It scared the shit out of me, but I was okay because I had you. If shit got hard, I could depend on you."

"I love that you did that, because I'd do anything for you. Absolutely anything."

"Okay, so why can't you let me do that for you?"

She hesitated, so I gave her a squeeze, "Because I don't want you to think any less of me."

So fucking ridiculous.

"Bella, seriously, stop being so stubborn and listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth: I want you. I want to be with you, and hold you and touch you and kiss you forever. You're Mine; my brown eyes, my Bella Brownie, my love… my life. Mine. You can tell me to leave and never come back, and I won't if that's what you want, but you'll never be anything but mine. Ever."

"I really don't deserve you."

I curled my fingers under her chin, and tilted her chin up so that she could look at me. "Yeah, baby, you do. When I met you, I was totally broken. I mean, Bella, I was fucking hopeless, and you saved me… you fixed me. Now, let me do it for you. Let me in to help you. I just want to be there for you, so let me okay?"

I held my breath as I waited a hundred years for her to respond.

"Just give me some time, okay? I want that, too; I want to tell you, and I will but please just give me a while to get used to us again?"

I can't deny my brown eyes anything. I kissed her forehead, and closed my eyes. "As long as I get all of you, I don't care how long it takes. Just be with me, love; really _with_ me. That's all I need."

She and I fell asleep curled up with each other on that rainy Sunday afternoon, and I felt like we were doing something right again. I knew that I could help her with whatever the fuck was going on in her head, and I knew that I was going to get her back.

My brown eyes.

My Bella Brownie.

I was going to get her back.

**BPOV**

So many things were rushing through my mind when I woke up late Sunday night, wrapped up with Edward on my bed. At first I thought that it hadn't happened; that he wasn't really here, and I had dreamt it all. But he _was_ here, and he was holding me so tightly that I couldn't have pulled away if I wanted to. And I didn't. I knew that he needed to know; after all of this, he needed to know what was going on, but I was still so afraid. My anxiety was taking over and I knew that it could possibly get the better of me.

I just hope I told him before it was too late.

After that afternoon, when I saw the sheer terror in his eyes when he couldn't find me, I knew that I had to make a decision; I couldn't keep pushing him away, and giving him a veiled form of the truth. Eventually, he'd get tired of that and go. And wasn't that what I had been avoiding all along? I didn't want him to go; I hadn't wanted him to leave me, and yet here I was in the very same position all over again.

And this was it. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to get another chance with Edward after this. And I can't say that I'd blame him. He deserved someone who could be honest with him, and hell, I wanted to be her. I really, really wanted to be it for him. I knew I didn't deserve yet another chance, but he was giving it to me, and I didn't want to throw it away. I needed him, just like he needed me. We couldn't be apart.

I reached up without looking to play with his hair, but instead I smacked him in the face. Oops.

"Fuck, Bella." He groaned and let me go, rolling onto his back. I bit my lip and looked at him. His eyes were still closed and he was rubbing the side of his face with his hand. He was still so perfect, it almost hurt to look at him. He sighed again and shifted, almost trying to burrow into the mattress.

"Bella?" He croaked; his voice scratchy and deep.

"Yeah?"

"Why the fuck did you just slap me?"

I giggled a little, "I didn't mean to, I was trying to rub your head."

"Why? Because it looks like an egg?"

I cocked my head to the side and looked at him. Edward was many things, but an egg head he was certainly not.

"No."

He still hadn't opened his eyes, but his brow furrowed and his hand went on a reconnaissance mission. "Where the hell are you?"

"Open your eyes, egg head, and you'll find me."

He smirked, but didn't open his eyes and before I knew what was happening, he'd pulled me under him. Only then did he open his eyes as he smiled down at me. "Found you."

I brought my hand up to his cheek and memorized the feel of his skin under mine, just in case. He sighed a little, and I felt him lean into my touch. I almost forgot that anything had happened between us; that we'd missed out on almost three years of this. It made me want to cry for all that wasted time, but at the same time it took my breath away how quickly we fell back together. Surely only something that was meant to be could do that, right? Then it happened, just as before. He ducked his head down and traced the bridge of my nose with the tip of his, then rested his forehead against mine.

"It was always you," he said, "There was never anyone except for you."

"I know," I told him as his kissed my forehead, then my eyelids. I had to remind myself to breathe as he continued his descent down my face until finally I felt his lips hovering above mine; only a breath away, but still not on me. The anticipation was killing me, and I could feel the faint electric buzz running between us. So I took the hand that was still on his face and pulled him in. The moment his lips touched mine, I knew that this was it; this was forever. This was exactly where I would have to be for the rest of time. I would let him kiss me drunk, sober in the rain, on the sidewalk, in bed, on the floor, up against a wall, in the elevator, on a boat, on a bridge, underwater… anywhere he wanted to kiss me, I would be kissed. As long as he was the one doing the kissing, it didn't matter to me. This was love and perfection and passion and need all wrapped up in his perfect lips as they moved with mine. He pulled away slightly, and rested his forehead against mine. He was breathing hard, and I kept my eyes closed waiting for him to say something.

"There are so many things that I want to tell you right now, but I know it's too soon. But I feel them. I do, baby, I feel them."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved my head to his shoulder. "I feel them, too."

And I did. It was love. I loved him. Plain and simple. There wasn't anything else to it. I knew that we were meant to be. Edward Cullen was my great love, and my soul mate; regardless of what the future might bring, and of what might happen to us he'd always be my everything. I knew that things don't always work out the way you plan, but even if we didn't end up together, it wouldn't ever change the truth. He was it for me; he was my home.

I pulled him closer to me, and he flipped us over, so that I was curled on top of his chest.

"I want you to know that I will tell you. I want you to know what happened." I said; my voice shaking slightly.

"I know you do. You told me already. But don't worry about it. You aren't going to tell me if I pressure you into it. Just don't make me wait thirty years, okay?" He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"I won't." I knew that was the truth; I felt it deep down in my soul. I could even feel the words bubbling up in my throat, threatening to spill out. But I had to remember that this was Edward, and he was likely to fly off the handle when I told him. He'd start blaming himself (again) for the accident, and then for sending me to the shrink. And he didn't need that right now; he didn't deserve that right now. No. I would tell him soon, but not yet. We deserved a little bit of quiet happiness before the onslaught.

"So was Jack the only guy you've been with since me?"

Okay…

Not exactly the onslaught I was expecting, but an onslaught nonetheless. "Yeah."

"How long?"

"Um, maybe a year and a few months."

"You only broke up last weekend."

It was a statement instead of a question. Truth be told I hadn't really thought about it. "Um, yeah."

I felt his cheek drop to the top of my head as his arms tightened around me. "How could you stay with an asshole like him? Bella, he was such a shit."

"I… I guess I felt like I deserved him. I mean, I made you hurt, so why shouldn't I hurt, too?"

"You deserve better."

"So did you."

HA!

Take that, Edward!

But instead I felt him nuzzle into my hair, "But I want you. So then, you are the best for me."  
I laughed, "Edward, that doesn't even make sense."

"It does in my head."

"Yeah, whatever, Edward."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about the… others."

I was glad he couldn't see me roll my eyes. "We already talked about this."

"I know. But that doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it."

"They don't matter, Edward. They really don't." Then I thought of something, "Do you remember when we met? When I was friends with Alice and you avoided me?"

"Unfortunately."

"Well, there was that moment at the dinner table when you were just watching me; you were looking at me like you wanted, I don't know… help or something."

"Uh huh?"

"And once you realized what you were doing, you said something asinine to me. Something about… liking it, I think."

I could feel him smirking, "Well, you did."

"Oh, God Edward; so not the point. Anyway, after that Alice told me about your coping mechanisms."

He groaned and I felt him try to pull away, but I didn't let him. "And you know what? If you hadn't had yours, you wouldn't have realized that what we have is different. You knew well before I did that you and I were meant to be, and when I… left, you went back to what you knew. I couldn't ever fault you for that. You're who you are, sweet cheeks, and that's the man I fell for. That's who I want. Not someone else's ex. My Edward."

I felt him tense a little underneath me, and I got nervous that I'd said the wrong thing. Yet again. Nice, Bella, you try and make the guy feel better, and you make him feel worse. That would be my luck.

"What did you just call me?"

"Uh… Edward?"

"No, no. Before that."

"S-sweet cheeks?" Oh, hell I had forgotten how much he hated that. Crap. But then he wrapped me up again, and started planting kisses everywhere he could reach.

"I didn't think I'd ever hear you call me that again."

I was seriously confused, "Why wouldn't I?"

He sighed, "Because I didn't think you felt it anymore."

I knew what he meant, but I had to lighten the mood. I rolled over on to my side, and grabbed his ass.

"Nope, I feel it. You still have sweet cheeks."

***

"So next weekend," I started, trying really hard to stall. "Alice and I were going to go down to New York to visit Emmett and Rose. Did you want to come?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and smirked, "Do I want to go with you to see my brother?"

Okay, fine, Edward. It was a dumb question, you win! "Umm…"

He laughed and pulled me into his arms, "Yeah, Bella, I'll go with you. Do you want me to pick you guys up?"

"No, it's okay. Alice and I will go in her car, and we'll meet you down there."

"You sure? I don't mind."

"I know you don't, but we'll be fine." I kissed his chin, and he started rubbing circles in my back. "Besides, do you really want to spend four hours in a car with Alice?"

"Oh, good point, love."

"Thanks."

He bent down and kissed me, and I let myself forget that I wouldn't be waking up with him tomorrow morning. It's funny how accustomed I'd grown to his presence in my apartment after only two weekends. I'd miss him terribly. He pulled back and rested his head on my shoulder and I let mine lean on his.

"I'll see you soon, Bella Brownie."

"I know Sweet Cheeks. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." He kissed me again, and then pulled away, getting into the Volvo and driving off. I stood in the spot one hand to my heart, and a smile on my face.

It was beating again.

I had my love back.


	35. Chapter 35

_A/N: You guys have been sleeping. I've lulled you into this dreamy bubble gummy sleep, and I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a little… thunder._

_First things first, I recently found out that TE now has a thread on Twilighted, and I have a feeling that you guys will need… an outlet after this, so leave a review then go over there and have it out…_

_I love you guys so much for being so supportive… I really can't thank you enough for it._

_Little Miss Whitlock owns half of my brian, Kella owns my EPOV's, and Smeyer owns Twilight. I do (however) get to claim Bella Brownies… guess that'll tide me over._

* * *

Chapter 35

**BPOV**

"FI-FIE-FO-FUM, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN…wait, honey, what comes after that?"

"Hm?" I laughed at Alice as Jasper turned her car onto 91 just outside of New Haven. "Uh, I don't know, Mary Alice. It's been a while since I've heard that one."

Alice pouted at Jasper and I looked out the window as we headed out to the City. I had really been looking forward to it because I knew it would give Edward and me a chance to talk and sort things out. We could really get something done now. I could hardly wait.

"So, Bella Ella, you invited Edward." Alice said as she gave me a wide smile.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, he probably would've been invited anyway, so…"

"Yeah, probably." Alice quirked an eyebrow and turned back to the front of the car.

"Do you think he'll be there already?" I asked, hoping to sound absent-minded.

"Oh, I'm sure of it." She said, putting one hand on Jasper's shoulder and squeezing. "If you told him you were coming up on Friday, he'll be up on Wednesday. That's just what you do to my brother."

Wow, I felt like hell just then. "I…I do?"

"Of course, Bella! He loves you. Which is why I'm hoping you'll talk to him sooner rather than later."

"Talk to him about what?" Jasper asked, and I immediately started to panic. What if Alice had told Jasper? Oh, God this could not be happening. "You know what—wait. No. I don't want to know. If Edward doesn't know, and it's something that he should…fuck. I don't want to have him find out that I knew and didn't tell him."

I started to freak out a bit more as I realized what he was saying, and I knew it was true. Edward _would_ freak when he found out I'd told Alice before him. But then again, maybe he didn't have to. Maybe I could make it all work out? Maybe. Hopefully.

"Little Bella? Hey, you okay back there?" My eyes snapped back up to Jasper, and I nodded weakly.

Alice turned back around to me and started rooting around in her purse, "Hey do you need something? Maybe one of your pills?"

I shook my head no, and I felt like such a joke. Here I was, a twenty year-old college student, and my best friend was asking me if I needed my anti-anxiety medication. How pathetic was I? The only light at the end of this tunnel was that Edward would be there, waiting. I was really looking forward to seeing him, and this last year without him had been absolute torture. Every single night since he'd left, I'd been dreaming of him, and more specifically kissing him. But then again, I couldn't help but wonder what we were now. I mean, what if he wasn't ready for us to be _us _again? What would I do then?

Wait for him to be, obviously.

It was funny how, now, after not having him for so long, and missing him, made everything come out clearer. The clouds had definitely lifted and I could feel myself drifting contentedly back to where I belonged; to where I had belonged all the while. And I couldn't wait to get there.

Since Alice was a Time Nazi, she made us get up ridiculously early that morning to drive to the city. I found myself passed out in the backseat for the rest of the trip. All in all, I had to say that was for the best—I didn't have to listen to Alice try and make up a song to sing, and see Jasper try to go along with it. But the part where I woke up was definitely the best. The first thing I was aware of were the arms wrapped around me, and then the fact that my nose was pressed into the crook of a soft, yet strong neck, and I could feel a steady heart beat pulsing against my chest. I opened my eyes, expecting to be in our hotel room, but instead we were still in Alice's car.

"Edward?" I asked, thinking my mind was playing a very cruel joke on me.

"Hey baby. You okay?" His arms squeezed me, and he kissed the top of my head. God, how I loved that man.

"Yeah, but how come we're still in the car?" I shifted to look up at him as he kissed my forehead.

"You just looked comfortable, so I climbed in here with you. I hope you don't mind?"

I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a kiss, "Yeah, Sweet Cheeks. I mind—a lot."

He laughed and kissed me again, "Obviously."

He didn't pull away after he said that, instead kissing me harder and harder, chaste kisses turning into fiery, wet ones and before I knew what was happening he had one hand under my shirt on my stomach. But just as his hand started to drift up, he pulled away.

"Fuck, baby, I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's okay, I wanted it." I said as I pushed my face back up to his...only to have him sit up and shift me off his chest. I looked at him, perplexed. Maybe we were moving too fast? Okay, does anyone else find that statement a little bit absurd? "I'm sorry," I choked out.

"Oh, fuck, Bella Brownie...no. It's not you...shit. Baby, I'm sorry, I just...baby, I have a cold."

I turned to look at him, and holy hell he looked so sad, but still completely hot at the same time. His hair was tossed all over the place; his normally clear green eyes were glassed and framed by dark circles, and his perfect nose was red-rimmed. He was by far the sexiest sick person of all time. If that's what germs looked like, I wanted them. I wanted all of them. I reached out and pushed his hair off his forehead and pulled it toward my own.

"It's fine. I wanted it. I --" Shit, I was about to say it, but I knew I couldn't. It might have been true, and I knew that I would've meant it, but I just couldn't do that to him yet. He was already skeptical enough, and I didn't want to give him yet another reason to doubt me.

"Me too," He breathed, touching the tip of his nose to mine. "Me-fucking-too."

Well that's good enough for now, right?

He pulled me back up to his chest and I let him hold me for a while because it cemented the fact that we needed this—needed each other. He was my other half, and I just needed him.

"Hey," he said after a while, "We should get moving. We're supposed to meet everyone for lunch."

"Don't you mean breakfast?"

He laughed and kissed my temple, "No, baby, lunch. You slept well past breakfast."

Wow. Okay, then.

"Where are we going?"

"Well, we're just around the corner. Right there. I guess Emmett goes there all the time so it's easy for him."

"Oh, right." I kept forgetting that Emmett was famous now. It was so weird to think that my teddy (hehe) bear of an Emmett had a following. How surreal.

"C'mon." Edward said as he took my hand and pulled me across the road, and walked quickly over to a tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurant.

I heard him cough a couple times and I squeezed his hand. "Are you alright?"

He sniffled a little bit, and then smiled down at me."Yeah, I'll be fine."

We got to the restaurant and the second we were inside, I was crushed between two massive arms. "Hey... Em."

"God, Little Bella, It's been too long." He said as he released me, smiling that goofy Emmett smile.

"It's been like a week, fuckstick." Good, I was wondering when my foul mouth boyfriend was coming back. Oh, God. I just called him my _boyfriend._ I knew it was only in my head, but still. He would probably freak if he knew.

I looked back up at Em, who had one eyebrow cocked. "It's good to see you too, Little Brother."

Edward rolled his eyes, and smirked as Emmett led us over to his table. Alice and Jasper were there, but Rosalie had yet to make an appearance. When I asked about her, Emmett shrugged. "She's got a lot going on right now, studying for the LSATs. She'll be around later when we all go to-- ow! Fuck, Edward!" My head whipped over to look at Edward, who was scowling at his brother.

"Emmett, shut the fuck up. Now."

"Why should I, Shitward? I set up the fucking thing--Ow! Shit! I need my legs, Asswipe!"

"Then keep your mouth shut."

My eyes darted between the two of them, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Edward said, not daring to take his eyes off of Emmett. "Don't worry about it, Sweetness."

"Well, that's fucking priceless Edward, but I think you should fucking tell her. She deserves to know."

"Know what?" I asked. I was seriously freaking out now, because I hadn't a freaking clue what was going on. Unless...what if it was all a joke? What if Edward didn't really want any of this? What if it was all a huge misunderstanding? Oh, hell. I began to wonder if Alice _had_ brought my pills, no matter how pathetic that might have looked.

Edward sighed and leaned his elbows on the table, "Bella, we've got... plans this evening."

"Plans? What kind of plans?"

"Big ones," Emmett said. "I had to call in a shit ton of favors, so you had better like it."

I looked up at Edward, who was watching me with careful, apologetic eyes. "You did this for me?" He nodded carefully. "Then I'll love it."

"Well that's all well and good, but you'd better not forget that, because if I get into hot shit for this, I'll kill you both." Em scoffed.

"You won't," I said, putting a hand on Edward's thigh. "It'll be great, I can tell."

Emmett smiled, seemingly appeased, but Jasper and Alice looked completely uncomfortable. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised; I didn't think they knew what was going on, either.

Lunch was pretty calm after that. We talked about random odds and ends, and Emmett filled us all in on the life of a professional football player. Edward told him repeatedly that he should have his own TV show, and Em's consistent reply was that he could "fuck off."

Hm.

After a brief scuffle over who'd be paying the bill, we headed out onto the sidewalk where we all looked at each other for a little while.

"So what are we doing?" Jasper asked as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it up.

"We could go out to Ellis Island?" Alice suggested.

The rest seemed to nod in approval, but I looked up at Edward. "Maybe we should go back to the hotel?"

"Why?" He asked, cocking his head to the side and watching me carefully.

"Because you're sick, and you probably shouldn't be on a ferry. In fact, you probably should've stayed home."

He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and I could faintly make out the glint in his eye. "Meeting someone else, were you?"

I smiled back up at him. "No. I just don't want you to get any sicker. It's no fun for me and even less fun for you."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Fine. We don't have to go if you don't want to. But we're still going out tonight."

"Deal."

I heard Em scoff. "Yeah, you bet your ass we are."

Edward glared at him before slipping an arm around my waist, "Alright, so then we'll meet you guys in the lobby later?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Alice replied, flipping through her guide book. "I packed Bella's dress, so all you have to do is get ready to-- oops."

Alice's eyes went wide as Edward glared at her. "You guys cannot keep a fucking secret, can you?"

"Well, it's not my fault! She'll have to get dressed and she doesn't know where we're going, oh wise one!"

Edward rolled his eyes and I waved goodbye as they got into a taxi and we started down the street back to my--or I guess our-- hotel.

"How come you didn't want to stay at Emmett's?" I asked as he shivered beside me. Yeah, skipping the ferry was definitely a good idea.

He shrugged and pulled me closer, "I didn't come down here to see him. He's my brother, and I lived with him for eighteen years."

"So the only reason you're here is because...of me?"

He looked down at me like I was insane, "Of course Bella. I thought that was obvious."

I laughed a little at my own stupidity, and he kissed the top of my head as he went into the lobby and up to the room. We went into the suite (that the Cullen's had booked for us. God, how much more could I take from them?), and as soon as we were in the door, Edward was pressed up against me, his hands roaming across my back, and his face buried in my shoulder.

"I missed you so fucking much." He murmured into my skin. I shut my eyes, and pulled him closer, letting myself forget that anything had happened. Sometimes that's the best place to be.

"C'mon, Sweet Cheeks, let's go watch TV or something. Maybe we can make some tea?"

I felt him sigh and give me one more squeeze before pulling away, walking into the living area and plopping down on the couch. "Go ahead, Nurse Bella. I am your patient."

Well, there's an idea.

"Am I?" I asked, lifting the hem of my shirt ever so slightly. His eyes were trained on the faint sliver of skin, and I could tell he had no idea what I was about to do. I loved this. I grinned at him, and pulled it over my head as his mouth opened and his eyes went wide. I giggled a little at him and straddled his lap, giving him a few lingering kisses on his forehead.

"My, My, Dr. Cullen. You do feel...hot." I moved my hands from his shoulders to twist into his already messy hair, and tugged on it so that he was looking up at me. "Whatever should we do about that?"

I felt his breath hitch, and I dipped down to gently nuzzle my nose against his. "I have no idea, Nurse. But I'm looking forward to finding out."

"Tisk, Tisk Dr. Cullen. You should always know what you're getting into." Before he could respond, I pressed my lips to his and started grinding my hips into him. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and nibbled on it. He moaned into my mouth and went hard underneath me. I pulled back from him and feigned surprise.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen! It's seems you have a...problem down here." I ground my ass into his hard shaft and he threw his head back with a throaty moan.

"S-seems that w-way, N-nurse."

I leaned forward and kissed a line from his chin to the sensitive spot just below his ear. "Guess we'll have to perform an...oral inspection. Wouldn't you agree, Doctor?"

He nodded and leaned his face into mine, but I pulled away so I could start in on the skin peeking out above the collar of his shirt. I pulled it back slightly and attached my lips to his collar bone, biting gently at the skin there while he whimpered. I trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses back up his neck to his pulse point and sucked on the skin there, which made him growl. God, I had forgotten how much I loved that noise. I pulled my nose across the line I had just kissed, and then let my hands start work on the button of his jeans. He snapped his head up as best he could, with my face still at his neck, and I could feel his cheek moving across my head. He was so far gone, it wasn't even funny. I laughed to myself and did a little happy dance in my head as I pulled down his zipper and thrust my hand inside to cup him through his boxers.

"Fuck, Bella…you don't have to--"

I cut him off with a firm squeeze, "Now, now, Doctor. I'm perfectly capable here, and I know what I'm doing," I leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Okay?"

"Mmmm," he moaned as I pulled away and slid down to the floor, situating myself between his legs. I hooked my fingers in the elastic of his boxers and slid them around, just to tease him as he watched me with wide eyes.

"Well, Dr. Cullen, I hope you're ready and that your...tool is intact? Because I'd hate to have to...replace it."

He quirked an eyebrow down at me with an arrogant laugh, "No, Nurse, not at all. I think you'll find everything you need...and then some."

Leave it to Edward to be cocky at a time like this. Oh, wait...

I refocused my attention to his very obvious, yet still clothed, erection and pulled down his boxers and jeans just enough to let it out. I sighed when I finally saw it. It had been way too long. Well, too much time, that is. No one could ever say that Edward was...oh, well you get the point. I leaned in slowly, watching his abs contract quickly as I got closer and closer to my destination. I wrapped one hand around the base and gave him a squeeze before ghosting my fingers up his shaft to gather the pre-cum that was dripping from him, then going back down.

"Well, Doctor, Clearly we'll need a more detailed inspection."

He whimpered a little, and I stifled the laughter; he was literally and figuratively in the palm of my hand. I leaned in and kissed the head before taking it into my mouth and swirling my tongue around it, which he seemed to like because he grunted and thrust into my mouth a little bit. I moaned and dropped my head down his shaft; his hand snaked into my hair to set my pace. I bobbed up and down his length, swirling my head around him, and letting my tongue put pressure on the underside, tracing his veins. Soon enough, his hands started to grip my hair tighter, and he was thrusting up into my mouth so much that I could feel him hitting the back of my throat. And I loved it, so I moaned again and pressed one arm across his stomach as my other hand started in on his balls, giving them a few tugs. Only a few more swipes later, he pushed my head down so hard that my nose was touching his pubic bone, and he shot his sticky cum into my mouth. I sucked him up completely, making sure I got it all before I drifted back up slowly and released him with an audible pop.

I rested my head on his knee as he caught his breath and traced one finger across my cheekbone. "You...you really didn't have to do that, baby. But I'm incredibly happy that you did."

I smiled up at him and helped him get back into his jeans. He pulled me onto his lap after that, and held onto me tightly, kissing my neck and across my collar bone. "I think I should return the favor," he whispered, his voice deep and filled with lust. But I just pulled away and kissed his temple. "No, it's fine."

He growled again (ugh) and pushed me down on the couch, hovering just above me. "Not at all, Nurse. I think you need some attention, too."

I laughed and swatted at his chest. "Do you really want to give me some attention?"

He froze and looked up at me quizzically. "Yeah."

"Then hold me." I know, I know. It was an incredibly chick-ish thing to say, and after what I just did to him, all I wanted was Edward all over me. But he was still sick; having him get all tired and worked up trying to please me was not necessary, Sweet Cheeks.

He looked down at me and laughed. "You sure? Because I wouldn't mind..." He trailed off, dipping his mouth to the spot where my neck and shoulder met and doing cruel things, trying to make me forget why this was a bad idea.

"No, Sweet Cheeks, I'm sure. Just hold me."

He laughed into my skin, and his hair tickled my cheek as he shook his head. "Okay, Bella Brownie. If that's what you want."

"Mhm."

He collapsed on top of me, sliding his arms around my waist as he buried his face in my shoulder again. He really should've been crushing me; he wasn't holding anything back while he was on top of me, and I could feel every perfect millimeter of his skin pressing into mine. It was perfect, and this was even better than what he would've done. With his tongue. In my...Oh God, I'm kind of an idiot, huh? But at least I can say I have a clean conscience...but what I wouldn't give for him to be a little bit dirty. UGH, shut up Bella!

Edward pressed another kiss into my shoulder and squeezed me tighter. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed. "Thanks, Sweet Cheeks."

"For what?" He asked as his lips found my pulse point.

"For understanding. For being perfect. For everything."

He chuckled a little, "I'm only perfect because I'm perfect for you, and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you. Not one fucking thing."

I let my cheek fall to the top of his head as he settled into me again, and before I knew it we were asleep. A perfect, dreamless sleep that I don't think I would've traded for anything.

***

I woke up a few hours later to a set of lips kissing my eye lids.

"Mmm, Emmett..."

"Fuck, Bella!"

I couldn't help but laugh at how quickly he pulled away, but thankfully my arms were still securely locked around his neck, so I pulled him back down and kissed his cheek. "But I'm glad I woke up to Edward."

He sighed and I felt him shift above me, "Mhm, I bet you are. Thanks for dreaming about my brother. That makes me feel fucking wonderful."

"Oh, c'mon. I was only teasing."

"Mhm. That's what she said."

"Oh, God Edward."

He laughed and kissed me properly as he traced the bridge of my nose with the tip of his. "I'm glad I'm with you, you know."

I pulled him closer. "I know. You have no idea how much I missed you."

"I can imagine."

"Well, next week...spring break."

"I know, right? Are you going home?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Mhm." He sighed and sat up, pulling me with him. As soon as my eyes focused on his face, I started to push the hair off his forehead. "Where are you leaving from? I think Alice is coming down and we're going together. You should come."

"Well, I can't. My ticket's out of Logan."

His face fell ever so slightly, "Why'd you do that?"

I shifted a little bit and looked away, "Because when Phil bought the ticket, I didn't think there was even a remote possibility that I would be with you ever again."

He sighed and tucked a few fingers under my chin to make me look at him. "It's okay, Bella Brownie. I'll just wait for you at the airport."

I rolled my eyes. "No you will not! Edward, I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl."

He pulled me back into his chest and it was as if he couldn't bear the thought of letting me go. "Maybe. But you're mine."

I laughed softly and kissed his collar bone before I pulled away to stand up. "Yeah, I know. Now help me figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be wearing."

He laughed and walked into the bedroom with me, and I almost died when I saw the dress I was supposed to wear. "Edward...I can't...I'm not gonna...there's no way."

Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind, and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Bella, if anything, that dress will be too big on you."

I just stood there, my mouth agape and blinked a few times to make sure I was actually seeing my prom dress hanging from the closet door. "How...How'd you get it?"

He kissed my cheek, and his hands started to run across my stomach. "I called the Chief. He was happy to help. And besides, isn't it the only dress you own?"

I pouted a little. I had another...granted it was from Renee's wedding, and I DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to fit into that one. Edward laughed released me. I spun around to face him.

"What's so funny?"

"You. Bella, if it really doesn't fit I'll get you something else. But I'd really like to see you in that." He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him and I turned back to the dress. Maybe I could do this; maybe I could fit into this. I sucked in a breath and stripped down. But then I remembered that this dress...this dress was a bra free zone. No wonder Edward wanted me to wear it. I took off my bra and pulled the dress over my head...and holy hell, it fit. I couldn't believe that the freaking thing fit! I looked at my reflection in the mirror, just to be sure. Yup, it definitely fit. I smiled to myself and took it off so I could take a quick shower and shave my legs. I tried to fix my hair the way Alice had, but of course it wasn't exactly the same. I jumped when I heard a knock at the door.

"Edward, go away!"

"Bella? It's only me," Alice called. "Do you need any help?"

I pushed at my hair a little bit and thought about asking her to help me, but decided against it. "No, I'm fine."

"Okay, well the car will be here in five minutes, so hurry up!"

"'Kay." I pulled the dress over my head and smoothed it down before re-checking my make up. I guess this was as good as I was going to get. I took a deep breath before slipping on my shoes and walking out into the hallway where Edward was waiting. He was leaning up against the wall in a suit, and I could tell he'd just showered. Freshly showered Edward might just trump sleeping Edward...maybe. He smiled my favorite crooked smile and pushed off the wall.

"I told you it would fit."

I laughed, and smoothed down the gray silk. "Yeah, well, you must be a mind reader or something."

He grinned at me, and wrapped his arms around my waist, "Must be. But I have to admit, I really didn't know how badly it would make me want to fuck you."

My eyes went wide when he said that. "Yeah? Cause we could just go back into the..." I started to walk back into the bedroom, but he laughed and stopped me.

"Bella, Emmett will kill me if we don't go to dinner. C'mon they're waiting for us downstairs."

I pretended to pout and let him help me with my jacket before heading down to the lobby where the rest of them were waiting.

"Did he tell you?" Rose asked, a sly smile gracing her delicate features. I shook my head. "Good. It's a great surprise."

I glanced but at Edward, who grinned down at me. "Let's go, baby."

With a hand on my lower back, he steered me out to the line of cabs and pulled us into one. I could tell you that we were good, and he just held my hand the entire way, but that would be a lie. I think I jumped him the second we started moving. I always liked Edward sex hair the best anyway. But the sleepy smile he was wearing and my smeared lip gloss wasn't lost on any of them.

"Aw, Shit," Emmett moaned, hugging Rose tighter. "You didn't fuck in the cab, did you?"

"So what if we did?" Edward answered. "I had to watch you dry-hump Rose all through high school. What's the difference?"

Em let out a huge, booming laugh. "Well played, little brother, well played."

Edward shrugged and turned back to me. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, but where are we?"

He laughed. "You'll see."

He grabbed my hand and let me into the building and onto an elevator. I started to shake a little. Edward leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. But are we almost there?"

I didn't like not knowing where we were, and I definitely didn't like being packed into an elevator with all of our friends where the smell of Jasper's cigarettes was mixing unpleasantly with Emmett's cologne. He looked up at the floor marker. "Yeah. Only two more floors, baby."

I shut my eyes and let it happen. I just focused on something other than where I was, and soon enough Edward was pulling me out into a dark room. And I could faintly hear...jazz music. I opened my eyes slowly, not prepared for what I saw. Windows covering every edge of the room, with killer views of the New York sky line. A small band set up in front of a revolving dance floor.

Oh my God.

A revolving dance floor?

"Edward...is this...you took me to the Rainbow Room?"

He smiled down at me and brushed his knuckles across my cheek. "Do you like it?"

I was completely speechless. The Rainbow Room. Edward (okay, fine Emmett) rented out The Rainbow Room. Who _does _that?

He tugged me toward the dance floor and helped me step onto it. Once I was stable, he pulled me into his arms and we started to move, albeit very slowly. Then I heard...an accordion?

"Edward, what song is this?" I asked, as my head fell to his chest. I knew it; I knew that I knew it, I just couldn't think from where.

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Really, Bella? Because I thought you'd be all over this one."

"What is it?"

"True Love."

True Love. Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby. High Society, 1956. He picked the single most romantic song from the single greatest remake of all time.

"True Love." I sighed into his chest. Perfection in a glass, my friend. Perfection in a glass. He pulled me closer and we swayed to the music. I completely forgot about everything, and by the time the song ended, I was a little sad when he pulled me over to the table to eat.

I sat in between Edward and Jasper, and I got the feeling that everyone was watching me super carefully. Like I was going to break or something. When had I become this fragile?

"So, Bella. How come you dumped Edward?" God, Rose. Don't spare my feelings.

"I...um...well, you see--"

"Since when does she answer to you, Rosalie?" Alice said, glaring across the table. "It's their business. Let them handle it."

"Whatever, Alice. Like you don't want to know," Rose added, taking a swig from her champagne glass. I noticed that Alice had stiffened when she said that, but I really hoped Edward hadn't seen. Of course Alice knew why I'd left Edward, but I wanted to tell him myself, and most definitely not in front of his family. I felt his hand on my knee then and he squeezed gently. I looked up into is glassy green eyes, and smiled when I saw...love in them. He loved me, after all. After all of this crap, he still loved me. Maybe (probably) as much as I loved him. It was right then that I decided I would tell him tonight. As soon as possible...as soon as we could get away. It felt like as soon as I made the decision, I was bursting to tell him, and a few times over dinner, I almost blurted everything out. The only time I seemed to forget about it was when he would hold me as we danced, and as soon as he pulled away it would all come rushing back and I'd have to bite my tongue. It was for him and for him only. And I didn't need Rose's stare breaking my concentration.

When we made it back to the hotel, Edward let me change (into a pair of his boxers and a tee shirt, but still) and I was waiting for him in the living area when Alice plopped down across from me.

"So, you gonna tell him?"

"Yeah...it just feels right, you know?"

She smiled happily at me, "Yeah. But what are you going to say? Start at the beginning? Or just why you broke it off with him? Are you going to leave out the bit with the doctor, or what?"

I was about to open my mouth to respond, when someone else did for me. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach when I heard the hurt in Edward's voice. The very same hurt I never wanted to hear again.

**EPOV**

I had no idea what the fuck was going on. It just didn't make sense. How could she have told Alice what was going on before me? It didn't even concern Alice, and Bella was pouring her heart out to her as if it wasn't a big deal. God, she really knew just how to rip me up, didn't she? She turned slowly on the couch to face me, and my brown eyes were wide.

"E-Edward, I--"

I shook my head at her. I didn't want to fucking hear it. If she wanted to talk, she could tell Alice. I wasn't gonna fucking listen anymore. I spun on my heel and went back into our bedroom so I could pull on my jeans and grab my shit.

"Edward, please... what are you doing?"

I put on my jacket and brushed past her. "I'm leaving. You've done it; you should know what it looks like."

I heard her squeak a little bit, but I didn't fucking care. "Edward, calm down." Alice said coming toward me.

"Fuck off, Alice."

I slammed the door behind me and flew down the stairs and it wasn't until I got to the lobby that I realized she had followed me.

"Edward! Wait! Please!"

I shook my head, and went outside and cursed my fucked-up luck when I realized it was raining. Because shit couldn't get any worse. I started out, trying to find the Volvo, thinking she would turn around when she saw it was raining. But much to my surprise, I could still hear her calling after me, "EDWARD STOP!"

Not fucking likely, Bella. I think I've done enough shit for you, right? I pulled the collar of my jacket up higher, trying to ward off the chill and cursing Emmett for making me park four fucking blocks away.

"Edward, Please--ow, fucking shit!"

I stopped to look back at her, and I was conflicted when I looked at her, splayed across the side walk with blood gushing from her knee. Wait, where the fuck was her jacket? Or her pants? What the fuck is wrong with her?

Oh, yeah. I don't fucking know. I'll have to go ask Alice.

I tugged at my crazy wet hair, and sucked it up to walk back over to her.

"Are you okay?" I knelt down beside her and pulled out a band-aid.

"I...I think so." I slapped it on her knee then picked her up and made sure she was steady before I walked away. "Edward, Please! Just let me explain!"

I kept on going. I jdidn't want to be around her, or think of her or any of that shit. It was done, and anything we had had was over. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I'd been through enough of that shit. I finally got to the garage, and clicked the lock to find the Volvo. Fuck, it was cold out.

"Edward Stop!" God, couldn't she take a fucking hint? "I swear to God, Edward, if you don't stop now, I'll follow you all the way back to Providence. And I promise you won't lose me."

Fuck.

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back. "Get in."

What the fuck was I doing?

No fucking clue, my friend; I hadn't a fucking clue. I felt her move past me, and when I looked at her, I couldn't help but get angry all over again. She was still in my tee shirt and boxers; no coat, and no shoes, sopping wet.

She was going to get sick. She should've known better than that, and now she was probably going to get tetanus from the sidewalk. Fucking wonderful, Bella.

I got into the car where she was waiting for me and turned over the key so we could have some heat.

"What do you want, Bella?" I was not in the fucking mood for this shit. I'd been through enough at the hands of this girl.

"You...you just left. I wanted to explain--"

"Explain what, Bella? Why you've been lying to me for the past three years? Why you don't trust me? Why the fuck you can't be honest with me? You're always playing the fucking victim, and I'm sorry but I've had it."

"What do you mean?"

"What the fuck do you think I mean? This is it, Bella. I'm going to take you back to the hotel, and I'm going to forget you. I'm serious. I don't want to hear from you or think of you ever again. Whatever the fuck is going on with you, talk to Alice about it; apparently she meant more to you than I did."

"That's not true, Edward! You're not even giving me a chance to explain!"

"Explain what? How you ruined my fucking life? Honestly Bella, I wish I'd never met you. My life would've been so much easier."

"You don't mean that..."

"Bull shit, I don't! Just leave me the fuck alone, Isabella. I don't ever want to see you again."

"Fine. Fine. It's over Edward. Fine. But you're going to listen to what I have to say, because you deserve to hear it, whether or not you think I mean it."

"There's no point. This is all part of your fucked up game, so--"

"Just listen!" I couldn't look at her, I was so fucking angry. I wasn't sure that there was anything she could tell me that would make me understand.

"Do you remember the accident?" My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, and I nodded. "Well, after that I kept having flashbacks. That's what my nightmares were, and that day you found me before school? Same thing. That's why I wanted to go to the therapist. I was broken, Edward. Completely broken. And I didn't want you to have to deal with it; to have to deal with me, when I wasn't...good enough for you. It just wasn't fair to make you deal with all of my crap when you had your own stuff to think about. I didn't want to be a burden to you, Edward.

"But the therapist that I chose...the first time I went, she wasn't there. It was some other lady, and she told me I was right. She told me that we couldn't last and there was no way you could continue to love me the way that I love you. And I panicked. It never made sense for you to be with me in the first place, so what was I supposed to think?"

"You were supposed to fucking know that I loved you! I never _once_ did a single thing that could've made you doubt that. Not ever."

"But, you have to understand, I _never_ felt like I deserved you. Not even before the accident because you're absolutely perfect, and like I said, I was completely terrified of the way that I loved you. It was completely consuming, and I felt it from the first moment I saw you. Even when you were yelling at me, I loved you. And now? Right this minute, I love you so much that my heart aches at the thought of you leaving right now. I love you, Edward. Please understand."

I sighed and dropped my head to the steering wheel. "Bella, that doesn't change the fact that you told Alice and you couldn't tell me. And what about the next time? What happens if something else happens and you freak out again? Are you going to go running to Alice? Maybe you should date her. You two get along better, clearly."

"Edward, that's not it!" She wailed, and I could hear her start to cry. "I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of what you'd say and what you'd think of me! I didn't want you to leave, and I didn't want for it to be like this. I love you, and I wanted to tell you, but--"

"But you couldn't until you were under the gun. That's fucked up Bella, and you know it. You should've just told me and trusted me enough to stick by you, because I would've."

"You would have?"

"Of course. There wasn't anything that would have ever made me stop loving you."

"Past tense," she muttered to herself.

I lifted my head and put the car in drive. "You kept something huge from me and told someone who didn't need to fucking know. Then, you strung me along for the last three weeks. You weren't ever going to tell me, were you? You were just going to let me walk around with you like a fool, weren't you?"

"No, I was. I was going to tell you--"

"Too fucking late, Isabella." I pulled up in front of the hotel, but I couldn't fucking look at her. "I loved you so much, Bella. More than you could probably comprehend, but not anymore. You can't be mine anymore. I can't take this shit from you, and you fucked up one time too many."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again. "Bella, it's over."

* * *

_A/N: Okay, this is another chapter when I have to tell you the following: DO NOT FREAK OUT!!!!_

_Everything is happening for a reason, remember??? It'll be okay, I promise. Maybe if you guys leave me a ton of reviews, I'll get motivated to have 36 to you redic soon???_

_OK, deep breath… better. Now review, then go to Twilighted and vent if you need to…. and remember that it will be a-okay!_


	36. Chapter 36

_A/N: So, you guys are amazing, did you know that? There was a TE all time high of **96 reviews** fir the last chapter. Wow. You really turned it out for the last chapter, and I **LOVED **knowing what you guys thought. If I skipped you, I promise it was an accident; I just had sort through a ton. Doesn't mean I don't love or appreciate your review any less. So, maybe... perhaps, you'll do the same for this one? Maybe? Please? _

_Anyway, as you can tell, we've got the ball rolling, and it's just gonna keep going... I think you'll enjoy the ride..._

_Well, whether you do or not, I still don't own Twilight... I do get Bella brownies though, so yeah... that'll have to tide me over!_

* * *

Chapter 36

**BPOV**

Somehow I was able to make my way back upstairs and into the suite. Alice pounced on me the second I walked through the door.

"Ohmigod, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't think he'd do that...Oh, God, honey you must be freezing." She went into the bedroom and pulled out a blanket, throwing it over my shoulders. "Bella? Honey? Are you okay? When's Edward coming back?"

"H-he's not."

Alice cocked her head to the side and looked at me. "What do you mean he's not?"

"He left. It's over. He left."

"What do you mea--"

"IT'S OVER ALICE!" I yelled at her, feeling the anger, despair, and regret seeping from my every pore. "HE'S GONE! HE'S NOT COMING BACK! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I marched past her and into our room, and turned back to her. She was still by the front door, frozen solid, her mouth agape. "Please," I added as an afterthought, before going into my room and shutting the door behind me. I flopped down on my bed, expecting tears or something to happen. But they didn't. I was huddled up in the blanket that Alice gave me and stared at the ceiling. I'd brought this on my self, I thought, and that was the truth of it. I'd had millions upon millions of chances to get him back over the years; to tell him everything, but I didn't take a single one of them. Not until it was too late. Now here I was, in a suite we probably should have been having sex in, alone and cold. I felt so incredibly numb, though. I knew it was real because it felt real. I knew he'd meant what he'd said. It wasn't like last time, when there was the hope that he was somewhere, having fun and doing whatever, but still thinking of me every once in a while. He didn't love me anymore; he'd said so and honestly, I didn't blame him. Right now, I wouldn't love me, either. I had completely ruined his trust in me, and I didn't blame him for wanting to keep me as far away from him as possible. It's what I would've done.

Maybe hours or only minutes later there was a light knock at my door. I sighed, but didn't move from the bed.

"Alice, I'm sorry I was so rude. Just please...give me some time, okay? Maybe we can talk in the morning."

I heard the door crack open anyway, and the bright light from the hall hurt my eyes as it washed over me. Thankfully, she shut it behind her quickly.

"Bella, it's not Alice."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Em, you really don't need to be here. It's okay; go home."

I heard him shuffle over to me, and then sit on the bed, his head clunking over to mine. "Well, I trudged all the way across town to be here for you. So come on. Talk to me."

I opened my eyes again, and he put his hand on top of mine. "What's there to tell? You already know what happened; you wouldn't be here otherwise."

"That's not true. I just know that you ran after my little brother, and then he...left?"

"That's pretty much it. But you missed the part where I scraped my knee."

"You scraped your knee?" He asked, leaning down to touch it. "At least you put a band-aid on it."

"I didn't. Edward did."

"Yeah, that's my little brother. God, Bella, even when he's mad at you, he's still so in love with you."

I scoffed, and rolled onto my side. "Yeah, right. That's why he told me he couldn't love me anymore. Because he loves me. And that makes sense."

Emmett sighed, and I felt his hand start to rub along my side. "Bella, he was upset. He said some things he didn't mean. You can't let that make you think that he doesn't love you."

"Em, he said it." My voice sounded flat, even to me. "And I don't...I can't blame him."

"Bella, I don't know if you noticed or not, but my brother's not exactly the most level headed of beings. He's jealous, irrational, spoiled...you name the trait, and I can give you at least three examples."

"Jealous."

"Newton."

"What?" I asked rolling toward him.

"When you first moved to Forks and started dating Newton. He wasn't upset because Newton 'got' the new girl. He was jealous that Newton got to do all of the things with you that, deep down, he wanted."

"Irrational."

"That one's too easy. The best one was when he got drunk when you went on that date with Newton, and then instead of just admitting to you how he felt, he hauled off and verbally assaulted you."

"You...you knew about that?"

"Loud mouth. Another one of my brother's wonderful traits."

"Spoiled?"

Emmett exhaled and pulled me into his chest. "After our mother died and he crawled into that shell he called a personality. He was rotten, Bella. He wasn't my brother anymore. At least he didn't act like the brother that I knew. But when you happened...I got my brother back. You got him to talk to Carlisle again, and he even told Jen that he loved her. Bella, do you know how important those moments were to our family? We were completely fractured before you, and because you brought Edward back, we had each other again. That's an amazing thing to do, Bella."

"We aren't talking about me." I said, feeling my cheeks flame.

"I know, but the thing is Edward and you are completely integral and dependent upon each other. Even though I hadn't seen you in a long time before that morning in your apartment, I knew that you'd had a rough last few years because Edward had, too. It's always been like that, Bella. When you were going through all of that shit in high school, he was so worried about you, and regardless of what you told people, I knew you were worried, too. Probably about Edward though, because that's the way that you two work. A mirror of the opposite half."

I closed my eyes and tired to pretend that I was talking to Edward; that the things I was saying he would somehow hear. "I always loved him, you know? I just didn't want to ever give him a reason to _not_ love me. I wanted to be perfect, and it just got in the way of what really mattered."

"Which was?"

"Being with him," I mumbled softly.

He laughed and pressed a kiss into my hair. "Bella, you don't have to be perfect because you're already Edward's version of perfect, and you can't give him a reason not to love you, because there isn't any way that that could possibly happen. Not ever."

"But he sai--"

"I don't care what he said. Bella, you dumped him and he came running the second you needed him. If a love like that didn't die after almost three years, then what makes you think it would die in ten minutes?"

"But he's never...I mean, he hasn't ever said anything like that to me; not even when we broke up the first time."

"Bella, my brother...irrational, remember? He says things he doesn't mean all the time. Like this morning when he called me a fuckstick. He didn't mean it. I know he loves me, whether he says it or not."

"But--"

"Honey, you're just more sensitive to those things than I am. And I don't blame you. After everything you've been through, I would be sensitive to those things, too. But when Edward's upset or confused, he gets angry. In truth, _that's_ his coping mechanism."

"Not the girls?"

"No, not really. Edward just wanted to feel like he could control something. And who he slept with? Well, let's be honest, who can't control that? It didn't have anything to do with being popular, because he would've been either way, but more so to make him feel like he could control the outcome of some decisions. I don't think he ever told you just how close he and Mom were, and you have to understand that it's still hard for him to talk about her.

"Bella, my mother never had a favorite. I know that she loved me just as much as the twins, but she went out of her way to make sure that Edward knew he was loved because he wasn't like Alice or me. He's quieter and more sensitive. Introverted. Like you."

When Emmett put it like that, it didn't feel like Edward and I were that different after all. Maybe all of the things that I thought were pulling us apart were only superficial, and the things that really mattered...the things that kept us together, were the things that you couldn't touch; you could only feel them and know they were there.

My, what a fool I've been.

"Emmett, I don't know what to do."

"I know. But Bella, it will be okay. Just give him a little time. He needs to cool down and think about what happened."

"Should I call him?"

"No, probably not. Just let him be alone."

"But what if I..." I couldn't even finish the sentence. The mere thought of having to be without Edward made my chest hurt.

"You will, Bella. I know it. It's fate. It's supposed to happen, and so it will."

If I'd been feeling better, I would have made a quip about that line. But as it was, I couldn't, so I just let Emmett hold me a bit longer. In fact, I was pretty sure he'd fallen asleep, so I shifted a little to get his attention.

"Oh, shit, sorry Bells. Hey, I should probably go. If Edward decides to come back, he definitely won't like that I'm all wrapped up with you."

I laughed sadly to myself at the thought of him even coming back. "Yeah, you're probably right." Emmett got off the bed and ran a hand through his hair before rubbing his face. "Hey, Em? I just wanted to say thanks. You know...for everything."

He smiled down at me, one hand on the door knob. "No problem, Bells. What are big brother's for? You gonna be okay to go home with Whitlock and the Whitlock-ette?"

I laughed again. "Yeah, we'll be fine."

He turned toward the door, but hesitated. "Do you...Bella don't take this the wrong way, but do you need any of your...meds?"

I took a deep breath. "No. I'll be okay Emmett. But thanks."

And for the first time all night, I actually believed that. It would be okay. I just had to make it happen. Edward was worth it.

**EPOV**

I didn't hear from Bella all week long. But I couldn't fucking blame her. I'd said some pretty fucked up shit, but then again, I couldn't find it in myself to take it back. I meant it, almost every word of it, because it was true. It was fucked up that she didn't think I would understand what was going on with her, and it was fucked up she didn't trust me enough to stay with her. It was fucked up that she had listened to someone who had no clue what the fuck our relationship was like, and it was fucked up that she didn't think to tell me about that. More than anything though, it was fucked up that I had let it go this far. I was so angry that I'd let myself believe that Bella actually did love me the way I loved her. I felt like such an asswipe for blindly having faith in this girl when it was completely unfounded. Why? Just because she had the two most perfect brown eyes that I'd ever seen in my entire life? Was that a good enough reason to love someone and grow to be dependent on them?

Fuck no.

As I drove to the airport Friday morning, I was still stewing over everything, and I sure as hell wasn't talking to Alice. I called Jen as soon as I got back to Providence, and asked her to move my flight. I thought briefly about having her send me somewhere else so I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with Bella or my sister, but decided against it when I realized that I wouldn't be able to go to La Push if I did that. And I couldn't fuck over my mother just because some chick had trampled me. It was probably the only thing I could count on anymore, and I sure as hell wouldn't be fucking that over.

I went through security easily, and found my gate where I sat down in one of the chairs and tried to sleep. But unfortunately, I had no such fucking luck.

"See, Little Brother, the thing is, if you're trying to pull something over on your siblings, don't call your step mother and act like a pissed off dumb-fuck."

I groaned at the sound of Emmett's voice, and hoped beyond hope that he wasn't really there. But sure enough, when I looked over, he had this sly grin on his mammoth face, and a baseball hat pulled down low.

"Emmett what the hell are you doing here?"

He scoffed and slouched down in his seat. "I'm gonna straighten your ass out. But no worries little brother; it's a long flight and we have a shit ton of time."

Fucking wonderful. I'd have to spend the next eight hours squished up next to my brother while he got drunk and yelled at me.

I was so fucking happy that this was my life.

I sat with him in silence for the next hour or so until they started boarding the plane, which Emmett followed me onto. We were on one side of the jet, the one with three seats in a row, and I tried to sit at the window to be as far away from Emmett as possible.

"Middle, Little Brother."

I scowled at him, "No fucking way, my seat's window anyway."

Emmett shook is head again, and pushed me into the seat. "Middle. Now."

Fuck. I just hoped that the person beside me would be a chick, that way I could at least distract myself with something. But then I saw it moving toward us. It was unmistakable, and I knew right in that moment I had been set up. The top of Alice's head turned into Alice as she walked toward what I now knew to be her seat.

"Hey, brothers! Let me in."

"Fuck off, Alice."

She mocked offense as she slid in past me. "Gee, Edward, I didn't think you were talking to me." I glared at her.

Neither one of them said another word to me until we had taken off and had that shitty airline food. Emmett was dabbing at the corners of his mouth demurely as Alice finally turned to me.

"You know, I think you're being a dumb shit."

I stared straight ahead.

"Well, fine you don't have to say anything, you just have to listen, and since there's no where for you to go, I expect your undivided attention. That thing I said about your future children? Still applies."

I gulped hard and looked at her. I was rather attached to my balls, both literally and figuratively.

She smiled triumphantly and twisted her body toward me. "I don't know how much Bella told you, but I know that she probably didn't tell you everything because she was nervous, and frankly I don't blame her because you ran out on her, but that's beside the point." I narrowed my eyes at her. "Edward the thing is, Bella was...is sick. She has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as a result of the accident."

My head snapped up. "She had what?"

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," Emmett replied disinterestedly. "It's a mood and behavior disorder, characterized by--"

"I know what the fuck it is, Dr. Freud," I said cutting him off, then realizing what this could mean. "I just didn't know she had it."

"Well, she does. And as you know, that's what was causing her nightmares, panic attacks and so on. At first she was freaking out because she didn't know what was wrong with her, and she didn't know how to explain it. Which is probably why she didn't tell you initially: she didn't know how."

"But I would've listened! I would've sat there for fucking days just for her to get out one fucking sentence."

"Yeah, Edward, I know that and so does she. But you can't make someone tell you something, and even when they want to, they don't always know how. Things like this are hard to talk about for anybody, but imagine when it's happening to you. You can still barely stand talking about Mom out loud, so don't tell me you can't understand that."

"But if anything, that should've made her want to tell me more...I could understand, and fuck...I could've helped her. I...I could've....done some shit."

My sister smiled at me sweetly. "I know you would've, but that's another thing to consider. You spent so much time giving Bella things. Edward, you bought her a car for crissake! Who _does_ that? I don't know if you know this, but it isn't typical boyfriend behavior. And the brownies? Ridiculously cute, but again, not all boyfriends spend their nights at a bakery with the owner trying to develop a confection for their significant other."

"Yeah, Little Brother, thanks for making me look bad on that one."

I shrugged off Emmett's comment, and Alice continued. "But what has Bella done for you?"

"Alice, that's ridiculous. What Bella's done for me...she...just...she pulled me together. None of the shit I did or bought for her could ever compare to that."

Her eyes got ever wider and she nodded at me. "Exactly! But, you know Bella. She doesn't see those kinds of things as meaning anything, because she can't see them and that's just the kind of thing she's used to doing. Edward, she would walk all the way around the world for you, and at the end of it, if you told her that she started in the wrong spot, she'd go back and do the whole thing over. She just does things like that; she doesn't think about them.

"But the thing is, you'd give her all of these gifts and stuff, and honestly it's no wonder she felt undeserving. You went above and beyond the call of duty, Twin, and I'm not faulting you for it, because it's what any girl would love. And Bella did...Bella does love it. But you have to think about it from her perspective: she wasn't thinking clearly, and so every time you were your typical wonderful self she'd feel even less deserving of you because she didn't feel good enough for you. She was confused, Edward. She didn't know where to start."

Okay, wait. She was trying to tell me that Bella couldn't tell me...because of me? Because I was too...wonderful? What the fuck?

"So, I should treat her like shit? I shouldn't buy things for her because I love her?"

Alice shook her head quickly. "No, not at all. Edward, I'm just trying to explain to you how she was feeling. I know it's complicated and difficult, but that's what she was feeling. No matter how absurd it sounds, it's the truth."

I leaned over and put my face in my hands. "Alice, she should've trusted me. I would've taken care of her. I would've done anything to help her."

"I know Edward, but after what Dr. Ramsay told her--"

"What? What did she tell her?"

"This is going to be hard to hear. Are you sure you're ready for it?" I nodded. "She said that you were...damaged, Edward. That there was no way you had the capacity to love Bella forever in the way that she loved you. It just wouldn't happen. She pretty much confirmed all of Bella's fears. And in Bella's confused state, she soaked it all in. It's no wonder she believed her."

"But how could she...I mean, Bella should've known that I--"

"Edward, see previous," Emmett said, not taking his eyes off the Sky Mall magazine.

I sat back up and tugged at my hair, trying to piece all of this together. Let's assume that what Alice is saying was true, and that Bella didn't tell me...for me. She did it because she was protecting me from everything she was going through. Not gonna lie—that made me look at shit differently. She knew I would've gone ape shit on the doctor. I still might—I had to wait and decide. She didn't want me to worry about her; she wanted me to be happy. She didn't tell me for me. But then something else hit me.

"Alice, she still told you first. Why couldn't she just fucking...talk to me."

She turned a light shade of pink. "Well, that was kind of my fault. I bought her a box of wine and asked her why she broke up with you."

"You got her drunk." I was slowly getting livid with my sister.

Alice nodded. "It just kind of came out. So now you know that she wouldn't have told me otherwise. She came to my crying the next day, begging me to keep it a secret."

"I would've come back if you had told me," I said, staring at the seat back in front of me.

She put her hand on my leg and squeezed. "I know."

"So then she didn't want me to come back?"

"No. I think that she just wanted to tell you, if she ever had to, on her own terms. She was going to tell you last Saturday, by the way. I was only trying to help her work through it."

Fuck, I felt like an ass now. All of a sudden I thought of Bella, trying so hard to catch me and chasing after me barely dressed and barefoot down the sidewalk. That wasn't a girl who didn't love me; she wouldn't have done that (and skinned her knee) unless she loved me enough to want to work it out.

And fuck if I didn't love her, too.

That was my Bella...the girl who I met the first day of Bio, the one who held me after _my_ nightmares, the one who kept me from killing Whitlock...that was the Bella who was chasing me down the street. It'd just been so long since I'd seen her that I barely recognized her.

"But...it's too late. She hasn't called."

"I told her not to," Emmett said. If we weren't on a plane, and he wasn't twice my size, I would have tackled him and beaten him to a pulp.

"What the fuck do you mean?"

He shrugged unapologetically. "I told her to give you time to work your shit out. Because she didn't need you to beat her back down again with all of your 'fuck this' and 'fuck that' shit. She was finally getting a backbone again. I wasn't about to let you fuck that up for her."

I would have, too. At first I wouldn't have wanted to talk to her and I would have pushed her away. I would've fucked shit up even more.

"Look, Little Brother, I'm sorry, and I love the both of you, but you needed some space to get your head together, and she needed sometime to get over your twat-ass comment about not loving her anymore."

"I didn't mean it," I mumbled. And I didn't. Of all the things I said to her that was the only one I didn't really mean.

"I know that. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. And I know you can understand that."

My mind went back to the day Bella left, and I realized that I had made her feel exactly the same way I had that day. Fuck, I was a cock-sucking motherfucker.

"She's never going to talk to me again," I lamented, mostly to myself, but Emmett decided to respond.

"No, she will. Let's just go home and take it one day at a time. She's taking the redeye tonight from Logan, but wait a few days until you go after her, like I know you will. And trust me. She'll want you. You just have to let her say what she needs to say and not freak the fuck out."

I nodded as the Captain came over the P.A. and announced our descent into SeaTac. As I closed my eyes, I thought of Bella and more importantly how one person could change your entire life. I lived and breathed for Bella, regardless. It was always the truth; it was just a matter of whether or not I was denying it to myself. And I couldn't deny it anymore.

As soon as we were at the gate, I turned on my phone and blew past Em and Alice.

"Dad?" I asked as calmly as possible. "I need the number for a Dr. Ramsay. I think I need to pay her a visit."


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N:_

_Hey Guys!_

_Sorry this one took so long… I want this to be good, and since we're wrapping up it's just taking a bit longer to get there. But never fear; it WILL have an ending, Promise!_

_Steph Meyer owns… not me. Lame, I know, but true._

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**Chapter 37**

**BPOV **

I did what Emmett said, and I didn't talk to Edward all week long. I was so nervous about going back to Forks though. If we're being honest (and I suppose we are) I haven't actually been back there for more than a week in the almost three years since I broke up with Edward.

There were a ton of reasons for this. I didn't want to run into him and I definitely did not want him to see me the way I was. But then he ended up seeing me (over and over) at my absolute worst, so I guess I failed at that one, too.

The brilliant thing about Edward and I was that we didn't fit. We just didn't…not even a little. But, somehow, we'd fallen completely and irrevocably in love, and that was something that I never regretted. It was the one thing in my life that I knew I couldn't give back, and the one thing that I knew was right.

Edward was always so preoccupied with "fucking up" that it never occurred to him that I was the one who was going to do it. I knew that it was my fault that Edward and I were not together now and sitting on my ass and doing nothing about it wasn't helping any.

Since my flight wasn't leaving until late that Friday night, I decided to patch things up with Edward before we went back home. Maybe he could even pick me up from the airport. I didn't tell Alice or Jasper that I was going because I didn't want anyone warning him. The last thing I needed was to get down there and have him barricaded in his room.

Who am I kidding? He would probably do that anyway. But at least it would just be Edward and I. We wouldn't have to deal with the opinions of anyone else. The drive helped me sort through all of the things I wanted to tell him, and by the time I parked my car on the street across from his building I was completely ready…and I wasn't leaving without him. I was going to get him back, and that's all there was to it.

I read the directory outside of the door to find Edward's apartment number, and made my way up to the fourth floor... where a blonde was sliding a key into the lock of his apartment door. My heart was beating faster and faster, but I didn't let myself turn and run like I would have otherwise. I had lost him once before and I wasn't going down without a fight. I would fuck this bitch up if I had to. The man on the other side of that door was _mine_ and she needed to know that…_now_!

I stood beside her but she didn't look up so I cleared my throat.

"Can I help you?" She glared at me.

"Yeah, does Edward Cullen live here?" I asked, giving her a small smirk.

"Who wants to know?"

"I... I'm an old friend."

She huffed and stood up a bit straighter, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Well, I'm Edward's girlfriend and he's never mentioned you."

Oh, God she was so Edward's type: vapid and unassuming. I laughed and raised an eyebrow at her.

"How would you know? You haven't even asked my name."

The girl's brow pinched together and her lips pursed. I threw her a bone. "I'm Bella Swan…and you are?"

"Maisie O'Hallahan…Edward's girlfriend."

The more she said it, the less I believed her but it didn't mean my heart didn't twist a bit every time. Edward had said there wasn't anyone else; he was just dicking around and I believed him. Honestly I hadn't expected him to remain celibate, and I would never fault him for it. He was handling our break up the best way he knew how.

"So, is he in there?" I asked.

Maisie quirked an eyebrow, and a sinister smile spread across her lips. God, Edward, I would have thought you'd at least wait a _week. "_Maybe."

I sighed and held out my hand, "Well, I need to talk to him so can I have that key to unlock the door."

She eyed me suspiciously. "How do I know you know him? How do I know he even wants you?"

Her words stung a bit, but I forced myself to think of Edward and the moments we'd had together. Those would keep me together from now on. "Because I'm Bella. Edward always wants his brown eyes."

She looked at me skeptically, then handed over the key slowly. "It's the spare. It goes here, where the wood's been cut out."

I took the key from her, and put it in the lock as she hovered behind me. "You're the one, aren't you?"

I turned back to her, completely confused. "What?"

"You're the one; the one he loves? He's always humming this little song, and I got him to tell me once that he wrote it about a girl he loved once."

I snorted at Edward being so sentimental. "You got him drunk."

She blushed a pale pink, "A bit. But you're her, aren't you?"

I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and squeezed the door knob. "How could you tell?"

She laughed a little and shook her head, "It's the look in your eyes when you say his name. It's the same look he gets when he's humming."

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. It's funny how sometimes it takes a complete stranger to point out something so obvious. I nodded and Maisie turned to walk away as I shut the door behind me. The entire place smelled of Edward, and it was perfect, just like him.

"Edward?" I called, but I was only met with silence. I began to move through his place, looking at the random odds and ends that made him the man I loved. Books were strewn everywhere, on every surface. I picked up a tattered and torn copy of Garden of Eden. I'd been begging Edward for ages to read it before we split up, but he never did. He said he didn't like Hemingway and he couldn't wrap his brain around the guy.

But here it was, a copy of the one book he said he'd never read with the pages curled and the binding broken. I picked it up and flipped through a couple pages, noticing how he'd marked a few passages and written my name beside them. They were always different; some were about the consumption that comes with loving another, and others were about the way that same love can tear you apart.

As odd as this sounds, it made me feel a bit warm inside to actually _see_ that he'd felt the same way as I had over the years. It was almost like, as I held the book in my hands, I was touching Edward's pain, and seeing his emotions running through the pages made them radiate into me. If anything, it only fueled my fire. It reinforced the fact that I needed to help him, the way he'd been trying to help me.

"Edward?" I called again, putting down the book and moving through his apartment to the bedroom. I knocked on the door carefully, and pushed it open. No Edward. Shit. I must have missed him. I sighed and went to sit on his bed, letting myself relax in his scent. I laughed manically to myself because I really couldn't believe what a fool I'd been. It felt like I'd been living my life on auto pilot for so long, and I finally had my hands on the wheel again. I could feel again; and I knew the truth again.

Edward loved me; he'd always loved me. Emmett was right; it was never a matter of being perfect because I was Edward's version of perfect. Edward had told me that over and over again, hadn't he?

He kept telling me that he loved me…he wanted me, and somehow... I had not believed that he could love me the same way.

But now, sitting on his bed in his apartment after everything that had happened between us, I knew that we _were_ in love like that. He loved me as fervently and strongly as I did. He was a part of me, and I really was just as incomplete without him as he was me. That's just the way that we worked. I leaned back and snuggled into his comforter, blocking out the sunlight poking through the blinds, and before I knew it I was asleep. Leave it to me to fall asleep in my pissed off kind of ex-boyfriend's apartment. That's amazing, right? Either way, I was jarred awake by my cell phone vibrating underneath me.

"Hello?" I said, sleepily.

"Bella, tell me that I just missed you when you got on the plane?"

"Jasper?" I asked, wiping the sleep from my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

I heard him sigh into the phone, and I could see him sinking down into the seat and rub his hand over his face. "Bella, do you realize that you've missed your flight home?"

I bolted straight up, completely awake at this point. "WHAT?! What do you mean, I couldn't have…" I looked at the clock on Edward's bedside table. 6:53. Fuck, I had.

"Oh, Shit! Jasper... God, I'm sorry!"

"B, it's okay. Just call Phil and have them change your flight. Where are you anyway?"

"I don't want to tell you. You'll laugh."

"You went to Edward's didn't you?" I could hear the smirk in his voice and I wanted nothing more than to smack it off of his face.

"Maybe." I pouted. "But he wasn't here anyway."

"Hey, are you alright?" His voice was soft and concerned now; it was good to hear.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll talk to Phil, okay? And my Dad. But PLEASE don't tell Alice the truth okay?"

He laughed again, "Are you sure? She will probably love it!"

"Ugh, please don't. I'll switch my flight and call you guys when I figure it out."

"Okay, Bells, sounds good. Be careful, okay?"

"You got it, Bye!"

I hung up the phone and called my Dad to tell him the abridged version of what had happen, and then I called the airline to switch my flight. I flopped back down on Edward's bed and felt my eyelids getting heavy again. Just before I fell back asleep, I thought of Edward yet again, and just how funny it would be if he came home right now, only to find me in his bed. Something told me that he wouldn't ask me to leave.

I loved him.

He loved me.

What could possibly be more important than that?

**EPOV**

Monday afternoon at 3:45 PM I had an emergency appointment with Dr. Fiona Ramsay.

I felt oddly calm as I drove over to her offices that afternoon, but I knew what I had to do. That bitch was going to pay. She fucked with my brown eyes. I still felt bad about what had happened between Bella and me, but Alice was keeping me updated.

Apparently, she missed her flight last Friday. Then the one on Saturday got cancelled. She was supposed to come in tonight. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel at the thought. She probably wouldn't fucking call me. Fucking Emmett.

It was one of those moments when I was really wishing that I didn't love Bella the way I did. I really wanted to be able to just get on top of someone else, and move on. But I couldn't. I'd already fucking tried that and it didn't work. As fucked up as this sounds…none of that shit meant anything unless it was with her. It was mechanical, calculated and designed to make me cum. It wasn't about fun or loving the person you were with. It was completely and utterly meaningless. And this bitch...she took away my happiness.

And now, I was going to fuck her shit up. I turned into the lot of that squat fucking building, and I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I turned off my car, grabbed something out of the trunk and walked in. It was one of those offices where you just walk up to the office you need and knock on the door. This is exactly what I did.

I leaned my…um…_assistant_ up against the wall as the good doctor swung the door open. She smiled happily at me. It wasn't the smile I used to get from Bella when I told her I loved her, nor the ones Jen would flash at me when I sat with her as she made dinner. It was an 'I wanna fuck you senseless' smile. Fuck this chick was psychotic.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen. I'm Dr. Fiona Ramsay. It's such a _pleasure_ to meet you." She stepped to the side and let me pass, so I stepped in and slouched into the oversized arm chair she had on one side of the room. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that this was probably the very chair that Bella was sitting in when this bitch fucked her up.

A new wave of anger passed through my body, and I looked around the rest of the office to try and get a feel for my surroundings. There were tons of books on the wall-to-wall book shelves, along with vases, trinkets, and random shit. Yeah, she was going to make this really easy.

"So," She consulted her clipboard as she took the seat opposite me. "Edward, I would like to start with you telling me a little bit about what is going on with you."

I gave her a little smirk, "Well, my girlfriend left me almost three years ago now. And I'm still heartbroken over it."

"Oh?" She quirked an eyebrow at me and re-crossed her legs. "Why is that?"

I knew what she was doing; in fact I wanted her to want me. It would make fucking with her that much easier. "Honestly, because she is the love of my life. She's the girl I was going to marry, have babies with, move to a lake with, get old with, drool on and eventually die with. She's the best part of the rest of my life."

I had to try and calm my breathing after that. Everything I said was the truth; those were all things that I wanted with Bella, but now it didn't seem like I could have them. And it is all because of the bitch sitting in front of me.

"Well, Edward, I have to say that I don't believe we're only supposed to have one person to spend the rest of our lives with. I believe that we can adapt to whomever we're with at the time."

It didn't escape my noticed that she was playing with the collar of her button down shirt, exposing her pushed up cleavage. Fuck, this chick was shameless.

"I just want her. Only her. It's been three fucking years; don't you think that if I wanted someone else, it would have happened?"

She smirk at me and re-crossed her legs yet again, taking a significant pause when her feet were planted on the ground. Shameless motherfucking bitch. "Perhaps you just haven't found the right person to get under."

I laughed at that and stood, pacing around the room. "Honey, I've been under, over, tucked, fucked, sucked and jerked seven ways to Sunday and I'm still not over my brown eyes. What makes you think a tumble in your office is going to make me feel better?"

"I wasn't suggesting…" the sexy lilt in her voice said otherwise.

"Yeah, you were. But that's obviously not what I need. You're supposed to be a shrink. Shrink me. Do your fucking job."

She pursed her lips, tapping her pencil against her pad. "Maybe you should release some of that anger?" It was a question not a statement. She stood up and rummaged around behind her desk. I had her eating out of the palm of my fucking hand. "Ah! Here we are." She produced a toddler sized spongy bat thing, and held it out to me.

I put up my hands and headed to the door. "No need, doctor. I brought my own."

I grabbed my bat from the hall way and shut the door behind me, turning my attention to that book shelf. "You see doctor, there's a reason I came to you." I let the tip of my bat nudge a little vase off the shelf. It came down with a satisfying crash. "My girlfriend came to see you nearly three years ago. And you told her that I didn't love her." I pushed the bat across the rest of the shelf. "And that... was not a very smart decision on your part."

I saw her tense slightly out of the corner of my eye, "I... I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

I scoffed, and reached out, flicking pictures on the ground. "I know you won't violate doctor/patient confidentiality and confirm it. But she told me, and Bella's word is law." I turned to face her and I could feel the lion in me coming out to protect my brown eyes. "And if you hurt my brown eyes, I hurt you."

I lifted my bat again and hit the smaller book shelf in the corner, smashing it and scattering the books across the floor. "You made a mistake, telling her that. So now I'm going to set you straight."

I must have looked like a crazy person; she probably thought I was going to kill her. I didn't care. All I could think of was Bella. I leaned over her, my hands on either arm rest, my face inches from hers. "I love Isabella more than you can possibly comprehend. You were right about one thing: I don't love her the way I did when I was seventeen. I love her more; I love her _better._ I'm an adult now, and I know what it means to give yourself completely to someone, because that's exactly what I've done for Bella.

She's had me since the day I was born; I just didn't know it then. Yeah, I fucked up; I did stupid shit, but you know what? I've loved in a way a shriveled up shrew like you couldn't possibly imagine. And I'll keep loving her like that until I draw my last breath, and then even beyond that. Isabella should be happy, always, whether she's with me or not. And you know what? She will be. I'll make sure she is. Any way I can. And vapid, misinformed bitches like you will not fuck that up. Get your shit straight, and watch what you say to people. Pretend you actually have a code of conduct to follow." I stood to leave, and she hadn't said a word. "Oh, and my father will be looking into your practice. It seems that you've fucked up quite a few patients. Perhaps that's the reason you were able to squeeze me in so quickly. Good day, doctor."

I walked out to my car, and I could feel my chest tightening rapidly. It was almost like doing that for Bella was the last thing I _could_ do for her. After the things I said to her... there was no way. There was just no way she would ever want to see me again; or love me again. I'd ruined it.

I stopped suddenly.

My god.

I'd finally fucked up.

All these years, and all this time I had been so worried about fucking up and ruining Bella, and then when it finally happened... I didn't even realize it. What a fucking failure I had been. I leaned up against the Volvo, and shut my eyes. This was good bye; really and truly. She and I... fuck. Fuck that shit hurt.

Letting go of Bella was something that I'd never wanted to do; something I'd never even considered doing until now. I should, I knew, because I wanted her to have a good life, with good people around her. All I did was tear her apart. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and opened it without checking the caller ID.

"Honey?" Jen's voice was calm and slightly distracted. "Do you think you could stop at the grocery store on the way home? I've run out of milk."

"Yeah."

There was a beat of silence before she spoke again. "Sweetheart, are you alright? What's wrong?"

I sighed into the phone, and ran a hand through my hair. "Nothing...nothing. I'm fine. I shouldn't be too late. Maybe another ten minutes."

There was a grocery store across the street; it wouldn't take long.

"Edward, are you sure? I can call Alice... or make Emmett put on clothes and go."

I laughed at the thought of Jen trying to pull my (probably) boxer clad brother away from his Xbox.

"It's okay. I'm fine. I'll be home really soon."

"Okay, Honey. I love you."

My heart hurt a little when I realized how much I wanted to hear Bella say those words to me again. "I love you, too Jen."

I snapped my phone shut and headed across the street. With every step I took, it felt like I was fucking dying in agony; literally disintegrating with every passing moment. I wasn't anything without Bella; I couldn't do any of this without Bella.

It was easier (as fucked up as this sounds) when I thought she didn't love me because at least that way I could hope that she was happy somewhere, doing what she wanted and flooring everybody with how wonderful she was.

But now, after _I'd_ been the one to leave her I couldn't fucking handle it. All I wanted was Bella, and how fucked up was it that I wouldn't ever have her again. I sunk down to the curb in front of the market and buried my face in my hands. I couldn't fucking do this... I couldn't fucking live like this…

"Edward?"

I looked up and saw Ben whateverthefuck looking down at me, a paper bag in one arm. "Uh, hi."

"Wow. I haven't seen you since graduation. Heard you went to Brown. Pre-Med, right? How's that going?"

I nodded, sucking down a breath. "Yeah, it's good." But then my brow furrowed. "How did you know about that?"

He shifted uncomfortably for a minute. "Uh, Bella told us. Angela and I, that is. We went out to see her a few times."

Something wasn't sitting right. Charlie was still in Forks, so she would have been here for breaks. Why would her friends have to fly cross-country to see her? "You went out there?"

He looked shocked and adjusted his grip on the bag. "Well, yeah. She hasn't come back here much since she moved out there because…" His eyes went wide, and I knew what he was about to say.

Bella wasn't coming home because of me. She was staying in a strange city alone for four months every summer because of me. Because of what happened between us. It never occurred to me to ask Alice about Bella in the time we were apart. Maybe if I had, we would be together now. I could have gone to her years ago and fixed all of this.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Edward, I'm sorry... I know you two aren't…"

"No, it's fine. I understand. I'm glad you were able to do that for her. Not many people would."

He looked down at me, and it seemed as though he was about to walk away, but then he spoke.

"Edward, she hasn't been the same since you two broke up, but at the same time there wasn't ever a moment where I thought she didn't love you. She was so depressed for so long, but we would talk about you…and the things that Alice would tell us about what you were doing. Her face lit up every single time. I don't doubt that she's always been in love with you. And judging from the look on your face when I said her name...I would say that you feel the same. Why are you putting yourself through this?"

I looked up at him in disbelief and he immediately adjusted himself again. "Look, I know it's none of my business. You and I haven't really ever spoken, and I don't know anything about you. But Bella's my fiancée's best friend, and I care about her and want her to be happy." He nodded sadly in my direction and turned to walk away. "Take care, man. If you need anything, Alice has our number."

I watched as this random guy walk away from me, and let his words sink in. He'd been with my brown eyes when I wasn't and in as shit ton of ways, he knew her better than I ever would. He'd seen her when she was low, and watched her grow into the woman she was now. I'd missed that. Because I couldn't get my huge motherfucking head out of my ass to just go and fucking get her. I'd fucked up more than I could possibly imagine, and because of it I'd lost my brown eyes.

I stood up and walked back across the street to my car. I got in and turned the key in the ignition and drove away.

It wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't deserve her love. And what was I without that?

Nothing.

**BPOV**

My plane landed in SeaTac four hours late thanks to a lightning storm in Houston, which meant that I'd have to wait until tomorrow to go see Edward. Since I left Providence, all I could think about was the moment when I'd actually see Edward again.

I was finally able to see what everyone had been saying to me all along: Edward loved me and I was _worth_ it. As hopeless as I'd felt as an eighteen year old, now it all seemed completely ridiculous. I should have trusted him and just let myself lean on him. I loved him…I still love him. And after Maisie O'Hallahan I was definitely prepared to fight for him.

I turned on my phone as I walked from the baggage claim to the rent-a-car place, and it immediately vibrated.

"Hey, Alice."

"Bella, oh thank God! Is Edward with you?"

I laughed into the phone, "No, I just landed. Why would he be with me?" There was nothing but silence on the other end of the line. "Alice?"

"Fuck," she muttered. My heart was beginning to race. "Bella, don't freak out okay?"

I was completely still, and I could feel myself blanching. "Alice, what's going on? Where's Edward?"

"I... I don't know. His phone is off, and no one's seen him since two this afternoon."

"Alice, it's nearly eleven," I breathed into the phone. I couldn't move... I couldn't do anything. This couldn't be happening. It was a joke... he was fine. He was... he had to be...

"I know." she whispered. "Bella, come over. We can wait for him."

I shook my head and found the strength to move to the counter, where I gave the attendant my license and booking information. "No. I can't. He wouldn't wait for me, he'd just go."

"But…"

"No. I love him, Alice. I let him go once, and fuck me if I let it happen again."

"We can call your Dad. He can send the cars out…"

I snatched my keys from the attendant and started walking to the car. "No. I'm going to find him. I'm not stopping and I'm not coming home until I have him."

"You sound just like him," she said wistfully.

"I love him; that's what happens when you let someone become a part of you. They seep into your system and make you a better person. I'm only doing what Edward would do for me."

I snapped the phone shut as I got into my rental car. I pulled out of the space, my mind racing a mile a minute with all of these different scenarios and outcomes bouncing around. I'd let part of me die once; and fuck me if I let it happened again.

_I love you Edward, I love you..._

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_A/N: Okay, so Where's Edward???_

_I want to know what you think, AND if anyone guesses correctly. I'm seriously excited to hear what you come up with. Oh, and tell me what you think too, kay?_

_Love you guys!_

_=]_


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

**BPOV**

I was thinking like Edward. Thinking like Edward was good. Thinking like Edward would bring me closer to…Edward. It had to.

I pushed the rental car to the limit, not particularly caring that I was breaking a number many laws. I had to get to him. I had to fix it and I knew that only I could. He didn't need anyone else; just me, and I needed him…just as much. So I couldn't let this happen. I had to find him and figure out what was wrong.

I knew he was pissed when he left New York, but I thought that by now he'd have calmed down. I guess not. I sighed as I passed the border marker for La Push, and silently kicked myself. How awfully presumptuous of me to assume that he was wallowing (and let's face it: we all knew he was wallowing) over me. Whatever.

It didn't really matter what was wrong, just that he needed me. Oh, and forget about getting in my way. Nothing was going to keep me from Edward this time. Absolutely nothing. Despite the darkness, I could tell that the parking area at First Beach was deserted. No sign of Edward. I sighed and pulled away, racing back toward Forks.

Thinking like Edward was harder than it looked. My mind was racing and turning. I had no idea where he would go. But wait... the beach. He went to the beach with his mother. His...mother? Would he go to the cemetery... at 11:30 on a Monday night? It seemed unlikely, but then again this was Edward. He would do absolutely anything.

I was just coming into the center of Forks when I decided to call Alice to find out where their mother was buried when I brought the car to a quick stop in the middle of the road.

That is when I saw it…

His Volvo…

In the parking lot of the high school…

What the hell was he doing there?

I pulled into the lot, right beside his car, and then ran to the door. It was unlocked, so that was good. At least I wasn't breaking and entering. I raced through the halls, calling his name but there wasn't an answer. I started to panic. What if he was hurt? What if he was passed out somewhere? Shit shit double fuck.

I rounded the corner to the gym when I saw my glimmer of hope: an opened class room door. But I knew that classroom. That classroom was important. That classroom was where we met.

"Edward?" I called softly, but there was no answer. I took a deep breath and stood in the door way. He was there. He was sitting at our lab table in his stool with his arms folded and his head down on the table.

"Edward?" I said again, a little bit louder. This time, his head shot up and he started looking around and blinking into the darkness. He still hadn't spoken or even acknowledged that he knew it was me, and I started to get nervous.

What if he didn't want me? What if he told me to leave? What if... giant purple monkeys came through the window and decapitated us both? There were just too many 'what ifs' to get hung up on. I could let him go if I had to; if I thought that was what he wanted, but I would definitely fight for him.

I wasn't about to give up on him when we had both come so far. I walked over to him slowly, and as I got closer I noticed that his eyes where snapped shut. He just looked so confused. I hated it. I wanted him to be okay, and I wanted him to be happy. I _needed_ him to be happy. I sucked up all of my insecurities and did what I had to do for him. Lifting one of his arms, I straddled his lap and replaced his arm around my waist and it all just felt so... right. I needed to be here with him, like this and always in his arms. Anywhere else just didn't make sense.

His eyes were still shut tight, and his breathing was heavy against my face. He was uncomfortable, I realized, but at this point, if he hadn't wanted me here he would've thrown me off his lap. I slid my hands up his chest and cupped his face in my hands.

"Edward? Edward, please open your eyes." I ran my thumbs over his eyelids, and watched as he relaxed slightly. "Please?"

He sighed and opened them slowly. "Are you really here?" He asked, not moving in the slightest.

"Yeah. I'm here." I'd always be here. As long as he wanted me, this is where I'd be.

He sighed and then stiffened. "Why are you in my lap?"

Well, gee Edward, don't beat around the bush. "I... um... I don't... I don't know?"

He sighed and lifted me up and put me down on the lab table just in front of him. So much for an easy reunion. "Bella, we can't... we can't do this."

"Why not?" I was confused now.

"Because it's too much. I put you through too much, its not…"

"Stop," I said, strongly putting my fingers to his lips. "That's not true. I can take it, Edward, and after what I've done to you... I can't blame you for acting the way you did."

His eyes flicked to the ground and his jaw clenched. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I sighed and slumped down a bit. I knew that was coming, but that didn't make me anymore prepared to handle it. "Because... at first, I didn't know what the hell was happening to me. I did not know if it would just... go away, and I didn't want to worry you..."

"Bella, I was worried anyway!" There was an angry twitch to his voice, "I was terrified because I did not have any idea what was wrong with you. No one would tell me anything. All I knew was you had terrible nightmares, and you would freak out on occasion. Do you have any idea how hard that was? To watch the girl I loved slip away from me and there wasn't anything I could do about it! It made me feel like... like you didn't want me to help you."

Shit. That hurt. I had never looked at it like that. I thought I'd been keeping it from him so well, only to find out that he'd been suffering right along with me. That just sucked. "I never meant to…"

"It doesn't matter whether you meant to or not, Bella. That's what happened. I get that you didn't want that to happen, and I get that you were going through something tough, and I wanted to be there for you! Fuck, I would have done anything for you, Bella. Anything. You could have asked me to move China closer to Forks, and I would have figured out a way to do it. Anything for you."

His face was back in his hands and he was rubbing his eyes. "Please, don't feel like that."

"How, Bella?" His voice was muffled, "How the fuck could you know how I'm feeling?"

I shrugged, even though I knew he couldn't see it. "Because you told me. You were always honest with me, and you... you deserved that in return. But Edward, I appreciated every moment you spent with me. I loved it; all of it. I wanted you with me all the time, and thank god you were willing to do that with me. I never once wished you were not there." I sucked in a shaky breath before I continued.

"I never wanted to be apart from you, but I did not want to hold you back either. It would have killed me if you put your life on hold for me."

"And I would have." He said softly.

"I know. And I couldn't do that to you. I could not drag you down with me."

"But this was not right, either, Bella!" His voice had a bit more conviction to it. "If I wanted to be with you, and you wanted to be with me, what the fuck did it matter if we were a mess? Who the fuck cares? Bella, I would take you if you had six legs, three eyes and fucking tentacles. I do NOT fucking care." He took my face in his hands, and I leaned into him. "I want you. That's it. There was never any... concerns for me. As long as it was you I didn't give a shit."

I pulled his hands from my face and sat back. "But it was me! It was me, and I didn't want you to settling."

"It was never settling! I never settled. Stanley, Tanya, and all of the other girls at this school THEY were settling. Bella, don't you think it says something that I wanted to settle down with you? That I was willing to give up my title as Forks sex god for _you._ You were the only one I could ever do that for. Ever."

"What about Maisie O'Hallahan?"

"Bella, please. Did you actually see the girl? Is she even remotely like you? No. Not at all. I did do that, though. I tried out girls who looked like you, and even some who did the same things you did, but in the end it wasn't the same because they weren't you. It was me living a lie."

"AND SO WAS I!" I wailed, throwing my hands up in the air, exasperated. "I didn't want to go! I promise I didn't, but I did it for you!"

"Bella, I never would have told you that I didn't want you. Not ever. You can't even begin to imagine how devastating that was!"

"Oh, can't I? What about when Stanley said she blew you in the bathroom?"

"That's. Not. The. Same."

I folded my arms across my chest, "No, it's not exactly the same thing. But the point is…I _always_ felt like you were too good for me. I really was just waiting for the day you woke up and realized it."

"That wouldn't have happened." He said his tone low and menacing.

"Edward, we were seventeen years old. How was I supposed to know that when I gave my heart to you and we said forever, that it really was forever? So many people, including my parents, crash and burn."

"So you made it happen for us? Yeah, B, that makes a shit ton of sense."

Well, gee Edward, when you put it like that... God, I completely screwed up, didn't I.

"I didn't know what else to do," I said, dropping my eyes and speaking softly. "If things had been... alright…if I had not have…well, it doesn't matter, the point is that if I had been well, it probably would not have turned out the way it did."

He tugged at his hair, and heaved a great sigh. "But isn't that why you should have leaned on me? Wouldn't that make more sense?"

I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees, cradling my chin in my hands. "Edward, if it were you... if it were you in my position, would you have done anything differently?" His eyes narrowed and he growled a little. "You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. And I would have let you go, just like you did. Either way though, it hurts. It hurt so much to walk away from you that day because I knew that you didn't know the truth. I knew that you really believed that I didn't want you. I just didn't understand how you could have believed me so quickly; like it was perfectly logical for me to be leaving you."

"Bella, I'm a fuck up." He said quietly, his eyes cast down to his lap. "I never deserved you. I wasn't... worth it."

"You were though. You always were. I wanted you, and wasn't that enough?"

His eyes flew up to meet mine and he pulled away from the stool. "Yeah, of course it was. Until you fucking _left_ Bella! What the hell was I supposed to think? We'd spent the last year with you in this moody funk and me in the dark... by the end of it; I didn't feel like you wanted me. It fucking sucked, Isabella. So fucking much."

"Edward, I…"

"NO! I...I can't do this again, Bella. I can't... I can't let you go again, so please just... stop."

I was confused. I was here; I was with him, and he was essentially telling me everything I had wanted to hear, but he was telling me to stop? Something wasn't making sense. "Edward, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm here... I'm not going anywhere."

He put his head in his hands again, "Bella, you don't understand. I can't help you anymore. I'm not... I'm not the same anymore. I have nothing left, Isabella. You took it all."

"I'm so, so sorry. I never…" The words were getting caught in my throat, but I knew that I had to keep them coming. "I never wanted that for you. Edward, you're my everything. Everything. Even while we were apart, I kept on going because of you; the thought of you and just the mere fact of your existence was enough to sustain me. You were always with me. Always." I sucked in another breath, and he stood, walking away from me and to the door.

"Bella, it's not that simple. I feel like I have nothing left; there isn't any more to give."

"Then let me fix it." I said, standing and going to him. "Let me put you back together. Please, Edward. Tell me it isn't over."

He sighed and I watched his shoulders slump. "It wasn't ever over for me." He said softly. "Even after you walked away, it wasn't over for me. I never...I never let you go Bella. You're a part of me. You were the best part."

"And... and I can't be now?" My voice was shakier than I would have liked, but it was really sounding like he was going to walk away. I couldn't let him. I needed him to say we could fix it.

He turned, and he looked so freaking sad. His eyes were watery and blood shot, but he spoke anyway. "You always will be. But I can't put myself on the line for you time after time, and get nothing in return. I need to be able to count on you, and...Bella, you _left._ I gave you everything and you left." My brow furrowed as I looked at him. "Bella, I don't know if I can do that again."

My heart was slowly snapping in two, but I was determined to have him again. "You can. I know you can. We can do it together."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "You don't understand…"

"Edward…" I said, cutting him off as the tears began spilling from my eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Because this... this is where we met."

"Why on earth would you come here?"

"You know why." He mumbled.

"So then doesn't that mean that you aren't ready to let us go either?"

He grabbed my face in his hands, "Of course I don't want to let you go! Of course not! But Bella, I have to keep myself together. And without you... "

I put my hands on his wrists and he closed his eyes. "You don't have to do it without me. I'm here. I'm here. Please. You have to believe me. I'm not leaving."

"But it's so hard." He mumbled, leaning his forehead against mine.

"I'm here, Edward. I want you. I want this, and I'm not going anywhere. Please, you have to trust me. Give us another chance, please?"

* * *

_A/N: Hey! Cut me a break! This is my very last TE cliff... I promise, after this, everything will be wrapped up! I hope you guys liked this one, and maybe you could leave a review and tell me what you think? Loves you all hardcore_

_=]_


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: Hey hey hey!**

**Sooooo, this chap took a redic amount of time to write because I've been really, really preoccupied with my and raok's new fic Secrets: Mine, Yours, and Ours. It's uh, a lemon-tastic ride, so check it out if you get the chance. **

**In another bit of housekeeping, I just wanted to tell you that I've had to disable anonymous reviews because I got a bunch of just plain rude ones for MyLife. I'm very sorry to those of you who've been reviewing TE anonymously, you guys have been nothing but supportive and kind, so I appreciate that.**

**Anyway, on with the chap… hope you like it ;)**

**Smeyer owns… but I do have a Volvo!**

**Chapter 39**

**EPOV**

"I'm here, Edward. I want you. I want this, and I'm not going anywhere. Please, you have to trust me. Give us another chance, please?"

I was breathing heavily against her forehead. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't take it if she left me again; I wouldn't be able to survive. I'd be even worse off than I was before. I couldn't let that happen. I just fucking couldn't.

"Bella, I... how can I trust that you won't go again?" I knew it sounded hypocritical, considering that I was the one who left her half naked and wet on a street in New York, but fuck, she did it first. Wow, I sounded like a toddler.

Her thumbs began to trace lightly over my wrists, and she whispered, "Edward, open your eyes." I did, slowly, if only to see my brown eyes. "I love you, Edward Cullen, and I promise that I'll be with you every day until I die. I've gone far too long without you, and I realized that I can't do that anymore. My life without you is an empty shell where I could pretend I was living. But I wasn't. You can't live without the one person in your life that makes it worthwhile."

She took a deep breath and I saw a few tears escape from the corners of her eyes. "I wish I could've told you everything then, and saved us all of this trouble, but I was confused. I didn't know what to do, so I ran. I think that at the time I wanted to be numb; I didn't want to feel anything, and being with you makes me feel _everything._ At the time, it seemed like the best, but I never realized that it would hurt you as much as it hurt me."

I hated it when she said that. That shit tore me up more than she could possibly imagine. "Bella, how could you say that? I told you I loved you constantly. I gave up who I was to be with you. I let you into my life and told you things that I've never shared with anyone. I love you, Bella. That never changed."

She quirked an eyebrow and looked up at me. "I only said that's the way I felt, not that it was rational and level headed. You of all people should know that we don't always feel what we're 'supposed' to feel."

I sighed and kissed the tip of her nose. "I feel like I love you."

"I feel like I love you, too. So stay with me."

I moved my hands from her face to wrap around her, and I pulled her into me. "Stay with _me._ I can't do this without you, Bella."

She twisted her fingers into my hair and she pressed her lips to my jaw. "You don't have to do anything without me. I'm here, and I won't go again. Not ever."

"I... I'm sorry for the things I said to you, in New York. I was upset that you told Alice before you told me."

I felt her face nuzzle into my neck. "I know, but I didn't plan it that way. I wouldn't have told anybody if I'd had my way."

"Yeah, that's what she told me. It just sucked because it felt like you trusted her more than me."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry you were hurt."

"Don't be... just fix it."

She lifted her head, and I did the same, looking directly into her eyes. "Okay."

All of a sudden, her mouth was smashed to mine, and I was getting lost once again in my brown eyes. I missed this, I wanted this; the feel of her body pressed up against mine, and the way her mouth moved as she moaned and groaned into me. I broke the kiss for a minute, then lifted her up and carried her to our lab table.

"Gee, Edward, You're such a romantic."

I smirked, "Forgive me for wanting to fuck you on this lab table."

She leaned up, putting one hand on the back of my neck, "Fuck me."

My lips crashed over hers again and I crawled on top of her. "I missed you, Bella; I missed you so fucking much."

She groaned and arched into me again. "Make me yours, Edward, Please. I want to be yours again."

I kissed my way down her body and pushed my hands under her shirt, letting my hands run over her smooth skin. "You were always mine," I said, lifting the hem slowly and kissing the skin I found. "It just took you a little while to come back to me. You will always be mine."

She groaned and thrust her fingers into my hair and I pulled her tee shirt over her head. "Bella, you're beautiful... so perfect." I kissed a line across the top of her tits and she arched up into me, moaning.

"Bella... Bella... my Bella..." It was like a chant as I moved my lips across her skin, my cock jumping at the taste of her skin. I'd missed her so, so much, and it was then that I realized that only she had this effect on me. She made me hard as a rock in no time.

I moaned into her skin, and pulled up into me, taking off her bra with one hand. I leaned back, and she let the stupid fucking contraption slid down her shoulders and off of her tits as she kept her eyes on me. Like she was nervous or some shit.

I cupped the back of her head and pulled her into me. "B, I love you. You're so fucking beautiful... I love you." She closed the distance between us and pressed her lips to mine in a desperate kiss. This was everything I'd been missing in the last three years; all the love that I felt in my fucking core was finally able to come out because this wasn't just some chick under me; this was my Bella. She was mine.

My hand slid up her body to cup her tits and I began to knead them as she pushed her hot fucking tongue into my mouth. I twisted and pulled at one of her nipples as she moaned into my mouth until it was hard, then switched to the other.

"Baby, you have no idea how much my body aches for you."

She leaned up and kissed my cheek bone. "Get in me. _Now_."

I laughed and kissed my way down her body, stopping at each breast before I got to the border of her jeans. Her hand danced lazily in my hair, and I felt her tremble. Fuck yes. I undid her jeans quickly and pulled them off, along with her underwear.

Fuck if that wasn't the prettiest pussy I'd ever seen. Seriously, she was the best…it was the best. I dropped my jeans, and kicked them off as I leaned over her placing a quick kiss on her tits before finding her lips again. Her hand snaked down my body to my cock, and she squeezed. "You're so hard for me, Edward."

"Only you, Baby. Only for you." I put my hand over hers on my cock, and helped her guide my cock to her entrance. I dipped my head to her shoulder and whispered against her skin. "Help me in, Baby. I need to be inside you."

She moaned a little and I let her guide me into her. It was the sexiest fucking thing on the planet. It was like she had to have me in her. Fuck if I didn't want to be there. I slid into her, completely fucking taken by the way her wet pussy stretched for my cock, and wrapped tightly around it. She spread her legs as wide as she could so that I was buried completely in her, where I belonged.

"God, Baby, you feel so fucking good." I said, as I began moving in and out of her in deep, but slow thrusts. I wanted to remember every fucking second of this.

"Edward... please... harder... go.... into... me... more..." My brown eyes had other plans. I kissed the skin on her shoulder and started driving into her. I was going to literally fuck the last three…no four years out of her.

She didn't need that shit; _him_, the _doctor_, the _accident_. It was Bella and I, always. Me and my brown eyes. I felt her legs tense on either side of me, and her knees came up to dig into my sides. It was like our first time all over again.

I moved my hand down her body, ghosting it over her tits then sinking down into her mound until I found her clit. "Bella... Bella, Baby... I want you to cum all over my cock. I want to feel your walls tremble for me and only me. Baby, give that to me. Please, Baby... please... cum on my cock."

She moaned and bit hungrily on the side of my neck as I thrust into her harder, and I worked her clit in between my fingers. "Edward... Edward... Oh, God... please... cum... cock... fuck..."

Finally, she came and I felt her walls shiver and quake around my cock as she came, before finally squeezing down on it. I thrust hard one last time and came deep within her, completely fucking in love with that feeling.

Completely fucking in love with her.

I kept moving slowly in and out of her as we both came down, and I kissed all over her chest and neck.

"Edward?" She asked, breathlessly.

I looked up into her tired brown eyes, and feel even more in love with her. "Yeah, Bella Brownie?"

She sighed, and brushed the hair off my forehead. "I'm sorry if I taste like airplane."

I laughed and leaned down, sucking on the spot just below her neck. "You taste like Bella. And... I love you."

"I love you, too."

I leaned back up and kissed her gently, shifting out of her in the process. This wasn't the end; I knew it wasn't. But I fucking loved her with every fiber of my being. I wasn't about to let her run away from me again. And thank fucking God…it didn't seem like she wanted to.


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N:_

_Hey loves… welcome to the end. _

_This one took me legit forever to write because I wasn't ready for it to be over, and honestly I'm still not. I never expected TE to have over 600 people waiting for updates, and I didn't expect to break 100 reviews, let alone 1,000. You guys are the best readers that an author could ever ask for, and I really appreciate you guys taking a chance on this. Really, it's meant a lot._

_A shout out to a few people who've helped me out with this: LMW, raok, kitteninacup, edwardandbellabelong2gether, Rebecca's Mom, Zeph, Sinckerz610, HerAlice09 and edub409… and then some, but the list would be longer than the chap._

_So, what I'm trying to say is thank you so much for sticking with me these past four months. It's been awesome._

_Maybe you guys could leave some reviews? As a Last hurrah? =]_

_And even though it's hard to believe, SMeyer still owns… not I._

_

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Chapter 40

**EPOV**

I finally helped Bella off the lab table and we got dressed slowly. I couldn't fucking believe that I had her back; that she was mine again. Nothing could take her away from me now… I couldn't let that happen. I needed her and now I knew that she needed me, too. I finished up and wrapped my arms around her again, burying my face in her hair.

"You're back, aren't you? You're really fucking back."

She hummed into my skin, "I missed you. More than you know, I missed you."

I kissed the top of her head slowly. "I doubt it."

She let me hold her for a while longer before she twisted in my arms and looked up at me. It felt like forever since I'd looked into my brown eyes and saw Bella—my Bella—looking back at me. I smiled and laughed softly to myself before I kissed her forehead, letting my lips linger over her perfect skin. Fuck, I missed this.

"Hey Sweet Cheeks?"

"Yeah, Bella Brownie?"

"We should go. Alice was freaking out before—"

I pulled away a little. "Alice?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah, Alice called when I got off the plane. She was looking for you."

I sighed. "Yeah, I just kind of… took off, so—"

She put her fingers up to my lips and shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I found you. I have you back. That's all that matters."

I sighed and took her hand, heading down the hall to the parking lot. "Did you drive?" I murmured, kissing the back of her hand.

"Yeah. I parked next to you."

"So I can't drive you home?"

She laughed and put my arm around her. "No. Not unless you know how to drive two cars at once."

"I do not." I fucking wished I did, though.

She twirled around and walked backwards in front of me, clicking the lock on her car once we were out in the light drizzle.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay Sweet Cheeks?"

I pouted at her. "But… Love…I…and we…And—"

She laughed and pressed her lips to mine, "Edward, you'll be fine. I'll see you first thing tomorrow, okay? You can come over as soon as you're ready."

I pouted a little more. "I wanna come now."

She laughed and grabbed my face, kissing me one more time. "I'll see you tomorrow. First thing." I kept up the fucking pout. I would win eventually. "Edward, you had them terrified that something had happened to you. You have to go and tell them you're alive. C'mon."

She let go of my face slowly, still keeping a soft smile on her face. I would win, damn it.

"Sweet Cheeks, c'mon. I love you. You know I love you. Just go tell them you're okay. Please?"

I was failing. She said please. I wasn't sure that I knew how to say no to my brown eyes. No. Wait. That's a lie.

I fucking knew that there was no way in hell I could say no to her. Not for anything. I would literally do anything for her; anything she needed or wanted, she would have. And at this particular moment, she wanted me to tell my family I was alive. I sighed and looked down at her. "First thing tomorrow?"

She smiled and laughed a bit. "The very first."

I let out a deep breath through my nose and then kissed her. "I'll be there."

I felt her smile against my lips, "You better be. I missed you, Edward Cullen."

I couldn't help it. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her little body up into me and clung to her. This was my Bella Brownie. This was my girl. "I'm never gonna let you go again, you know that?"

Her hands came up to thread through my hair and she kissed my cheek softly. "I know. But the thing is, I never want to give you the option to."

I laughed into her hair before placing her back on her feet. "You won't."

She bobbed her head a little, smiling at me. "I know."

I kissed her forehead. "Good."

"Good."

"See you tomorrow?"

"Duh, Edward."

I rolled my eyes. "Bye, Bella."

"Later, Edward." We walked around to our respective driver's sides and looked at each other. "Hey, Sweet Cheeks?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you."

I leaned against my car's frame, never taking my eyes off of her. "I love you, too Bella Brownie. Infinitely."

Even in the dark, I could tell she was blushing. It was the beginning all over again, and I couldn't fucking wait. We were starting over and literally building a new life. I wasn't teasing her when I said we couldn't be apart; that was the truth. I needed her more than I was willing to admit. Luckily though, I didn't fucking have to. She was mine. _Always mine._ That's the thing that I was beginning to realize. I could deny all I wanted that Bella was a part of me; that she was inherent to my being and necessary for my proper functioning, but that didn't make it any less true. It's like when people tell you that Shakespeare is illegible. It's not, of course. People just don't want to spend the time figuring it out. Bella's and my love was like that: complicated and not always clear, but it would always be true. Nothing would ever diminish the fucking fact that that girl was the best thing to ever happen to me. Nothing.

I took a deep breath as I pulled into my driveway and prepared for the onslaught. I parked and closed the door behind me as quietly as I could before creeping up the front steps and slowly opening the front door. I was inside the dark foyer, carefully closing the front door when it happened. A crash first, then one body smashing into another, a broken lamp and I felt the air rush out of my lungs.

It could only be one person; only one someone would tackle another someone like that.

"Alice, what the fuck?"

The lights flicked on and I heard Em chuckle in the distance. "Twin! Don't you ever…ever do that to me again, okay? I was worried so fucking sick."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her. "Alice, I'm fine. Well, until you broke a crystal lamp over my head, I was fine." She shifted in my grip and ran her tiny fingers through my hair. "You're fine."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Am I?"

"Of course, Little Brother. But fuck, Edward…the next time you go ape shit, just like…leave a note, 'kay?" Emmett said, coming over and helping Alice up and brushing the glass off her clothes.

I stood slowly, feeling the impact of Alice's body a little bit more now. I was going to be bruised in the morning. "Sorry, Em. Next time I avenge the love of my life and have a life changing epiphany, I'll be sure and let you know."

They both stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I looked between the both of them, and they just kept watching me. Emmett spoke first, his voice softer than it had been. "What do you mean, Edward?"

I small smile played at my lips as I thought of my brown eyes, smiling and happy and being my Bella again and I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest fucking son of a bitch known to man. "Shit doesn't work without Bella, you know?"

"Awwwwwwwww." Alice cooed, cocking her head to the side and clasping her hands to her chest. "Edward…"

I rolled my eyes, and ran my hand through my hair. Suddenly, I missed Bella more than I thought possible. I wanted her to be here and do this with me. I saw Emmett smiling at me, and when I met his eye, I knew I had more to thank him for than making fucknewton pay all those years ago. Em kinda saved the day.

I smiled at him and he nodded toward the door. "Go on. We'll take care of this, since it was Alice's fault."

I grabbed my keys off the floor. "Dad and Jen?"

Em shrugged, heading toward the hall closet to grab a broom and dust pan. "I heard from you at nine. I just forgot."

I shook my head, laughing a little. My brother put his fucking ass on the line for me, again and again, and I hardly ever appreciated it.

"Twin?" Alice said, putting her small hands on my shoulders and looking up at me. "It's good to have you back, too."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead affectionately. "It's good to be back, Twin. So fucking good."

She nodded and I left the two of them there. I needed my brown eyes. I couldn't handle separation anymore; not even if it was only for the next few hours. I sped put of my driveway toward Bella's, and even though I hadn't driven this way in years, I could still remember every dip and curve the road took. I was going home, and I wanted to be in every moment of it. I parked my car around the block and followed the familiar path to Bella's yard. I took a second on her front lawn to just take it all in. An incredible sense of calm came over me when I realized that my entire life had been building up to this moment. The moment where Bella and I finally realized that we did deserve each other, and that without each other…fuck, I wasn't anything without my brown eyes. I hoisted myself up the tree carefully, and perched myself on my usual branch and when I looked at her window, my heart melted even more.

It was open.

She was waiting for me.

I swung into her room effortlessly, landing with a light thump in the middle of her bedroom. She didn't even flinch. I laughed to myself and looked around her room, taking in all of her shit. Some things about Bella would never change. She might go mental, tell me to leave, turn into a wet blanket and hide from the world, but she would always have a ton of shit. Books were strewn everywhere; over her desk on her night stand, and even stacked on the floor. She loved to read. Always. It was one of her things. My eyes finally landed on her bed, and I watched her fidget under the covers, sighing and mewing in her sleep. I stripped off my sweat shirt and jeans and went over to the—my—side of the bed and folded myself under the covers with her. I wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her into me, her back pressed to my chest. I nuzzled the top of her head a little bit, taking in the smell of that same old strawberry shampoo. I fucking missed that smell. What I did not miss though, was the elbow to the side.

"Took you long enough, Cullen."

I laughed into her hair and ran my hands over her stomach, pulling her as close to me as I could. "You told me to wait."

She laughed softly and turned over to face me. I couldn't help myself. I leaned in and kissed her and her hands came up to tangle in my hair. I moaned into her mouth and she twisted her legs up with mine. I traced circles on her back and she started to move her hips against me. She had me hard in no time.

"Baby," I murmured, kissing my way down her jaw and neck, "Please tell me you're still on the pill."

She wrapped her leg around me, digging her heel into my ass and pushing me into her. "Since… uh… that day, I got back on it. I'm not into baking right now?"

I laughed into her skin and pushed her down underneath me. I traced the tip of my nose from her collar bone back to her lips and kissed her slowly. "But fucking? Are you into fucking?"

She smiled against my lips and wrapped her arms around my neck. "You. I'm into fucking you."

That was all I needed. I crashed my hips down to hers and started grinding into he, trying to create some kind of friction for my almost unbearable hard on. "Edward… Edward… Fuck, I need you in me… I need to feel you fill me… please sweet cheeks."

I smirked down at her. I wanted to do this right. I wanted it to last and I wanted her to fucking love it. I leaned down and kissed the apples of her cheeks. "Baby… be patient."

She moaned and whined a little but I quickly smashed my lips back to hers and moved my hands to the hem of her tee shirt and pulled it over her head. She kept her eyes closed but threw her arms out on either side of her. "Go for it, Sweet Cheeks."

_Okay._

I dove into her tits and palmed one as my mouth went to work on the other rosy nipple. I sucked on it, forcing her to arch into my touch before I went ahead and bit down on it then soothing the bite with a few swipes of my tongue. I kept going until she was almost gasping for breath, and I worked my mouth back up to hers as my hand crept it's way south. I pushed past the elastic of her underwear and dipped my fingers into her already sopping wet folds. "Shit, Bella…you're so fucking wet for me already."

"Mmm, Edward…Only you. Only…for you."

I pushed her underwear down as much as I could and she kicked them off the rest of the way. "Sweet Cheeks…" She cooed, running her hands down my back and cupping my ass. "I noticed you're still wearing pants." She fisted the material, I smirked into her shoulder. "Why?" With one firm tug she freed my hard on and I shuddered as it touched the top of her mound.

"Fuck…" I moaned, kissing any skin I could find. I let one hand slide back down her body and I traced one finger over her clit then down to her entrance. I nuzzled her nose with my own as I whispered, "Bella I love you" and pushed two fingers into her.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh…." She moaned, and I stopped moving.

"Baby, you gotta watch it. The chief, remember?"

She kept her eyes closed but she nodded, rolling her hips into my hands. I moved back down her body and began working her tits at the same time, feeling every tremor and quake that her body would give me. I sucked on her skin, and pumped my fingers faster and faster until I could feel the orgasm starting to build in her. So I pulled away. She whimpered at the loss and her nimble little fingers twisted themselves in my hair again. "Edward…" She moaned, pushing her hips down to mine. I smiled down at her and I couldn't help but kiss her again. She tugged my hair, "Fuck me. Now."

I groaned at her words, positioning my cock at her entrance. I dipped in a little, letting her pussy squeeze me. It was the best fucking feeling in the entire fucking world. I went to push in a little more, but Bella had other plans.

"Too slow." She muttered, then thrust her hips down onto me so that I was filling her to the hilt.

"Ahhh, shit… Baby… you're so fucking tight. Your pussy was made for me, Baby. Fuck…"

She moaned a little and shifted her hips impatiently under me, so I began thrusting into her with reckless abandon. I wanted her to cum… I wanted to cum. It was going to happen. I pushed harder and harder, palming her tits and sucking on her neck as she gasped and moaned against me. Soon enough, I felt her walls begin to flutter, so I pushed my fingers down on her clit and began rubbing frantic circles.

"Edward…" She whispered into my skin, pulling at my hair and rolling her hips.

"Bella… baby… Bella… I need you to cum, baby please. I can feel… baby, I can feel it; you're so close. Come over the edge, Baby do it. Fucking milk my cock. Do it baby… cum on my cock."

She clamped down on me immediately and I shot my cum deep into her as she began to writhe and twist in the bed. She was panting hard against my skin, and I was still thrusting into her, more slowly but I just wasn't ready to leave her yet. Then I felt it. On a down swing, my cock brushed against her sweet spot and she immediately arched off the bed and started cumming again.

"SHIT FUCKING CHRIST EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed. That's right—screamed. I was so fucking excited that I made my girl cum _twice_ that I completely forgot that her father (the cop) was sleeping across the hall. We both froze and I saw the fear in Bella's eyes.

"Do you think he heard?" She whispered.

I went to lean down and kiss her when I heard: "_BELLA?!"_

FUCK.

I flew out of her bed faster than a bat out of hell, grabbing at my jeans and pulling them up. She threw her shirt back over her head and then we listened for a second.

Silence.

I heaved a breath and walked over to her, leaning down to kiss her.

"ISABELLA!?" Charlie wailed again. I sucked in a sharp breath and kissed her quickly before throwing my sweatshirt over my head.

"I'll be back for you in the morning, sweetheart, okay? First thing."

She nodded and shooed me out the window. "I love you. I'll see you tomorrow… GO!"

"ISABELLA!" Charlie shouted. I was straddling the window frame and looking at my brown eyes. She was an absolute mess. Her hair looked oddly like a haystack and her lips were swollen from my kisses. She was perfect. I leaned in to kiss her again when the door flew open. That shit scared the crap out of me. I fucking lost my balance, and the next thing I knew I was falling as Bella and Charlie screamed. I hit the ground with a thud and I felt a searing pain run through my arm. I let out a groan and rolled onto my back.

"Sweet Cheeks? Are you alive?"

I groaned again as I tried moving my arm. "Honestly, love, I'm not fucking sure."

My arm was throbbing against my side and I fought like a motherfucker to keep breathing. That shit hurt bad.

"Edward…. Edward… Edward…" I head Bella panting, and then all of a sudden she was beside me, brushing the hair from my forehead. "Sweet Cheeks? Oh, God…"

"CULLEN!" Oh shit. Really? I just fell from a fucking two story window and he wants to beat the crap out of me? Fucking-a.

I moved to sit up, but Bella held me back. "No, you can't. What if you broke your back?"

I pulled away and sat up, kissing her quickly. "Baby, if I were that broken, I wouldn't be able to move. And I couldn't risk not getting to feel you any more." I leaned in and kissed her again as she blushed.

"CULLEN! What the hell were you thinking? Scaling my daughter's bedroom in the middle of the night?! Have you not heard of the phone? What's wrong with you?"

I sighed and looked at Bella, her lip pulled into her mouth and her fingers tapping against her folded knee.

"Well chief, I'm pretty sure I have a broken arm, so I should probably go to the hospital." I moved to stand and Bella was right there. She looped my good arm over her shoulder and smiled up at me. "You and me, right?"

I leaned over and kissed her forehead and she dropped me in her rental car. She plopped in next to me and pulled out of her driveway quickly, speeding toward the hospital. We snuck glances at each other the entire was there, but neither one of us said a word. I was completely terrified of what her father would say, and I'm pretty sure she still thought my neck was broken. My silly, sweet Bella. I wish she'd fucking believe me every once in a while. But if she did… oh well.

She got me into the hospital in once piece and by some stroke of some fucking thing, my father was just shrugging into his lab coat.

"Edward?" He said, looked between Bella and I. "I thought you were in bed."

"I was."

His eyes went wide as he put two and two together. "You mean you were… and then you… and you…"

"Fell out the window," I sighed, nodding. "I think my arm's broken."

He shook himself out of it and gestured for me to follow, "Right. C'mon."

Bella was shifting her weight beside me, and when I turned to look at her she wouldn't meet my eye.

"This is so embarrassing." She muttered, still not looking up.

"Baby, it's fine. Shit happens."

"Edward, this is so not fine. This is like… anything but fine."

"How come?"

She exhaled dramatically, "You are not supposed to fall out of the window and kill yourself!"

"Uh, Love Bunny I'm not dead."

She folded her arms over her chest and looked past me. "I know. But you could be."

I moved my good hand up to her cheek and ran my thumb along the bone. "But I'm not. So it's okay."

She sniffled a little and nodded so I pressed my lips to her forehead gently. "Baby, it's fine. I'll be okay, okay?"

She nodded again and put her hands on my chest. "Go on."

"Okay." I kissed her one more time before I walked away, and called over my shoulder to her. "Wait for me, Love Muffin."

I heard her laugh a little. "I will, Sweet Cheeks."

I laughed to myself and walked to my dad.

"Sweet Cheeks?" He said quirking an eyebrow and smiling.

I rolled my eyes. "Hey. My girl can call me whatever she wants." I blew past him into the small room and popped up on the gurney.

He closed the door and walked over to me. "Your girl, huh? Last I checked you and Bella weren't even speaking, and all of a sudden you're falling out of windows for her? Can you push up your sleeve, please?"

I sighed and then winced as I pushed the sleeve of my hoodie up. I tried not to look down at my arm as my father inspected it.

"Well, we just kind of… go together, you know?"

"Mmm. I understand. So what exactly happened?"

Oh, God.

"Uh, well… I was at Bella's and, uh… well…"

"Son," He interrupted, his eyes still trained on my arm. "I know you weren't at Bella's at five in the morning playing Parchisi. Give your old man some credit."

Bella was right. This was by far the most embarrassing fucking experience of my entire life.

"Uh, so yeah, we were… that. And I guess we were uh, well… enthusiastic."

He pulled back and looked at me, horror in his eyes. "Please don't tell me Charlie heard you?"

I nodded. "And we forgot to lock the door."

"Oh, God."

"So one thing led to another and I fell out of her window."

My father looked at me in wonder. "I'm honestly wondering why you're still alive."

"Why? There was like… grass and shit."

My father sat back. "Edward, you fell from a second story window. You should have bigger problems than a broken arm."

I ignored most of what he said, "You think it's only a break?"

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "Looks like. We'll take you up for X-rays, then a CAT scan, just to be on the safe side. I want to keep you here for at least the day, too."

FUCK THAT SHIT.

There was no fucking way I was spending my first day back with Bella in a hospital. No fucking way. No. Nuh-uh. Not fucking happening. No.

"Dad, I can't do that! You can't keep me here! I'll—"

"Edward," he sighed. "First of all, I'm your father. I get to decide things like this. Second, I'm chief of staff. I demand you stay. The end. I'll have Blanche come get you in a moment."

"Dad—"

"No, Edward." He said with one hand on the door knob. "You're staying and that's final." And with that, he left.

I groaned and dropped my head down. Fucking Christ, what the hell was up with this shit? As if it wasn't bad enough that I'd probably never be allowed near my brown eyes again, I also wasn't allowed to spend our first official day back together… together. Fucking shit. There was a knock at the door and Blanche, the head nurse, came in with a wheel chair.

"Hey handsome," she greeted. "You ready?"

I nodded and hopped off the gurney, plopping down in the chair dejectedly.  
"Cheer up, Sweetheart." She chided, "It's only your arm."

I groaned and rubbed a hand over my face, my fatigue suddenly hitting me, "It's not though… my girlfriend."

"She hit you?"

"No, she's waiting for me."

Blanche laughed and ruffled my hair, "Honey, I'm sure your father's told her to go home. It's half past already!"

"I know, but Bella…" I shook my head as she took me into the lab. "You don't know Bella."

"Well, she must be something if she has your heart."

I smiled, completely fucking oblivious to the pain in my arm and concentrating solely on the epic fucking joy coming from my heart. Bella was something and she was mine. Everything was right in the world; plaster or not. I loved her and she loved me. That was all that was necessary.

Two hours, a new cast and a round of "do you have a concussion?" later, I was alone in a hospital bed, trying to figure out which of the remotes was for the bed and which was for the TV. These things were too fucking complicated. Couldn't they label that shit? I heard my door creak open slightly and my head shot up.

My brown eyes.

My fucking brown eyes were staring back at me. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "Bella." I whispered.

My smile faded immediately when I took her in. My brown eyes were wide, and her posture was slumped. "Hi." She said soflty.

"Cream Puff, what's wrong?"

She laughed a little and her eyes darted down to the floor. "Cream puff?"

"Bella Brownie? What's wrong?"

Her eyes drifted back up to mine and I ached to touch her. If only she'd come close enough. "I just… I'm so sorry… and I hate seeing you like this… it just sucks…" She started to choke a little on the words and I watched her eyes fill up with tears.

"Baby, stop. C'mere."

She bounded over to the bed and I held out my arms for her. She jumped up on the bed and I held her close to my chest, kissed her hair. "Love, really, I'm fine. It's okay." My mind was racing a mile a minute. I didn't know what she'd do or how she'd react to this. This whole event (and her reaction) screamed disaster. I couldn't lose her again, I just couldn't.

She pulled away from me slightly and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Sweet Cheeks."

I kissed her forehead, "It was my fault. I should have locked the door. I should have kept my voice down."

"Hey," I said, pulling her closer to me. "I love hearing you in the throws of passion."

She pushed her head into the crook of my neck, planting a kiss on the skin there. "The throws, huh?"

I laughed against her and felt my grip loosen slightly. "Mhm. I love hearing you moan my name."

"I wonder if you'll still love it in 70 years."

I kissed her temple. "Can't get enough of that shit."

She hummed contentedly into my skin and we sat for a few moments before she spoke again. "Edward, can we pretend that the last two and a half years didn't happen?"

I laughed. "If you want."

She nodded. "I do. I never want to have to remember a time without you again. It's not right. I belong here, with you. Anything else just isn't right."

I sighed and leaned into her, blissfully nestled in her warmth. "I know, Bella Brownie. I'm empty without you."

She leaned up to kiss me again and as my lips moved with hers, I felt everything all of a sudden. Everything I had ever felt for Bella seemed to be pouring out of me and into her. And I wanted for her to feel it, too.

Because this was forever; this was infinite and complete. And I wouldn't want anything less for my brown eyes.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:**

**So welcome back to the story that wouldn't die. **

**This is the Ep… the reason that I didn't check the little 'complete' box. I hope you guys enjoy it, cause this is def the end. Thanks a shit ton to all of you guys who reviewed 40… that was epic win. Like hardcore.**

**I gotta plug my other two fics, cause I have a feeling you guys will like them: My Life Without You (Assward revisited) and Secrets: Mine, Yours, and Ours (like, the smut fic of a life time). Check 'em out if you feel so inclined.**

**It would also be really, really, really spectacular if you guys would review for me, because you know how much I love hearing from you.**

**SMeyer owns all.**

**BPOV**

"Edward?" I whispered into the dark. He didn't flinch. Not even a little. I sighed and rolled my eyes, pushing a little on his bare back. "Edward."

"Mmm," he mumbled into his pillow, snuggling deeper against it.

I huffed a little crossing my arms. He wasn't getting up. Lame, Edward, just lame. I threw the covers off of my body and went to get up when he suddenly grabbed my wrist.

"Where are you going?"

I smirked into the darkness. "Away from you."

Her gripped my wrist a little tighter and turned his face toward mine. "You said you wouldn't do that anymore, love muffin."

I reached out to him with my other hand, pushing the hair off of his forehead. "I won't, Sweet Cheeks. I promise."

He sighed and tugged me back down to him and wrapped me in his arms. "You better not. I'd have to fucking kill you."

My hand traced lazily over his face, and I couldn't help but smile at the amazing man lying in bed with me. There were moments in there when I thought I'd never be back here; that my time with Edward was over. But now I could see that my time with Edward was infinite. This, me being in his arms, was right. This was how it was supposed to be.

After we got back to the East Coast, we'd made it work. He ditched the other girls, and we took turns going to each other on weekends. I racked up a huge phone bill, but whatever. It was worth it just to have Edward again.

This is how I ended up moving in with him the second we got back to Forks. I voted for not moving back at all, but Edward said something or other about missing the green, and before I knew it we were moving into a cute little house in the woods. It didn't matter that we were a good 20 minute drive from humanity. Edward was worth it.

He leaned a little closer into me, nuzzling his face against mine. "I love you, Bella Brownie."

I shut my eyes, scratching his scalp. "I love you too." He leaned in and kissed me softly. "Edward, you're the best."

He laughed sleepily. "Oh, Bella. My crazy brown eyes…"

"I'm not crazy! It's not my fault you're amazing, beautiful and kind."

"Aw, Bella…chick words."

I slapped him playfully. "Those aren't chick words!"

Edward pulled me tighter to his chest, and I felt it rumble. "They are, and you know it."

I pressed a kiss to his neck. "What would you prefer?"

He thought for a moment, and I could see his lips purse. "Tough…and rugged…and strong…and shit."

"Edward…Sweet Cheeks...I love you. I love you because you protect me, you make me whole, and you make me want to love. More than I ever thought possible. I love you, Edward. I love you."

He sighed against my skin and dipped his head to my shoulder. "That…wasn't what I was expecting."

"I know. But I bet you feel really manly right now."

"…kinda."

"Oh, and you know what?"

"What?"

"You're the only man who can make me cum."

He groaned and bit my shoulder roughly. "Bella."

"Yup, that's me."

"That shit was hot."

"Baby, I love you. You're perfect."

I shifted up and kissed him again, "I think we've established that you're my forever."

He laughed into my skin, "I hope so."

His grip on my waist tightened, and I sighed a little, running my fingers through his hair. Every once in a while, especially when he was stressed, he'd have nightmares that I'd left him again and that the last few years hadn't happened at all. It was so surreal to be the one that was clung to. He'd hold onto me for dear life. It was like he thought I would disappear. Those were the moments when I'd start to feel guilty all over again for even leaving him in the first place. I could have avoided all of this by just telling Edward the truth in the beginning. But I didn't.

Biggest mistake of my life.

But then again…those months of pain were worth it when I get to hear Edward say that I came back to him, or when he tells me that I'd always find my way back to him. It makes me think that he never lost faith in me, despite all the crap I put him through.

"Bella?" He whispered again, nuzzling the side of my neck and squeezing me to him. "I love you, so much, you know?"

"Yeah, Sweet Cheeks, I know."

"And there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. Not ever."

My hands gripped his hair and twisted, "Yeah…" I wasn't sure that I liked where this was going.

His breath was coming out ragged on my neck and I twisted my legs in his.

"Bella, I love you, so much. You're my whole fucking world. Really, Bella. I don't have a fucking pulse without you. You really are my everything. When you left Bella…shit. I was fucking nothing. I was a scumbag; as low as they get. But then…when you came back. B, it was like my world had meaning again. You have no idea how grateful I am for that."

"Edward, I—"

"No, Bella, let me finish. I'm not whole without you, and I'm not worth anything without you. I'm just…fucking not. So I guess what I'm trying to say…besides that I love you, is that I need you. You…fuck. Me without you isn't something that I want to ever do again."

I was getting nervous now. Edward wasn't looking at me, and is head was buried in my shoulder.

"Bella…will you marry me?"

Each word sliced through the air like a sharp blade, and my heart swelled to eight times its size. Edward wanted to be mine forever. Just as I was his. I pulled myself closer to him, kissing the spot directly under his ear.

"Yes."

He pushed me over so that he was hovering over me, looking into my eyes, "You mean it?"

I cupped his face, smiling up at him, "Of course. I love you, Edward."

He leaned down, his lips brushing against mine. "I love you, Bella. My Bella. My Bella brownie."

I smiled and kissed him harder. That's what I'd always be.

Edward's Bella Brownie.

**THE END**


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